Update

[D-Lish]

Sexual harassment has become a costly concern for many employers. Your experience is one very valid reason why sexual harassment has come to the forefront.

 

Well this was in the early 90's.... and there were no policies or protection to fall back on. Had this happened today- yes- this company would have a law suit on their hands!

[Alpha Female]

No boss would want to lose a good employee, even if they are replacable or want to date them.

 

And someone stops being a good employee when they demonstrate emotional instability.

 

Requesting a transfer because of an obsessive, unrequited crush is not viewed as the mark of a healthy person or someone that a company will fight to keep. Someone exhibiting these traits is viewed as a major risk, as if they can't control their personal feelings and passions in a professional environment, and it has become so overwhelming as to affect their ability to perform their job, then the perspective is to question what erratic behavior(s) will come next.

 

I agree with the other posters who have said that workplace crushes and affairs happen all the time. Of course they do. Thing is, most people handle them like adults, and don't require job transfers to cope.

[imani]

And someone stops being a good employee when they demonstrate emotional instability.

 

Requesting a transfer because of an obsessive, unrequited crush is not viewed as the mark of a healthy person or someone that a company will fight to keep. Someone exhibiting these traits is viewed as a major risk, as if they can't control their personal feelings and passions in a professional environment, and it has become so overwhelming as to affect their ability to perform their job, then the perspective is to question what erratic behavior(s) will come next.

 

I agree with the other posters who have said that workplace crushes and affairs happen all the time. Of course they do. Thing is, most people handle them like adults, and don't require job transfers to cope.

 

All very good points, Alpha. But it happens the other way as well. Companies will turn a blind eye to sexual acts employee take part in right on the job premises when in reality that is worse than just someone who has a crush on a person and wants to put distance between themselves.

 

I also agree with the statement that crushes and workplace affairs happen all the time. The part that hasn't been mentioned in this thread is that sometimes its the bosses and the management who are carrying on like this amongst themselves or lower level employees. They are suppose to know better but it doesn't mean they do better.

 

It could go either way with "Jack" and Spookie. "Jack" could be all for wanting the transfer for Spook because then he could date her. It would be a rarity, but its possible. Or it could be as you have mentioned - he & HR are handling her with care because they they may feel she's emotionally unstable. Its all still new, so we will see.

 

Spookie is really ballsy, I'll give her that. This could have been career suicide. Her work must be top notch. Plus with the putting in extra hours and coming in on the weekends at times (if I recall correctly), I'd say she's made quite an impression on them.

 

Also, thanks to all of you who are giving your HR input (both the pros and cons) for this situation. Very good insight to read.

[AlektraClementine]

Spookie's threads are always so popular.

 

That's all I'm gonna say.

[D-Lish]

I am interested to know how HR would have handled my situation years ago- if it were to happen present day.

 

I was 19 maybe- part time, making minimum wage, working for a huge real estate corporation. I answered phones evenings and weekends. I think I made 6.75$ an hour. The dude in question literally brought in close to a million bucks in profit for the company- selling 20-30 homes a month.

 

I just remember my boss sitting me down, looking me in the eye and saying "you do realize how much money he brings into the company....""

She had even witnessed his behaviour... Back then- things were different.

 

Would HR help me- or would they side with the guy that brings in the million bucks?

[shadowplay]

Im not going to continue this combative exchange with you. You clearly have some major anger management and hostility issues to resolve. I do hope you consider professional help, as going through life with so much hatred has to be exhausting and impactful on every phase of your life. No need to go through life hating the world - they have medication and therapies that can help you now. Nothing wrong with admitting you have a serious problem. Be well - I hope you seek some assistance and start to feel better!

 

What a silly response filled with the worst administrative jargon.

[Trialbyfire]

What a silly response filled with the worst administrative jargon.

She's playing power/head games but then so is CP, but not as much.

[Alpha Female]

I am interested to know how HR would have handled my situation years ago- if it were to happen present day.

 

I was 19 maybe- part time, making minimum wage, working for a huge real estate corporation. I answered phones evenings and weekends. I think I made 6.75$ an hour. The dude in question literally brought in close to a million bucks in profit for the company- selling 20-30 homes a month.

 

I just remember my boss sitting me down, looking me in the eye and saying "you do realize how much money he brings into the company....""

She had even witnessed his behaviour... Back then- things were different.

 

Would HR help me- or would they side with the guy that brings in the million bucks?

