Feeling Stuck

[stoneymirror]

Well i retract my last post... she did txt back sayn merry xmas. don't know what that means, but at least shes being polite, which makes me happy. regardless, i still don't know how much effort i should b putting into this. i want to let go completely but again this was the woman i wanted to spend my life with. at least my family will keep me occupied for the next few days. thanks again surfer dude for your insight.

[saturnfell]

Listen to LiveandLearns advice. I had a post on here, and no one was responding. What LiveandLearn is exactly true.

 

There's nothing wrong with feeling. Sometimes we deny ourselves feelings because we think it will be easier, but it ends up harder later. No matter how far you run from feelings, they will follow you. If you conceal your feelings and don't get over them, you will always have them. One thing I will say, if you're in another relationship and your mind is somewhere else, you should take some time away from your present girlfriend.

[stoneymirror]

I know i shouldn't be dating anyone when i still have feelings for the ex, but i was left in such a way that i didn't really have any choice in reconciling. she basically asked me not to call or contact her so i didn't. after a month or so i was basically forced to get out there by both my friends and family. so i did. i met someone i really like. but i am still thinkin of the ex and as much as i'd want to put it behind me i can't. my life felt like it fell out from under me. at least i've been upfront and honest w the new girl and she's okay with how things are right now. she just wants the best for me and understands what i,m going through. well i would love it if the ex calles and talked w me. we've been through so much and i still love her obviously even after hurting me.

 

i can see why the ex ended things and its allowed me to realize i need to change some things to make things workout w whomever i end up being with. its not until u loose something when u realize what u really had.

 

i'm still longing for the ex's love. she made me feel like no one else. and really was able to make me feel so special. she knew exactly what i needed and always gave it to me.

 

anyhow i'm takin one day at a time. whatever happens it'll be for the best. just gotta let God do his thing and try and let go a bit and remain confident that he'll take care of me

[EmperorR]

Im in the same boat stoney, talking to a new girl, so much in common with her, she seems great. But my cheating ex is still on my mind I know I won't ever take her back if she comes back, but I won't use this new girl either. I like this new girl alot so f it, am I ready to date I don't know, but if I'm not I'll break it off early.

 

I guess the scary sad pathetic part for me, is that my ex cheated on me and a part of me wonders what if she comes back. I know if i'm dating this new girl then that would be it, no turning back and that it will really hit me it's over it's done.

 

I know I'll always love my ex, but not the person she is now, the sweet nice actress that existed but died, the same way I'll love my grandparents who died always, there not coming back, but it's still there.

[alwayssme]

Im in the same boat stoney, talking to a new girl, so much in common with her, she seems great. But my cheating ex is still on my mind I know I won't ever take her back if she comes back, but I won't use this new girl either. I like this new girl alot so f it, am I ready to date I don't know, but if I'm not I'll break it off early.

 

I guess the scary sad pathetic part for me, is that my ex cheated on me and a part of me wonders what if she comes back. I know if i'm dating this new girl then that would be it, no turning back and that it will really hit me it's over it's done.

 

I know I'll always love my ex, but not the person she is now, the sweet nice actress that existed but died, the same way I'll love my grandparents who died always, there not coming back, but it's still there.

 

that's exactly how I feel...And I'm amazed at how you're able to hold NC!

[mmk1]

SM, sadly, that is really all you can expect from your ex and it will only hold you back if you wait on that to develop into your old relationship. I have been going back and forth with my ex for the last four months, even talking alot and getting together.

 

Truth is, she just wants to be friends and talk about how great her new man is, which I have absolutely no interest in since i'd like to get back together. In other words, the most she wants is all the benefits of my friendship without any of the emotional responsiblity towards me or the intimacy I want.

 

I'm saying this to tell you that is the most you are likely to get and you won't be happy with that as I am not. After two months, you need to accept it is over, give the new girl a chance and enjoy your life! You can do it!

[stoneymirror]

thanks again guys, I don't know what to do or if I should do anything now. I definately don't want to hear about any new guy she might have met. That would be awful. But I have no idea what's going on with her. I really have no clue. I'm guessing she hasn't met anyone. This was her first long term relationship and I really can't see that. God I am so confused right now. All she said in the txt was merry xmas, and didn't answer my question of how she was, and I'd like to talk some time. I think if she moved on, she probably wouldn't have even txt'd me back. Which would send a clearer msg. Anyhow this girl has always been reluctant to come out and admit she's wrong, and on top of that last yr when she broke up with me out of frustration like she did this time, she didn't come directly to me to get back, rather she did it by hanging out with my best friends gfs.

