Desperate for a second chance

[Treasa]

I think you should just call him tomorrow, ditch the texting.

 

Texting is good after awhile but not the first few dates.

 

Thank God someone said it.

 

Stop with the freaking texts. Call him and ask him if he'd like to go out. If he says no, stop calling him and get over him.

[drutten]

Isn't it sad how you tried to be tactical and you now think that was a mistake. Oh, if only we could drop the tactics when we are in the throes of the most powerful feeling known to man (or woman)!

 

Anyway, I don't think you did anything wrong. You tried, he didn't feel the same, it happens. There will be others. And, believe me, he would contact you if he wanted to be with you, no matter what.

 

Isn't it strange, though, that love or infatuation or chemistry or whatever you choose to call it is so often not mutual, even though by its very nature it FEELS so mutual?

[2sunny]

here's the thing... it wasn't really a date now was it? you guys hung out a bit after a gather you both attended.

 

you never answered the question - did you have sex with him?

 

he also may have a girlfriend who was out of town for a few days... happens all the time. now she's back and he can't figure out how to see you without breaking up with her.

 

you presented it as a date - which it wasn't.

 

maybe he's a guy that doesn't want to ask you out. just hang with you when he happens to bump into you and it's convenient.

[sedgwick]

Stop texting. Wait for him to call. If he doesn't, he's not interested. Who knows why? Maybe he liked you a lot and it scared him. But it's his job to get in touch.

[Fun2BMe]

 

It sounds like he was completely open with you but you couldn't be with him. I would have just told him that I wanted to run home and shower and change and then I'd meet him at Best Buy and we could hang out.

Totally. Hindsight is 20/20 that's why I'm feeling so awful because I realize how differently I could've handled the situation.

 

In your first post you say:

 

I can't imagine that the feelings were not mutual

 

Why not? It happens. I think that's why people are saying you might be full of yourself. Like there's no way he can ever really not be interested.

You know, this is my first time posting such a topic in all the years I"ve been a member here. If I didn't think he was interested, I'd have the intuition. He was holding my hands, singing to me, I really can't describe how close and romantic we got and I feel like he is very sensitive and I messed it up. I am so not full of myself, I just can't imagine after having a connection, for it to be broken like this, especially if it's my fault for all the dumb games I played which I have acknowledged from the very beginning.

 

You say he never really saw the real you but what you did in playing games and not being honest WAS the real you. I mean it wastn't someone else.

But what I mean is it's not how I ordinarily act either. I liked him so much i started to act different to get him to like me even more and it obviously backfired.

 

I don't really recommend this but it's like some of the others said, the only way you're going to really know if he's interested is if you straight out ask him out.

That's like setting myself up for rejection. I'm trying to find a way for HIM to ask me again.

 

Personally I think he's already told you he's not interested in his own way...not responding. Not even asking you for his number but wanting you to text him first.

Well, I can't spend too much time reading into that. If he really wasn't interested he could've not given me his number, asked for mine then never called me. Or he could've given me a fake number. Or he could've just not given his number. He obviously knew that by giving it I'd be in contact with him.

 

You asked why he'd want to cook a meal for you and take you to Best Buy...I think as an easy and effortless way of getting you into bed. (Did you really not have sex with him on that first night? Hmmmm...)

 

That way, he could have had sex with you without even having to ask you out and set anything up. You'd just be right there.

I stay away from those types of men. I'm not even going to go there.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. I mean the guy couldn't even make the effort to write your number down or punch it into his phone! Sheesh.

 

Some men are like that. They don't feel the need to put in any effort at all.

 

You should really stop wasting so much energy on him.

i'm not here to try to prove that he is a good catch, which he is. I meet dozens of guys who in seconds can tell are not good material and I don't give it a second thought, but he is much different and if my posts which haven't really described him don't convey that then I can't get into it. I just want to know, how can I get HIM to ask me out again.

 

And you know what? If he were THAT interested in you, it wouldn't have mattered that you left to run errands. If he wanted to see you that badly, why didn't he ask whether he could see you later that day or made plans for another time?

I've already said many times that my actions made him NOT that interested in me, and therefore I want a second chance to make it right. If I acted the way I did with those games and he still was interested, I would probably think less of him, but I actually like that he put his foot down and doesn't like to deal with games, and it's a wake up call for me that I don't have to try to act different to get a guy to like me because things were just fine when I was being myself in the beginning.

 

Not ONE thing about his actions tells me he's truly interested.

Obviously, that's why it's so hard getting his attention to get him to see me again, because there was a time when he was interesteed, until I blew it, so I want a second chance.

 

But go ahead call him. Because if you just text him again, he can easily ignore you. Why that's not an answer enough for you is beyond me though.

As I posted above, it's better to think ahead and put something in writing in a text, than get nervous and something stupid coming out of my mouth on the phone. I want to know what to text him, to get him to want to see me again.

[Fun2BMe]

Fun, the only thing that really strikes me is the 'desperate' part. You want him to like you, and you want him to have a good impression of you, or at the very least leave having a good impression. In fact you are desperate and climbing the walls in order to make that happen.

