Problems with fiance

[EYECANDY000]

you'd ask your guy to give up a business?

 

I wouldnt ask him to give up his business, but if I feel like its tearing a whole in my relationship then I would leave and he could have his business

[james123]

Almost always mean more than just friends? You're speaking for yourself, James - don't profess to be speaking on behalf of most men because that's what you're doing.

 

 

I'm certain most men would react like this.

[prettybaby]

I'm certain most men would react like this.

Then your perception of reality is twisted. Most men I know would have absolutely no problem with this.

[mrose2008]

My husband would not have a problem with this. I grew up around a bunch of boys so a large percentage of my friends are guys..Hell I have even gone hiking with one of them and my husband stayed at home..told us to have fun lol

..I am sorry this guy is extremely insecure..and you need to put your foot down with this guy

[ella23]

Ella,

 

Instead of "assuming" that the original poster and her business partner are required to "be together at all hours virtually", why don't you ask the original poster if this is the case. You're making a huge assumption that it is, and I'm not sure why. Nowadays a lot of business owners can manage business issues remotely; from home on their laptop, or via cell or blackberry. As well, you have no idea how many employees this company has and how much "after hours" work is even required.

 

And please be sure to clarify your response............to "YOU" her fiance is quite right and his behavior "TO YOU" is normal -- this is merely your opinion so why come across like you're speaking as an authoritative expert on the subject, and that you're speaking for all men?

well, if that weren't the case, the guy would not be making a big deal of this. Spending time together occasionally is one thing, spending hours and hours together regularly, come on, nobody would be fully okay with that.

[xpaperxcutx]

In comparision, this situation is similar to dating someone who's mostly friends with the opposite sex. Does it qualify someone to ask their SO to abandon their friends?

 

The main problem here is the lack of communication and trust. The bf may for whatever reason feel extremely insecure with the whole business idea, but he should be more reasonable and understanding of the OP, being that the business involved her time, effort, and money. To tell her to abandon a partnership because he said so is very selfish.

[allina]

I'm shocked at the jealousy and distrust here. I cannot believe that giving up a business is in question here! This women owns a thriving business, a business that I'm sure she's put a lot in to over the years. And this man is so insecure that he wants her to drop everything she's worked for and the thing that supplies her with income? What's his plan? Is he going to support her after she no longer owns the business? Does he want her to sell her share so they can have the money from the sale? What's next? What else is he going to become uncomfortable with? She said herself, a few times in this thread that he's POSSESSIVE. Marrying this guy is a horrid mistake. If she marries him he'll only grow more and more possessive and she'll resent giving up her business because she'll realize sooner or later what an awful mistake she made.

[dnm]

Next week I have to go out of town for a business meeting and my business partner will be coming as well. My fiance especially gets upset in such scenarios, I can understand that in a way.

I was too tired to argue, so I just told him he could join us on the trip if he's so worried!

[Cherry Blossom 35]

In this economy, to give up a thriving business because your fiance is jealous of a platonic business partner is sheer LUNACY.

 

Do you know how hard it is to find a job right now? Expect to put in many hours, many months on the job search. Oh, well, you'll be at home so that will probably make him happy.

 

I'm sure you've been an employee, at some point in your life. Isn't being your own boss the better deal?

 

Sorry, but this man is out of line. If that type of situation bothers him so much he shouldn't have continued the relationship.

[norajane]

Like I said, he's very possessive.

 

And I think he gets intimidated with the fact that I earn around the same amount as him.

This will not change, even if you sell your part of the business.

 

This will not change if you get a consulting position with a firm, and not just because consulting requires working closely with other people on projects AND going out of town with them to client sites and conferences.

 

This will not change even if you have no job, no money, no friends, and stay at home alone all day. He will then be afraid of the UPS guy, the mailman, and your neighbors.

 

He will always find something to be upset and possessive about, even more so if you make more money than him. His manhood will always feel threatened as long as there are other men out there and while his insecurities are greater than his faith that you want only him, and more so if you don't need him to support you.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

Is there a possibility of simply doing the consulting business without this guy anymore or you getting a job in consulting at another firm?

Just wondering.

I'd look into these options instead of continuing your business ownership with this guy.

Can you make it without your business partner?

Can you make it without working?

Maybe your fiance wants to be sole breadowner and you can stay home and be a SAHM, that would be awesome, it might be for the best!

 

sorry about that. It's a consultancy business. My fiance doesn't have a problem with the business,he says he doesn't want me to run a business with another guy.

And to the other poster, no, I was never in a relationship with my business partner, and I haven't cheated either.

