Owl Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 She won't tell her husband, she won't go to MC...and she's demonstrated very clearly that she's incapable of making the change from within herself. Ergo...she's going to stay right where she's at...right where she's BEEN for the last 2+years. The only way this situation will actually change is when they get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The only way this situation will actually change is when they get caught. ...or one of them changes how he or she thinks. Owl, I agree. Continuing the methods as have been done for he past two years does not appear to be a way for success. While FF is not ready to seek open honesty with her husband or MC (which she could still do), there is the wild card factor...the MM. If he suddenly decided to reconcile with HIS wife, the whole ball game would change. That would make this interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 ...or one of them changes how he or she thinks. This would be the best case scenerio. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 ...or one of them changes how he or she thinks. Owl, I agree. Continuing the methods as have been done for he past two years does not appear to be a way for success. While FF is not ready to seek open honesty with her husband or MC (which she could still do), there is the wild card factor...the MM. If he suddenly decided to reconcile with HIS wife, the whole ball game would change. That would make this interesting. I would agree...but...do you SEE either of them 'changing the way they think' WITHOUT some major outside influence? I don't see him changing his mindset unless he's caught. Same with FF, for that matter. People change for one of two reasons...to get something they want, or to get away from something that they don't like. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I believe this mess is about to come to a head, and it is going to be worse than either ever imagined. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I would agree...but...do you SEE either of them 'changing the way they think' WITHOUT some major outside influence? No. But the outside influence could be here. It is a slim hope because FF has been given plenty of advice regarding her situation, but there is still the possibility. Unfortunately, I don't think there IS any other outside influence. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 The other option is to move. The kids can still stay in the same school if you don't move out of district. FF isn't going to tell her husband about MM neighbour, and that's her choice, no matter what we think she should do.. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Agreed WWIU...but...her H isn't going to want to move "for no reason". If she INSISTS on moving...he's going to INSIST on knowing why his life, and his family's life should be completely disrupted. And FF won't admit to the affair...so the H isn't going to be willing to go with a change "for no reason". Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 FF--just catching up on your thread. I have been on both sides of the fence. Been the OM (young and dumb, dumb, dumb) and the BS. There is going to be so much pain for so many people once this A is discovered. The train you are on does not have an infinite amount of track. It is going to end. You know it and everyone in here knows it. It is going to be inescapable if you don't take control. TAKE CONTROL NOW. You still have time to do something about this. You have to be strong and fight. Don't wait for someone else to fix this. You be the one who rights your own ship! Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 FF, do you really want to grow old with your H knowing that for such a long period of time you have been cheating on him. Do you really want to look back and see what you have been doing to him. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Maybe we should all take bets for how long until you and the OM sleep together AGAIN. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You know he doesn't just want friendship but you are still putting yourself out there Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Well you are right. Last week xmm and I got into it and I think I have gotten the closest thing to closure I will get and after hitting an all time low after our convo there is nowhere else to go but up. It went something like this. Xmm-what do you want xmm-what do you want repeat 3 more times. Finally after the last time. I had enough and I said I want you to leave your wife. I want to be with you He was waiting to hear that from me. I gave him a huge ego boost. However after all that he comes around and says he wants to meet and he thinks about me sexually all the time. He cannot stop thinking about me. Not more than 20 seconds later he said oh I cannot do this because I would feel too guilty. He continues to show me his excitement through his jeans and that is when I raged. I told him he will never have anything to do with me or my family. I just told him everything he wanted to hear and all he heard from it was I wanted him sexually when I never said that. He then backpeddles and said he wants to be with me too, but he cannot leave his kids. He said his kids tell him please do not divorce Daddy. He says he cannot handle what it will do to them. He then goes on to say he is not miserable with his wife even though he wishes he never married her, but now he he is stuck with his decision. He says at least your H is a good guy. he goes on with why can't we be friends until the kids get older and then to he gets off thinking about all of our good times in bed. As I write this I see how insane everything he said. It was all manipulation and crazy. Now I regret ever saying I loved him and wanted to be with him. IT IS OVER IN MY MIND. I am sure he will be back because now he thinks I will sleep with him all because I told him I wanted him. Why I said all that have no idea because now I see how wrong it was to say. I now see how mentally unstable he is. It did not really hit me till I just wrote it all down. He also told me his wife is checking his e-mails and phone. So something must of happened with him and somebody ele becaue I have been out of the picture for the last couple months or he could be lying.. Not something new. