Desperate for a second chance

[nature]

I still think this whole entire post is a joke, and funtobeme is toying with us all. There is just no way this is serious. Doesn't anyone else realize it? It's BS. As though this funtobeme sent love song lyrics to this guy who is blatantly ignoring her. And as though everyone didn't tell her from the beginning not to text this guy anymore. Now she says oh thanks for not telling me sooner. None of this story is true.

 

This is a joke, and I mean this in all seriousness. We are getting played. Have a good laugh on us funtobeme.

[Fun2BMe]

To the few who actually cared, here is an update. I forced myself to stop texting and waited and waited until I could think of my next move and what exactly to text and so Saturday early in the evening (vs. late at night/early in the morning like before) I texted him something casual this time since some of you thought I was being too direct with my feelings. I prepared myself for the possibility that he again might not respond but I wasn't about to give up. So then a few hours later he responded and we started texting back/forth throughout Sunday and into the late hours!!

 

He asked me to send some pictures and gave me his email address so I did. Some were a little R (not x) rated but I wasn't going to let this opportunity go by.Then he finally called (twice) and we spoke!!! He said he was out of town but that when he gets back he is going to see me the same night and have dinner with me!

 

It felt too good to be real so I said "I think I'm going to pass out" but he thought I meant I was tired and was going to sleep and I explained what I really meant which maybe I shouldn't have because I think it made me come across as insecure or desperate for him. Also when I sent him my pictures I wrote a lot of commentary like what I thought of each shot and how it compared to if he sees me in person and so on which I shouldn't have done maybe but I didn't want to seem snobby sending all these hot pics so it's hard to know how to act with a guy I really like a lot and don't know if all that insecurity rubbed him the wrong way because he was texting less other than asking me to keep sending more pictures which kind of hurt my feelings even though I was also feeling flattered.

 

Anyways the bad part is I woke up late Monday and saw that he had texted me early in the morning. I had a lot to do to catch up and didn't see it until around 2:30pm at which time I texted back saying I woke up late and just got his text and how is his day going without really answering the personal question he had sent. 30 minutes later he hadn't responded back yet so I sent a long text responding in detail what he had asked and again he hasn't responded so I am starting to feel nervous and vulnerable and wish I had heard and read his text when he had sent it. I don't know if this is when I'm supposed to stop texting again or what. I am afraid if he thinks I responded late on purpose and maybe got upset or he's just busy or I don't know and it's driving me crazy.

 

Like I said, I don't want him to think I was playing games by not responding right away and feel like I messed things up but I also know he's busy on his trip and maybe he just hasn't had a chance to respond. Either way I have to wait about 2 weeks until he gets back to see him and hope things will only get better instead of ruining my chances again already. I am overall very excited by all this! Persistence does pay off but the problem is that I have to conceal my feelings as far as not letting on how into him I am and also not texting all the time but at this point I don't know if I should text again so he knows I am not playing games.

 

So should I send him something flirty, or another picture or what do you think my next move should or should not be?? My whole goal is to get him to see me one more time in person so I can be myself without playing games and he will see we are right for each other. I feel like I just might get that second chance and am so desperate for it that I don't want to mess it up when it is now an actual possibility and so so close. He gave me the date he will be back in town and everything over the phone so I am confused why he suddenly has stopped communicating. Please if someone has POSITIVE constructive advice please help me.

[Geishawhelk]

Is there any reason at all why instead of all this stupid texting - you're actually not dialling his number and talking to each other...???

 

All this texting is by far the very worst way for people to communicate.

It's the absolute pits.

No eye contact, no voice tone, no emotion, no sentiment, no clarification....

It's chronically bad, and a dreadful way to conduct a discussion.

 

Texts should be confined purely and simply to "running 10 mins late, see you ASAP" or "Got home safely, night night" or Dental appt 10.00am brush teeth B4 u go!"

 

WTF is it with people nowadays, that they feel the only way to discuss deep, intimate PoV is to do it through texts ferchrissakes - ?

 

What the bloody hell ever happened to talking - ?!??!?

[Island Girl]

Here's something positive:

 

Quit acting so desperate.

 

Seriously.

 

Sending him R rated pictures with explanations and jumping at his texts - C'mon Fun.

 

You need to take a step back and if he still wants to have dinner - go - be yourself - the real relaxed you and quit TRYING SO HARD to influence his impression of you.

 

If you are yourself and he likes YOU then great.

