Feeling Stuck

[kizik]

The following post is so good, and so applicable to such a large number of different situations, that it deserves to be its own thread. Brilliance follows.

 

 

 

YOU NEED TO STOP CONTACT. She does NOT want to talk. She does NOT want you. She's made it very clear and you are in no emotional state to talk to her as a normal person. Your motives right now are to get her back. Getting her back will not fix what's broken. It's not going to workout, you two will breakup over the same reason. YOU ARE DATING SOMEBODY NEW.

 

Come on man. Where did your logic go?

 

Your birthday is in 10 days? So what? You're waiting for contact? Are you building her contact into a monumental occasion? You are playing a game with NO ONE. You are convincing yourself, deep down she wants you as badly as you want her. You've got a big case of denial. I know every little detail and feeling you are going through. I went through it. Stick with NC and regain yourself. Yes, I know you're human, but don't give yourself excuses to wait and play the victim.

 

As painful as it is. LET GO, if she really loves and wants to be with you, she may come back and show you that. Don't wait for her. Stop torturing yourself.

 

Seriously man, I'm about to give you a freaking lecture. YOU NEED TO HEAL. SHE DON'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED BY HER. The new girl is a distraction from what you really want. That's unfair and selfish. Grow a pair stoney. In all honesty, you'll make it through this and get better. If and only if you want to get better. You're being dragged down because you won't let go.

 

She is keeping contact to be civil. You are keeping contact because you're hoping communication in some twisted way will bring her back. It won't. Don't do this to yourself. Don't go through the pain for her. NOBODY is ever worth that. Don't you dare put your life on hold for somebody who doesn't want you.

 

READ WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE AND PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH. Man, I had high hopes for you and still do. I'm 2 months NC. I kept with it and kept at it because of you. Don't be weak. Girls don't want a ****ing doormat, they want somebody they know can live on without them. Somebody that is confident and not needy. You've got to realize she isn't in the tango anymore. You're dancing alone. The sooner you come to your senses, the sooner you can HEAL.

 

You got a new girl now. Be happy with you got or crash and burn trying to get somebody to love you. Also, DO NOT LET SOMEBODY INFLUENCE YOUR ACTIONS. I already told you how dating when you're not ready is going to blow up in your face. Your family says to get out there and date somebody new, find somebody new, replace your ex. Quite frankly, you haven't healed properly to allow somebody into your heart.

 

You're asking for another heart break, this girl is going to eventually figure out that you don't love her because you still have your heart set on your ex. That's selfish man. I really do think you need to figure out what you want. Go for it and have no regrets. Obviously, do not contact your ex or do anything. She will spring the other way once you have started the chase.

 

WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT YOU'RE DATING. ARE YOU DATING TO GET HER JEALOUS? Why are you so worried about what she thinks. She doesn't care that she broke your heart. Stop having such low self worth. You deserve better and you know it. If you want to go get your heart broken again, so be it. Don't say I didn't try to stop you man. I've been down the road you want to take and it's not a pretty one. It's filled with darkness and self defeating mentality. You will only torture yourself and nobody can or will save you until you decide, enough is enough.

 

2 months NC and I'm starting to realize I might love her, but I don't have to be with somebody like that. I believe that things happen for a reason and this is a learning experience. Grateful for the good and bad. Love doesn't complete you. Work on yourself stoney. Once you have your life together, everything will fall into place. BELIEVE IT.

 

We're all routing for a better stoney. Feel better, DO BETTER, BE BETTER. Never place your happiness in somebody else's hands, you will always be disappointed.

[kizik]

I love, love, love this post. So I have broken it down into:

Eight Breakup Truisms by pushforward

 

1.

 

Getting her back will not fix what's broken. It's not going to workout, you two will breakup over the same reason.

 

2.

 

SHE DON'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED BY HER. ... In all honesty, you'll make it through this and get better. If and only if you want to get better. You're being dragged down because you won't let go.

 

3.

 

Don't go through the pain for her. NOBODY is ever worth that. Don't you dare put your life on hold for somebody who doesn't want you.

 

4.

 

Girls don't want a ****ing doormat, they want somebody they know can live on without them. Somebody that is confident and not needy.

 

5.

 

I've been down the road you want to take and it's not a pretty one. It's filled with darkness and self defeating mentality.

 

6.

 

I believe that things happen for a reason and this is a learning experience. Grateful for the good and bad.

 

7.

 

Love doesn't complete you.

 

8.

 

Never place your happiness in somebody else's hands, you will always be disappointed.

[stoneymirror]

Thanks again pushforward, glad u an i found each other on this forum. its nice havin someone whos going through the exact thing i am, and basically at the same stages.

 

so i'm over it for now, hopefully i don't fall off the horse again. who knows what will happen, but if history tells me anything she'll try contacting me some time. i'm done trying to be the nice guy and goin out on a limb to see how she's doing. and to be quite honest i was thinkin today about how nice it is having this break from her considering how demanding she was in the relationship. i totally bent over backwards for her so much that i lost sight of makin myself happy. and part of me thinks how happy i am now that i get to live my life doin the things i like doing.

 

this new girl i've met is so open and honest w me, and actually enjoys the same things as i do. i have to forget about this ex so i can start lovin her. its only been like 4 wks and only once has the ex actually distracted me. besides that one time, which btw the new girl did pick up on, i haven't thought about the ex once while w her.

 

for the sake of my new girl i'm puttin the wx to rest once and for all. i'm not gonna let the ex ruin my life anymore.

 

thanks again guys, especially pushforward who's been there to kick me in the balls when i needed it most.

[EmperorR]

Thanks again pushforward, glad u an i found each other on this forum. its nice havin someone whos going through the exact thing i am, and basically at the same stages.

 

so i'm over it for now, hopefully i don't fall off the horse again. who knows what will happen, but if history tells me anything she'll try contacting me some time. i'm done trying to be the nice guy and goin out on a limb to see how she's doing. and to be quite honest i was thinkin today about how nice it is having this break from her considering how demanding she was in the relationship. i totally bent over backwards for her so much that i lost sight of makin myself happy. and part of me thinks how happy i am now that i get to live my life doin the things i like doing.

 

this new girl i've met is so open and honest w me, and actually enjoys the same things as i do. i have to forget about this ex so i can start lovin her. its only been like 4 wks and only once has the ex actually distracted me. besides that one time, which btw the new girl did pick up on, i haven't thought about the ex once while w her.

 

for the sake of my new girl i'm puttin the wx to rest once and for all. i'm not gonna let the ex ruin my life anymore.

 

thanks again guys, especially pushforward who's been there to kick me in the balls when i needed it most.

 

claps hands

 

im in the same boat as you, starting to go with someone new but still pondering about the ex, but no way will i allow my ex to have any more control over me anymore.

[stoneymirror]

claps hands

 

im in the same boat as you, starting to go with someone new but still pondering about the ex, but no way will i allow my ex to have any more control over me anymore.

 

No sense in letting the ex ruin your future. Glad to hear you're also out dating Emperor. Makes you forget about the ex pretty quickly huh? Unfortunately my head is spinning now, besides the one girl that I've been getting serious with, there's a few others that have been calling me. I'll tell you it's nice having so many options.