 

Have you talked to someone about what drives that desperation to be liked and accepted? I suspect you have some BPD issues, and while there is no cure for it there are coping mechanisms that might help.

 

It's not like I"m always like that? Why is it such a big bad thing that I have fallen for a guy and want to see him again? Is it THAT THAT unusual? I really don't get all the reactions here, sorry.

[Fun2BMe]

Thank God someone said it.

 

Stop with the freaking texts. Call him and ask him if he'd like to go out. If he says no, stop calling him and get over him.

 

No way, how could I stoop so low and act like the guy and ask him out? He'd never have respect for me and would likely say no. I want to engage him in texting and get him to want to ask me out. By the way I was listening to some love songs late last night and texted him "All my love is waiting 4 you." but he never responded again:o

[norajane]

Playing games and acting coy is what got you into this situation. Time to try something different - be open, honest, and direct. Call him up and ask him out.

 

He obviously doesn't like game players and doesn't have respect for you NOW. By being honest and straight-forward and open, you might have a chance at changing his opinion of you.

[Touche]

As I posted above, it's better to think ahead and put something in writing in a text,

 

Yikes! You mean like this:"All my love is waiting 4 you."

 

Too much too soon.

 

IMO, there's nothing you can ever text him that will get him to ask you out...nothing. I mean if he didn't after that, what can you pull out of your hat now? Nada.

 

I'd just forget about this one.

 

And it's not that unusual to fall for a guy and want to see him again..although how you "fall" for someone after one night, is beyond me. But it's the desperation in continually texting him that some of us don't get. And WHAT you texted him...all your love is waiting for him? You don't even really know the guy. He's never even asked you out.

 

How do you know someone is a "good catch" after only one night anyway? Wow. I thought I was good! You've got me beat in that department!

 

Good luck Fun. Sorry but I just can't relate at all to where you're coming from with this. Not even a little bit.

[Treasa]

No way, how could I stoop so low and act like the guy and ask him out? He'd never have respect for me and would likely say no. I want to engage him in texting and get him to want to ask me out. By the way I was listening to some love songs late last night and texted him "All my love is waiting 4 you." but he never responded again:o

 

Egads. You probably scared him off. That text would cause him to lose respect!

 

If he said no if you asked him out, doesn't that show you that he doesn't want to be with you?

 

Definitely don't text him again. Seriously.

[Star Gazer]

No way, how could I stoop so low and act like the guy and ask him out? He'd never have respect for me and would likely say no. I want to engage him in texting and get him to want to ask me out. By the way I was listening to some love songs late last night and texted him "All my love is waiting 4 you." but he never responded again:o

 

WHAT? You think that he'd lose respect for you by calling him and/or asking him out, yet you thought it was okay to text him, "All my love is waiting for you"???

 

OMG.

[Touche]

Which do you think a guy would respect more..some random text from a girl he's never asked out who spent ONE night with him right after they met at a party saying "All my love is waiting 4 you"....

 

OR

 

A phone call saying this:

 

"Hey, listen (insert name) I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed our time the other night. I'm so sorry that I had to run but to be perfectly honest with you, I was kind of freaked out a little bit. We seemed to have a connection and it kind of scared me.

 

Are you up for (insert whatever you want here...coffee, lunch, dinner, etc.) on (insert day of the week.)"

 

So which do you think a guy would respect more?

[jerbear]

By the way I was listening to some love songs late last night and texted him "All my love is waiting 4 you." but he never responded again:o

I can see why he never responded! That comment would freak me out.

 

Now just make sure he doesn't respond and if he does, he won't use you for sex.

[Touche]

I can see why he never responded! That comment would freak me out.

 

Now just make sure he doesn't respond and if he does, he won't use you for sex.

 

But if I'm not mistaken he didn't even respond before this desperate message.

 

Fun I hate to say this but if you ever want to not have a guy call you again (unless it's a booty call) then you should do exactly what you've done with this guy.

 

1. Go home with him right after meeting him.

2. Take his number instead of having him get yours. (I mean it's ok to do that, I have. But he didn't even ASK you for yours.)

3. Continuously text him after you haven't heard back after the first one.

4. Kick it up a notch and practically throw yourself at him in one of the texts.

 

I mean the above is practically a RECIPE on what to do to get a guy NOT to call you back.

 

I'm serious.

[Fun2BMe]

Which do you think a guy would respect more..some random text from a girl he's never asked out who spent ONE night with him right after they met at a party saying "All my love is waiting 4 you"....

 

OR

 

A phone call saying this:

 

"Hey, listen (insert name) I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed our time the other night. I'm so sorry that I had to run but to be perfectly honest with you, I was kind of freaked out a little bit. We seemed to have a connection and it kind of scared me.

 

Are you up for (insert whatever you want here...coffee, lunch, dinner, etc.) on (insert day of the week.)"

 

So which do you think a guy would respect more?

 

Yeah thanks for giving the advice I was seeking now that it's too late. Whatever, everyone just judged me and criticized, and now everyone's telling me what I should've done and said, which is I guess too late now that I screwed it up. Whatever.

