Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Don't give up the business until after you're married. You also have to think...are your ready to give up your career to have a husband and family? Maybe not giving up your business now and forfeiting the husband/family is something you'll regret later on when it's too late. Lots of career women regret not marrying the guy and having the family later on when it's too late. Think about it while you're young enough to do so. Is the businessworld what you really want?
LavendarGirl Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Your BF sounds like a control freak. If he had such a problem with your business, he should have never gotten deeply involved with you. As a minimum, he's threatened by your independence, success, and your having friendships with other men. Or it could be that this is a controlling abuser by nature, and wants to cut you off from your financial success and support network, and things will only get worse. This business is your baby and is part of who you are. Put your foot down and tell him that the business stays. If he balks, show him the door.
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 Don't give up the business until after you're married. You also have to think...are your ready to give up your career to have a husband and family? Maybe not giving up your business now and forfeiting the husband/family is something you'll regret later on when it's too late. Lots of career women regret not marrying the guy and having the family later on when it's too late. Think about it while you're young enough to do so. Is the businessworld what you really want? No, neither of us wants kids. We're well matched that way! I would have taken up a less demanding job if I wanted children. Yes, I love my work, so in that sense, yes, it is what I want.
sugar_and_spice Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 it seems like the issues everyone is going back and forth is: give up your business,income, only source of work for a relationship Or or stay with someone who is jealous, possesive, and intimidated by you. it doesnt really seem like the fiance is willing to compromise. the only issue i see from your fiance point if view, is you two being together all day, calling each other, and going away on trips together. That wouldnt sit easy with me and im sure anyone else. People! please be realistic! LOL Do you really think a business partnership means you're always working together all the time, on the phone all the time, and going away on trips always together ? That is unrealistic!
RecordProducer Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 DNM, you got your MBA, paid for it (or earned a well-deserved scholarship); you're a smart, successful, independent, well-rounded girl... and you are considering marrying some distrustful, controlling Neanderthal who likely wants to imprison you in his home, make a few babies with you, and leave you income-less so he can mop the floor with you? He has a problem with you working with a man. Next thing, you'll get stoned for talking to a man. Drop him like a hot rock!
sugar_and_spice Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 DNM, you got your MBA, paid for it (or earned a well-deserved scholarship); you're a smart, successful, independent, well-rounded girl... and you are considering marrying some distrustful, controlling Neanderthal who likely wants to imprison you in his home, make a few babies with you, and leave you income-less so he can mop the floor with you? He has a problem with you working with a man. Next thing, you'll get stoned for talking to a man. Drop him like a hot rock! All that's true, and I don't think she should give up her business right away, etc, but I do think most men would have jealousy issues in the fiance's position.
christian6 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Has the fiance been cheated on by an ex ?
ella23 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 DNM, you got your MBA, paid for it (or earned a well-deserved scholarship); you're a smart, successful, independent, well-rounded girl... and you are considering marrying some distrustful, controlling Neanderthal who likely wants to imprison you in his home, make a few babies with you, and leave you income-less so he can mop the floor with you? He has a problem with you working with a man. Next thing, you'll get stoned for talking to a man. Drop him like a hot rock! working together? they'd have to be pretty close if they own a business together. of course, that can happen as employees, too, and if you work in a demanding role, then you spend hours in the workplace working closely with your (male and female) coworkers. But that is uncommon.
carhill Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 OP, a couple of questions: 1. Do you, your fiance and your business partner socialize together? If so, how does that go? 2. Since your business pre-dates your relationship, at what point exactly did this relationship with your business partner become an issue with your fiance? What exactly transpired at that point? Since that point, have you noted any change in your fiance's perspective? If so, what? 3. Absent this issue, do you see your fiance as good marriage material? Why? I ask this fully aware that you are engaged. Editorially, I see tones running through this thread that strike me as remarkable. I think certain posters should go read their perspectives in the "Jack and Jill" thread where the shoe is on the proverbial other foot. I heartily recommend it, in the interest of equality. I'm sure the OP in that thread would appreciate the same support our OP is enjoying here BTW, OP, I commend you on your successes. I hope they continue for you.
moonshadow Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Editorially, I see tones running through this thread that strike me as remarkable. I think certain posters should go read their perspectives in the "Jack and Jill" thread where the shoe is on the proverbial other foot. I heartily recommend it, in the interest of equality. I'm sure the OP in that thread would appreciate the same support our OP is enjoying here carhill - where is this other thread you're referring to? what forum is it in? Is the subject titled Jack & Jill?
