allina Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Hmm, all good advice...much to think about. Yes, I am losing weight, but is 15 pounds a months excessive? how do i do it?? For someone significantly overweight 15lbs in a month isn't excessive. Of course once you're closer to your ideal weight you won't, and shouldn't lose that quickly. I don't know what your diet and activity level is like so I don't know what to suggest. Eat a good breakfast, eat lost of fresh real food. Do as much cardio as you possibly can and do yoga or pilates a few times a week. And I don't understand why people are calling this guy a jerk and shallow. That's just being overly PC! Most people do not want to date someone who is 50lbs overweight. Especially when they were mislead, with FAKE PICTURES to think that the person was at a normal weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Okay, it was ONE fake picture, all the rest were real, they just weren't recent. The fake pic i told him about before we met. I'm not saying that's okay, but i didn't fake an identity of any kind. And yes, i agree, if the roles were reversed i likely would have reservations about dating someone who didn't take care of themselves. Over the last 2 years, watching my body change into something very unfamiliar has been such a drag, but i'm optimistic about turning things around. I went from a size 6 to a 14 and was on all these crazy supplements. I just really care for him and wanted to make him as happy as he makes me, I dreaded the idea of bursting his bubble. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 All the mess (his marriage, your weight, lies) aside I think that if you want to keep his interest you need to lose weight asap and make sure he knows you're losing. Maybe is he sees that you're losing a good 15 lbs a month he'll feel encouraged and won't stress about getting stuck with a fat girl. I'm not trying to be mean, I think heavy women can be beautiful but it seems like he doesn't, and it's his opinion that matters here. Assuming he finally made the break and this is the first time he has cheated he will now feel more confident and go after someone he really wants and who is available locally and not settle for the first woman who was willing to play phone sex and take that next step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 No, we are close and committed to eachother. Our friends and family, including our parents, support us. If he wanted to f*ck around with a local girl, he could have done it easily 2 years ago. This topic is strictly about weight loss and weight issues, not an analyzation of anything deeper regarding he and I. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 ...Just before he and i started talking, i was diagnosed with systemic candida and began treatment. It affected my weight big time. My weight ballooned up to 195 pounds (I am 5'6). I hid it from him, especially after finding out from comments he made sometimes, he had a problem with overweight girls. In fact, he complained that his wife got fat from her bipolar meds (of course i defended her, she is sick for crying out loud!). Ah, welcome aboard the Karma Train. I really do hope you lose the weight because he is certainly counting on it. For your sake I also hope you do not become ill or grow old. How kind of you to defend his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Oh goodness, having the candida was quite the illness, I hope I have nothing like THAT again! It was a triggered by an overuse of antibiotics, it took over six different doctors to figure out what was wrong with me, finally an alternative medicine doc figured it out. I suspected it all along due to my symptoms, but the initial doctors didn't believe me. My weight spun out of control, it affected my thyroid, i had food allergies, bloated, strong sugar cravings, chronic yeast infections, a whole slew of things. I was on supplements and a special diet for over a year. It affected both my work and personal life. So happy it's over for the most part. He was there for me through all that so hopefully he'll stick by me if other things come up. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I agree with Never. You lied to him. And that is probably bothering him more than the weight. I would be completey honest about the reasons why you lied now. I think it's the only hope you have to gain back the trust. The lying is not good, but I think it's the weight more than the lying. This much I know... if I met a wonderful woman on line and she lied to me telling me she was overweight, when she was in fact lithe and petite, I would be overjoyed, not pissed. I know it sounds pretty shallow, but looks really are pretty important to a lot of people (guys and gals). Not just weight, either, but looks in general. "Looks-ism" is very real. At least with weight you can try and loose it. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 I'm not seeing where the lying is that big of a deal. After all he is cheating and that in itself is a lie. Lose the weight for yourself and find someone decent. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 I'm not seeing where the lying is that big of a deal. After all he is cheating and that in itself is a lie. Lose the weight for yourself and find someone decent. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. I don't know why you assume he is cheating. Hasn't his wife moved out? Bureaucratic red tape causes a lot of people to drag their feet on the divorce thing. Cheating is something between two people, not between two people and the government. If his wife and him have agreed seeing other people is okay, then it's not cheating. Not in my book, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 Yes, they live apart, and have not had any type of spousal relations in over three years. I don't consider myself the "other girl" in any sense. When I came into his life, they were already completely estranged. All that's left is paperwork. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I really wouldn't sweat this too much. You said he's already purchased plan tickets for 3 trips to see you, so obviously the weight wasn't that huge of an issue. Also, now that you're back to a regular diet (are you?), and feeling better, then in combination with the extra push to lose the weight you should see good results over the next several months. My suggestion: when this guy comes to visit you, SHOW him what you are doing to get back to a healthy weight. Don't drop the exercise, or eat differently, while he's around. If you change your lifestyle to make time for him, then all he'll really see is the fact that you don't exercise or eat right. He won't believe what you're telling him because he'll never see it... and since you have decieved him previously about the weight then you'll need to be more 'in your face' about it from here on out. Also, try to include him in on the new health plan. You said he takes care of himself, so maybe the two of you could join an online fitness site together, track exercise programs, plan goals, etc. Or maybe the two of you could (if you like running) could enter a 5k together that's 8 months a year away, and then make one of your visits at a race event. Idk... I was just thinking if the two of you could incorporate this into your relationship, then not only would it alleviate some of his doubts, it would also help bring the two of you closer. In addition, it's easier to motivate yourself to keep exercising when you have someone to share it with. