Avoidant Personality Disorder

[Trialbyfire]

I found this to be applicable to some threads posted on LS and some LS members. If this sounds familiar, then you or your loved one, might want to get a professional diagnosis, to confirm as such:

 

Symptoms

 

 

Some common signs of avoidant personality disorder include:

• Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
  
• Has no close friends
  
• Reluctant to become involved with people
  
• Avoids activities or occupations that involve contact with others
  
• Shy in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong
  
• Exaggerates potential difficulties
  
• Shows excessive restraint in intimate relationships
  
• Hold the view that they are socially inept, inferior, or unappealing to other people
  

 

Causes

 

The cause of avoidant personality disorder is unknown. People with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful to these individuals that they will choose loneliness rather than risk trying to connect with others.

 

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/avoidant.html

[Touche]

Why would anyone need a "professional diagnosis?" What's the point?

 

Actually, some of that fit me. So do some of the "symptoms" of OCD, narcissism, alcoholic, etc. etc.

 

My point is that I don't really believe in these dumb labels. We ALL have personality "issues" of one sort or another.

 

But if we're happy how we are and can maintain relationships if we choose to then where's the problem?

 

Should people who fit that description take some pills and talk to a therapist? Hahaha..tell me another joke!

 

Ok so bottom line, if fitting that description bothers a person then, yeah maybe they should do something about it.

 

For me, I'm perfectly fine with the way I am.

 

Yes, I mostly avoid people. And with good reason.

 

Personally I think people who DON'T avoid others have the problem! Most people are a pain in the ass and not worth my time.

 

It's been proven to me time and time again.

 

Who needs the aggravation? I have a wonderful husband and son and stepson. I feel blessed to have them in my life. No one else really matters that much to me.

 

Perhaps it would benefit some people to look within a little more and spend less time playing armchair psychiatrist.

 

Oh and as far as the "cause" being unknown...no. It's not unknown. It's caused by repeated let down and disappointments in people. Why would anyone want to subject themselves to more of it? Now THAT'S unhealthy.

[Jake Barnes]

I have to agree with Touche that it doesnt sound all that serious in terms of needing professional attention. Its these kinds of made up "disorders" that give psychologists a bad name. In the old days they just called it being shy. Now its avoidance disorder

 

Im kind of shy IRL. The internet is a natural place for shy people to socialize

[Trialbyfire]

I've always noticed that people who desperately need therapy, never believe in it therefore, benefit from it. It's a form of denial.

 

Also, this thread isn't personally directed at anyone so try not to take it to heart. It's informational.

[Lishy]

I am the complete opposite of those warning signs

 

Maybe I have a Non-avoidant personality disorder lol

[Touche]

I have to agree with Touche that it doesnt sound all that serious in terms of needing professional attention. Its these kinds of made up "disorders" that give psychologists a bad name. In the old days they just called it being shy. Now its avoidance disorder

 

Im kind of shy IRL. The internet is a natural place for shy people to socialize

 

Well said...exactly!

 

I've always noticed that people who desperately need therapy, never believe in it therefore, benefit from it. It's a form of denial.

 

Who decides who "desperately" needs therapy? I'm serious. If a person has a good marriage and family life and is happy who is anyone else to say that they need "therapy."

 

Therapy is for disfunctional people. And I don't mean that as a put-down but only each individual can decide if they're dysfunctional.

 

The day I can't get along with those closest to me or can't maintain a happy marriage, then I guess I'd go to counseling.

 

Knock on wood that so far in my life I've done pretty darn good without it.

 

P.S. I didn't think this thread was directed at anyone personally. I think it's an interesting topic actually, although I'm not clear on the purpose of it.

[Jake Barnes]

oh please no catfights ladies

[Lizzie60]

I am the complete opposite of those warning signs

 

Maybe I have a Non-avoidant personality disorder lol

 

 

Hahaha... me too.. I have such a 'sooooo non-avoidant personality disorder'..

 

Who cares anyway!

[Trialbyfire]

Without the posting about NPD on LS, I would have never known it existed, thus able to get the ex-H into therapy to get diagnosed. He's been in therapy now for a little under 2 years and it's really helping him. The funny thing is that a lot of men and women out there, wouldn't have bothered with therapy, thinking themselves to be A-okay, which is part of the denial process of the disorder.

 

The above is why I've posted about this particular disorder on LS. I think the information might help some people. For those who feel it's not applicable to them, or feel that they don't choose to address it, that's cool and their choice.

[Kamille]

Without the posting about NPD on LS, I would have never known it existed, thus able to get the ex-H into therapy to get diagnosed. He's been in therapy now for a little under 2 years and it's really helping him. The funny thing is that a lot of men and women out there, wouldn't have bothered with therapy, thinking themselves to be A-okay, which is part of the denial process of the disorder.

 

 

Isn't the thing though that anyone could benefit from therapy? My favorite type of therapy is through martial arts. But admitting we could all use guidance somehow, isn't there an overemphasis on psychological diagnosis on this site and in society in general lately?

