I'm an emotional wreck right now!!

[Els]

Cora!

 

I don't mean to bump this needlessly, but your thread really moved me, and I've been rather worried about your sudden lack of posting.

 

Hope you're doing alright!

[KikiW]

Seconded, Cora. Hope you check in soon. Thinking about you.

[Zeta4PhiSius]

I second everyone's recent response - I hope you're doing okay and that you've at least found out something.

[Island Girl]

Hi there Cora.

 

Like everyone else I am wondering if you are alright.

 

The background check should be back by now. Did you find out anything else about him? Any reason as to why he would have done this?

 

I know you have got to be dealing with mixed emotions that just keep going around and around.

 

A lot of us here are thinking of you.

[Bearandsue]

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine what you are going through. I hope it all works out.

[Cora]

Guys, I'm really having a hard time with this. Thank you all for your concern and I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I have just been so depressed these last few days. It feels almost as if someone close to me has died. I feel sick and I'm tired. I am still without answers. I have no news good or bad. I wish I knew something....anything. I was really hoping to have received some information from the background check by now but they say it may take some time. Sigh...always more time. It has been three weeks since I heard from him and I'm going out of my mind. I still call his number everyday just to hear the same stupid recording that the number is incorrect. I guess I think that he is magically going to pick up one day if I just keep calling. I don't care what anyone says but I honestly don't think that he would ever do anything like this on purpose. I truly belive in my heart that he would tell me if he didn't want this relationship any longer. He is a good and decent man and I know I'm probably going to get some negative comments back about this and how you can't really know someone you have only talked to for eight months. Maybe I'm wrong about him and if so then I will be the first one to admit what a fool i've been once this is all over.

 

I miss him terribly and I wish he would just say something even if it's goodbye. I need to hear his voice again. Just one last time if that's the case. He still hasn't logged on to his myspace since the 18th of February which is very strange. My emails have still gone unread. I have gone from worry to anger to just plain sadness now. I just feel empty and I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again. My cousin tells me I just need to get over it. That he had no real feelings for me and you can't really fall in love online. She says it's just a bunch of silly nonsense and I need to wake up, get over him and move on. I wish I could just turn my feelings off like a light switch but it's not that simple for me. Maybe I'm weak but I still love him so much. I can't believe he got scared because we were finally going to meet. We tried to meet before but it never worked out. This time he was all for it. I could hear the excitement in his voice and his last words to me were I can't wait to meet you and hold you in my arms baby.....I love you. I can't believe for a second that he didn't mean it. I am just so lost now. Nothing makes sense and I'm very confused. I keep praying that he will come back. This pain is horrible:(

[Sweet326]

Cora, everything you are feeling right now is completely normal. You are grieving and there are stages to grief. First you feel shock & denial, anger, mourning and, eventually, acceptance. What's making it even worse is there is no closure. You really have no idea what has happened. I really hope you can get some answers.

 

You can't just "get over it" and no one should expect you to. You felt love for this person and you can love someone you haven't met. You developed an emotional bond with this person and now you are feeling a loss.

 

I know we all wish there was something we could do. I would love to help you find answers so you can have closure. Just know we are all here anytime and thinking about you always! Hang in there, it WILL get easier. It just doesn't seem that way right now.

[KikiW]

Wow Cora I am so sad for you that this hasn't been resolved. So hurtful and unfair It does seem so incredibly strange that he would be so gung ho and then POOF.

 

Yes, you CAN fall in love online. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because YOU did. And many of the people on this forum did. And the pain of losing someone or getting the rug pulled out from under you is no less real.

 

We're thinking of you, hon. Keep us updated.

[Island Girl]

OH. MY. GOD.

 

I can't believe you still have no answers from the background check.

I certainly hope you get some major details considering it is taking SO LONG!

 

And I agree that it is so strange he hasn't logged into FB since the 18th.

 

I wouldn't know what to think either.

 

Cora, you have valid feelings. Every one of them even if they seem to be all over the place - and you feel like you are going mad - they are ALL valid and understandable.

 

I am just sick for you. I wish you had answers - something - right now to ease your mind.