 

But you are f'ing up all over the place by trying to second guess what he is thinking.

 

Just like writing the commentaries about your pics. (You shouldn't have sent a bunch of R-rated pics in the first place) but you thought - that he'd think you were snobby - so you tried to counteract that.

 

Quit doing stuff like that.

 

And quit seeming like he is the only man on the planet and if you screw this up you are stuck alone forever.

 

He is not the only man on the planet.

 

You don't know him well enough for his opinion to matter AT ALL.

 

What is MORE important is your opinion of HIM and you really do not know him very well so don't go saying "he is fantastic" or any malarkey like that.

 

He is just a guy. He may be nice - he may be a complete jackass. Or like most he may be a blending of the two.

 

But he is still just a guy.

 

There are plenty of them around so you CAN be choosy yourself.

[Island Girl]

Is there any reason at all why instead of all this stupid texting - you're actually not dialling his number and talking to each other...???

 

All this texting is by far the very worst way for people to communicate.

It's the absolute pits.

No eye contact, no voice tone, no emotion, no sentiment, no clarification....

It's chronically bad, and a dreadful way to conduct a discussion.

 

Texts should be confined purely and simply to "running 10 mins late, see you ASAP" or "Got home safely, night night" or Dental appt 10.00am brush teeth B4 u go!"

 

WTF is it with people nowadays, that they feel the only way to discuss deep, intimate PoV is to do it through texts ferchrissakes - ?

 

What the bloody hell ever happened to talking - ?!??!?

 

I KNOW!!

 

I completely agree!

 

If a guy wanted to date me he'd have to spend enough time actually conversing with me - learning about each other - focused time.

 

Just because we have technology does not mean we should use it.

 

Texting has no place in the communication within a relationship whether it is new or existing excepting the examples above detailed by GEISHA!

[Fun2BMe]

But like I said, he called twice and it was only thanks to our texts that he called. I personally don't like to answer my phone unless it's family or very close person, there's no big deal about that and a lot of people are that way. It's quicker and easier to text so that's a whole different topic and also he had told me he prefers to text when he initially gave me his number so I don't want to start bugging him with calls especially when we're not even a couple (yet). And I usually text him late at night and during the day he might be working so after texting it is up to him if he wants to call or text back because it says I'm available to communicate at that moment.

[Geishawhelk]

And as it happens, I am completely ditto on Island Girl's post (#55).

 

"Desperate" doesn't cover it.

[Island Girl]

You are missing the point Fun.

 

You should really be waiting for him to call you. And you should communicate especially now - over the phone!

 

Isn't that why you were so happy you spoke twice ON THE PHONE?!!

 

Because you could tell by his tome and inflection what his mood was or how he was saying something.

Texting lacks that and willo lead to feeding your insecurities and MY GAWD WOMAN YOU ARE INSECURE!

[Geishawhelk]

I personally don't like to answer my phone unless it's family or very close person, there's no big deal about that and a lot of people are that way. It's quicker and easier to text so that's a whole different topic and also he had told me he prefers to text when he initially gave me his number so I don't want to start bugging him with calls especially when we're not even a couple (yet). And I usually text him late at night and during the day he might be working so after texting it is up to him if he wants to call or text back because it says I'm available to communicate at that moment.

 

But you're already bugging him!!

You're being needy, desperate and bending ovber backwards to do and say things you think he may want to hear!!

 

And phoning close family and friends only? Don't give me that BS. That's utter crap. You had that rule before Mobile phones where invented did you?

 

Go off line and wait for him to contact you.

It may be something along the lines of eithe:

 

"Hey, missing you, where did you go?"

 

or

 

"Fab photos thanx 4 captions now all over Facebook".

 

Never, ever send rique photos of yourself to someone you only ever text!!

IT'S INSANE!!!!

[Fun2BMe]

You are missing the point Fun.

 

You should really be waiting for him to call you.

 

But don't you see how things unfolded? I was given that advice initiallly, to stop texting and wait for him. Well, i waited for 3 weeks and NOTHING. So I texted again and that plus all my previous texts got him to respond. I have to be active at least in this situation.

 

But I guess there's no rulebook because I still don't know what to do next, wait and if so how long or contact im again right away in case he thinks I was playing games or give it another day for him to respond or ?

[Fun2BMe]

But you're already bugging him!!

You're being needy, desperate and bending ovber backwards to do and say things you think he may want to hear!!

