I got pregnant from married man.

[1Yoyo]

Rant if you must. Sounds like you were young. I am not. I am 36. You have your opinion. I don't want to have a baby to keep him. If he wanted to be with me, full time, he would have left his wife by now, I know this. If this is the option I take, he would be doing me a favor. I am looking at him as a sperm donor. It would be up to him, if he wanted to be a part of our child's life. (IF this is the option I choose.) As far as his love for me, he does love me. He knows how much I want a child and he is willing to help me. I am not asking ANYTHING of him. I can afford to have a child, its not about money. If/when he is ready to be a part of the child's life, it will be fine with me. [color=red]Remember, I haven't decided if he will be the father. I will have a child, but it may very well be a donor from a sperm bank or an adopted child.[/color]

 

I am a college graduate, one masters degree, working on a second. I know what I am doing. I have my family to support me. I have thought this out, over and over again. I want to have at the least, one child of my own. I am a responsible person, thus my waiting to have a child. I have spoken to my mom many times and I have to say, its because of her, [color=darkred]I know I can do it[/color]. She raised each of her four children to be self-sufficient, and we are. I decided to go to college and work, a great deal of my adult life. I have always wanted kids and I have waited, and waited. Being a single parent DOES NOT scare me. I don't care that you think I am selfish. If you knew me, you'd know that I am not a selfish person, at all.

 

Yo

[guest]

yo,

sorry for my rant. I don't think you're selfish. But I think it would be much easier on everyone if you went to a sperm donor place instead of the married man. Less strings. Being pregnant is very very emotional and it could end up confusing things or intensifying things.

 

I am young I am 25 and my daughter is 9. I put myself through college by myself no support my rents helped and now am considering doing my master online probably. Althought I don't know Iw ant my MFA. Anyways it is hard and rewarding but I am glad you thought of it so many people rush head in and get caught up in the miracle then the reality hits and there not prepared.

 

And I agree that women are capable of raising beautfiul product member of society by themselves but it is nice to have someone to give you a hand or cry on some one sholder when you send your child out for the first day of school or when they had the first big fall ect. the first year is hard and it is very easy to get overwhelmed so you nedd like mini breaks sometimes to coleect yourself.

 

I remember when I hired a babysitter just so I could take a nap.

 

And to address another point. I do think if a child is concived with a mm the mother needs to be up front about it. Because the child can have some self esteem issue or feeling of being left out of thier father's family or a mistake ect.. Especially if the wife is notmature enough to handle the childe. So to thoose who have already have children with thier mm make sure the kids know everyday how much thier loved and be sensitive to thier feeling about the dad and, other family.

 

So to babble

[ringo]

your not a selfish person. So if this is TRUE then what do you call wanting (or thinking) of having a child by a MM that already has a wife and kids? That is selfish. If you want a child - fine. But it's selfish to want this man's baby RIGHT NOW because he is still MARRIED. If you love him, he loves you - then he would be divorced. Those poor kids would have a HALF brother/sister that they wouldn't get the privilege of truly knowing and growing up with. The kids are the ones that get hurt here. If you don't want to think of the wife - that's fine, because if she knew what he was doing she most likely wouldn't want to be called his "wife" any longer. But... the kids. I understand the points you are making and I agree with you. But I don't on "wanting a baby by your MM". I think this is EXTREMELY selfish.

[1Yoyo]

Have you not read what I have said?? I have not made a decision yet. I will drop the subject. You think what you will. I know who I am and nothing you or anyone here can say will change how I feel.

 

Yo

[supermom]

I understand both points - but as a wife myself I would be pissed if my husband had an OW, not to mention if she wanted to have a baby with him. I would definetly leave my husband if that was the case.

 

Does his wife know about you?

 

Remember though, his wife will be so crushed if you did get preg by her husband, maybe you should just go through a sperm donor.

 

It's your life though so good luck

[Matilda]

Yo, you sound like a strong and confident woman, and I do believe you would be more than capable of raising a child alone. However, if you were my friend, and I were giving you advice, I would advise you not to do it.