 

And like I said he had responded to my second of now 4 texts. But whatever, I guess it's irrepaiarable at this point.

[Fun2BMe]

But if I'm not mistaken he didn't even respond before this desperate message.

 

Fun I hate to say this but if you ever want to not have a guy call you again (unless it's a booty call) then you should do exactly what you've done with this guy.

 

1. Go home with him right after meeting him.

2. Take his number instead of having him get yours. (I mean it's ok to do that, I have. But he didn't even ASK you for yours.)

3. Continuously text him after you haven't heard back after the first one.

4. Kick it up a notch and practically throw yourself at him in one of the texts.

 

I mean the above is practically a RECIPE on what to do to get a guy NOT to call you back.

 

I'm serious.

 

And that's why I was asking for help, something nobody was willing to give so now you can be happy I've messed up my chances for good.

[Touche]

Yeah thanks for giving the advice I was seeking now that it's too late. Whatever, everyone just judged me and criticized, and now everyone's telling me what I should've done and said, which is I guess too late now that I screwed it up. Whatever.

 

And like I said he had responded to my second of now 4 texts. But whatever, I guess it's irrepaiarable at this point.

 

Oh sorry, next time I'll get out my crystal ball and try to get the timing right.

 

I guess it's because some of us knew it was a lost cause and you weren't going to NOT contact him again.

 

So since you were hell-bent on doing this anyway, I gave you my best suggestion.

 

But apparently, I and others, were too late. It's all our fault I guess.

[2sunny]

now watch - he'll wait 3-4 weeks and text her for a booty call at midnight. then what will she do?

[Fun2BMe]

now watch - he'll wait 3-4 weeks and text her for a booty call at midnight. then what will she do?

 

F off. I don't know why everyone's turned into mean vultures around here. Bye.

[Touche]

F off. I don't know why everyone's turned into mean vultures around here. Bye.

 

 

We're not vultures. We're trying to make you see that there's a good reason why this guy isn't calling/texting you back. And in my opinion it really has nothing to do with the fact that you told him you had to go "run errands."

 

Why didn't you just wait for him to text you back? That was where you really went wrong (I mean after spending the first night with him.)

 

You screwed up and you don't want any of us to tell you that.

 

You're mad at us because we can't come up with some magical text that will make him come back running into your arms.

 

Some of us said you should call but you shot that down.

 

So keep texting and see what you get. What else can we tell you?

[2sunny]

f off? wth?

 

talk about ungrateful after putting everyone on a roller coaster all day long - people that were willing to look out for your best interest and how NOT to get hurt... and then for you to avoid any rational advice and do your own thing - making matters worse.

:mad::rolleyes:

 

we should be the ones saying that to you!!!

[Crestfallen_KH]

One of the greatest lessons we learn in life is to know when to stop trying to run our own agenda and to just let others be. We can't control the actions of others.

 

Another great lesson is learning to deal with disappointment in a mature way and to take responsibility for our actions without blaming others.

 

I would suggest reconsidering your focus.

[Joker77]

Look....I'm going to tell you what I would do coming from a guy's perspective. If someone were to blow up my phone like that and I barely knew them, that would be it. I'll give you a little story....about ten years ago I was at a Best Buy checking out at the register. The girl at the register made some small talk with me and that was it and I left.

 

Fast forward to 6 months later. I'm at a gas station filling up when I hear someone call my name. It's this girl from Best Buy. I didn't recognize her and she remembered me. She asked if I wanted to get drinks with her and some friends. I politely turned her down since I already had plans.

 

Fast forward to a year later. I'm at a Wal-Mart and I'm running through the check out when an arm grabs me and a voice says.."you aren't getting away this time without giving me your number." It was this girl again. Me, being young and dumb at the time, gave her the number. I had to go to school that night to work on a video project. I was still living at home and while I was at school until 2 am working on this project, this nutjob called my house and woke up my parents at 1:30 in the morning demanding to know where I was at. She woke me up the next morning demanding to know where I was at. I told her never to call me again. No one wants someone who is clingy and needy right out of the gate.

 

I say this to you not to be mean, but to help you. If you think blowing up the guy's phone by texting works, by all means do it. I just don't think you'll get the result you are hoping for. Good luck.

[Touche]

And that's why I was asking for help, something nobody was willing to give so now you can be happy I've messed up my chances for good.

 

Wow, I just saw this. Missed it earlier.

 

You're something. Many gave you good advice. But you IGNORED it.

 

And I don't understand why you think the people here messed up your chances. Weren't your chances already messed up before you posted this? How did the posters mess up your chances anymore than you did?

 

And why would I be happy about it? I'm not. I feel a little sorry for you and to be honest there's some pity mixed in.

 

This is just sad.

[ktkingster]

im getting the blow off from a guy right now that i spent just the same amount of time with, AND he kissed me!

 

but the texts of "thinking of u" and "all my love is waiting 4 u"?? WEIRD. Sorry, i'm really not a judgemental person and thought his original ignoring you was very rude .. but your subsequent texts were just bizarre. who says that to someone they met once, no matter how big the spark was??? dont you know anything about guys and their fear of women like that?