That's where I need help, like how could I tell him no if he asks for my pictures then still expect him to continue texting or want to see me? I actually didn't mind sending them because I was so happpy to hear from him to begin with that that was a small 'price' to pay so to speak.

 

 

 

[quoteNever, ever send rique photos of yourself to someone you only ever text!!

IT'S INSANE!!!!

I'll just say that I don't easily send my pics to anyone. I know I could trust him, otherwise I am extremely above average private, but I have no fears that they will be used negatively or shared or anything, not with him. I'm not one of those girls who is foolish to send them off to any guy who asks!!

[Geishawhelk]

You don't get it, do you?

 

You're too needy, desperate and clingy to date.

Stop thinking of dating anyone until you can take these things on the chin with no damage to your self-confidence.

Right now, if I was him, I'd be wondering what the hell I did to deserve you.

 

And not necessarily in a good way.

 

You're in no emotional fit state to be anyone's GF.

 

Cool it, go on a self-confidence course, and learn to be alone without being lonely.

 

You're coming across very negatively.

I've just finished reading the whole thread, and you're angry, defensive and not open in any way to any form of constructive criticism.

 

We can't always get things right.

But it seems your record is worse than ours.

[Geishawhelk]

I'll just say that I don't easily send my pics to anyone.

 

ROTFLOL...

So you don't 'talk' on the 'phone to people unless they're close family or friends (which is why I presume you're not 'talking' to him) - but you're not above sending him photos of yourself in risque situations....? Do you not see the screwy logic in this?

 

THAT'S WHY I SAID IT'S INSANE!!!

[Island Girl]

You want reassurances that he is into you.

 

You will NEVER feel reassured as long as YOU are the one contacting.

 

You are chasing and then chasing and appearing very desperate in the process.

 

You are trying to second guess his thoughts which is FUTILE.

 

It is a waste of time.

 

I have always been successful in the dating realm. I have dated every man I have ever wanted to.

 

And I truly believe it is because I am never concerned about what THEY are thinking. I am concerned with what I am thinking of THEM and what I am feelig about THEM.

 

There is a very basic difference. But it is crucial.

 

To me, if a man has the opportunity to spend time with me -- to even DATE me -- then turns a blind eye - well I am so much the better not having wasted any time on a moron.

 

I am a great catch. And if he can't see that then it is HIS loss.

 

Because of that attitude I have never had this situation -- where I am desperately chasing after some guy hoping he'll like me -- I've never been there.

 

Do you not think that you are smart, beautiful, unique?

 

Do you not think he is LUCKY to have a shot at being with you?

 

Do you not think that you need to look further to see if he is worth YOUR time and YOUR energy?

 

Why are you so up in arms over this guy when you really know quite little about him?

 

Truly if he fell off the face of the Earth would it have any effect on your life?!!

NO!

 

So quit making him the be all end all until he shows you a lot more of a reason why he should be.

 

Let him contact you.

 

You already have reached out. Now the ball is in his court.

Chasing like this will not get you the end you so desperately seek.

[Island Girl]

I'll just say that I don't easily send my pics to anyone. I know I could trust him,

 

You spent several hours with him weeks ago.

 

You have spoken with him twice on the phone and have had a couple of text "conversations".

 

If you think you "KNOW" him or "KNOW" you can trust him you are really crazy.

[Fun2BMe]

You don't get it, do you?

 

You're too needy, desperate and clingy to date.

 

No but I think you are misunderstanding. I might be expressing in confidence my desperation to have a second chance with him here to get advice, but it's not like I am telling him. I am in no way clingy TO HIM!! Inside I want to cling to him but like I said, I have resisted calling him since I am not close enough on that level and don't want to be bugging him or being clingy or needy so I text now and then and leave it up to him to respond.

 

He recently responded and I got all excited and am trying to gear things to my plan to get him to see me one more time and so far almost so good. It was 100% for sure at one point, but I think it's either because he wanted more pics and I didn't send more or bec I texted late, for some reason he has not responded to my last 2 texts. Maybe things are still perfect and our plans to see each other are still on for all he knows and he's busy now, I just don't like being in this state of uncertainty but I don't think other than some insecurity on my part that he sees me as clingy or desperate in any way...

[Geishawhelk]

Inside I want to cling to him but like I said, I have resisted calling him since I am not close enough on that level and don't want to be bugging him or being clingy or needy so I text now and then and leave it up to him to respond.

 

Yet you're close enough to send him photos? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I guess he must be ignoring you then, because he's salivating over the pic's you've sent.....