[moonshadow]

In this economy, to give up a thriving business because your fiance is jealous of a platonic business partner is sheer LUNACY.

 

Do you know how hard it is to find a job right now? Expect to put in many hours, many months on the job search. Oh, well, you'll be at home so that will probably make him happy.

 

This is SO Very, Very TRUE! - about how ludicrous it would be to give up a thriving business in this economy (things are predicted to get a lot worse). If her fiance had as many brains as he does insecurities, he'd be thanking his lucky stars that he has a business-savvy fiance who is doing well for herself.

 

But awww, the poor baby - he's choked because she makes more money than him. Sorry but he sounds like such a big selfish baby, it's all about him........he's threatened, he's intimidated by her success......he's possessive and controlling and dishing out serious ultimatums. How could a woman respect such a man?

[dnm]

Is there a possibility of simply doing the consulting business without this guy anymore or you getting a job in consulting at another firm?

Just wondering.

I'd look into these options instead of continuing your business ownership with this guy.

Can you make it without your business partner?

Can you make it without working?

Maybe your fiance wants to be sole breadowner and you can stay home and be a SAHM, that would be awesome, it might be for the best!

I don't want to stay at home, no.

and continuing without him wrt business? well, if doing something like that was easy, I won't post here!

[moonshadow]

Is there a possibility of simply doing the consulting business without this guy anymore or you getting a job in consulting at another firm?

Just wondering.

I'd look into these options instead of continuing your business ownership with this guy.

Can you make it without your business partner?

Can you make it without working?

Maybe your fiance wants to be sole breadowner and you can stay home and be a SAHM, that would be awesome, it might be for the best!

 

Say what? She should give up something that she's but her blood, sweat and tears into building; that is, a successful business.......you're saying she should just give it all up and be a stay at home mom and how awesome it would be, it might "be for the best"? This isn't the 1950's. God I can't even believe what I'm reading here. Sure, if she wants to be a SAHM someday, due to her CHOICE, that's fine..........but they're not even married yet and already he's trying to call the shots. I can't even read this thread anymore, there's such ignorance and as a successful business woman myself, I am appalled at the attitudes............some of them here are so chauvinistic and antiquated -- without any regard whatsoever for women who work hard to have a career and do something they are passionate about.

 

What if she gives up her business and this fiance dumps her before the wedding? or they end up divorced because his controlling and possessiveness becomes so toxic that she can't fart without him trying to dictate to her?.......then where is? She's got nothing. A woman should never give up her career and the ability to support herself, not ever.

[allina]

I think that a man who would even put his fiance in this position is not marriage material.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

Is it possible to make other accommodations, like if you have to go to out of town business meetings with this male partner, could you drive separately and let your fiance know you're doing this?

No business "lunches," etc.?

if you're that good at this business, you should be desired in the marketplace, too, and should be able to get a job paying the same as your business is.

If you're that dependent on this business partner to make the business work, you have to analyze your own success in the business consulting world. You should be able to make it without him if you actually know what you're doing, and not just an accessory to this business partner.

[norajane]

I don't want to stay at home, no.

and continuing without him wrt business? well, if doing something like that was easy, I won't post here!

 

Would he give up his job or business or a friend - or anything - because you were uncomfortable?

[dnm]

Is it possible to make other accommodations, like if you have to go to out of town business meetings with this male partner, could you drive separately and let your fiance know you're doing this?

No business "lunches," etc.?

if you're that good at this business, you should be desired in the marketplace, too, and should be able to get a job paying the same as your business is.

If you're that dependent on this business partner to make the business work, you have to analyze your own success in the business consulting world. You should be able to make it without him if you actually know what you're doing, and not just an accessory to this business partner.

 

When you've set up a company together, and it's doing well, it's kind of stupid to just give it up. Do you realise there are so many hassles involved in what you are suggesting? It's not about just walking off, and you get a job elsewhere. In any case, I started a business because that is what I want to do; had I wanted a job in another firm, I would never have quit my previous job anyway.

And no, I'm not an 'accessory' to him.But what you are suggesting is hardly as simple as you think.

 

edit: yes, I mostly do things the way that would least upset my fiance.

[EYECANDY000]

it seems like the issues everyone is going back and forth is:

 

give up your business,income, only source of work for a relationship

 

Or

 

or stay with someone who is jealous, possesive, and intimidated by you.

 

it doesnt really seem like the fiance is willing to compromise. the only issue i see from your fiance point if view, is you two being together all day, calling each other, and going away on trips together. That wouldnt sit easy with me and im sure anyone else. People! please be realistic!