 

I really do want to let go, but it just doesn't feel right. I haven't been in this position for so long. I wanted to spend my life with this girl, and one day it was over. I don't even know what my next step should be. Should I write her a letter, I don't know. I want her to know how I really feel. Ahhh how frustrating. I wish things were so different right now.

[stoneymirror]

I was thinkin i might txt her again and tell her i'm still confused and want to know if your 100% sure its over between us.

 

i really want some closure

[roghornio]

I was thinkin i might txt her again and tell her i'm still confused and want to know if your 100% sure its over between us.

 

i really want some closure

 

Just so she can tell you it is over and you get all hurt again.

 

Don't do it. Trust me, if she wants to be with you she would let you know - no matter how stubborn she is.

[pushforward]

I was thinkin i might txt her again and tell her i'm still confused and want to know if your 100% sure its over between us.

 

i really want some closure

 

Stoney, it is 100% over. You're in denial right now. She's long gone and you have to accept it. She didn't answer the first time, what makes you think she is obligated to answer you the second time?

 

She obviously doesn't care or she would have replied. Respect her wishes and respect yourself most importantly. You're only going to end up getting hurt and you need more motivation to stick with NC. This is the reason why they preach NC on these boards. A simple text with no response is hurting you. Do you understand that all these wounds are now self inflicted? You're destroying yourself and your ego by contacting her.

 

I know how horrible this feeling is, I'm still going through it myself. In your best interest, cut contact and assume she is gone forever. I don't care if she sends you smoke signals. You do not contact her unless she makes it clear she wants you back. Anything else is meaningless. You need to put yourself first now.

 

My recommendation is to ease off the dating scene. You are confused and using her as a rebound. You will do more harm to yourself if you are crying over two girls instead of one. It's unfair to the new girl and unfair to yourself. You really need time to heal and get your back to yourself. This girl may really care for you, but you don't really care for her in the way she wants to be. That's pretty selfish.

 

I'm not here to rub anything in your face, but there are certain pains and emotions you can avoid. You gotta learn how to love yourself, being alone and once you're healed, pursue dating again. As in your current state, you are a big mess. Contacting your ex while you're with a new girl, do you understand that if this new girl tolerates this type of behavior, she is your doormat and you're your ex's doormat. See the vicious cycle here?

 

You have to be the strong one and break the chain. Put you first. Don't make somebody an option when they don't make you a priority. Don't repeat my mistake. You will burn, and burn badly.

[stoneymirror]

she did answer the first time, that's why I'm still thinking about it. but you're right, I have to move on. Maybe this is just my healing process i don't know. i just hate thinking that a 2 yr relationship ended this badly, without any real closure. It's like I worked super hard throughout this whole relationship and I was dropped like a bad habit. I still can't believe I was treated like this. Was it out of spite, or is she really this awful of a person. I hate life sometimes.

[stoneymirror]

screw it, she isn't worth my time anymore. , she dumped me in the most heartless way. I don't even know why I want to talk to her. I just hope I don't think about her in the next month. I'm so sick of it. I wanna barf just thinkin about the position she put me in. So selfish and disrespectful.

[stoneymirror]

Well someday she's gonna look back and realize what a jerk she really was. no one is going to treat her as good as i did. probably will be too late by then. its crazy how people disappoint you. oh well i'm realizin more and more she isn't the sort of person i could ever see myself with. actions speak louder than words and its obvious she only cares about herself. i hope i never meet someone like her again in my life. oh well someday its gonna come back to her, i just feel sorry for the next guy who's gonna fall for her bullcrap.

 

at this time i'm still pissed as hell at her, i can't believe part of me still loves her and wants to be w her. I'm deleting her phone number now

[pushforward]

Unfortunately, she isn't obligated to give your closure. She is simply putting herself before you. She has her reasons obviously, but that shouldn't bug you anymore. The end result is, she left. Even though you poured your heart and soul into this relationship.

 

Don't worry about her future too much. You have to realize the truth about this whole situation. You love her, she doesn't love you back in the way you want. She left and you got the short end of the stick. You don't have to wish her bad or any ill intentions. That's not what you really want for her? Right?

 

Don't let the bitterness consume you. Just work on yourself and be on your merry way. She will never find somebody like you and you will never find somebody like her. What you two shared was special, now it's just a distant memory. You'll find somebody more compatible with you and who won't just throw you away. Know that you'll be okay and just focus on YOU. Don't lose yourself, don't let this faze you. This is only a stepping stone to your better future.

