boldjack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Wow Scarlett, When I was a cheater I would have LOVED to find a woman as gullible as you. I would have used you like a handi-wipe. I can't believe that there are women as foolish outthere, this is after all the 21st. century. This Guy is garbage and you and his wife are the trash-collectors. Have you no Self-esteem at all? Where is your mind. If His marriage hasn't worked(between TWO people) How can you possibly believe that a relationship will work between 3 people? Now, listen carefully.... He doesn't care about you, his wife, OR his kids or anything else but himself. Believe me, I KNOW, I was JUST like him. He will use anyone he can, untill you refuse to be used. BTW, your "counselor" is full of ****, no intelligent one, would tell you to continue an affair. Whatever lies he tells you about love are just to get sex and nothing more. Now he wants you to believe that a "menage" will save your affair AND his marriage, AND you're buying it. You are really,.. really dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlettt Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Wow Scarlett, When I was a cheater I would have LOVED to find a woman as gullible as you. I would have used you like a handi-wipe. I can't believe that there are women as foolish outthere, this is after all the 21st. century. This Guy is garbage and you and his wife are the trash-collectors. Have you no Self-esteem at all? Where is your mind. If His marriage hasn't worked(between TWO people) How can you possibly believe that a relationship will work between 3 people? Now, listen carefully.... He doesn't care about you, his wife, OR his kids or anything else but himself. Believe me, I KNOW, I was JUST like him. He will use anyone he can, untill you refuse to be used. BTW, your "counselor" is full of ****, no intelligent one, would tell you to continue an affair. Whatever lies he tells you about love are just to get sex and nothing more. Now he wants you to believe that a "menage" will save your affair AND his marriage, AND you're buying it. You are really,.. really dumb. Wow, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Wow.. long post.. My thoughts: is this a good idea? it all depends... is this something you'd be comfortable with.. do you think you can have a ménage à trois and that all parties will agree to everything.. I think, if you want this, that you need to meet with them.. and put your conditions on the table. Methink that if you agree to this.. it could work well.. if you don't want him in the long run.. cause he won't leave you if he can have both of you.. and, if you don't want this.. you'll end up being the OW cause I doubt he will leave her... Why would he.. she is willing to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If he doesn't want to give up his marriage for the sake of the kids, why the hell is he screwing around so much? This is the part I keep coming back to. He can't be with you because his marriage is so important to him, yet he has a history of acting in ways that are certainly counterproductive to the goal of marital stability. Why not talk to his wife (since you two are about to share a bed) and see how much of what he says is true? You may be surprised... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Hey, no prob, So you would rather be some cheating a88hole's leavings, than try to find a man of your own. You have MAJOR self-esteem problems, you need to find a counselor( a good one) pronto. Don't worry about him, he'll find someone else to use. He's done it before. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Scarlett... I hope u can see that we (atleast I am) are trying to help you see how much of a dick this guy is. No woman deserves that kind of treatment. And for you not to see that is really sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 The only person she can control is herself, if she cant be in control of her feelings and emotions to where she wont be used by this scumbag what kind of a woman is she??? You know this guy's a serial cheater, and he will cheat on you as well. there is no defense for what this man is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Wow Scarlett, When I was a cheater I would have LOVED to find a woman as gullible as you. I would have used you like a handi-wipe. I can't believe that there are women as foolish outthere, this is after all the 21st. century. This Guy is garbage and you and his wife are the trash-collectors. Have you no Self-esteem at all? Where is your mind. If His marriage hasn't worked(between TWO people) How can you possibly believe that a relationship will work between 3 people? Now, listen carefully.... He doesn't care about you, his wife, OR his kids or anything else but himself. Believe me, I KNOW, I was JUST like him. He will use anyone he can, untill you refuse to be used. BTW, your "counselor" is full of ****, no intelligent one, would tell you to continue an affair. Whatever lies he tells you about love are just to get sex and nothing more. Now he wants you to believe that a "menage" will save your affair AND his marriage, AND you're buying it. You are really,.. really dumb.Tell us BoldJack, how did you change your ways? Are you still married? Divorced? I'll have to go back and read your posts. I didn't think it was possible for a tiger to change his stripes...unless he REALLY wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I did the cheater's equivalent of cold turkey. I told every woman and every husband the TRUTH, took a lot of abuse,and swore to myself that I would always be honest. I was divorced from my first wife, remarried and am a good, honest, husband. I am very sorry for deluded women like SCarlett and want to help her se this guy for what he really is. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I caused a lot of pain and sorrow, with my arrogance, and, yes I really, really wanted to change . The only tears I ever want to see in my woman's eyes are tears of happiness and love. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Scarlett, Why are you here? What do you hope to accomplish? How do YOU "win"? What do you expect of us here at LS? I don't see any real questions...just narrative...are you looking for advice or feedback? Or just venting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlettt Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Scarlett, Why are you here? What do you hope to accomplish? How do YOU "win"? What do you expect of us here at LS? I don't see any real questions...just narrative...are you looking for advice or feedback? Or just venting? I am here because right now I really don't have anyone I can talk about this with openly and honestly other than MM. I am not sure what I hope to accomplish or how I win. I appreciate any advice and feedback and appreciate that this forum exists so I can express myself. One of the comments by someone here (blackjack, I think) really hit home... that we're trying to save his marriage and our A. I think that's exactly what we're trying to do except transform it into something else, something different that's not filled with deception and betrayal. I don't know if it's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 hon, I think your questions need to be: Do I really want this? Does his wife really want this? because I get the impression that the only one who "wins" in either scenario (affair or permanent threesome) is this man. And my guess is that his wife is growing tired of his bullshxt and is more than ready to dump him for being such a feckless whore. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 One of the comments by someone here (blackjack, I think) really hit home... that we're trying to save his marriage and our A. I think that's exactly what we're trying to do except transform it into something else, something different that's not filled with deception and betrayal. . Ok is that really what you want though??? To share a man with another woman? Every woman deserves to have a mans undivided attention and affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlettt Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 hon, I think your questions need to be: Do I really want this? Does his wife really want this? because I get the impression that the only one who "wins" in either scenario (affair or permanent threesome) is this man. And my guess is that his wife is growing tired of his bullshxt and is more than ready to dump him for being such a feckless whore. I am intrigued by the thought of it. Do I want it? I'm not sure. I have been thinking about it and very curious, which is what got me into this situation in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlettt Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Ok is that really what you want though??? To share a man with another woman? Every woman deserves to have a mans undivided attention and affection. I realize that my feelings aren't normal or mainstream. I've had the undivided attention and affection of men and I've enjoyed what I've had with MM just as much. In some cultures it wouldn't be considered abnormal at all. I'm sure I'm going to get blasted now. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Nope... I'm not going to blast you... I just think you are short changing yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 at which point, I think it's safe to say that you are willing to stay in this situation ... now, the next big question is, how is it going to affect your relationship when: A. His wife leaves him because this isn't the life *she* wants? B. He wants to stay in a relationship with you, *and* he wants to be able to introduce a third party for sexual reasons ... with you participating (threesome) or not (affair)? as someone pointed, the only person whose mind you're going to change is your own. And my guess is that your mind is set because the whole idea of an affair isn't freaking you out, but rather, giving you something to muse over. or am I reading this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Your friends must be married. He is a pig. He hasn't cared for her at all if he has cheated throughout their marriage. He isn't a man, he is a child pretending to be an adult. Completely disgusting. Ya, but this is the kind of man she loves. funny aint it? maybe I should become a cheating bastard and have women fall at my feet. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Ya, but this is the kind of man she loves. funny aint it? maybe I should become a cheating bastard and have women fall at my feet. Naww. Wouldn't work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Scarlett there was a point in the A where I amused myself with the idea that W and I should "share custody" of MM. That she would have him for family occasions and important social diary dates and I would have him most of the rest of the time. He and I joked about once it but it was never something that would have worked in practice (even if the 3 of you accept it the rest of the world is unlikely to understand and even tho everyone lives by their own beliefs there are ramifications). But the bigger issue is that I would never have been happy with it (his W would have been mortified at the idea of our going public and embarrassing her and he is too old school to ever seriously contemplate such a thing). Really this doesnt work outside of cultures where it is accepted and even then the women arent really thrilled with it. They just accept it because they have to. What people are trying to tell you is you are legitimizing him having his cake and eating it too. If you ever want a real full life with him this is not the route. Let this guy go - its the most horrendously selfish thing that he could ever ever suggest. He is asking you to say yes for the rest of HIS life you will limit yourself to having just a piece of him - because that is how he wants it. He isnt even considering what might be best for you - other than that you would have the honour of being one of "his women" -- what happens when he wants to add a 3rd... Kick him to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Scarlett you say he wants a polyamorous relationship. So, he'd be perfectly cool with you having another guy - or several - on the side, and himself being involved in a threesome / moresome with them? Or is he not REALLY meaning polyamory, but rather simply his own personal harem that he stocks to service his own sexual proclivities, and whose members are not allowed any sexual expression of their own? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 You should ask him to have a threesome with you and another guy. Why should he have all the fun????????????????????????????????? Also, I hope his wife does leave him and move back to her hometown. Maybe she will regain some self-respect. As for him I hope he ends up with you. You two seem perfect for each other.:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 The jig is up -- the affair has been exposed, its time to move on. You clearly stated that you do not want this OM as a 'life partner' so why are you trying to play along with his suggestions of becoming a side dish to his marriage? God only knows why his W is putting up with his crappy treatment of her, but that is her marriage, not yours, so let the two of them sort themselves out. Frankly, if you think there might be a danger as to the W coming after you because of the A, it can only get worse if you get emotionally involved with her and her H... THEN she might come after you and kill you. I agree with what Boldjack said in his posts about this man being self-centered (read Narcissistic) and this man doesn't give a $hit about you, his W, or his kids, he is only interested in himself... he is feeding you Anything to keep you there for his ego... Do the decent thing and exit now. Its not your marriage. As for the counselor who helped you accept your behavior by putting words in your mind such as "its not mainstream, but maybe this is the relationship you need right now" -- I would think you know that NOT all counselors are good. Some are idiots, and you have to find the good ones... this counselor of yours may be narcissistic herself and doesn't see anything wrong with selfishly pursuing your own interests without giving a $hit what devastation you wreck in other families' lives and marriages. Fire her a$$ and go find one that will help put you back in touch with your morals. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I did the cheater's equivalent of cold turkey. I told every woman and every husband the TRUTH, took a lot of abuse,and swore to myself that I would always be honest. Boldjack, I admire what you did, and I wish my H would gain the same insight you have! I think that is the kind of miracle I was secretly wishing for all these years of his serial cheating... Boldjack -- please tell me -- when you told your former other married women, and their husbands about your affairs, did you Apologize to the betrayed husbands? Did you show remorse, or simply only Honesty? Link to post Share on other sites
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