 

If it was years ago, then your bosses response was dead-on for the times. You would have had no protection, and if you pursued it, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

 

I had a friend years ago (in the late 80's) who had an affair with her boss. When his wife found out, she insisted he fire my friend. He did, and then she pursued it legally. She had letters from him, post-it notes he would leave on her desk, etc. just so much evidence that she was being discriminated only because of the affair. And she lost. Present day, same situation, her employer would have settled.

 

If your situation happened today, you would be taken very seriously, regardless if he contributed more financially to your company.

[Alpha Female]

She's playing power/head games but then so is CP, but not as much.

 

? I'm giving a HR perspective of the situation. Just because you made some ignorant comments about the profession and were called out for it, no need to attack the messaging. You just have to realize you may not know everything about everything.

 

Imani: yes, in a more unprofessional environment, I am sure this kind of thing would be glossed over. But, in true corporate cultures, she wouldn't last. The key is not be so honest with your reasons for needing to move on.

 

I'm not a psychic, and I don't know Spookie's employer. She very well may retain her new position for years to come. I am merely contributing the HR view from a corporate environment, and that is one that this situation would need to go away entirely.

[imani]

I am interested to know how HR would have handled my situation years ago- if it were to happen present day.

 

I was 19 maybe- part time, making minimum wage, working for a huge real estate corporation. I answered phones evenings and weekends. I think I made 6.75$ an hour. The dude in question literally brought in close to a million bucks in profit for the company- selling 20-30 homes a month.

 

I just remember my boss sitting me down, looking me in the eye and saying "you do realize how much money he brings into the company....""

She had even witnessed his behaviour... Back then- things were different.

 

Would HR help me- or would they side with the guy that brings in the million bucks?

 

D-lish - as much as I'd hope differently, I feel the company will follow the money because a business is about making money. Its an ethics issue. Lower level employees are expendable, from what I've seen. They usually will always back the money, which is probably why your boss made that statement to you. I don't think there's too much difference from back then to now. Unfortunately.

 

It probably would have been more trouble for you than its worth, which is what it seems like your boss was hinting at to you.

 

I don't work in HR though, so maybe they can shine more light on your question. I'm only commenting based on my experience as an employee.

[Touche]

What a silly response filled with the worst administrative jargon.

 

Guess what? That's how these types operate in real life.

 

I loved the post where someone said something about A and B. (Remember that one?) But the HR type twisted it to mean that the person was commenting on the ORDER. Uhm, no.

 

That's like me saying "Boys and girls love to play."

 

And someone else (HR type) saying, "Are you saying boys like playing more than girls do? Why didn't you say GIRLS first?"

 

"Uhm, hello? I said AND...that means BOTH..equally. Get it now?":lmao:

[Trialbyfire]

? I'm giving a HR perspective of the situation. Just because you made some ignorant comments about the profession and were called out for it, no need to attack the messaging. You just have to realize you may not know everything about everything.

I've never professed to know everything about everything. I do know what I was talking about and YOU took it out of context, preferring to focus on part of the sentence that's in textual form in front of you. I can lead a horse to water but I can't make it drink. The analogy means that I can post words but I can't make you understand them. This is your problem with focus and understanding, preferring to take it in a completely different way than expressed. Comprehension can be your friend.

[imani]

?

Imani: The key is not be so honest with your reasons for needing to move on.

 

 

True. It could have backfired if "Jack" had decided not to be mature about it.

[Touche]

Oh and as for the whole sexual harassment thing..ridiculous. In the 80's I had a boss who made a pass at me. I told him that if he EVER did that again I'd call his wife so fast it would make his head spin.

 

Problem solved.

[shadowplay]

D-lish - as much as I'd hope differently, I feel the company will follow the money because a business is about making money. Its an ethics issue. Lower level employees are expendable, from what I've seen. They usually will always back the money, which is probably why your boss made that statement to you. I don't think there's too much difference from back then to now. Unfortunately.

 

 

I wouldn't disagree with that. Don't quote me on this given my lack of business knowledge, but I kind of doubt the situation would be different today.

[Alpha Female]

I've never professed to know everything about everything. I do know what I was talking about and YOU took it out of context, preferring to focus on part of the sentence that's in textual form in front of you. I can lead a horse to water but I can't make it drink. The analogy means that I can post words but I can't make you understand them. This is your problem with focus and understanding, preferring to take it in a completely different way than expressed. Comprehension can be your friend.

 

And a little slice of humble pie could be yours, dearie.

