Owl Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 You can expect him to keep doing this for a long, long time. He knows that this "wore you down" in the past...and he ended up getting what he wanted from you. He has no reason to believe that this time is any different. He's going to keep this up until you cave, or you SHOW him something new...like going to true NC with him. Do you feel that you can live with things the way that they are right now for a long time to come?
lkjh Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 No I dont care that the two of you arent talking because you still see each other everyday. That is not no contact.
Meaplus3 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Well xmm had to come over and get his child and I did not let him in the house. In fact he tried to talk to me and I could not even look up. He said see you later and I just walked in the house. How old are his kids FF? Because if they are old enough to walk nextdoor or across the street by themselves then that would eliminate the need for xmm to pick them up or you to bring them home. You could even simply stand by the door to make sure they get insiide safely. I did this while keeping NC with xmm neighbor and it worked. I think you just need to NOT see him and it would help YOU so much. Just a thought.
lkjh Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Meaplus3, She will never not see him because she enjoys the drama too much. She even has her mom covering for her.
desertmoon Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Hello Forbidden Fruit! Boy, what a mess, huh? the choices we make, the chances we take....in the end we just hope there is no collateral damage or at least very minimal... I read most of the responses to your posts...some are really insightful, helpful...most just plain want to break you...of course, all in the guise of wanting to "help" you...very passive-aggressive on their part...probably because they were, at some point, betrayed spouses. I am a betrayed spouse and an other woman...there is no pride to that declaration....just facts... I concur with RecordProducer...no one knows your husband here, but YOU...so if you do not want to tell him about the affair...DON'T. Just make sure it remains a secret--because IF (big IF) it comes out...their might be huge repercussions to having hidden it. Be ready for it... I do really believe you want to do the right thing-sadly, timelines do not work when it comes to healing...and yes, you DO need to forgive yourself-and give yourself a chance to make your marriage whole again.... One day at a time....baby steps...you can do it....because I think you sincerely want to...
Meaplus3 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Meaplus3, She will never not see him because she enjoys the drama too much. She even has her mom covering for her. I happen to disagree with you. IMO, FF really wants to find a way out of this.. and I believe she is ready to take those steps to try and make peace with this situation. I have faith in her.. and would like nothing more than to see her happy again with her H and over and done with this toxic xmm. Mea:)
lkjh Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Meaplus3, Don't you see the pattern of behavior? For almost 3 years she has acted the same. One month she hates him and the next month she back with him. I wish I could have faith in her but she has not changed anything. The only difference is at this point in time she is not sleeping with him. Lets see where she is 2 months from now.
Meaplus3 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Meaplus3, Don't you see the pattern of behavior? For almost 3 years she has acted the same. One month she hates him and the next month she back with him. I wish I could have faith in her but she has not changed anything. The only difference is at this point in time she is not sleeping with him. Lets see where she is 2 months from now. Yes..I see the pattern like I'm sure many others do. But, I was like FF once very stuck in the same sort of pattern . Read back through my xmm posts and see the troubles I had you'd be amazed.I look back now and I'm amazed. My point is, I believe she really is ready this time to end it. She's knows this can't continue any longer and it seems like it's taking a toll on her. And gosh only knows what it's doing to her family. I'm just trying to offer her as much support and encouragement as I can because I'd like to see her out of this mess and happy.I'm sticking to my view on this. If you have anything more to say to me on this please send it via PM. We are taking over FF'd thread and that's not right. Mea:)
desertmoon Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Meaplus3, Don't you see the pattern of behavior? For almost 3 years she has acted the same. One month she hates him and the next month she back with him. I wish I could have faith in her but she has not changed anything. The only difference is at this point in time she is not sleeping with him. Lets see where she is 2 months from now. You do NOT think that is a BIG difference?
lkjh Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Desertmoon, she has had these periods before but she always ends up back with him. Awhile back she was posting about how sick he was and she was never going to touch him again and then a few months later he was back inside of her and her H was of no concern. I' m simply saying she has done nothing different and she is keeping him around. How is this different from her previous cycles?
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 You do NOT think that is a BIG difference? You should go back and read her past posts Honestly, I don't understand what she gets out of this site. Her life and her brain are broken records. Crap when she writes stuff it feels like a scene from groundhogs day. Do not waste your time here people.
desertmoon Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Ikjh and Untouchable Fire: I understand your frustration, so the reason you were posting in response to her "dilemma" was not really because you had anything to tell her or advise her or help her, but to tell anybody who cared to respond to her to leave her alone because we are all wasting our time, right? I am glad that you can make the judgment call. Thanks!
lkjh Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 We have already told her, advised her, and helped her but she has chosen to ignore it and still act selfishly. My reason for posting was to point this out to her. But I'm glad I could help and your welcome
JamesM Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I advise anyone who thinks that we are wasting our time responding to FF to begin by minimizing the unnecessary time wasted when they read this thread. There will always be people who think that posting to certain threads are a waste of time, and there will always be people who do not think posting to those same threads is a waste of time. For those who think it is a waste of time, refrain from visiting said threads. And by all means, please quit wasting our time telling us we are wasting our time. Then we ARE wasting our time reading something which is telling us we are wasting our time. Forbidden fruit, how is it going with you? Did you make it through the holidays so far? Have you had any slip ups?
desertmoon Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You should go back and read her past posts Honestly, I don't understand what she gets out of this site. Her life and her brain are broken records. Crap when she writes stuff it feels like a scene from groundhogs day. Whatever FF gets from this site is her business---if only to get some stuff off her chest, so be it....here's what YOU can do, you do not have to respond to her posts. I do not think responding to her post is a requirement, or is it? Many are stuck in that cycle she is in..that is why...er..."support" groups/sites are popular and patronized. Do not waste your time here people. It looks to me that you did not only tell her that she has been told many times but you also campaigned for other posters to ignore her--very bullish...and childish. I concur with JamesM.