[EmperorR]

Well someday she's gonna look back and realize what a jerk she really was. no one is going to treat her as good as i did. probably will be too late by then. its crazy how people disappoint you. oh well i'm realizin more and more she isn't the sort of person i could ever see myself with. actions speak louder than words and its obvious she only cares about herself. i hope i never meet someone like her again in my life. oh well someday its gonna come back to her, i just feel sorry for the next guy who's gonna fall for her bullcrap.

 

at this time i'm still pissed as hell at her, i can't believe part of me still loves her and wants to be w her. I'm deleting her phone number now

 

 

yep and by then you won't want her, its a cycle, even if she's with someone new now she's in teh honeymoon stage where everything is good no fighting with old stony, but when times go bad she will remember but again by then you'll be over her.

[stoneymirror]

thanks guys for keeping tabs on me today. I'm not wishing her any harm or bad future, I just know when I did something like this about 5 yrs ago, I still regret it today. I threw away a relationship like it was yesterday's trash and I still think it was a mistake. I wish I wouldn't have been that stupid but I've since learned. I've even tried being friends with this girl I dumped almost 5 yrs ago and she won't even reply to me. I think I'm always going to have bad feelings with my current ex, and probably won't ever truly forgive her actions towards me. Guess things happen for a reason and as hard as it is to accept that I've been dumped I have to accept it, there's no other choice. I think this is the last leg of my coping stage. I'm already dating another girl that I realy like, I just felt there were cob webs left from the last relationship. I have gone out of my way to express some interest in the ex, and she hasn't really tried taking that any further. She probably already knows I'm dating someone else, and maybe she's saving herself from getting hurt more, I don't know. In either case it's been 2 months, if she wanted me back like you guys said, she'd really make some sort of effort. Oh well, the only constant in life is change, I have to accept it for what it is and move on. Thanks again guys, yuou are awesome

[pushforward]

thanks guys for keeping tabs on me today. I'm not wishing her any harm or bad future, I just know when I did something like this about 5 yrs ago, I still regret it today. I threw away a relationship like it was yesterday's trash and I still think it was a mistake. I wish I wouldn't have been that stupid but I've since learned. I've even tried being friends with this girl I dumped almost 5 yrs ago and she won't even reply to me. I think I'm always going to have bad feelings with my current ex, and probably won't ever truly forgive her actions towards me. Guess things happen for a reason and as hard as it is to accept that I've been dumped I have to accept it, there's no other choice. I think this is the last leg of my coping stage. I'm already dating another girl that I realy like, I just felt there were cob webs left from the last relationship. I have gone out of my way to express some interest in the ex, and she hasn't really tried taking that any further. She probably already knows I'm dating someone else, and maybe she's saving herself from getting hurt more, I don't know. In either case it's been 2 months, if she wanted me back like you guys said, she'd really make some sort of effort. Oh well, the only constant in life is change, I have to accept it for what it is and move on. Thanks again guys, yuou are awesome

 

 

Why did your relationship end 5 years ago? Did she ever try getting back to you? You have experienced both sides, maybe you should try looking at your contact as if you were the dumper. Would that disgust you or show neediness? If you didn't want to be someone and all they did was contact you and show weakness, what would that show?

[stoneymirror]

Why did your relationship end 5 years ago? Did she ever try getting back to you? You have experienced both sides, maybe you should try looking at your contact as if you were the dumper. Would that disgust you or show neediness? If you didn't want to be someone and all they did was contact you and show weakness, what would that show?

 

Well the relationship 5 yrs ago or whatever ended cause I had too much to deal with in college, I was going for 2 really tough degrees and just didn't have the time to be in a serious relationship. Plus I took some advice from one of my sister in laws where she suggested I not be serious at that stage of my life. So I dumped her out of the blue. It was a stupid and selfish thing to do. So she did try and contact me but only a few times. regardless I wasn't very responsive, and in turn she went out with a few of my college friends and hooked up with them in spite of me. Total revenge really. And after all that I still wanted to get back with her, but she never allowed me back in, I broke her trust and still to this day she's hardly responsive to me at all. I messed up big time with that one, cause it was an awesome relationship, I fought with her maybe two times in the one year we were together. Live and learn.