 

A lot of us here are thinking of you and we can empathize with how you feel. Those in your RL may not get it but we DO.

 

The situation is just terrible. I can't make sense of it - no one really can. There just doesn't seem to be an explanation when the things don't add up.

 

Please let us know what is happening. We all don't want to think you just went to NJ and vanished too.

If you end up going up there at least let us know and then post so we all know you are okay.

 

The whole thing is just crazy.

[Els]

Cora, I'm so sorry! Just remember we're all here for you, rooting you on...

 

And don't let anyone put you down for having given your heart to this guy before, even if you'd never met him! It's none of your fault, all his. It's a wonderful, courageous, and noble thing to love... and the fact that you happened to meet online doesn't make it any less so. It's easy to not understand or put down things if one has never experienced it before.

[Rollercoasterr]

Cora I am so sorry you're going through all of this.

 

Have you thought about having someone else talk to the brother and ask about him? I've done that before in the past for a friend and it actually worked pretty well is why I asked. It might not be for you, but it's worth a shot here.

 

I hope everything gets sorted out and you get all the answers you need, even if they aren't the right ones.

[Cora]

I just wanted to give a bit of an update here.....

 

First of all thank you all for the wonderful advice and support as I was going through this. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Everyone here has been simply incredible and I'm not so sure if I would have made it through without you guys. So Thank You!!!!

 

Well......It's over. I think I have finally come to terms with it. It was one thing if he didn't want our relationship any longer but apparently he no longer wants our friendship as well which hurts the most. He chose to take the cowardly way out with no goodbye or no explaination whatsoever. He just left me hanging. I will never know why this happened or what changed but I guess the only why I really need to know is that he simply does not care about me. I truly believe he is now back with his ex-girlfriend and was possibly back with her all along and maybe she found out about me. All of this is speculation but I kind of believe that is what happened.

 

I called his mother's house today and I believe it was his sister who answered the phone. I asked to speak with Eric because usually Eric takes his little boy to his mother's house on Sunday's so I figured he might be there. His sister asked who was calling so I told her and then there was silence. I could hear voices in the background so I know he was there. She then said he is in the middle of something can he call you back? I didn't push anymore and said that is fine and offered to leave my cell number but she said I'm sure he has it. So I said thank you I really appreciate it and sorry for bothering you. She said no prob and we ended it. I doubt he will call me back but it's okay. I get the hint that he doesn't want anything to do with me and that is fine. I deleted him from my contacts and my Myspace page. I am done. I also think he is back living with his ex. It's going to be difficult for me to get over but I know the pain will ease in time. It's gonna hurt like hell...it already does but at least I have some closure.....a bit of relief. It may not be what I was looking for but it will have to do. So now begins the healing I suppose. This is hard.....but I'll be okay.

[Lucky_One]

I truly am sorry.

 

(((((Cora)))))

[thegoodlife]

Cora I'm sure I speak for all of us here in saying I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

 

You've been so strong through such an extremely tough situation and I'm sorry for the pain you've endured but I'm also so glad you can start to move on now.

[Rollercoasterr]

Cora I'm so sorry that you've been put through this. I know it doesn't get any easier the more that you hear it, but I truly am sorry. No one wants to feel the way that this guy has made you feel. And you're such a special, sweet, loving person that when you DO finally get over this and feel like you can date again that you're going to find a man that is going to appreciate you for all the wonderful things that you are.

[Cora]

You guys are gonna make me cry! You all are such sweet people!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

 

Rollercoasterr: I love your new avatar pic.....you two make an absolutely beautiful couple! And congratulations on your recent engagement!!!!!

[Rollercoasterr]

Thanks so much Cora.

 

And cry if you need to. We're here to be your shoulders to cry on.

 

Look! I caught you a bunny! haha

[bunnybunny]

Hi, I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. Anyways, I've been following your story Cora and I'm so very sorry this turned out the way it has. I know it will be hard to get over this, but know that you will be ok. He's a coward who doesn't deserve someone sweet like you. In the end, it's his loss, not yours. Hugs Cora

[Els]

Oh Cora I'm so sorry to hear that...

 

But so GLAD for you that it's finally over with, and you have the closure that you need to heal!

