Problems with fiance

[dnm]

I co-own a business with a male friend, and my bf, now fiance, knew about this when we got together. He was never fully ok with the fact that I run a business with a guy.

My fiance is now telling me that I must leave my business, otherwise he won't marry me.

What do I do?

[allina]

Any man that makes this sort of threat is NOT a man you should marry.

[redfathom]

What is the business?

[Frankasy]

Well in one way I don't blame him, he's jealous. Since he's your fiance and you're planning on getting married try to explain to him that he has nothing to worry about, try to meet him with your partner etc so that he'll calm down.

[prettybaby]

Uhm, put your foot down and say NO. This is your business, that's how you make money. Will he ask you to quit another job too if you have male colleagues?

 

It's an outrageous thing to ask, and you should not give in. Unless of course you hate your business and don't mind dropping it all.

[moonshadow]

I co-own a business with a mail friend, and my bf, now fiance, knew about this when we got together. He was never fully ok with the fact that I run a business with a guy.

My fiance is now telling me that I must leave my business, otherwise he won't marry me.

What do I do?

 

I'm surprised you have to ask.

 

Do you think it's healthy and reasonable that the man you're going to marry is DICTATING TO YOU that you should sell your business because of his insecurities? Doesn't that seem just a tad bit f*cked up and controlling to you?

 

Your business is your livelihood. Do you not see how screwed up and sick it is, that he would have the nerve to demand that you do this?

 

Surely you can see that this "demand" of his is a huge red flag and all the reason in the world that you should NOT marry this man?

 

What kind of business do you own?

 

What does he suggest you do for work, if you were to sell your business? Will he then dictate that you're not allowed to work somewhere in which you'll work with males? Where will his controlling demands STOP?

[nittanylion]

I dont blame him cause of the jealousy issue. If I am in his shoe, I will tell my girlfriend/finace to do the something. This is a serious issue relating to trust in a relationship. If she does not agree with my opinion, I will just tell her to move on and find someone else. No if but or anything. This is about respecting your partner.. No respect, and trust mean no relationship can last... The last I need as a bf is worry about my gf/finance works with a male firend. I dont feel as ease cause anything or sh it can happen. You get me point????

[moonshadow]

I dont blame him cause of the jealousy issue. If I am in his shoe, I will tell my girlfriend/finace to do the something. This is a serious issue relating to trust in a relationship. If she does not agree with my opinion, I will just move on and find someone. No if but or anything. This is about respecting your partner.. No respect, and trust mean no relationship can last...

 

I take it that English isn't your native language.

 

So what you're saying is that a person has a right to make demands of their partner/fiance/fiancee - and that partner should just automatically meet those demands? - and that to do otherwise is a lack of respect?

[nittanylion]

I take it that English isn't your native language.

 

So what you're saying is that a person has a right to make demands of their partner/fiance/fiancee - and that partner should just automatically meet those demands? - and that to do otherwise is a lack of respect?

 

Yep! I am sure she can find another solution, like open her own business with finace helps out or find another job. Its not the end of the world, life goes on. To me, its about respecting your partner. If I dont get respect from my SO, what the point of staying in a relationship?

[moonshadow]

Yep! I am sure she can find another solution, like open her own business with finace helps out or find another job. Its not the end of the world, life goes on. To me, its about respecting your partner. If I dont get respect from my SO, what the point of staying in a relationship?

 

Yes Einstein, in today's economy it's just "so easy" to start up a new business. Are you for real?

 

You speak of the "respect" that the woman in this situation should have for her fiance -- but what about him showing HER respect? She had this business prior to them dating............she had this business at the time that he proposed marriage. If it was such an "issue" for him, he shouldn't have continued to date her, nor should he have proposed. It's rude and immature and controlling and twisted to NOT ACCEPT your partner as they are but instead to try and change them.

 

If anyone should leave anyone, she should leave his sorry, insecure a$$. A good man would RESPECT his partner's career/business and not ask her to give it up, all because he's a jealous controlling *********.

[nittanylion]

Yes Einstein, in today's economy it's just "so easy" to start up a new business. Are you for real?

 

You speak of the "respect" that the woman in this situation should have for her fiance -- but what about him showing HER respect? She had this business prior to them dating............she had this business at the time that he proposed marriage. If it was such an "issue" for him, he shouldn't have continued to date her, nor should he have proposed. It's rude and immature and controlling and twisted to NOT ACCEPT your partner as they are but instead to try and change them.

 

If anyone should leave anyone, she should leave his sorry, insecure a$$. A good man would RESPECT his partner's career/business and not ask her to give it up, all because he's a jealous controlling *********.

 

 

Well, I surmised you dont have a problem with your SO co-ownership a business with female gender. Now a day, any c raps can or may happen in a work enviroment (hanky panky). Shi t does happen! Wow! I wish I have a gf/finace like you who understands my situation that allowed me to work with female co-worker. lol!

 

Love relationship is not control c raps like who is controlling whom? It seems like their relationship has changed and become deeper. So now, He feel insecure even though she told him about her situation in the past. I agree with you, they should have dealt with this issue in the past. Now its becoming an big issue. However, both of them have to compromise otherwise the relationship ceases to exist.

