westrock Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 you miss her body and the sex, and being with a pretty girl. He may be missing all that, but with CP's who are in the position of the OP what they miss even more is the feeling that someone is emotionally attached to them. Despite all the negative qualities the OP previously identified, his feelings of abandonment is likely what is driving him to want to reconnect. CP's will try anything to reconnect - including buying the engagment ring as the OP did. If he is successful in his attempts to get her back, he will be able to resolve his feelings of abandonment, but he will then start to feel suffocated by the emotional attachment that he previously wanted and eventually he will push her way and justify his actions by pointing to all of her negative qualities. Once he has pushed her away, the feelings of abdonment will once again return. This cycle will repeat itself until either the CP gets help, or the other person refuses to participate anymore in the roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Solear Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hey bro, my first break up was with a girl i was engaged too. it completely smashed me for a year. i did all the wrong things stalked sent letters apologised cried my eyes out, just drive her further away. I went to the doctors with situational depression which is what you have, he prescribed anti depressants but i chose the gym instead, "does the same thing" I just split with my current girl now and relapsed sooooo badly, the doc put me on valium, this time was different because our relationship was complicated and we suffered a miscarriage too. I take take 1 valium every three days or so, only when i get a really bad anxiety attack, i can feel myself getting better though. keep your chin up get round to a good listeners house and cry on his or her shoulder for a while. and dont forget to repay the favour Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 You want to know why you miss her? READ the responses. You miss the sex and the companionship. Next question. How much time? Easy. Enough time for you to realize that you need to actually put some effort into understanding what went wrong before you'll be ready for another relationship. Oh, and fyi, buying a ring does not make you grow up. Taking responsibility for what you've done is what makes someone an adult. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Beyond Broken, You want her back? Invest (not by buying a ring) in your relationship. Go to individual counseling and ask her if she'll consider couples counseling. You need to fix this issue you have with commitment and you need to learn to work together as a couple so that you don't feel that your partner's actions are mean. However, don't go offering her a ring and some sort of long-term commitment until you have actually made some changes in your life. Otherwise, what has changed? She may have a rock on her finger and a fiance who lets her down, but that's not a whole lot different than a boyfriend who let her down. In the end, this is more about you than you know. If you can't address this, it will effect every relationship you ever into and you will live a life in constant pursuit of love that you ultimately reject. That's no way to live. I'm sure you are a good guy, butyour actions are cruel and letting demons consume your relationship will make you a very lonely man. Regardless of whether this relationship is worth it, YOU are worth fixing this. Everyone deserves to find contentment and love. Do this for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Losing Faith Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 It really irritates me to read this post because you remind me of my ex. He too, is a total commitment phobe, and would break up with me, and then always come back. Right now we are broken up, but I'll see him again sooner or later - if I want. My ex actually told me in one of our break ups , that he didn't love me less since the break up, he loved me more. And then when we got back together, he told me that it was true, he valued me more when I was gone. We tried and tried to solve this dilemma, but I finally realized it wasn't my problem to solve. And he just wasn't willin.g Figure your s**t out before you mess with this person and their emotions anymore. Your behavior is extremely selfish. Beyond Broken, I am sorry to tell you... but I have to agree with Phoenix. Your behavior is very selfish. You have to fix YOURSELF before you keep breaking this poor girls heart! In the end, this is more about you than you know. If you can't address this, it will effect every relationship you ever into and you will live a life in constant pursuit of love that you ultimately reject. That's no way to live. I'm sure you are a good guy, but your actions are cruel and letting demons consume your relationship will make you a very lonely man. Regardless of whether this relationship is worth it, YOU are worth fixing this. Everyone deserves to find contentment and love. Do this for yourself. As Georgia Girl said tho... YOU are worth fixing!!!! You are probably a good guy over-all... but you need to learn to trust the people you love so that you can be in a healthy and happy relationship. Please get help. best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I dont know if you guys read his first posts, but he doesnt enjoy her company. She is really rude to his family and friendsd, and bieng with her was not pleasant, thats why he dumper her twice. He needed to fill the void, thats why he got back with her. And he keeps stressing about how gorgeous she was and how great the sex was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beyond Broken Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 You guys have all made some good points. There is a big void in my life/heart. I sometimes feel all I want is her back, or at least her attention. She has totally abandonded me and her own family. They haven't seen her in over 3 weeks either. She must have ran off with some guy, which also throws a big wrench in it all. I wish I could stop thinking about her and having dreams about her. I've said it before... I do not want her back. I want to forget all about her. I went to my Dr yesterday, he prescribed me valium for my "situational depression." I hope they help. What else can I do? I am so tired of feeling like this. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Have you acknowledged, yet, that you are a classic commitment phobe? That's step 1. The tablets will only delay you facing the inevitable. (Trust me, I've been there.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beyond Broken Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Have you acknowledged, yet, that you are a classic commitment phobe? That's step 1. Yes, I have acknowledged that. But I also realized that I chose the wrong "candidate" to try and have a successful commited relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Figure your s**t out before you mess with this person and their emotions anymore. Your behavior is extremely selfish. Seriously. I've scanned through these pages, trying to find some reason to want to give you advice. I'm glad I've read it, though. Thank you for being honest and for giving me a glimpse into the mind of a "CP". I hope it makes it easier for me to say "are you out of your f*cking mind?!" when my ex comes crawling back. (OTHER CPs- are all of you like this????? Please tell me no. I know I have some passive CP traits, but I can't believe anyone could be this selfish) Anyway, BeyondBroken. You do not deserve this girl. She might very well be all of those things you said (arrogant, etc). None of those compare to being selfish enough to put another human being through such a mind-f*ck. Use your head (the one on top of your shoulders) before you do this to anyone else. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
quarterlifecrisis Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Beyond Broken, I can certainly empathize with the first time you took her for granted. I am in the same situation myself and refused to commit based on my own fears. Now that she left me for someone else, I am in a great deal of pain and very regretful that I did not cherish her for all that she was. I've been grappling with issues on why I'm not ready to commit and am examining how to fix those so that I don't f@#$ up with next girl or her (if for some inexplicable reason she gives me another shot). I am hoping that she gives me another chance and I can treat her right and make things work. On the other hand, if you had another legitimate shot and still were not ready to commit, it's time to move on. If I was in your position after being in a relationship with this girl two times without making it work, I'd realize that it truly wasn't meant to be. Good solid relationships just shouldn't be that hard. One time of messing up or hitting a rough patch is not great but can be accepted in my opinion, but if you threw her out a second time and now want her back, the issue is really with you alone and not your combined relationship. You should work on yourself before engaging with someone else in a romantic relationship. If you just want hot pretty girls and good sex, admit that and just have fun. Don't marry that with a loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beyond Broken Posted September 29, 2009 Author Share Posted September 29, 2009 Oh trust me. I agree with you 100%! I have come to the realization that it was not meant to be. I have deleted her completely from my life. I am working on myself as we speak... I am not planning on getting into another relationship until I get my sh*t Straight! Which could be a long time. But I am determined! Link to post Share on other sites
quarterlifecrisis Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 I feel you brother. There's a lot to work on. Us guys oftentimes don't realize what we have until we lose it. It's also really easy to take people for granted and also be afraid of commitment. I'm in a world of pain with you, but we'll eventually grow up and be better people. Link to post Share on other sites
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 son we all miss those special ppl in our lives esp when u had her then u forced her out ur life. U live and u learn ...from this experience see what u did wrong and move forward peace god Link to post Share on other sites
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