[Trialbyfire]

Isn't the thing though that anyone could benefit from therapy? My favorite type of therapy is through martial arts. But admitting we could all use guidance somehow, isn't there an overemphasis on psychological diagnosis on this site and in society in general lately?

I'm not averse to people going for an emotional/mental tune-up, once in awhile. If people can afford it, it might not be a bad way to nip dysfunctional behaviour in the bud, thus saving money or the need for intensive therapy, in the long run.

[Kamille]

I'm not averse to people going for an emotional/mental tune-up, once in awhile. If people can afford it, it might not be a bad way to nip dysfunctional behaviour in the bud, thus saving money or the need for intensive therapy, in the long run.

 

 

This is the way I see it: there are different ways to be happy, different ways to get guidance, different forms of therapy. Right now, everywhere I turn people are either self-diagnosing or diagnosing others. Diagnosis is proper to medical forms of therapies. Which is a perticular type of guidance. What if what I need isn't so much to go see a counsellor as to take a vacation? To spend time with family and friends? To work on something completely different? To start practicing karate? Are you then going to tell me I'm in denial and avoiding my problems?

[Touche]

Isn't the thing though that anyone could benefit from therapy? My favorite type of therapy is through martial arts. But admitting we could all use guidance somehow, isn't there an overemphasis on psychological diagnosis on this site and in society in general lately?

 

No doubt about it. I mean Jake said it too. I agree. It's insane. Being shy and introverted is now a "disorder?"

 

What about people who are attracted to narcissistic playas? What's the name for that disorder? Surely there must be one. I mean that is certainly not healthy.

 

My stepson was diagnosed with ADD and urged to be put on meds when he was in elementary school. Thank god his parents were smart enough not to listen. He's an A student getting ready to graduate from college soon.

 

Our son's 3rd grade teacher said we should have our son tested since he's "hyper." So now being a BOY is a disorder!

 

I laughed in the teacher's face.

 

VERY few people have a true and clinical psychological problem needing medical attention in my opinion.

 

There is a poster on here who has written very, very intelligently on this matter. Not sure if I'm allowed to find it and link it or not. If I'm allowed I'll try to find and link it. He said it all.

 

It's amazing to me how many people buy into all of this nonsense. It's nothing but a way to explain away poor choices, rotten decisions, etc. etc.

 

And no one can decide for another whether they are psychologically healthy or not. The REAL test of that is how well they function in their lives. Are they where they want to be in life? Are they happy? Do those closest to them get along with them?

 

Why must people put a label on everything all of the time?

[Trialbyfire]

This is the way I see it: there are different ways to be happy, different ways to get guidance, different forms of therapy. Right now, everywhere I turn people are either self-diagnosing or diagnosing others. Diagnosis is proper to medical forms of therapies. Which is a perticular type of guidance. What if what I need isn't so much to go see a counsellor as to take a vacation? To spend time with family and friends? To work on something completely different? To start practicing karate? Are you then going to tell me I'm in denial and avoiding my problems?

Since I've never diagnosed you and am not a professional, I'm a little confused about why you feel I would have any impact on you.

 

The thread is for informational purposes only. If you don't feel it's applicable to you, then move on.

 

I'm a little confused by people in general. If it's not applicable to you, why take it so personally?

[Touche]

I don't think anyone is taking anything personally, TBF. I know I'm not.

 

Perhaps you might have left the bit out about how you're noticing all these LS members with this disorder though, you know?

 

People might have been a little more open to your "information." Because as it stands, it was a little personal in that you're addressing a certain segment of our community here.

 

"I found this to be applicable to some LS members."

 

Which would you be more willing to read with a more open mind?

 

This:

 

Hey all. I just found this interesting article about people who are drawn to narcissistic players. What do you all think?

 

Or this:

 

I'm noticing a lot of people who are repeatedly drawn to the same type of man. I'm seeing it in threads. I'm also seeing LS members who fit this profile.

 

I think therapy is in order, if you even recognize that this fits you. Some of you need some serious psychotherapy.

[Kamille]

I was talking hypothetically. Not me me, just hypothetical me. apologies. Believe me I wasn't feeling targeted or taking personnally.

 

Let me reprhase:

What if what someone needs isn't so much to go see a counsellor as to take a vacation? To spend time with family and friends? To work on something completely different? To start practicing karate? Are you then going to tell that person they're in denial and avoiding their problems?

 

 

I'm still curious: I think there's too much emphasis on medical/psychological diagnosis in our society. I think it's an interesting discussion. True, it's perhaps less about AVP as about psychology itself as your original post does bring up the topic of self-diagnosis and therapy.

[motive2002]

I suffer from some of those symptoms. I have been seeing a therapist, although progress is at a crawl. Sometimes I wonder if she's just slowly bleeding money from me....

