Interesting...

[Lizzie60]

Since it was Valentine's weekend, yesterday, on the radio this woman was saying that when a MM look at a single woman, he will compare his W to this woman.. for example.. he will think 'this woman looks great.. she dresses better than my W.. she's sexier, etc..'

 

While a MW will think 'Hum.. he looks good.. but my SO is nicer.. etc..

 

I think this is true.. men tend to compare.. while women will think their SO is much better..

 

Guys: do you think this is true?

[Mr. Lucky]

Sounds like you're saying that both compare but men are more likely to find their partner wanting. Regardless, no I don't think that is true. Can't speak for everyone, but I can certainly notice another woman's attractivness without comparing her to my spouse...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lizzie60]

Well I think there is something true about her comment.

 

Men (in general) will, IMO, compare their W to another woman.. that's why they cheat.. they will find the other woman more interesting..(physically... no need to even know her) while women will think hard before cheating.. since she will need to be emotionally attracted.

[Touche]

Oh my god! I can't believe you started this thread. I have no idea what to do about this.

 

My H is constantly comparing me to other women. It's embarrassing.

 

He tells me all the time that I look better than women he sees that are 15 years younger than me. Is that ridiculous or what?

 

And he keeps running into women he went to junior and senior high school with around here (we moved here 2 years ago) and he tells me that they keep asking him out and asking him if he's happily married. He laughs and grabs me and tells me I blow them away.

 

I answer the phone for my H's practice and I know when they call. We laugh about it because when they call they don't know that I know who they are. They think I'm just his secretary.

 

Awww, but it's sad really. I do have a heart.

 

Anyway, yep, I can relate. I hate when my husband constantly compares me to other women. I know I can't be that much better than they are!

 

But I guess if he says so, I won't question it too much.

[Lizzie60]

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

That says a lot about your relationship..

[carhill]

Interesting but nope

[Touche]

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

That says a lot about your relationship..

 

Of course it does.

[2sunny]

it's only based on the fact that most men are basically more visual than women and most women tend to be more emotionally tied to their men.

 

in some small way, though, i read this as Lizzie's usual deal of patting herself on the back.

 

yes Lizzie - men look, men cheat you are right... :rolleyes: lucky for them you are ever ready and willing to help.

[JamesM]

 

I think this is true.. men tend to compare.. while women will think their SO is much better..

 

Guys: do you think this is true?

 

Oddly, this time I actually disagree with you. When I look at other women and appreciate their attractiveness, I rarely if ever think of my wife as compared to them. I simply think of them as beautiful or not and every step in between.

 

And no, I don't think of them as if I wanted to cheat with them. Honestly, I think most men cheat DESPITE their opinions of their wives.

 

When I have...so I guess I have compared her, it is no comparison for one big reason....we have memories together. There is no woman who can compare because no one else is my best friend and confidant.

 

Truly her beauty goes much deeper than her outward appearance.

 

 

He tells me all the time that I look better than women he sees that are 15 years younger than me. Is that ridiculous or what?

 

And he keeps running into women he went to junior and senior high school with around here (we moved here 2 years ago) and he tells me that they keep asking him out and asking him if he's happily married. He laughs and grabs me and tells me I blow them away.

 

 

But I guess if he says so, I won't question it too much.

 

A couple of comments...I never find the need to tell my wife she is better looking than any woman I look at. Fact is...since she is my best friend, I have no problem telling her my opinion of another woman. She knows without being told that I find her more beautiful than all women. She also knows that IF (note the word if) I were to find someone more attractive than her, it would be because of beauty AND personality. She has rarely felt jealous of other women, but when I sense her feeling that way, it is about someone who I know on a friendly basis...not simply someone walking down the street.

 

As for women constantly calling your husband to ask if he is happily married and wanting a date, THIS my wife would find irritating to say the least.

 

Why? Because she would assume that I would be assertive enough to put an end to such inquiries.

 

If your husband finds you so attractive, then why do these women keep calling him and asking him if he does? Has he not told them before?