 

I have a daughter from my first marriage. Her father and I divorced when she was a baby. She cries because she has never "known" how it is to live with both parents. I know she will be "okay", but I still wish that I could give her what she wants and deserves. I will always feel guilt that she is suffering because of my mistake. And, yes, I know, that her suffering is minimal compared to the suffering of some other children in the world, but as her mother I wish I could give her more.

 

Obviously, you will make your own decision, and perhaps you've already done this, but I urge you to consider the emotional consequences to your potential child of such a decision.

[1Yoyo]

Thanks for the info Matilda and both you and supermom for your words. No his wife does not know about me. It will be up to him, when/if he wants to tell her. Ill make a decision one way or another in the next few months.

 

 

Yo

[coollady_1974]

This situation is one you created on your own. The man's faults put aside, you knew about his wife and you CHOSE to still sleep with this man. Now you are pregnant! What to you expect? Him to come and marry you and you live happily ever after? It doesn't work that way. Do you know the pain that your actions caused? Can you fatham what his wife is feeling? She has invested a lot more in this relationship than you ever have to be betrayed and to make it worse, you knew he had a wife.

 

I would be more sympathetic if you did not know. I would feel more for you. But you spread your legs, you let him do it without protecting yourself and now you have to deal with the consequences. I do agree that he needs to live up to his responsibility, but that child is marked for life knowing that he wasn't created from love and that they were an accident because Mommy and Daddy decided to have unprotected sex and whoops! Here I am!

 

Did either of you think of that? There's nothing that you can say or do to alleviate the pain and feelings of rejection that kid is going to feel. You both were selfish! You both were irresponsible! You are depriving that child of the opportunity to grow up with BOTH a mother and a father who love them and be surrounded by that love. That concept is way beyond what you, or these nasty OW, can conceive.

 

Women like you sicken me and you deserve what you get.

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by InmannRoshi

Yeah, I’m way off base even though I have scientific research on my side.

 

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)

• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)

• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)

• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children.)

• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)

• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

 

These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home are:

• 5 times more likely to commit suicide.

• 32 times more likely to run away.

• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.

• 14 times more likely to commit rape: This applies to boys of course.

• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.

• 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.

• 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.

• 20 times more like to end up in prison.

http://www.menweb.org/throop/nofather/dart.html

 

 

And this is just the stuff we can quantify. We can't even get into less measurable claims like "% of girls who end up with a-hole guys grow up without a father".

 

Girls without fathers reach puberty and menstruate earlier..

http://www.menstruation.com.au/periodpages/withoutdad.html

 

Girls without fathers are more likely to become sexually active at an earlier age and have higher rates of teen pregnancy

http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99993724

http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20030719/fob2.asp

 

Read the studies done by Judith Wallerstein. Google her, there are tons of articles about her studies0 shows that children of broken families are more likely to suffer from everything from substance abuse to an inability to resolve conflict.

 

 

But perhaps the best way to sum it up is with the words of Chris Rock…

 

 

I had to really laugh at all of this.

My parents were divorced, I hardly saw my dad.

But I never had any of things happen to me.

It's so funny to read all of these, because who are the idiots that make this stuff up??

 

It's so untrue

[otherwomen]

I ahd a baby with my ex MM.

We were friends since HS.

He agreeded to help me have a healthy child.

I lost one a year before due to birth defects with my husband.

I was too afraid to have another one from my H.

So basically he was a sperm donor for me.

But then we both fell in love.

Well he told me first.

It took me longer than him to tell him, I was afraid but trusted everything he told me.

The plan was that he would be the Uncle, and godfather, and my H would be the "dad".

It was all fine and dandy, until his wife cornered him and asked about us from a tip from my exfriend.

So now we are not together.

My H doesn't know the truth, never will.

MM is not involved in her life.

I don't want him to be.

She is very happy here with her big brother and sister.

MM doesn't seem to be bothered with it, because if he really was he would have taken me to court for custody. We already did a DNA test, no one else knows and the results too, but us. He told me he would not come after me and fight for her.

