Reggie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 No sarcasm intended, Frannie. This guy is choosing the other woman. That is good for panda, as she'll have this guy out of her life. As for her responsibility, yes, she has hurt herself by choosing to involve herself with a cheater. She has also participated in a conspiracy to deceive the other woman. Both these women would be better off running from this jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 No sarcasm intended, Frannie. This guy is choosing the other woman. That is good for panda, as she'll have this guy out of her life. As for her responsibility, yes, she has hurt herself by choosing to involve herself with a cheater. She has also participated in a conspiracy to deceive the other woman. Both these women would be better off running from this jerk. The guy is NOT 'choosing the other woman' the guy is messing two women around, one of which knows about the deception. I know which I'd rather be, what about you? Yes, both of them would be better off without him. Guess that puts Panda in the preferential position. Good for her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Guess that puts Panda in the preferential position. Good for her. That's fine, but if she chooses to stay because she "loves" him and wants to see where this goes, IF he'll leave and choose her, well, then SHE has to deal with being the OW and all that brings along. I hope she wakes up and gets OUT of this situation, far away and heals herself. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 That's fine, but if she chooses to stay because she "loves" him and wants to see where this goes, IF he'll leave and choose her, well, then SHE has to deal with being the OW and all that brings along. I hope she wakes up and gets OUT of this situation, far away and heals herself. My opinion is that she's in the position of knowing because she's the one who will 'understand' and give him all he needs... while he screws her over. That's usually the way... the one who takes no crap is the one who gets the lies. The one who's 'understanding' gets to hear it all.. because she's not going to push for anything. Ain't love grand? Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 The guy is NOT 'choosing the other woman' the guy is messing two women around, one of which knows about the deception. I know which I'd rather be, what about you? Yes, both of them would be better off without him. Guess that puts Panda in the preferential position. Good for her. "Choosing", just semantics. Clearly, he keeps panda hidden , whereas he does not the GF. I never meant to imply that this "choosing" by this jerk is something to be proud of. Same with placing any value on his "valuing". But, you cannot deny that panda is the one he keeps hidden away, despite her alleged "hotness". Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 "Choosing", just semantics. Clearly, he keeps panda hidden , whereas he does not the GF. I never meant to imply that this "choosing" by this jerk is something to be proud of. Same with placing any value on his "valuing". But, you cannot deny that panda is the one he keeps hidden away, despite her alleged "hotness". Would you prefer to be 'hidden' or in the dark? There's still this bias that somehow the g/f who knows nothing is the one being given preferential treatment? Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 His treatment of both sucks. However, panda accepts it , knowingly. The GF is in the dark. Panda is complicit in all this. The GF, is not. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Would you prefer to be 'hidden' or in the dark? There's still this bias that somehow the g/f who knows nothing is the one being given preferential treatment? Perhaps your own bias, I don't know. Who cares which woman this guy "prefers"? It is a dubious distinction, wouldn't you agree? Like being Hannibal Lecter's number one choice as a dinner companion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderingpanda Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 That's fine, but if she chooses to stay because she "loves" him and wants to see where this goes, IF he'll leave and choose her, well, then SHE has to deal with being the OW and all that brings along. I hope she wakes up and gets OUT of this situation, far away and heals herself. There's definitely no way, I can chose to be in a relationship with this guy if that were the option, he messed it up because he should have looked out for me instead of getting me into this and I messed it up too, should've have shown more respect for myself that way he would have respected me too... I'm starting to really drill it in my mind that I have been used, BUT I have also used him and I have also deceived her knowing that it is wrong. I am not innocent as to say that "it's all his fault HE did it to me, what an a*****e!!!!!" I knew this wasn't right and I let him sweet talk me!!! The difference is that I let myself be blinded by all the gushy feelings that I ended up having but I am as guilty here we both did it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderingpanda Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 My opinion is that she's in the position of knowing because she's the one who will 'understand' and give him all he needs... while he screws her over. That's usually the way... the one who takes no crap is the one who gets the lies. The one who's 'understanding' gets to hear it all.. because she's not going to push for anything. Ain't love grand? I'm sorry for this word but F*** THAT!!!!!! That is BS!!! And it's not for me, do I really have anything to look forward to? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 so now that the reality of what's going on here has settled in - what are you going to do about it? are you going to stand up for your self respect and tell him to take a hike? or are you going to continue on the way it's always been with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderingpanda Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 so now that the reality of what's going on here has settled in - what are you going to do about it? are you going to stand up for your self respect and tell him to take a hike? or are you going to continue on the way it's always been with him? To be honest I am still BLANK. I'm really trying to process everything as best as I can... I'm sure that I will think of myself first from now on but I'm still not so sure how I'm going to distance myself from him. I just want to walk out silently, with no drama, no tears, no explanation I don't want to waste my breath on nothing... I don't think it'll have a purpose anyway, he might not even care to understand! I just want to use my magic wand and dissappear Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 well that seems like the weak way to handle it. take some control and gain some of your power and self respect back by telling him nicely that it's over. nothing further than that needs to be discussed, as he will try to reel you back in. stand firm on your boundary when you tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 To be honest I am still BLANK. Do the right thing. Break up with him completely and no more "friends" crap. Tell here the truth. She deserves to know. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in her shoes? It is the RIGHT thing to do. If you don't, you will always look down on yourself for cheating, lying, and then not disclosing even after you claim what you did was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Who cares which woman this guy "prefers"? It is a dubious distinction, wouldn't you agree? Like being Hannibal Lecter's number one choice as a dinner companion. Well you bought it up: No sarcasm intended, Frannie. This guy is choosing the other woman. That is good for panda, as she'll have this guy out of her life. But before that, this poster said: It's obvious that he loves her, respects her and want to be with her for the long run. You're just a side dish to him that he like to use and yes, you're have been used. He obviously see qualities in her that he does not see in you and that's why he choose her to be his official girlfirend and you to be his side fun. ... Men like to play with girls like that because they are fun, but they usually don't respect them or get into serious relationship with them because they think they're cheap, used and easy. Which is why I posted in the first place. Because I'm not seeing this 'choosing' as a good thing. In fact, I described the man himself as a worthless piece of crap And I see some of the posting on here where WP is described as something nasty 'on the side' as unnecessarily hurtful and questionable: like this man is showing any love or respect for either woman. To be honest I am still BLANK. I'm really trying to process everything as best as I can... I'm sure that I will think of myself first from now on but I'm still not so sure how I'm going to distance myself from him. I just want to walk out silently, with no drama, no tears, no explanation I don't want to waste my breath on nothing... I don't think it'll have a purpose anyway, he might not even care to understand! I just want to use my magic wand and dissappear WP, why do you feel you want to walk away with no tears and no explanation? Not saying that's a 'wrong' thing to do, but why would you not want to stand up for yourself? You say he wouldn't 'care to understand'... maybe he wouldn't, but maybe you'd feel better about yourself if you said it anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Do the right thing. Break up with him completely and no more "friends" crap. Tell here the truth. She deserves to know. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in her shoes? It is the RIGHT thing to do. If you don't, you will always look down on yourself for cheating, lying, and then not disclosing even after you claim what you did was wrong. I don't see that WP needs to go telling this man's g/f what's been happening. Nor that she will necessarily 'look down on herself' for what's happened forever. That's pretty presumptuous. Oh, and it's the man here who has been cheating, not WP. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 My situation is much like this is that my bf cheated on me and kept me in the dark. Do I think I won because he chose to stay with me? H**l no!! I didn't win anytning but a piece of crap of a man. Yes a few of his other women knew he had a gf but chose to sc**w him anyway. So i would say to WP RUN - DON"T LOOK BACK. You are lucky in that you know what kind of guy he is - his gf isn't so lucky. All these types cause if pain - believe me I lived it. How I wish one - just one - of his other women would have contacted me before I married him. I wouldn't haven't made that huge mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I don't see that WP needs to go telling this man's g/f what's been happening. Nor that she will necessarily 'look down on herself' for what's happened forever. That's pretty presumptuous. Oh, and it's the man here who has been cheating, not WP. Again, whether she is cheating is a matter of opinion. She is participting in an affair. To me that's cheating. He has shown his preference for the GF. No big honor in that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderingpanda Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 My situation is much like this is that my bf cheated on me and kept me in the dark. Do I think I won because he chose to stay with me? H**l no!! I didn't win anytning but a piece of crap of a man. Yes a few of his other women knew he had a gf but chose to sc**w him anyway. So i would say to WP RUN - DON"T LOOK BACK. You are lucky in that you know what kind of guy he is - his gf isn't so lucky. All these types cause if pain - believe me I lived it. How I wish one - just one - of his other women would have contacted me before I married him. I wouldn't haven't made that huge mistake. SB I've thought about telling the gf, but I feel like this is my fault, like I was the easy chick that maybe he wouldn't have cheated on her if it wasn't for me, supposedly he'd never cheated before, 'cause he'd really tried to work his relationships out but they didn't so maybe he felt what's gonna be different with this one and just went for it? So if it was that way, then he really wasn't a cheater by habit let's say it was just like maybe the first time he'd done it for real ('cause I cannot believe he never did "anything" while in a relationship)...... In that case I'm thinking well if it was just me then maybe after this he won't continue to cheat on her and make her HAPPY!!! Is that possible? F***!!!! I feel like I'm talking out of my butt I don't know if I even got a point Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderingpanda Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 WP, why do you feel you want to walk away with no tears and no explanation? Not saying that's a 'wrong' thing to do, but why would you not want to stand up for yourself? You say he wouldn't 'care to understand'... maybe he wouldn't, but maybe you'd feel better about yourself if you said it anyway? He'll think it's a joke, but if I just back out without a warning he'll know it's serious and that I'm not playing. I feel that if I have a talk about all this stuff, it might make him feel like I'm trusting him to tell him my feelings and that he can give me his stupid opinion and that I shouldn't feel like this, it's all his fault, I'm a great girl, he's sorry, he didn't mean to hurt me, he cares about me so much, he wishes that it wouldn't be this way, he hates to see me sad like this blah blah I can already HEAR IT! And then he'd really want to remain friends, because he'd hate to lose me and all the BS... Then I'd fall for the please forgive me let's be friends, and he's still going to want me physically, I don't know I guess that's what I'm thinking at this point trying to decide how I'm gonna get him out of my life, it's HARD we were so close Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 So you tell him what you need to say, doesn't mean you have to sit and listen to him try to convince you to stay with him. Tell him it's over and that you don't want to be friends either - and then go no contact. YOU have control over how your own reactions and how this happens, not him. Remember that! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I'd just bail and not bother giving him any reason. Just shut down all communication and go on your way. Link to post Share on other sites
LaVixxen Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 You my friend are quite blind..if he is still with her and with you...how in the world can he be so awesome???? Your pathetic sorry to say but someone has to open up your eyes. He doesnt love you nor do you love yourself. Find a single man..dont hurt others and be selfish. Shes bound to find out anytime soon probably sooner then you think. You have no morals nor values. I suggest you get your priority straight and find a real man and dont be a home wrecker. But if you want to keep on just know youll always be his doormat. WAKEUP! Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 He'll think it's a joke, but if I just back out without a warning he'll know it's serious and that I'm not playing. I feel that if I have a talk about all this stuff, it might make him feel like I'm trusting him to tell him my feelings and that he can give me his stupid opinion and that I shouldn't feel like this, it's all his fault, I'm a great girl, he's sorry, he didn't mean to hurt me, he cares about me so much, he wishes that it wouldn't be this way, he hates to see me sad like this blah blah I can already HEAR IT! And then he'd really want to remain friends, because he'd hate to lose me and all the BS... Then I'd fall for the please forgive me let's be friends, and he's still going to want me physically, I don't know I guess that's what I'm thinking at this point trying to decide how I'm gonna get him out of my life, it's HARD we were so close OK, I totally understand this. If you think he's going to try to twist you round his finger again and you're not up to it, then I agree, its best to just cut him out of your life without any conversations. Would that be easy enough from a practical point of view, or are you always bumping into him somewhere? (and to the previous poster: she already 'woke up' so I don't see the need for the insults?) Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 SB I've thought about telling the gf, but I feel like this is my fault, like I was the easy chick that maybe he wouldn't have cheated on her if it wasn't for me, supposedly he'd never cheated before, 'cause he'd really tried to work his relationships out but they didn't so maybe he felt what's gonna be different with this one and just went for it? So if it was that way, then he really wasn't a cheater by habit let's say it was just like maybe the first time he'd done it for real ('cause I cannot believe he never did "anything" while in a relationship)...... In that case I'm thinking well if it was just me then maybe after this he won't continue to cheat on her and make her HAPPY!!! Is that possible? F***!!!! I feel like I'm talking out of my butt I don't know if I even got a point I don't want you to think you should tell the gf, because I don't know her or him or you for that matter. I just know that, in my situation, I'm the kind of person that would like to know. This is my life too and entering into a relationship with a man, I want to know where I stand and our relationship stands with him. Now if he is lying to me and leading me to believe he's faithful, etc. and loves only me, etc., but someone else "knows" he's cheating, I'd like to know. Also don't think it's only you and he would not cheat if not for you. If you weren't there, he'd find someone else. You seem to have a very good head on your shoulders and you can see him for what he is. He's using both you and her. He said he never cheated before? That's the same thing my bf told me. In fact, he said he was so hurt because his ex-wife cheated on him and he was faithful to her during their dating & married years. Now I question that too. Maybe he was the one cheating not her. You question if you weren't there maybe he wouldn't cheat on her and make her happy. The damage is done - he has already cheated on her. There's no turning back and if I were the gf and found this out, he couldn't make me happy now. If you were to break up with him - do you really think he'd tell his gf what he did? You really deserve better than this - so does his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
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