 

Maybe I am not as handsome as he, but I can say that it has never happened that women call and ask if I am happily married. And when they meet me, it becomes fairly obvious that I am...even if I am not. While I can say that I have had women become attracted to me for various reasons, it has thankfully never been a problem that they call me for dates and the state of my marriage.

 

And if it is his long lost classmates, then maybe he needs to put out a bulletin that he is now married...happily.

 

Just curious and my questions probably have simple answers.

[Touche]

Oddly, this time I actually disagree with you. When I look at other women and appreciate their attractiveness, I rarely if ever think of my wife as compared to them. I simply think of them as beautiful or not and every step in between.

 

And no, I don't think of them as if I wanted to cheat with them. Honestly, I think most men cheat DESPITE their opinions of their wives.

 

When I have...so I guess I have compared her, it is no comparison for one big reason....we have memories together. There is no woman who can compare because no one else is my best friend and confidant.

 

Truly her beauty goes much deeper than her outward appearance.

 

So beautiful. So true.

 

 

 

 

A couple of comments...I never find the need to tell my wife she is better looking than any woman I look at. Fact is...since she is my best friend, I have no problem telling her my opinion of another woman. She knows without being told that I find her more beautiful than all women. She also knows that IF (note the word if) I were to find someone more attractive than her, it would be because of beauty AND personality.

 

She has rarely felt jealous of other women, but when I sense her feeling that way, it is about someone who I know on a friendly basis...not simply someone walking down the street.

 

As for women constantly calling your husband to ask if he is happily married and wanting a date, THIS my wife would find irritating to say the least.

 

Why? Because she would assume that I would be assertive enough to put an end to such inquiries.

 

If your husband finds you so attractive, then why do these women keep calling him and asking him if he does? Has he not told them before?

 

Maybe I am not as handsome as he, but I can say that it has never happened that women call and ask if I am happily married. And when they meet me, it becomes fairly obvious that I am...even if I am not. While I can say that I have had women become attracted to me for various reasons, it has thankfully never been a problem that they call me for dates and the state of my marriage.

 

And if it is his long lost classmates, then maybe he needs to put out a bulletin that he is now married...happily.

 

Just curious and my questions probably have simple answers.

 

The bolded part above is really concerning. That's all I'll say.

 

If your husband finds you so attractive, then why do these women keep calling him and asking him if he does? Has he not told them before?

 

Yep. It's just that we just moved here, back to his hometown, 2 years ago. It's not the same women over and over. It's different ones. After he tells him he's not available, they don't usually call again.

 

What can I say? Some men have more admirers than others? It's ok. I'd actually be worried if he didn't have women after him!!

 

By the way, love this:

 

If your husband finds you so attractive, then why do these women keep calling him and asking him if he does? Has he not told them before?

 

Love that. Why do you think? Because he's fantastic! That's why. Get it now? Most accept his answer after the first time but he has so many admirers that they keep calling. That's why. Different ones, get it?

 

I'm sure it will all stop soon as the word gets around.

 

In the meantime it's great that you don't have to tell your wife how beautiful she is because I guess she just "knows" right? Good for you!

 

I'm sure she appreciates that about you.

[Touche]

I never find the need to tell my wife she is better looking than any woman I look at. Fact is...since she is my best friend, I have no problem telling her my opinion of another woman. She knows without being told that I find her more beautiful than all women.

 

sorry have to call you out on this again. Nope, James. You wouldn't measure up in my world.

 

That's sad.

 

I feel sorry for your wife.

 

Keep on not telling her how you feel. I'm sure she is just SO secure that she just "knows" right?

 

BS.

 

I call Bull Shyt, James. Yep.

 

I have the best. I recognize a "wannabe."

 

Sorry.

[jasminetea]

I never find the need to tell my wife she is better looking than any woman I look at. ... She knows without being told that I find her more beautiful than all women.

 

That would make me so sad if I were your wife. I guess she's ok with it? Why do you think that is? Does she get reassurance elsewhere? Do other men compliment her?

 

I'm always surprised when I hear of a woman who doesn't appreciate hearing that her husband finds her the most beautiful women ever, I think it must be a rare quality.