I hope that he is holding on to that, since he couldn't hold on to his other promises he made.

 

And no she will not grow up like those statistics.

 

No one knows anyone elses situation unless they put their feet in their shoes. No matter if it was wrong or right. And in my case she was right, and I was right, I followed my heart.

 

So screw all those people who talk negative about the OW...its the wife's and husbands to blame too.

[h0neybeean9el]

My story was a little different from yours, but it ended the same way. I was The Married WOMAN who got pregnant by a man i had been seeing for 6 months. I was in the process of leaving my husband but trying to do evreything right to save my daughter from any hurt. The closer it came to me moving out, the happier my new BOY TOY was, talking about how he wanted to get married and couldn't wait to be with me for the rest of his life.

 

Things went on and I never told him I was pregnant. We talked one night and I had asked him and said, "Look, for you, if I ever get pregnant, I don't want you to worry about me, ok?" I just won't tell you. He got mad and said I better, and so on.

 

Well, I was pregnant and at 6 weeks I had a miscarriage. It took me 3 weeks to tell him what had happened. It was about 2 weeks after that, that he left me for someone else.

 

I know, what should I have expected? God lets things happen for a reason. And this baby is yours, and it has a Reason.

 

**** the man, you can do it on your own!

[otherwomen]

My daughter will be 4.

MM and I don't talk alot, maybe one liner email once a month.

His wife does not know but assumes she is his.

My husband does not know, he is her father and loves her so much.

MM emailed me and asked me if it would be ok to send her gifts and such for holidays. His wife said yes...but that looks a little fishy considering he never wanted to do anything for me.

I have other children too and what would they say if they saw gifts come in for her.

We were all friends and hung around together and went on 2 vacations together. They were suppose to be my daughters godparents. His wife really misses her.

I don't know if it is a good idea to accept anything from him, considering the pain I have been through and I am just starting to heal.

Having him in any part of my life will just open up the wounds.

I hate living in the same small town too, I don't like to bump into him.

[Moose]

I have a comment. If I ever found out that the man who raised me my whole life wasn't my real father.....I'd have a ton of hatred towards you. Have you ever considered that? Don't you think your husband deserves to know that he's raising a child that's not his own?

 

Why not but your suffering and pain aside for once and think about someone else for a change?

[otherwomen]

no thank you.

I have had enough pain within 2 years, my mom and dad died. My dad died 2 days before xmas.....I have no other family around. So no, I do not want or need any more pain in my life and either does my family.

[Moose]

I'm truly sorry for you loss.

 

I hope that in the future ,when you feel the time is right, that you'll change your mind and allow the truth to be known. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for another fall.

 

Don't be so selfish.

[otherwomen]

I'm not being selfish when were seeing each other (3+ years) he kept telling me that no one can ever know and that all he wants to be is her godfather and Uncle D. She was our love child and he was so happy to have her but does not want to be the father and he said he doesn't even feel like one.

 

My daughter has a good life with her brother and sister here.

 

I do not like how he raises his two children and his family is SELFISH. My other two kids can't stand them, there so mean.

 

I really believe that him and I would be together, I thought it was the real thing. We have known each other since HS.

 

But my daughter is happy here and no one will ever know. He promises me never to tell unless I decide to. When my son graduates in 2 years we plan on building another house in another town and no one will know where we moved too, since I have no family around here.

[hotgurl]

When your daughter is old enough I would tell her the truth. When she finds out and she will she will be very angry and devasted.

 

I had a similar situation happen to me. My father and I are estranged. But I still see his parents. He got remarried and stuff years later I found out he had a another child. My brother was 7 yrs old. My grandparents hid it from me for seven yrs why i have no clue. They would take down pictures of him when I visited. I was soo pissed. I never forgave them. How could they lie to me about something like that. I was os betrayed. We havn't spoken in 4 yrs. I can't trust them anymore.

 

Stuff like this always comes out.

[HokeyReligions]

This thread is a year and a half old! The original poster is long gone from LoveShack. Maybe it's time to start a NEW thread?