missdependant Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Stop whatever you're doing. Don't come off as needy.. or insecure. I'm under the impression that everyone has been cheated on before or will be cheated on at some point in their life. Make sure you feel like you're completely past everything that happened with your ex-fiance. If you need to see her one last time for closure, then do so.. but don't bring your old relationship problems into your new relationship. It's not healthy. This girl is NOT your ex-fiance, and deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's like I'm constatny working harder than I really want to, seeing her as much as I can, talking to her even when I'm extremely tired because frankly to put it, it's like I'm scared. I'm always looking for signs if she stops having any interest in me, and I continue to keep a shield up just in case but I know it's something I shouldn't do.I don't want to sound like a bitch here, but it sounds to me like you're acting really clingy, and insecure. It's not her fault you were cheated on, so you should not treat her like it. If you still hold resentment toward your ex, it's probably a sign that you are not ready to commit to anything real. It's extra baggage that no one wants to deal with. Drop the fact that you were cheated on and move on. And trust her. LET her be your girlfriend the way she wants to.
Author EmperorR Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Well I got dumped yesterday:mad: Back to the single mingle life
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 IMO, when you're healed and with the right woman, you will be able to relax and be yourself. Exactly. My XH was a serial cheater. I was constantly having to wonder what he was lying about or hiding from me. My current BF - it doesn't even cross my mind that he could be capable of lying to me about anything.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Well I got dumped yesterday:mad: Back to the single mingle life Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Don't judge all women by your X fiancee - we're not all cheating whores.
moman Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Emperor, stop being a pussy. She probably read your insecurities like a book. Now get out there, meet some women, be confident and relaxed, and good things will come. It will be easier once you realize how much better off without some psycho who cuts herself.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I don't know sometimes I do think that, with my ex sometimes I felt like a mom, she would always say she's ugly and fat when she looked like a model, always used to say she was dumb when she was on the deans list, always talked about running away or killing herself, that's what I dealt with every day. Sometimes I would ponder dumping her but I was so in love with her and scared what she would do if I did ya I was a idiot. I don't think I'm a rescurer however. This is standard practice for a low self-esteem individual. She pretends to modesty, to solicit validation. If you're not a rescuer, is it possible you're attracted to women with low self-esteem?
jadelil25 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I have been cheated on twice in the past so I know how you feel and agree it is hard but the best thing to do is get your self back out there. Have some fun for a while, go out on a few dates and take things slow. You need to remember not everyone is a cheater and need to learn to trust again. If you do not do this then she has won and it will ruin your life and lessen your chances of having a healthy relationship. You need to put the past behind you and move on. It is the best thing to do and what happens in the past needs to be left in the past. Do not bring the past up in any new relationship or on a date because it will push a girl away and make them feel like you dont trust them. It could also be worth you getting some councilling to deal with your low esteem and so that you can talk through any issues you have and learn how to deal with them in a positve sense. At the end of the day no one is perfect. Just have fun for now, spend time with your friends, do the things you want to do, keep your self busy and dont put pressure on meeting someone else. When the time is right and when you least expect it you will meet someone else, someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This is something that I've noticed about many but not all cheaters. They tend to be people with low self-esteem, looking externally for validation. If their narcissistic supply aka SO isn't sufficient to fill the emptiness, they will look to third parties, for more validation.
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