 

As for the OP - utter piffle, merely a transparent attempt to denigrate wives

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

Men are visual. Women are relational. They just compare on a different basis. With men its looks. Women do compare. "wow, he bought his wife flowers. I never get flowers". "Look at that he stopped by to take her to lunch, he never takes me to lunch". "He took her to that movie? I heard it was a romance. He never takes me to movies like that". Its just a different standard.

[Squirtal]

Its amazing how people read different things from different posts.

I read in James post that he has a happy and secure relationship, and that his wife feels the same way.

I think he sounds happy and settled and realistically in love.

[Woggle]

This woman doesn't know what she is talking about but most of these relationship experts who claim to understand how men think usually don't. I look at an attractive single woman and I can appreciate the fact that she is attractive but I am married to the best.

[grogster]

When I was married, I never made such conscious comparisons. Most guys appreciate attractive women in their own, individual light.

 

The problem with comparing arises with affairs. After hot affair sex, marital sex often seems drab--like warm tap water versus chilled champagne.

 

That's unfair to the betrayed spouse, on many levels, but comparisons are made. Reason No. 999 to never, ever have an affair.

[JamesM]

 

sorry have to call you out on this again. Nope, James. You wouldn't measure up in my world.

 

That's sad.

 

I feel sorry for your wife.

 

Keep on not telling her how you feel. I'm sure she is just SO secure that she just "knows" right?

 

Yep.

BS.

 

I call Bull Shyt, James.

I have the best. I recognize a "wannabe."

 

Sorry.

 

Fortunately, I am not trying to measure up "in your world." I only need to measure up in my wife's world.

 

I see how you could have taken what I said as if I NEVER told my wife how beautiful she is. Far from it. I tell her every chance I get! Truly. She is the best looking woman in my eyes that I have ever met.

 

My point is...that I don't feel the need to reassure her that "Hey, compared to that woman, you are much better looking! And see that one there...wow, even though she is perfect, you are more perfect! And see that cute teenybopper....she would never compare to you."

 

The point is....I don't spend my time looking at other women. Believe it or not, when we are out, my eyes ARE focused on her. We get so little time alone without kids that we don't spend it comparing each other to the men and women that surround us.

 

She would get sick of that. Again, she KNOWS how I feel when compared to other women. And she is told numerous times every day that she is beautiful.

 

Do I feel comfortable enough with her to point out how I see the beauty in another woman? Yes. Does she feel comfortable enough to tell me that she thinks that some man is handsome? Yes. Do we need to follow that statement with the obligatory "...but you look so much better?" No. Why? Because we know that this is a given.

 

Should she be told more often? Absolutely. She deserves it.

 

I am not sure how I am wanting to be a "Wannabee." Do I want to be the guy that is so handsome that his wife needs to field off calls asking me out? No. Do I want to be the guy who has so many women looking at him that he needs to reassure his wife that she is better looking? No. Do I want to be the guy who needs to reassure his wife continually that she still looks better than every woman that ever lived? No.

 

I don't need that. I don't want to be that "wannabee." I am very happy being the guy who is so fortunate having the woman I have.

 

Do I feel sorry for my wife? Sometimes. I think also that as good as she thinks I am...she deserves better. As much as I love her, IMO it is not enough.

 

 

That would make me so sad if I were your wife. I guess she's ok with it? Why do you think that is? Does she get reassurance elsewhere? Do other men compliment her?

 

I'm always surprised when I hear of a woman who doesn't appreciate hearing that her husband finds her the most beautiful women ever, I think it must be a rare quality.

 

Read the above. She gets told she is beautiful. I think my point was miscommunicated. I don't NEED to reassure her every time a beautiful woman walks by because she knows my feelings for her. This does not mean she isn't told she is beautiful. This doesn't mean she isn't told "I love you."

 

I have no doubt that other men would feel the desire to compliment her. She is a beauty.

 

Does that bother me? No. Does she need to reassure me that "even though that man complimented me, you still are my favorite." No. Do I need to have men calling HER to reassure ME that I have a good catch? No. Do I need to have her reassure me every time she mentions another handsome doctor she works with? No.