 

I know you'll be able to do it, and someday find someone worthy of your heart to keep it, someone who won't lie to you and cheat on you and disappear without a word!

 

Hang in there!

[LikeCharlotte]

I don't know what to say Cora. I've been afraid to say anything until you knew for sure. I'm angry for you. I could say lots of things to try to make you feel better like "he's not good enough" or "better now than later" but I know none of it helps. Its a tragedy that someone could be so cold and cruel to an obviously positive and trusting girl. (((((Cora))))) We are still listening. I only have one piece of advice:

The next time you find your self stuffed up with snot and tears - scared and hurt... go get your favorite treat, your favorite music and put on something comfortable. Spend at least an hour singing and dancing your heart out and smiling. When you are finished remind your self that it was better than thinking about the selfish jerk that wasted your time and the next time you want to cry maybe you'll dance instead. I never believed that smiling when you didn't feel good helped until I tried it.

these are for you :bunny::bunny::bunny:

Hang on the ride's not over yet!

[RainyNight]

Cora

I was helplessly searching the net for any help or hint or any thing at all that can save me from the confusion , anger and pain I'm going through right now , that was when I found this forum and read your post .

 

I feel so sorry for you , but forgive me for feeling releived too , because I know now that I'm not alone , I'm not the only one who is going through this hurrican of ..of.. insanity .

 

He is a highly educated man, with good manners. For almost 8 months we have been very good freinds, and we felt like soulmates meant to be for each other .

I loved him , but I kept being reluctant, skeptical , wondering what was different about me from all the other younger and more beautiful girls surrounding him where he teaches . He kept explaining it over and over to me , but I had an awefully low selfesteem inspite of my high level of education and my other talents I'm gifted with . He saw me as a unique and a pretty lady, but I didn't .

What made things worst was my pride defending my country when he criticized something about its politics . I told him your kids our kids will love this country , I will raise them to do it , and you will have to know and accept this .

I had some troubling headache that day and Skype wasnt in its best conditions , so I couldnt tolerate the bad connection , the headache and the nausea . I am used to kind words from him whenever I felt ill . So by the end of the discussion I tried fishing for some usual sweet wrods and I told him I had headache and I was nauseated . The only thing he saide was ( OK) . The connection went off . And I never heard from him again .

In previous conversations when he was frrustrated with my fear & doubts inspite of all of his promises , he would mention ( I do not want to lose you love , please try not to loose me , I will let you get rid of me forever not knowing where I am ) .

I never paid attension for such statements , I used to just smile and we go back to our joyful chats and conversations and we forget about it , or I did at least .

Even when he disappeared suddenly , initially I thought he had to travel for some conference in a nearby city he had told me about . So I did not suspect anything for a whole week . in the contrary I was so happy for some break . I went back to all of my hobbies that I almost stopped practicing when I met him : drawing , playing piano, sewing, writing .

But then, after the week had passed , I started feeling alarmed .

I sent offline messenger messeges , emails , text messeges , I called him over and over and over , continuously . I thought of talking to his family or freinds at work but I thought I would make a joke of my self.

Today , I realized that he had logged on one technology forum he usually visits . And the messege was clear . He is not sick , he is not in jail , he just left me , without a note , a goodbye , or anything at all .

It hurts .

My life has become so empty since he left . I miss his soothing voice . His joyful laugh . His manly character . I miss him as a freind and as a lover .

Many times I read something interesting and I turn around to send it to him , then I painfully remember that we are no more freinds or lovers or anything at all .

Yes , I admit being reluctant and tough sometimes . But problems happen between lovers and with love they are supposed to try to sort them out together , or they maturely and respectfully end it and wish each other the best of luck .

But running away like that .. well.. I can never understand it .

 

Whydo men do that?

Why do they just.. disappear ?!

Why cant they just say "goodbye, sorry, I can't take it any more" ?

Why do they drive someone they love to insanity ?

inspite of all the busy details of my life , I cant stop thinking of millions of (whys) .