 

Regardless this current ex of mine isn't really showing me that she wants me back or anything, maybe she was just being nice by txting me back, I don't know. I would love to talk to her, and obviously hear she wants to try again, but anything else would probably make me really sad again. I don't want to be rejected again, and that's probably why I've only txted her twice since the breakup. No other contact beyond that. Part of me thinks we're both just too scared to make any moves cause we're both probably scared of getting hurt by each other again. Guess time will tell I think someday whether that's a month or 5 yrs from now she'll realize what we had and really wish we'd never broken up. I've been there and know exactly how awful it feels after you've messed up and there's no going back. Maybe she already knows I'm dating someone, I wouldn't doubt it considering she's probably still hanging out with some of my best friends girls/wifes, I just haven't asked my friends if she's still friends with them. In any case breakups are really tough, especially after loving someone for 2 years, and then your whole life falls out from under you. One minute we were talking about moving in together, the next I'm left wondering what the hell happened.

[EmperorR]

Well the relationship 5 yrs ago or whatever ended cause I had too much to deal with in college, I was going for 2 really tough degrees and just didn't have the time to be in a serious relationship. Plus I took some advice from one of my sister in laws where she suggested I not be serious at that stage of my life. So I dumped her out of the blue. It was a stupid and selfish thing to do. So she did try and contact me but only a few times. regardless I wasn't very responsive, and in turn she went out with a few of my college friends and hooked up with them in spite of me. Total revenge really. And after all that I still wanted to get back with her, but she never allowed me back in, I broke her trust and still to this day she's hardly responsive to me at all. I messed up big time with that one, cause it was an awesome relationship, I fought with her maybe two times in the one year we were together. Live and learn.

 

Regardless this current ex of mine isn't really showing me that she wants me back or anything, maybe she was just being nice by txting me back, I don't know. I would love to talk to her, and obviously hear she wants to try again, but anything else would probably make me really sad again. I don't want to be rejected again, and that's probably why I've only txted her twice since the breakup. No other contact beyond that. Part of me thinks we're both just too scared to make any moves cause we're both probably scared of getting hurt by each other again. Guess time will tell I think someday whether that's a month or 5 yrs from now she'll realize what we had and really wish we'd never broken up. I've been there and know exactly how awful it feels after you've messed up and there's no going back. Maybe she already knows I'm dating someone, I wouldn't doubt it considering she's probably still hanging out with some of my best friends girls/wifes, I just haven't asked my friends if she's still friends with them. In any case breakups are really tough, especially after loving someone for 2 years, and then your whole life falls out from under you. One minute we were talking about moving in together, the next I'm left wondering what the hell happened.

 

maybe karma?

 

nah i take that back, I know how it feels, but at least you weren't cheating on and still clinging to hope, I hate it, my ex disgusts me that cheat and yet all i can think of is these happy memories together. It's like I have to slap myself and read her emails reminding myself how much of a demo she is and what she did to me.

[stoneymirror]

would it be stupid to txt her again and ask her if she wanted to talk?

[stoneymirror]

it is my b-day in about ten days, maybe I'll wait to see if she tries contacting me...

[pushforward]

Wow stoney,

 

This is going to come off as a bit rash. But, I do mean every good intention behind it.

 

YOU NEED TO STOP CONTACT. She does NOT want to talk. She does NOT want you. She's made it very clear and you are in no emotional state to talk to her as a normal person. Your motives right now are to get her back. Getting her back will not fix what's broken. It's not going to workout, you two will breakup over the same reason. YOU ARE DATING SOMEBODY NEW.

 

Come on man. Where did your logic go?

 

Your birthday is in 10 days? So what? You're waiting for contact? Are you building her contact into a monumental occasion? You are playing a game with NO ONE. You are convincing yourself, deep down she wants you as badly as you want her. You've got a big case of denial. I know every little detail and feeling you are going through. I went through it. Stick with NC and regain yourself. Yes, I know you're human, but don't give yourself excuses to wait and play the victim.

 

As painful as it is. LET GO, if she really loves and wants to be with you, she may come back and show you that. Don't wait for her. Stop torturing yourself.

 

Seriously man, I'm about to give you a freaking lecture. YOU NEED TO HEAL. SHE DON'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED BY HER. The new girl is a distraction from what you really want. That's unfair and selfish. Grow a pair stoney. In all honesty, you'll make it through this and get better. If and only if you want to get better. You're being dragged down because you won't let go.

 

She is keeping contact to be civil. You are keeping contact because you're hoping communication in some twisted way will bring her back. It won't. Don't do this to yourself. Don't go through the pain for her. NOBODY is ever worth that. Don't you dare put your life on hold for somebody who doesn't want you.