 

....but I think it's either because he wanted more pics and I didn't send more or bec I texted late, for some reason he has not responded to my last 2 texts. ....

 

I have a really bad feeling about this guy. It was 100% upto one point, then (probably) because you didn't send any more, he hasn't responded.

This leads me to think he's talking with the contents of his pants.

 

Why talk to you, if he gets no more pictures?

 

He's not interested in words. he wants photos!

 

I bet if you sent him some more, he'd be on that 'phone like a shot.

 

Yuk.

 

Like I said - this is all screwy and completely insane.

You are not making any sense at all.

[Fun2BMe]

You want reassurances that he is into you.

 

You will NEVER feel reassured as long as YOU are the one contacting.

 

You are chasing and then chasing and appearing very desperate in the process.

I really don't want reassurance that he is into me. I want to see him in person to accomplish that, like I keep saying my goal is to get a second chance to see him and so far I have a lot of hope that this will happen in 2 weeks. Again, I am rarely contacting him and for example on Sunday I would wait a while before responding to his texts, sometimes up to an hour like when I was taking the pictures. I didn't want to seem desperate like that's why I was taking a while to get back and told him I was keeping him in suspense and to wait while I changed into lingerie and posed for some pictures and then hurredly uploaded them and all that to send off.

 

You are trying to second guess his thoughts which is FUTILE.

 

It is a waste of time.

I'm not clear how I am doing this.

 

I have always been successful in the dating realm. I have dated every man I have ever wanted to.

 

And I truly believe it is because I am never concerned about what THEY are thinking. I am concerned with what I am thinking of THEM and what I am feelig about THEM.

The thing is, that is true for me too, but because he is not responding, I think that is what is driving me crazy and desperate. Maybe now my actions make more sense. I am not used to this type of behavior where a guy I show interest to will blow me off like this, and ordinarily that in itself would turn me off, but I know we are so perfect for each other that I don't want to give up but need to be strong and keep trying. I think now you will understand why I am trying so hard.

 

There is a very basic difference. But it is crucial.

 

To me, if a man has the opportunity to spend time with me -- to even DATE me -- then turns a blind eye - well I am so much the better not having wasted any time on a moron.

Come on, that could hardly be true. That would require not having feelings and being able to switch them off instantly. If a guy I dated were to turn a blind eye you would be hearing about it, I would want to know why and all that. I doubt you automatically think you are better off and walk away unscratched.

 

I am a great catch. And if he can't see that then it is HIS loss.

 

Because of that attitude I have never had this situation -- where I am desperately chasing after some guy hoping he'll like me -- I've never been there.

You must be superhuman? I mean, never??

 

Do you not think that you are smart, beautiful, unique?

Yes, and that's why I think I have a shot at being with someone as smart, hot and all that as him and am trying so hard but I as I admit I still have insecurities being a girl but I guess you have none maybe that's why you can't relate to my dilema.

 

Do you not think he is LUCKY to have a shot at being with you?

Yes, and that's why I am trying so hard because I know he would be very happy and lucky to be with me but didn't realize it from how I acted on our first time together so need a second chance.

 

Do you not think that you need to look further to see if he is worth YOUR time and YOUR energy?

I wouldn't be trying this hard if I didn't think he was worth it.

 

Why are you so up in arms over this guy when you really know quite little about him?

Trust me, I know A LOT about him.

 

Truly if he fell off the face of the Earth would it have any effect on your life?!!

NO!

YES IT WOULD!!

 

So quit making him the be all end all until he shows you a lot more of a reason why he should be.

 

Let him contact you.

Like I said above, had I waited for him to have contacted me none of the recent contact would have taken place so again I know I shouldn't just wait for him to contact me, but need help on what to say when I contact him which I am figuring out on my own actually.

 

You already have reached out. Now the ball is in his court.

Chasing like this will not get you the end you so desperately seek.

We'll see, but I do appreciate your feedback even though I disagree with most of it.

[Island Girl]

It was 100% for sure at one point, but I think it's either because he wanted more pics and I didn't send more or bec I texted late,

 

First of all you shouldn't have had to send any pictures to get a date - you shouldn't have sent any to him in the first place - period.

 

But in either case if he doesn't want to see you because of either of those things then he is absolutely worthless.

 

That mean he is not worth any time or energy.

 

for some reason he has not responded to my last 2 texts. Maybe things are still perfect and our plans to see each other are still on for all he knows and he's busy now,

 

SEE???? Why don't you ever assume he's just busy or a jackass instead of getting all freaked out and panicked?