 

Anyway, it's nice they have a label for it now. Problem is, the lack of denial in this 'disorder' keeps it in a vicious cycle. It's a downward spiral of feeling there's something wrong with you (self worth issues), knowing that you're afraid of rejection, and then labeling yourself as not good enough.. with a disorder. In other words, you know something is wrong with you and it starts all over again.

 

I think perhaps, like depression, this sort of thing can be triggered by an event, or a trauma.. like having someone dump you out of the blue for example. It's hard to think there isn't anything wrong with you, or that you're appealing to others when someone pulls the rug out from underneath you like that.

Suddenly feelings of abandonment, lonlieness and hopelessness creep in and start to root.

 

My doc says it has to do with similar events that happened early in life. The things that trigger the anxiety.. the primal "flight, fight or freeze".. and of course reprogramming is needed.. and it's a long process.. and no she doesn't accept Visa or Mastercard... =\

[Trialbyfire]

I was talking hypothetically. Not me me, just hypothetical me. apologies. Believe me I wasn't feeling targeted or taking personnally.

 

Let me reprhase:

What if what someone needs isn't so much to go see a counsellor as to take a vacation? To spend time with family and friends? To work on something completely different? To start practicing karate? Are you then going to tell that person they're in denial and avoiding their problems?

 

 

I'm still curious: I think there's too much emphasis on medical/psychological diagnosis in our society. I think it's an interesting discussion. True, it's perhaps less about AVP as about psychology itself as your original post does bring up the topic of self-diagnosis and therapy.

It's not up to me to diagnose someone. As a matter of fact, I have zero responsibility to LS and it's members. What my responsibilities are, are to follow the guidelines of LS.

 

The balance is to put up content that I feel is applicable informationally, or throw up advice and threads that help me or someone else personally, at my discretion.

[Touche]

Motive, why is this a problem for you? Can you not just accept that this is just part of who you are?

 

Or is it causing you some distress to be that way? How many of those did you fit? (I fit 4 of the 8).

[Lizzie60]

I agree with the poster who said that being shy nowdays is a disorder.. it's getting ridiculous.. we have to label all and/or any kind of personality traits that we are not comfortable with .... I think this is called the 'insecurity disorder'

 

now.. now.. someone have sex with over 300 partners and s/he's having a disorder... ridiculous..

[Meaplus3]

Interesting topic TBF. I had never heard of this disorder until now. I have been affected by panic disorder and I very much needed to seek help for it because it was having a negative impact on my life. I think the same probably applys to most disorders in that if it impacts your daily life in a negative way, then it's time to seek professional help.

 

Mea:)

[shadowplay]

Yeah, I"ve been diagnosed with this by two doctors. It fits me to a t, but I'm also starting to think I have ADD as well.

[Trialbyfire]

I suffer from some of those symptoms. I have been seeing a therapist, although progress is at a crawl. Sometimes I wonder if she's just slowly bleeding money from me....

 

Anyway, it's nice they have a label for it now. Problem is, the lack of denial in this 'disorder' keeps it in a vicious cycle. It's a downward spiral of feeling there's something wrong with you (self worth issues), knowing that you're afraid of rejection, and then labeling yourself as not good enough.. with a disorder. In other words, you know something is wrong with you and it starts all over again.

 

I think perhaps, like depression, this sort of thing can be triggered by an event, or a trauma.. like having someone dump you out of the blue for example. It's hard to think there isn't anything wrong with you, or that you're appealing to others when someone pulls the rug out from underneath you like that.

Suddenly feelings of abandonment, lonlieness and hopelessness creep in and start to root.

 

My doc says it has to do with similar events that happened early in life. The things that trigger the anxiety.. the primal "flight, fight or freeze".. and of course reprogramming is needed.. and it's a long process.. and no she doesn't accept Visa or Mastercard... =\

Motive, be careful about members telling you to avoid therapy. Be very careful because I'd trust a professional over a layman, anyday. If you're concerned, find another therapist to give a second opinion.

[shadowplay]

I have to agree with Touche that it doesnt sound all that serious in terms of needing professional attention. Its these kinds of made up "disorders" that give psychologists a bad name. In the old days they just called it being shy. Now its avoidance disorder

 

Im kind of shy IRL. The internet is a natural place for shy people to socialize

 

Not true. I had this and reached a point where I couldn't leave my house for months at a time for fear of being around other people. (thankfully, I'm past that.) But something becomes a disorder when it impairs basic functioning, as this did for me.

 

People can also have features of several different disorders, but no one full blown. Based on the diagnoses I've received I have a mixture of body dysmorphia, avoidant, ocd and add. Disorders are often comorbid.

[Trialbyfire]

Interesting topic TBF. I had never heard of this disorder until now. I have been affected by panic disorder and I very much needed to seek help for it because it was having a negative impact on my life. I think the same probably applys to most disorders in that if it impacts your daily life in a negative way, then it's time to seek professional help.

 

Mea:)

That's exactly it. What the sad part is, is when people self-medicate and get nowhere.