 

READ WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE AND PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH. Man, I had high hopes for you and still do. I'm 2 months NC. I kept with it and kept at it because of you. Don't be weak. Girls don't want a ****ing doormat, they want somebody they know can live on without them. Somebody that is confident and not needy. You've got to realize she isn't in the tango anymore. You're dancing alone. The sooner you come to your senses, the sooner you can HEAL.

 

You got a new girl now. Be happy with you got or crash and burn trying to get somebody to love you. Also, DO NOT LET SOMEBODY INFLUENCE YOUR ACTIONS. I already told you how dating when you're not ready is going to blow up in your face. Your family says to get out there and date somebody new, find somebody new, replace your ex. Quite frankly, you haven't healed properly to allow somebody into your heart.

 

You're asking for another heart break, this girl is going to eventually figure out that you don't love her because you still have your heart set on your ex. That's selfish man. I really do think you need to figure out what you want. Go for it and have no regrets. Obviously, do not contact your ex or do anything. She will spring the other way once you have started the chase.

 

WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT YOU'RE DATING. ARE YOU DATING TO GET HER JEALOUS? Why are you so worried about what she thinks. She doesn't care that she broke your heart. Stop having such low self worth. You deserve better and you know it. If you want to go get your heart broken again, so be it. Don't say I didn't try to stop you man. I've been down the road you want to take and it's not a pretty one. It's filled with darkness and self defeating mentality. You will only torture yourself and nobody can or will save you until you decide, enough is enough.

 

2 months NC and I'm starting to realize I might love her, but I don't have to be with somebody like that. I believe that things happen for a reason and this is a learning experience. Grateful for the good and bad. Love doesn't complete you. Work on yourself stoney. Once you have your life together, everything will fall into place. BELIEVE IT.

 

We're all routing for a better stoney. Feel better, DO BETTER, BE BETTER. Never place your happiness in somebody else's hands, you will always be disappointed.

[stoneymirror]

Thanks pushforward, guess we'll be here to help each other during the rough patches. I am not dating the new girl to get the old one jealous, I'm just trying to move on with my life. Anyhow, I just think I hit a tough spot here over the holidays. Seeing my family, and them asking about her, etc, has got me thinking of her more than I should. Anyhow, you're totally right I will not place my heart into someone else's hands. I just over analyze things sometimes and I'm never one to forget. I just can't I have a memory like a fricken steal trap. Well I am feeling a bit better now. The last few days I went from longing for her love again, to getting really pissed at her and now I'm back at being content without having her. I realize all those things I said to you when you were struggeling. Thanks for punching me in the face I kinda needed it.

[pushforward]

Thanks pushforward, guess we'll be here to help each other during the rough patches. I am not dating the new girl to get the old one jealous, I'm just trying to move on with my life. Anyhow, I just think I hit a tough spot here over the holidays. Seeing my family, and them asking about her, etc, has got me thinking of her more than I should. Anyhow, you're totally right I will not place my heart into someone else's hands. I just over analyze things sometimes and I'm never one to forget. I just can't I have a memory like a fricken steal trap. Well I am feeling a bit better now. The last few days I went from longing for her love again, to getting really pissed at her and now I'm back at being content without having her. I realize all those things I said to you when you were struggeling. Thanks for punching me in the face I kinda needed it.

 

Don't worry about it. As long as you have your intentions in the right place. Healing is never linear and you're in the process of healing. Take it a day at a time and I know what you mean about a memory like a steel trap. I remember every little detail about her, but that doesn't make her special. That makes me damn special. I get to relive all the great memories everyday and torture myself. But one day in the future, a woman will appreciate that.

 

I don't even think my ex knows all the little thoughts I put into my actions. And I don't care, because I know I'm the best damn guy she doesn't want. Not my problem, not yours. Sure, a blow to my ego, but my ego needed to be brought down. Need to go back to being humble. Haha. In all seriousness, it's the holidays. You miss her, just don't act on emotions. Yes, you're human, learn from what you don't like about yourself and work at it.

 

Keep pushing forward. Stick with NC till you're 100% over it and you get to decide if you want to be friends or not. Like what your ex from 5 years ago did. You have more power than you think my friend. You control your own destiny. Happiness awaits you, what are you waiting for?

[EmperorR]

Dog its done finish,, over with, you have soemone who wants to be with you don't screw it up man. From your posts i've been reading you said you have so much in common with her and she's nice and she knows your situation adn still want's to be with you DON'T MESS IT UP.

 

I was in the same boat you were, then I slapped myself, screw waiting screw languishing over someone who smashed your heart and treated you like dirt.