 

You expressed something that is entirely and unilaterally inaccurate, and I corrected you on it. I took your words at face value in which you prioritized the role of HR. You were just really wrong in your assessment.

 

Just accept your error with a little grace.

[Alpha Female]

True. It could have backfired if "Jack" had decided not to be mature about it.

 

Well no, I meant that I wouldn't advise someone to be so honest in their need for a transfer. Unrequited obsession doesn't make the employee look very solid.

 

A company likes to keep mentally and professionally sound people on staff. If you start showing signs of being deficient in either area, you set yourself up for what comes next.

 

Jack did the right thing. He immediately informed HR and his boss about the situation, as he wanted to distance himself from Spookie and the ensuing fallout.

[Alpha Female]

Guess what? That's how these types operate in real life.

 

I loved the post where someone said something about A and B. (Remember that one?) But the HR type twisted it to mean that the person was commenting on the ORDER. Uhm, no.

 

That's like me saying "Boys and girls love to play."

 

And someone else (HR type) saying, "Are you saying boys like playing more than girls do? Why didn't you say GIRLS first?"

 

"Uhm, hello? I said AND...that means BOTH..equally. Get it now?":lmao:

 

 

Well, this "HR type" pointed out that the poster chose to erroneously prioritize the duties of a HR generalist by stating:

 

HR exists to mitigate company liability and to ensure that there's a reasonably healthy corporate environment for productivity sakes, in this exact order.

 

I guess you also missed the part where she ordered the responsibilities herself? I didn't twist a thing - I just reiterated the posters own wording.

[Trialbyfire]

And a little slice of humble pie could be yours, dearie.

 

You expressed something that is entirely and unilaterally inaccurate, and I corrected you on it. I took your words at face value in which you prioritized the role of HR. You were just really wrong in your assessment.

 

Just accept your error with a little grace.

Pot meet kettle!

 

You can twist and turn, talk out your arse all you like but the brass pay your wages and as far as they're concerned, you'd better be covering company arse first and foremost, or you're out of a job. The rest of your job functions exist. I don't deny that AT ALL! Some matter, some can be described as what CP mentions, pure paperwork that any trained monkey can do.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

All I can say is....I'm really glad I don't work in corporate America, because if I had to deal with all the gobbledygook that I've been reading on this thread I would kill myself.

 

Especially the jargon! Blech!

[Touche]

All I can say is....I'm really glad I don't work in corporate America, because if I had to deal with all the gobbledygook that I've been reading on this thread I would kill myself.

 

Especially the jargon! Blech!

 

OMG, I couldn't agree with you more!

 

It's repulsive to me. Even reading it here makes me recoil. There were things I loved and there were things I absolutely hated about my old job and the HR/corporate nonsense was the worst!

 

My favorite thing was placing people in jobs and making the right matches between employers/employees. And having an employee thank me for being fair with them and not judging them unfairly.

 

I loved when a client (rare but it happened) sent me a thank you card for sending them an excellent addition to their staff.

 

I miss all of that...sigh.

 

But yeah, dealing with the gobbledygoog nonsense, I don't miss.

[imani]

Spookie, if you are going to keep persuing this, I suggest you read that book called "Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - and Managing - Romance on the Job". You might find some examples to learn from in there as well.

[Alpha Female]

Pot meet kettle!

 

You can twist and turn, talk out your arse all you like but the brass pay your wages and as far as they're concerned, you'd better be covering company arse first and foremost, or you're out of a job. The rest of your job functions exist. I don't deny that AT ALL! Some matter, some can be described as what CP mentions, pure paperwork that any trained monkey can do.

 

Do you work in HR? If not, then I still find it amazing that you try to pontificate on things you don't know. Since I think you said you do some type of secretarial work from home, I can't figure out how you profess to know anything about HR.

 

Next I'm sure you'll tell the guys what it feels like to get kicked in the nuts.

[Touche]

Spookie, if you are going to keep persuing this, I suggest you read that book called "Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - and Managing - Romance on the Job". You might find some examples to learn from in there as well.

 

Imani, the title of that book is hilarious! Is there really such a book? Wow. Why didn't I think of that? I bet that author is rich!

 

Had I written a book along those lines I'd be broke and destitute by now because instead of this title below:

 

Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - and Managing - Romance on the Job"

 

Mine would probably look like this:

 

"Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - Trouble Where You Don't Need Any - And Managing The Horrible Outcome"

[BlueEyedGirl]

Alpha Female is such a sweetheart isn't she

 

Spookie I hope that you are doing OK and that this nonsense isn't getting you down...