[james123]

I doubt any guy would be okay with that.

[allina]

I doubt any guy would be okay with that.

 

What?! You don't think any guy out there is ok with his wife owning a business with a man? That's crazy! What about working with men? A BUSINESS relationship is just that, business!

[james123]

What?! You don't think any guy out there is ok with his wife owning a business with a man? That's crazy! What about working with men? A BUSINESS relationship is just that, business!

yep, I doubt any guy would feel comfortable about being with a woman who co-owns a business with another guy.

It's different from having male co-workers. They must obviously be very close to start a business together.

[allina]

yep, I doubt any guy would feel comfortable about being with a woman who co-owns a business with another guy.

It's different from having male co-workers. They must obviously be very close to start a business together.

 

That's outrageous. So if you met a woman and things got serious you'd want her to give up her business? Unbelievable.

[james123]

That's outrageous. So if you met a woman and things got serious you'd want her to give up her business? Unbelievable.

 

You'd start a business with a male friend only if you're pretty close. Never seen anyone do it. But anyway, I wouldn't get serious with someone in that situation.

[flosslight]

She should give up the business because stuff can happen at work. Affairs can happen anywhere. This is a trust issue but he should trust that you are not going to do anything with business partner. People in relationships can have sex whenever they want and with whoever they want. I personally do not want to try to monitor my partner every minute. I got to trust or I should not be in a relationships.

 

So my vote is do what you want. Is this business your dream? Yes, then the man you marry should understand.

 

Have you slept with your business partner while dating your boyfriend? Then I would agree with your boyfriend. Really depends on the circumstances.

[dashing daisy]

WHAT??

 

I cannot believe some of the responses on this thread. No, you don't have to give up your business because your boyfriend is insecure about the fact that you work with a male friend. That's ridiculous. It's ridiculous of him to give you an ultimatum like that.

 

If you really want to marry him, you need to have some open communication, and he needs to be able to trust you enough to be okay with you living your professional life. That's really his issue, but since you're in a relationship you two should probably talk about why he even said that.

[ella23]

She should give up the business because stuff can happen at work. .

 

I agree. I don't think I know any men who would be understanding in this scenario. I'd be uncomfortable if my so ran a business with some other woman.

[james123]

I agree. I don't think I know any men who would be understanding in this scenario. I'd be uncomfortable if my so ran a business with some other woman.

 

Exactly. No woman would be understanding in such a situation either.

[moonshadow]

Exactly. No woman would be understanding in such a situation either.

 

Please buddy, don't pretend to speak for all of us women.

 

If this guy is so insecure, he should have never gotten involved with her to begin with, and he should have never proposed marriage to her but with the ultimatum that she has to give up the business in order for him to marry her. That's ludicrous. Love isn't about giving ultimatums or making people give up their dreams / livelihood.

[prettybaby]

Exactly. No woman would be understanding in such a situation either.

Uhm, in what world? I would have no problem with it as long as the situation didn't look shady.

[ella23]

 

If this guy is so insecure, he should have never gotten involved with her to begin with, and he should have never proposed marriage to her but with the ultimatum that she has to give up the business in order for him to marry her. That's ludicrous.

he shouldn't have gotten involved with her, that was foolish of him. But most people, would not be okay with this in his position in any case.

[moonshadow]

he shouldn't have gotten involved with her, that was foolish of him. But most people, would not be okay with this in his position in any case.

 

There are far too many unknowns to assert that most people, in this situation, would take issue.

 

* what kind of business is it?

* how long has she and her male partner owned it?

* was she ever romantically involved with this partner? is he an "ex"?

* how long has she been with her boyfriend/now fiance?

* when her fiance gives her this ultimatum, what is his reasoning?

* is her fiance "controlling" in other aspects of the relationship?

* what's next should she marry him; he forbids her from taking "any" kind of job that would require her to work amongst males?

* what's next, she's not allowed to go grocery shopping because she might cross paths with a man at the store?

* does she have an admitted history of having cheated in past relationships?

 

There's a lot of missing info so if the OP expects to gain decent input here, she needs to explain the whole picture, what lead up to this, what's really going on, etc.

[Walk]

I owned a business with 2 other guys when I was younger. Never had an issue with anyone I dated feeling jealous or insecure. I don't believe the responses from the boys on here are representative of how most men think.

 

Tell the fiance that he has every right to leave if he is not comfortable with you owning a business with a male partner. That you wish him the best of luck in the future, and hope he finds happiness. But do not, I repeat, do not drop your business for your fiance. When you put that much time, effort, money, blood, sweat and tears into something... to have someone ask you to give it up without giving the same in return is... it's selfish. It shows that he doesn't care how you feel, that he doesn't understand you, and ultimately his needs are more important then yours.

 

Would you ask him to do the same for you if the roles were reveresed?

 

Can you set up group outings so your fiance can get to know your partner? Maybe show your fiance the dynamics of the relationship to help him feel more at ease with the situation?

 

I'd also suggest couples counseling prior to marriage. Focusing on communication, and ways to build trust.