 

Because you are insecure. Because you do not believe in yourself. Because you do not see yourself as worthwhile and valuable.

 

I just don't like being in this state of uncertainty but I don't think other than some insecurity on my part that he sees me as clingy or desperate in any way...

 

Well let's hope not. Let's hope you don't send any more "love" texts or ridiculous things like that.

 

Let's hope you carry yourself with some dignity from now on and that requests for pics will be deftly handled in a COMPLETELY different way.

 

And you should not be uncertain.

 

You should be thinking, "he wants to go out with me and so he'll call or be in touch. If he doesn't then it's HIS LOSS and he is clearly an imbecile that I would have wasted time on - my VALUABLE time. So I win!!"

 

Get the idea?!!

 

It's called healthy self esteem. I do not mean to seem flippant it is just clear that you don't have much in your reserves. And I am left wondering why the hell not?!!

[Fun2BMe]

Yet you're close enough to send him photos? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I guess he must be ignoring you then, because he's salivating over the pic's you've sent.....

 

 

 

I have a really bad feeling about this guy. It was 100% upto one point, then (probably) because you didn't send any more, he hasn't responded.

This leads me to think he's talking with the contents of his pants.

 

Why talk to you, if he gets no more pictures?

 

He's not interested in words. he wants photos!

 

I bet if you sent him some more, he'd be on that 'phone like a shot.

 

Yuk.

 

Like I said - this is all screwy and completely insane.

You are not making any sense at all.

 

Well I never thought of it in that way, that sounds disturbing actually. I think I will back off for now

[Island Girl]

for example on Sunday I would wait a while before responding to his texts, sometimes up to an hour like when I was taking the pictures. I didn't want to seem desperate like that's why I was taking a while to get back and told him I was keeping him in suspense and to wait while I changed into lingerie and posed for some pictures and then hurredly uploaded them and all that to send off.

 

OH____MY____GAWD!

 

 

I'm not clear how I am doing this.

 

 

I know we are so perfect for each other

 

YOU DO NOT!

 

You do not KNOW you are perfect for each other! You do not even KNOW HIM.

 

Jimminy Christmas!

 

Come on, that could hardly be true. That would require not having feelings and being able to switch them off instantly. If a guy I dated were to turn a blind eye you would be hearing about it, I would want to know why and all that. I doubt you automatically think you are better off and walk away unscratched.

 

If I am dating a guy then he is interested. And I have never had a case of him becoming disinterested.

 

BUT if I met a guy and gave him my phone number and he didn't call -- it WOULDN"T MATTER at all what kind of a time we had when we met. I wouldn't give it more than a single thought.

I certainly wouldn't get all desperate and send love messages or try to chase him down to change his opinion of me.

I'd consider myself better off not having wasted any of my time.

 

Seriously.

 

You must be superhuman? I mean, never??

 

Nope. Never.

 

I was the on the other end of the situation every single time.

 

Yes, and that's why I think I have a shot at being with someone as smart, hot and all that as him

 

Then if he is smart - he would want to date you, right?

I mean you say you are pretty - and consider yourself smart and a "catch"? So why don't you understand that believing that you wouldn't be in this situation? Or at least as effected as you are by it...?

 

And if he doesn't want to date you then you should see that as major incompatibility and realize that there are SO MANY MORE potentials out there.

[Fun2BMe]

I'm feeling angry now and want to tell him to delete all my pictures:mad:

[Island Girl]

I'm feeling angry now and want to tell him to delete all my pictures:mad:

 

Finally.

 

Now you understand you do NOT know him so well. And that he isn't necessarily worth all of this angst.

 

Whew.

 

That was exhausting.

[norajane]

I know I could trust him

 

If you don't trust him to answer your texts, or to call you, or to trust that he's really interested in you, then you don't know that you can trust him to keep your photos confidential.

 

Leading with sex (risque photos of you in lingerie) just gets you a guy who is willing to "hit it and quit it".

[Geishawhelk]

I'm feeling angry now and want to tell him to delete all my pictures:mad:

 

Yeah, like he's going to do that....!

 

"Hey you guys, get this: Some chick I've only ever spoken to for a short while, and who texts me like a freckin' lunatic sends me loadsa horny pic's just cos I ask for them, then she asks me to delete them - WTF?? Dream on, honey!!"

 

Is probably what he's thinking.

Along those lines.