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You offer him your heart at the expense of you and your family, and he offers you nothing but a hard on at the expense of you and your family. Its simple. Which means more to you: your family, your home and everything you have built together with your husband over the years... or, some married guy's penis? Those are your choices. Those will always be your choices. There will never be an option open to you but those for as long as you stay in this situation. I can only hope that this time around you can begin to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 No you are the insane one. For about two months you have been lying to everyone here about everything. Claiming that you do not want him and you want to focus on your marriage and then you go and do this. You were ready to leave your H for this man even though you have stated that all you want is to fix your marriage. It is clear that you could give 2 s***'s about your H so why don't you just leave him. He deserves someone worth loving; not some cheap woman who acts like a school girl. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Mea, can you see now why your logic and faith in FF is skewed? FF, don't you think it is cruel to keep your H the father of your children as a backup. What were you gonna do if the guy was willing to leave his wife? Were you then gonna leave your H and tell him everything or just let him figure it out when you moved in with the OM. I feel so sorry for your H and children for having a wife and mother like you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Giving her sh*t like this isn't helping guys. FF, please go talk to counsellor about all this stuff. I'm actually wondering now if this is more such a habit and obsession about him. You need some help so you can really get him out of your blood. What you feel for him, even if the recent events HAVE shown you once again who he is and you say will give you closure, what happens in another week when he approaches you again? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Mea, can you see now why your logic and faith in FF is skewed? lkjh, can you NOT see that this type of talk by you does nothing to help FF? It does not even shock her into making any changes. Does it help you by making such posts? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 He says at least your H is a good guy. he goes on with why can't we be friends until the kids get older and then to he gets off thinking about all of our good times in bed. Until the kids get older? Yeah right, my exMM is still concerned about his adult children who are grown and out of college. He will never leave if he isn't going to leave now. He wants his cake and eat it too and will never let down until he gets it. He is flawed and too toxic for you. And DO NOT overlook those clues that his W is checking out his emails and such. You are not the only one no matter how much you want to believe that. Hard, hard lesson I know. PM me any time. Hugs, WF. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 As I write this I see how insane everything he said. It was all manipulation and crazy. Now I regret ever saying I loved him and wanted to be with him. IT IS OVER IN MY MIND. No. If it were over in your mind FF then you would not have feelings for him and YOU would be over this mess. You sound like your still very confused. YOU need to choose how to end this FF.. it's all up to YOU. Not this MM. lkjh, can you NOT see that this type of talk by you does nothing to help FF? Exactly James. Mea, can you see now why your logic and faith in FF is skewed? lkjh. If you have something to say to me I'd appreciate it if you would send me a PM. Thanks. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 He also told me his wife is checking his e-mails and phone. So something must of happened with him and somebody ele becaue I have been out of the picture for the last couple months or he could be lying.. Not something new. For your sake, and for your family's sake, I sincerely hope that while she's checking his emails and phone, she sees what's gone on between the two of you and you're both "caught'. I don't say this because I want you to suffer...not in the slightest. I say it because I believe it's how this is all going to come to an end. I believe that it's the only way that the truth will finally come out, and it's the only hope you've got for an honest marriage, and true reconciliation and recovery. I think that getting caught would be the best thing that could happen to you. And as I said...that's not said with any malice or anger, or hope that you'll be hurt. As wierd as this might sound, it's said with the best possible hope for you and your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think that getting caught would be the best thing that could happen to you. And as I said...that's not said with any malice or anger, or hope that you'll be hurt. As wierd as this might sound, it's said with the best possible hope for you and your situation. I agree with this. It would hurt, but then everything would be over. There would be no way this indecision could continue. While your life might be difficult for awhile, the future would be a better one that what faces you now. I am also guessing that you would feel allot of relief. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 lkjh, can you NOT see that this type of talk by you does nothing to help FF? It does not even shock her into making any changes. Does it help you by making such posts? What would help her another three years of holding her hand? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 lkjh, can you NOT see that this type of talk by you does nothing to help FF? It does not even shock her into making any changes. Does it help you by making such posts? Help me how? I am simply being honest. If you can find one thing that I have posted that isn't true, then please let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 FF, the only way this is going to end is if you tell your H. For years you have followed the same pattern over and over again. Everybody is to busy trying to put the blame on this guy when you are the one chasing him. All of your post are centered around him and never about your H and family. You even post in the OW/OM section instead of the infidelity section. You consider yourself the OW instead of the betrayer. If you want to break your mental condition down until you are completely fragile then stay on your current road. Link to post Share on other sites
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