carhill Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=173325
ella23 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Editorially, I see tones running through this thread that strike me as remarkable. I think certain posters should go read their perspectives in the "Jack and Jill" thread where the shoe is on the proverbial other foot. I heartily recommend it, in the interest of equality. I'm sure the OP in that thread would appreciate the same support our OP is enjoying here BTW, OP, I commend you on your successes. I hope they continue for you. I think, after reading both posts, that the OP here is more cautious about the platonic relationship than the OP in that thread. Maybe that is why people here are more supportive.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Good alternative perspective, Carhill. I think there are a couple of differences. First of all, that OP was already married, which does make it a different scenario. Secondly, they do not own a business together, thus they are not as entagled legally/financially. That being said, if I had responded to that thread I would most likely have been more supportive of the OP. I have a very close male friend and his wife does not allow us to see each other without her present. Even then, she has thwarted plans a the last minute. It is really distressing to me because this guy friend was the person I would go to for dating advice from a male perspective. Also, he's just kind of a deep person so I felt like we had more philosophical conversations than I have with some of my other friends. Funny thing is, we used to live together as roommates before they were married and his wife didn't really see a problem with our friendship. Now that they are married she does. If we were going to become a couple, surely that would have happened when we were sharing a hallway?
carhill Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 The common "thread" in both threads is that, overwhelmingly, the men are being attacked for their insecurities and immaturity, regardless of what side of the fence they're on. My experience is that women will inevitably rationalize whatever reasons support their emotional position. I live it every day. I'm still waiting for a woman to literally admit she's wrong about anything The situations are different. Every situation in life is different. There are no parallels. It is ordained
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I see what you are saying, and I have to agree with you. The wife in that other thread was being immature, IMO.
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 OP, a couple of questions: 1. Do you, your fiance and your business partner socialize together? If so, how does that go? Yes, we do socialise together, mostly when we are out at social events. My fiance doesn't like my business partner much. They are very different people. 2. Since your business pre-dates your relationship, at what point exactly did this relationship with your business partner become an issue with your fiance? What exactly transpired at that point? Since that point, have you noted any change in your fiance's perspective? If so, what? It has always been an issue. He wasn't pleased at all when he found out that I have a male business partner. 3. Absent this issue, do you see your fiance as good marriage material? Why? I ask this fully aware that you are engaged. Yes, he's good marriage material. He's very caring and we love each other a lot. We have similar tastes, likes and dislikes. We also agree on certain important issues, e.g. we both don't want children. BTW, OP, I commend you on your successes. I hope they continue for you. thank you!!
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I'll ask a third time: Would he give up his job or business or a friend - or anything - because you were uncomfortable?
carhill Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 OK, here is what I see... I see you, the OP, proceeding with an intimate relationship to the engagement stage, fully aware that your partner has consistently "not liked" your relationship with your business partner. It's irrelevant whether he is right or wrong. The important thing is the health of your relationship. You want to get married. You say he is great marriage material. How does your fiance feel about a prenuptial agreement? I presume your business lawyer has suggested one (or will). I would, being supportive of your perspective, engage a professional for PMC and proceed with a lawyer for working out the details of a prenup. Your fiance will need his own counsel. This is how things go. This is the reality of gender equality. I love it (seriously) I hope you enjoy all the happiness and success you deserve. You've worked hard for it. Be aware that this man (your fiance) may not be the man for you, in your life and circumstances, regardless of whether he's great marriage material or not. I hope you find your truth
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Both of you think you don't want kids now, but that will definitely change in the future. No, neither of us wants kids. We're well matched that way! I would have taken up a less demanding job if I wanted children. Yes, I love my work, so in that sense, yes, it is what I want.
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 I'll ask a third time: Would he give up his job or business or a friend - or anything - because you were uncomfortable? He said he would.
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 Both of you think you don't want kids now, but that will definitely change in the future. well, not necessarily. I know a few people who never wanted kids, still married in their 50's and 60's. In any case, he is more adamant about not having any than me.
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 He said he would. When you think back on your relationship, has he ever done that? Do you truly believe he would?
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 How does your fiance feel about a prenuptial agreement? I presume your business lawyer has suggested one (or will). I would, being supportive of your perspective, engage a professional for PMC and proceed with a lawyer for working out the details of a prenup. Your fiance will need his own counsel. Yeah, but we haven't talked about that and I don't know if I want a prenuptial agreement. What does that have to do with the issue?
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I agree with his wife. There is no reason your guy friend's wife shouldn't be present in your gettogethers, even if you're talking about your dating life. It sounds like it's all one-sided anyway, you getting advice from a guy. He's not really getting anything, he has his lovely wife. Good alternative perspective, Carhill. I think there are a couple of differences. First of all, that OP was already married, which does make it a different scenario. Secondly, they do not own a business together, thus they are not as entagled legally/financially. That being said, if I had responded to that thread I would most likely have been more supportive of the OP. I have a very close male friend and his wife does not allow us to see each other without her present. Even then, she has thwarted plans a the last minute. It is really distressing to me because this guy friend was the person I would go to for dating advice from a male perspective. Also, he's just kind of a deep person so I felt like we had more philosophical conversations than I have with some of my other friends. Funny thing is, we used to live together as roommates before they were married and his wife didn't really see a problem with our friendship. Now that they are married she does. If we were going to become a couple, surely that would have happened when we were sharing a hallway?
Author dnm Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 When you think back on your relationship, has he ever done that? Do you truly believe he would? I don't know, there has never been any need for it.
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