[dnm]

it seems like the issues everyone is going back and forth is:

 

give up your business,income, only source of work for a relationship

 

Or

 

or stay with someone who is jealous, possesive, and intimidated by you.

 

it doesnt really seem like the fiance is willing to compromise. the only issue i see from your fiance point if view, is you two being together all day, calling each other, and going away on trips together. That wouldnt sit easy with me and im sure anyone else. People! please be realistic!

No, there are other people working with us too.

It's not always this guy and me!

We don't always travel together either, but sometimes have to.

And when it's not at work, at other places where my business partner is with me, my fiance is with me often.

 

Basically, we do spend a lot of time at work together, but we're not always alone with each other always or anything like that, or even doing work with each other all the time!

[sugar_and_spice]

No, there are other people working with us too.

It's not always this guy and me!

We don't always travel together either, but sometimes have to.

And when it's not at work, at other places where my business partner is with me, my fiance is with me often.

 

Basically, we do spend a lot of time at work together, but we're not always alone with each other always or anything like that, or even doing work with each other all the time!

 

Maybe you should communicate with your fiance a lot during the day?

he'll get less suspicious or jealous that way.

[Tomcat33]

Is it possible to make other accommodations, like if you have to go to out of town business meetings with this male partner, could you drive separately and let your fiance know you're doing this?

No business "lunches," etc.?

if you're that good at this business, you should be desired in the marketplace, too, and should be able to get a job paying the same as your business is.

If you're that dependent on this business partner to make the business work, you have to analyze your own success in the business consulting world. You should be able to make it without him if you actually know what you're doing, and not just an accessory to this business partner.

 

these suggestions are simply ridiculous. Do you realise most people who start their own business do so because they don't want to have to work for someone else? Why in the world would someone give up a thriving busines to go work for someone else!?!? Cut out business lunches? What next webcams in the office 24/7 so that the fiance can keep tabs on what those two are doing. RIDICULOUS

And who cares what precentage of either one is which in terms of contribution to the business that is why you get a parenter so that they can bring to the table what you can't. you don't measure in terms of percentages as long as both partners are happy with the overall workings of the business and contributions. Seems the only one complaining here is the fiance.

 

She said she is doing her part to always keep it professional and not spend alone time with him so what more can she do?

 

I cannot believe the amount of people suggesting this woman alter her entire life to accomodate the childish insecurities of this man.

 

OP: first of all did you already have this partner in the business before you met your boyfriend or at least in the early stages? It makes a big difference if he came into the picture after the relationship was formed that would be somewhat alarming to know your partner is hitting it off with a new person making all these plans with a new person of the opposite sex. But this business has been established for a while you'd think she could have had something with him in the past if she really wanted to why get jealous and insecure now?

 

The fiance in this scenario sounds like he is not only insecure but also jealous of her success. I would NEVER marry a man so childish and self absorbed. In my experience the types of men that are really jealous and insecure are the ones who have low morals themselves and who would trade you in and throw you under a bus at the batting of an eyelash if the roles were reversed. They project their own lack of ability to seperate a friendship or business rel. from a sexual hook up.

 

As Cherry said (I think it was Cherry) invite him to walk if he must, do not compromise what you have worked hard to achieve EVEN if the economy were in tip top shape communication and trust in your relationship is obviously severly lacking and this is the real issue here not the fact that you share a business with a man he doesn't like.

 

If I were you I would suggest open communication and laying out of all insecurities and how you can work on them together to set some comfort lines but without having to give up your business make clear to him that is not an option.

 

 

People share work with people our partners won't like all the time, so be it that is life. As long as you are not doing anything to make him feel insecure it is his issue not yours.

[norajane]

I'll ask again: Would he give up his job or business or a friend - or anything - because you were uncomfortable?

 

 

TC, she's had this business partnership for 6 years, while her relationship with her bf is only 2 years.

[orangehose]

Well, the answer here is crystal clear: of COURSE you should give up your successful business. It doesn't matter if you were on the verge of making the Forbes 500 or going public and selling a gazillion shares. What's giving up amazing personal achievement in the service of satisfying an insecure partner?

 

Yep, you should give the business. You'll feel SO much better about yourself, and you'll look at your fiance and THANK him every day for insisting that you make this choice.

 

And if the marriage should fail down the road (because we know more than 50% of marriages do), you'll still look back and know you made the RIGHT decision.

 

Yep, the choice is clear.

[CommitmentPhobe]

If he can get you to give this up he can get you to give up anything.

 

You have no choice but to say no to him, not least because if you agree to it at some point you'll resent him for it anyway.