 

Again, having to reassure her every time I looked at a woman would seem superficial to her. She is alot more confidant in my feelings and appreciation for her than that.

 

And on the opposite side of the coin, she does NOT need to have women asking me out to know that I am the one for her. She does not need to notice that women constantly look at me to know that she has a great catch. She knows it, and yes, she tells me.

 

Its amazing how people read different things from different posts.

I read in James post that he has a happy and secure relationship, and that his wife feels the same way.

I think he sounds happy and settled and realistically in love.

 

Thank you.

 

After almost nineteen years of marriage, I can still say that there are so many times that I look at her and get that "Wow!" feeling. And trust me...she knows it. She can see it in my eyes. But yes...she also hears it.

 

Despite any ups and downs our marriage has had, the one thing that has never changed in my eyes is that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her blue eyes have a certain spark and look that cannot be compared to another.

 

But along with that beauty she has my admiration for her many other qualities. That is why I say that her beauty goes much deeper than simply making a comparison to some women who walk by.

 

And that will never change.

[JamesM]

This woman doesn't know what she is talking about but most of these relationship experts who claim to understand how men think usually don't. I look at an attractive single woman and I can appreciate the fact that she is attractive but I am married to the best.

 

Woggle, so well said in so few words.

[jasminetea]

Read the above. She gets told she is beautiful. I think my point was miscommunicated. I don't NEED to reassure her every time a beautiful woman walks by because she knows my feelings for her. This does not mean she isn't told she is beautiful. This doesn't mean she isn't told "I love you."

 

No need to be aggressive, you hadn't made that point clear to begin with. You made it sound like you never complimented her. Thank you for being more specific.

[Touche]

Sorry, James. I guess I misunderstood too.

[soserious1]

My ex compared me with other women all the time and let me know in ways large and small that I came up way short. He had a list I think, the list of the 100,000 women he'd rather have sex with besides me.

[jasminetea]

This thread once again, is about where the OP is, not what's reality.

 

As people age, the ones that rely solely on the external, will need to be validated externally, whether through compliments, through actions such as overt sexuality or by creating some form of narcissistic supply, through leveraging off others.

 

I'm uncertain why there's this dysfunctional need to emotionally vampire off others. Why not work on what's broken inside and if you're lucky, fix it? Or maybe it's a matter of old dogs, new tricks.

 

*splutter*

 

:lmao::lmao:

[Nikki Sahagin]

As a woman I can't comment on what men think. If I see an attractive man I do sometimes compare him....but I still wouldn't CHANGE my boyfriend. I can see a man that's attractive but usually that man has features similar to my boyfriend anyway (I have a very specific type...i'm INCREDDDDIBLY picky!) But say you're boyfriend was getting on your nerves and you met a guy...you might think 'he seems nicer than my boyfriend' - yes there are emotional comparisons. I compare more emotional than physical. Say if a guy was very affectionate and my boyfriend wasn't, I might say 'he's much more affectionate than my boyfriend...hmmm' rather than making physical comparisons.

[2sunny]

This thread once again, is about where the OP is, not what's reality.

 

As people age, the ones that rely solely on the external, will need to be validated externally, whether through compliments, through actions such as overt sexuality or by creating some form of narcissistic supply, through leveraging off others.

 

I'm uncertain why there's this dysfunctional need to emotionally vampire off others. Why not work on what's broken inside and if you're lucky, fix it? Or maybe it's a matter of old dogs, new tricks.

 

someone else noticed this as i did. Lizzie tends to do things this way all the time.

[marlena]

When I was married, I never made such conscious comparisons. Most guys appreciate attractive women in their own, individual light.

 

 

I think so, too. Comparisons are for kiddies.

 

The problem with comparing arises with affairs. After hot affair sex, marital sex often seems drab--like warm tap water versus chilled champagne.

 

 

It seems drab because after years and years of repetition, it gets predictable and loses its thrill. Affairs are sizzling hot. Maybe they bring out the passion in people because they are "illicit" and new. Once you take away those two elements, it's just boring sex again.

 

That's unfair to the betrayed spouse, on many levels, but comparisons are made. Reason No. 999 to never, ever have an affair.

 

True.