Why didn't he leave when I initially told him I didn't think this would work well & I asked him to leave before I fall in love with him . I begged him to leave before my heart grow fonder of him & I get more addicted to his voice , his face , his presence, and the details of his amazing life and character, I begged him to leave before finding myself trapped in an impossible love or one sided love . But he won . He convinced me how much he loved me & how ready he was to sacrifice for me .

Now I'm ready to fight the whol world to get him back .

Now in his absence I realized how significant he is for me . But .. Alas !

 

Now I'm just singing with the old Bonnie Tylor :

 

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together

 

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

 

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life

But now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart

 

A total eclipse of the heart .

 

Anyway Cora , sorry for pouring it all in here on your page

Currently I'm reading a nice book called ( magic of making up ) and trying my best to attempt the ( NO Contact) technique & I will see .

 

Best wishes

[Nicodaemos]

while i dont want to break in on Cora, but RainyNight, not all men cut and run, sometimes its the woman that does so. No, dont misunderstand, im not saying you did, and if he truly has cut you from his life, then I am sorry that he is going to miss out on wonderful things with you. I dont know what causes PEOPLE to run. its different for everyone. Feel free to start your own thread, and vent all you wish, you arent alone, and here, you are completely understood my the people, for they have been in your position.

 

I hope you find your solace.

[RainyNight]

Nico

I didn't mean to be against men , I'm sorry .

I just thought it's a male-behavior. Woman are usually talkative, expressive, more than necessary sometimes That's why I thought they can not tolerate dumping somebody SILENTLY

But may be I'm mistaken .

I will open a new thread , thanks for the idea , I guess it will help as part of the healing process .

[Cora]

I just thought I would let you all know what has been going on. I have since received some more answers which has given me even more closure and is helping me to move on. Even though these answers hurt me they have helped me more than anything. I feel so blessed to have finally gotten my closure I figured I would never get.

 

As it turns out he is back with his ex...although she was never his ex apparently. See he met this girl online back in July which was exactly one month after he had met me. He had been talking to both of us at the same time which I didn't find out about until September. We still talked after September but only as friends because I was so hurt. I finally realized it hurt too much to even be his friend since I very much still had feelings for him so around November I confronted him about this girl. He told me he loved her very much and that things between us were never going to go anywhere because we lived so far apart (yeah, it would have helped if he would have told me this in the beginning). Anyway he told me he wanted to see where things could go with this girl since they actually lived close enough to see(only 45 minutes away) and apparently they had just moved in together as well. So I thanked him for being honest with me and we ended contact. The first of January he calls me out of the blue and says he is no longer with her and that he made a mistake by letting me go....regretted it everyday etc.. I foolishly believed him and took him back. Things were going great until of course this unexpected disappearance from him.

 

Anyway to make a long story shorter.....last Sunday after calling his mothers house and him not wanting to talk to me I wrote his girlfriend who I suspected he was still seeing all along and appologized to her since I figured she found out about me and that was why I have gone so long without hearing anything from Eric. She wrote me back all upset saying how Eric told her I was just an old friend from school. So she asked me alot of questions and I tried to answer them the best that I could...sending her proof etc.. I saved all of our old IM conversations and sent them to her so she could see for herself. I felt so bad for her. She said she was so confused because they were never having any problems back in January when he contacted me or ever for that matter and she said besides they have just booked there wedding!!! OMG yes there wedding. I suppose Eric was just gonna continue to lead me on until they were married and say oopse sorry I'm married now can't talk to you anymore? Well me and his girlfriend or rather fiance talked a bit more and she wrote me back saying she was sorry for what Eric had done to me and how horrible and inexcusable it was. She said she let him know that too. She is a very sweet girl and I'm glad we got to talk. I think she is staying with Eric regardless. That is her decision though and I did my part by being honest with her. I'm not sure what will happen but at least I'm free of him! Thank God!!!!! No more dealing with the hurt and the lies. I'm just trying my best to move on now. I am doing alot better and I know I will be fine!! Thank you all again for all the support!! Oh and RainyNight I pray that you will get your answer or some kind of closure....I'm thinking about you. Hang in there!

[Itsnotme]

Cora I have just read this thread for the first time from start to finish. You are showing amazing strength and are clearly a wonderful and lovely person. You deserve and will have better.