JamesM Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 If he used/uses prostitutes, then there is a much bigger problem than porn. I would think with all that has happened, this would be the final straw. BUT....a link does not mean he has used them or that he planned on it. He could have simply liked the pictures...seriously. Confront him and see what his reaction is. This is important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 I will as soon as he gets home, he supposedly went out for drinks with a "friend" he doesn't have any! anyways, this is for sure a deal breaker if I even get the slightest hint that he used or is using escorts. He is incredibly hard to read, I know he'll just sit there with his blank look on his face, but if I'm lucky he'll be a bit drunk and talk to me. I don't know when or how I fell for this guy... why I'm still with him? THAT is the real issue here! hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 so he came home we chatted a bit and then very swetly i asked him "babe when you go to prostitutes do you use a condom?" He was stunned and answered "yes, obviously", i was like ok, and continued doing my things, he came up to me and said he didn't g to prostitutes and why woujld i ask such a question. told him i was just wondering if he did and he had said yes. he denied it again, but if he did he would use a condom. I can't tell if he's lying or not, or did accept and then denied... i didn't feel a punch in my belly so maybe he doesn't? I'll try to dig in deeper, this is serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 Oooops! Got it out of him, he admitted to having gone to prostitutes in the past, it was all very calm, I just tld him that now there was no way we could try and fix things, this is too much for me and I'm leaving. He just said "I don't know why you want to leave" and continued watching tv. He does look upset. I'm still very calm, I guess it hasn't sunk in yet or I was expecting it. Thank you all for your support and input, it's time for me to stop focusing on him and start getting my life back together. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 So during the time you have been with him, he has visited prostitutes? Was it during the time you lived together? Sadly, I agree with you. If he is visiting hookers this early into the relationship and never wanting sex with you, then it is time for you to move on. As heartbreaking as it is going to be, from my angle, I don't see your life with him becoming any better. Sorry for the pain you are going through. Maybe by finding this out, you can know for certain that it is not you nor your attractiveness to men that is the problem...it is simply him. Keep us updated, and we are here for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 Thanks James! I went and got tested for HIV today, I asked him when his last contact with a prostitute was and he says it has been 2 years. Wether or not that's true is not really the issue I want nothing to do with him anymore. I do know now it's not me, he has a problem. He didn't even care last night he kept watching tv and then fell asleep. I hope I'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 If it was two years ago, what was his purpose of checking out escort sites? Future visits? Who knows. I think you will do just fine and move beyond this. Link to post Share on other sites
Haner Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 While all guys might watch porn, they definitely do it to different degrees and circumstances. When I'm with my girlfriend, I never watch or even think about porn. Even if we go through a few days without sex. And it's not because I feel guilty about it or am worried about my privacy. Instead, porn simply just becomes as appealing as a dead rat when I'm with my girlfriend. Porn is purely a masturbatory aid for when I'm physically away from my girlfriend for a long time (months). From the sound of your posts, your boyfriend is addicted and is letting porn and sexual escapades (escort services) be placed above a real relationship. That's not normal. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Sounds like he definitely has sex issues. It's entirely possible that link is an old link... could have been there from a really long time ago. Still, his apathy would concern me more than anything. He honestly just sounds kind of listless and boring, and from your posts you sound energetic and creative. You were probably selling yourself short with this guy. I do it myself all the time. You may want to consider if you yourself have any self-esteem issues... aiming to low in relationships will cause dissatisfaction in the long run almost every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I have moved out. I'm so sad, we were together last night holding eachother and crying, he was crying so bad and he has never ever been emotional in any way in front of me, or anybody for all I know. He was so sad too, he kept saying he was going to get better so we coud be together cause he doesn't want me to cry anymore, he wants me to be happy. He says he'll go to therapy and get better so I can come back. I know he really wishes he could get better, but I really doubt he will be able to. But now at least he has acknowledged he has a problem. I didn't nag him nor blame him. Just appologized for not being able to understand him before and told him I wasn't mad at him and that I would always be there for him, cause I will. He is all alone, at least I have really good friends who support and love me, he doesn't have any friends. And hopefully he will take care of himself and learn to love himself, not for me, but for him. My test results came back negative so I'm ok. From now on things will only get better I can feel it! Thanks so much for your support, you guys are so helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I don't really have a problem with porn, I like it, I enjoy watching it every now and then, and I have many many times suggested we watch some together to spice things up, he is not very sexual towards me so i've jokingly said either he likes some real kinky stuff or he's assexual. he denied btoh. he said he didn't like porn and suprise surprise found a lot on his computer! a lot! not hardcore, or anything just a lot of videos and pics. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I don't even want to confront him, but it does bother me that he hides things from me. any suggestions? He is allowed to keep porn. Stop being so bloody controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 He is allowed to keep porn. Stop being so bloody controlling. You were obviously bored when you read this , but please read the whole thread. It is not about some porn and a woman who is controlling. It is about a guy who visits prostitutes and spends oodles of time with his porn and ignores his girlfriend. This would be called cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Send him over to smartrecovery.org. In my lifetime, I've been addicted to everything that feels good, and some things that don't. Nobody has to live their whole life that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Matteo Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 yea porn is no big deal in my household. my girlfriends would never do the stuff girls do in the videos so might as well watch it online. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 well it's been almost 3 weeks since I left him. we're not talking even though we see each other at work everyday, keep seeing him on that street... I think he's trying to get my attention, he has no business going there. I t worked at first, now I just side on the other side of the bus. He hasn't gone to therapy nor has he quit his pot or porn, he takes his laptop from work everyday, as if he actually worked! I'm happy and having a lot of fun with my friends, now I actually have enough to go out and party, go out to dinner, shopping, the gym, councelling ...my budget is still tight but now I'm spending my money on me. The thing is, and this is really really stupid, but I wish he would want to get back together with me, I think this is just an ego thing, lame I know, but can't help it. any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
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