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Yes, they live apart, and have not had any type of spousal relations in over three years. I don't consider myself the "other girl" in any sense. When I came into his life, they were already completely estranged. All that's left is paperwork. Hmmm... funny how that paperwork never seems to get completed.... Anyway, I'm with the others on the deceit thing. I would be really pissed if a guy sent me fake pictures over the internet. Have you guys talked about that, or have the conversations mainly been about the weight issue? Do you think he is mad about the lying? How thin does he want you to be? Is it realistic for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 Yes, I think showing him that i'm working out will help. However, i am always quick to remind him that i'm getting back in shape for myself, not for him. Which is the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 Also, yeh, the paperwork thing sounds like BS. We have mutual friends who have confirmed some aspects of his situation, which has made me feel a bit better. Believe me, i'm wary of certain things too. Yes, we talked all about my lying and the reasons why i did it. I think he's over that part, now he just wants me to follow my word on what i said i was going to do. He asked me "how much weight do you think you need to lose total?" and i said "about 30-50 pounds". He didn't argue. (lol). But hopefully he's aware that is quite a challenge and hopefully he'll be my cheerleader. I am on weight watchers and work out. I find it interesting that the replies i got to this post started out as pretty harsh then changed to more supportive with honest suggestions. Not sure why. I read the more harsher folks' other comments on other posts. Geez. Some people have quite the chip on their shoulder! Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Weight Watchers is a great program. You can lose the weight and keep it off because they teach you how to really change your habits and thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I find it interesting that the replies i got to this post started out as pretty harsh then changed to more supportive with honest suggestions. Not sure why. I read the more harsher folks' other comments on other posts. Geez. Some people have quite the chip on their shoulder! It always amazes me when people come to this board for advice and then get angry when people give their honest opinions. I think if your MMbf likes thin women and you are 50lbs. overweight it is a big problem. Apparently you do too or you wouldn't have lied and sent phony pics of your legs. I know too many women whose bf/h's have liked skinny women and after their SO put on weight the deal was over. If you think 15 lbs. a month is too much weight to lose too soon how long do you plan to take to lose the 50 lbs.? How do you know you aren't going to gain it back again? People like what they like and can't help it. How do you know this guy isn't going to cheat on you with some skinny girl after a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 StilladamnFool, I meant comments about the relationship in general, not about the weight issue. I didn't ask for comments about our relationship. And i dont know how long it will take me, but so far 12 pounds to date. Let's not ruin this happy day, the GOP has been ousted. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 OP, I like bigger ladies (married one) and I gotta tell you I wouldn't be annoyed by your weight but rather by the fact that you attempted to deceive me about it. That's called getting a potential relationship off on the wrong foot, if it doesn't ruin it before it starts. Now, my wife was late to our first date but she was dead honest about who she was and what she looked like. BTW, she's still late Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 LOL! That's great. Yeh, I have guy friends who like bigger "voluptuous" women and female friends that like big brawny guys. I personally have a chest hair fetish. I love chest hair on a guy. Some of my friends don't get it, they're like "eww, noooo". But i love the masculinity. Ya like what ya like i guess. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 WOW.. 12 pounds.. that's another 7 pounds from the first post.. This is amazing.. keep up the good work... I know you can do this.. I also know it takes courage and a lot of 'willpower'.. but when your goal is to look stunning.. it's easier to achieve.. I think... Put a photograph (from a magazine or whatever) of an amazing great looking female body.. one that you'd love to have... and post it on the fridge.. that should 'boost' you when you get cravings.. etc.. Also.. drink a lot of green tea.. it's good to keep your weight down and even lose it even for those who don't diet.. It's a great dueretics (sp)... You go girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I love chest hair on a guy. Some of my friends don't get it, they're like "eww, noooo". But i love the masculinity. Ya like what ya like i guess. :-)Yeah, but it's the back and butt hair which impelled my wife to get out her waxing pot. I think she gets some perverse pleasure out of inflicting pain on me Now, if I could just get her to do it with a bustier and heels on, well, there ya go Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Share Posted November 6, 2008 Thanks! I'll have to try out the green tea. Yeh i'm losing weight pretty well but i have a feeling it will plateau in a bit, then start to come off. Carhill, thats so cute. OH, i bet you could charm your wife to wear those things for you! My bf likes Kim Kardashian and Monica Belucci. Kind of a T&A guy, I guess. He's really into butts. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubeegrl75 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Share Posted November 6, 2008 AND...yeh, i'm following the diet pretty well, but sometimes I really crave mcdonalds and/or chocolate ice cream and lots of it. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 AND...yeh, i'm following the diet pretty well, but sometimes I really crave mcdonalds and/or chocolate ice cream and lots of it. Frequent cravings aren't a good sign. Have you noticed what makes you crave food? And a little knowledge about McDonalds food and their practices should get rid of all your cravings for it :sick::sick::sick::sick: Link to post Share on other sites
ioncebelieved Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 A lie is a lie is a lie! You bet your a$$ he should be mad. There is a difference between fibbing a little and lying a lot. Your story was long and I glanced it, sorry, but I have much to do. Always be honest!!! What if he said he was 6 foot and turned out to be 5 foot? An inch or so off, not a big deal. I am about 5'6 1/2"-5'7" so I will say 5 ft 7. Not a lie, just close to where I am. If you weighed 160lbs and said 150, not earth shattering. You see my point? Link to post Share on other sites
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