Darth Vader Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 what is the inevitable? So are u sayng I can turn on and off the affair or he can. He says e wants to be just friends nothing sexual because of the guilt. Do u think if I said let's sleep together all of that so called martyrdom would go out the window? In a New York minute! The guy just wants sex, plain and simple, just to score as the saying goes.
White Flower Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I advise anyone who thinks that we are wasting our time responding to FF to begin by minimizing the unnecessary time wasted when they read this thread. There will always be people who think that posting to certain threads are a waste of time, and there will always be people who do not think posting to those same threads is a waste of time. For those who think it is a waste of time, refrain from visiting said threads. And by all means, please quit wasting our time telling us we are wasting our time. Then we ARE wasting our time reading something which is telling us we are wasting our time. Forbidden fruit, how is it going with you? Did you make it through the holidays so far? Have you had any slip ups? Very well said JamesM and I agree 100%.
Darth Vader Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I now know why i wasn't posting, thanks but not thanks. There are only a few of you and you know who u are who have provided me with any really support. The rest of you are bitter and angry. Thanks for not caring this is not a support forum it is lynch mob. More like you're only here to hear only what you want to hear, and somehow get some need/s met from us, that's why you keep coming back here, even after you've told us all (is it up to 3, or 4 times now, I lost count, anyway:rolleyes:) that you're done with us and would never come back. Here she is, once again........ I got the noose knotted, J/K:p I couldn't resist. It was in response to this: Thanks for not caring this is not a support forum it is lynch mob
Darth Vader Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 FF, dont play the victim, for months you have been ignoring everyone's advice and just looking for people to agree with. You need to grow up fast because this is all going to crash down on you. BINGO! Exactly the point I've been making!
Mio Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 More like you're only here to hear only what you want to hear, and somehow get some need/s met from us, that's why you keep coming back here, even after you've told us all (is it up to 3, or 4 times now, I lost count, anyway:rolleyes:) that you're done with us and would never come back. Here she is, once again........ I got the noose knotted, J/K:p I couldn't resist. It was in response to this: So what? Why is it bad if someone comes back 3, 4, even 10 times? Why does that make a difference?
Darth Vader Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 was it just a EA or was it a PA? Glad you asked, why, it was the latter, but she never told her hubby that it was a PA, he thinks it's was only an EA. What hole have I dug. I have not been in contact with xmm. What now has changed since the last time I have posted? The size of the hole has changed in size, that's all that's changed. It continues to get larger as each day passes, as you keep ignoring it, and deny ignoring it to us.
Darth Vader Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 So what? Why is it bad if someone comes back 3, 4, even 10 times? Why does that make a difference? You missed my point, she keeps coming back on here with the same old, same old, doesn't like what people are saying, get's mad, then leaves for good, only to reappear months later saying the same crap all over again, in that order, trust me on this, I've been watching this from nearly the start. My God, it's just like watching "The Young and the Restless" nothing ever changes, what I mean is, you could leave for 10 years, come back, and still see the same thing/s happening, it's scary! Just like a soap oprea. Don't believe me, go back and read some of the other posts, it's so sad.
Darth Vader Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 If you still haven't told your husband, nothing has changed, except more time has passed when you could have grown a pair and done the right thing. The hole....one of continued deceit and ignored responsibility. The hole of waiting for someone else to do your job. You are still soooo fogged over you don't get it, or is it you don't want to get it. I believe it's the latter. She doesn't want to get it. I am sooo hurt:rolleyes: I can tell. You know Bent, she'll put all of us on ignor soon, then when the crap really hit's the fan and she wants advice from us to help save her destroyed failing marriage, because hubby found out somehow....... there will be no one who can help her, because she would have all of us on ignor, then she's really gonna have to fend for herself. Oh well. Going out with anyone right now Bent, just curious.
Mio Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 You missed my point, she keeps coming back on here with the same old, same old, doesn't like what people are saying, get's mad, then leaves for good, only to reappear months later saying the same crap all over again, in that order, trust me on this, I've been watching this from nearly the start. My God, it's just like watching "The Young and the Restless" nothing ever changes, what I mean is, you could leave for 10 years, come back, and still see the same thing/s happening, it's scary! Just like a soap oprea. Don't believe me, go back and read some of the other posts, it's so sad. I'll take your word for it. It's just that I question why LS regulars post in these infidelity threads at all sometimes. I get that FF is stuck. That much doesn't change. But her pain doesn't change either. She still comes here looking for something that few regulars seem to give her. Do you ever question why the haters keep playing the game too?
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I believe it's the latter. She doesn't want to get it. I can tell. You know Bent, she'll put all of us on ignor soon, then when the crap really hit's the fan and she wants advice from us to help save her destroyed failing marriage, because hubby found out somehow....... there will be no one who can help her, because she would have all of us on ignor, then she's really gonna have to fend for herself. Oh well. Going out with anyone right now Bent, just curious. I am on ignore, at least that is what she said. And going out,nope.... only hanging with my kids when they have time for the old chick:p
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