Question for Guys 40 - 50

[Jersey Shortie]

The core message is clear Balhazar. I'm not the only woman that feels this way. Alot of other women have signled their distress at the almost cruel comments. It seems that women are bottom feeders to some of you men, no matter our state or how much we want to find the love of a good man..of course unless we are 18.

[vonerik012]

Jersey, stop twisting everything..

 

Many women on here rip older men as well. Actually much worse. All I said is the vast majority of men want women to be THEIR AGE, or YOUNGER.

 

Age is a consideration when men are seeking a life time partner. To say that is isn't would just be fooling yourself.

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersey, stop twisting everything..

 

I'm not twisting anything. I am telling you the message you are giving some of the women here. Maybe it makes you feel good to do so. Maybe it doesn't. I really don't know. I know the message you give though is that women are bottom feeders who shouldn't expect the respect, love, kindness of men..of course unless they are 18. But if a man hits on you, or or sleeps with you, he might even take advantage of a mentally handicapped girl so his interest in you doesn't mean your worth anything.

[soserious1]

This entire discussion is totally off the hook at this point.

 

IMHO, men are entirely free to prefer younger women, to express and exercise those preferences directly and honestly.If you're rejecting me on the basis of my age though, best to frame that rejection politely as in expressing my interest in you I've done nothing but pay you a compliment.

 

Having your right to reject me due to my age, doesn't mean that I'm horrible, a "hag" "old cougar" or any of the 101 other degrading terms I've seen flung around here.

 

Being free to reject me in favor of younger women does also not mean that I am not entitled to have any preferences of my own when it comes to romantic partners. My fishing pond is smaller true but that does not mean I can't catch and release fish that aren't up to my standards.

 

My choice to reject men based on lifestyle concerns is just that, it's not a secret code that denigrates older men as lousy lovers, heck, people who stink in bed come in all age groups.All of the requirements I have for a prospective partner are things that I also bring to the table. I do not have children still living at home, I don't expect a new man to support me and I won't be starting off our relationship together saddled with crushing debts.

 

 

To the OP, the best advice I can give you is to go ahead and meet this man, just remember though that once we're over 40 the most valuable thing any of us have is time.. let the fellow know your age and any other potentially deal breaking situations early on and encourage him to do the same.

[Balthazar]

I strongly disagree with some of your comments made in this thread as they show a very selective memory.

 

There have been numerous derogatory slurs by women posters ;a number of them wanted to have me ostracized because I expressed my views.

 

Why do you not state the insults like "women hater", "misogynist" "troll", "conspirator" and "gay" which were aimed at the male posters who exercised freedom of speech?

 

You also forget that all comments about our preferences were made within a thread which SPECIFICALLY asked for male opinions.

 

WE did not crash some female thread uninvited.

 

So basically, someone asks us our opinion, and you come and bash the heck out of us for expressing it?

And then you act as if YOU are the persecuted ones and shout "TROLL".

ANd you accuse us of "hypocrisy"?

 

Women persecuted? ON LS? Are you joking?

LS has a strong pro-women bias.

It could easily be mistaken for Gloria Steinhem's feminist forum in disguise.

 

On LS, women who date men 0-30 years younger are glorified and applauded, while men who do the same are vilified.

We are "trolls", "Misogynists", "woman haters", we "lack intelligence".

 

Nobody made the effort to explain to me why I am a misogynist if I date younger women.

Isn't a misogynist a person who hates all women, irrespective of age, colour or nationality?

 

And if I(as a 38 year old who likes women 21 to 33) am a misogynist, why are these 50-year old women chasing 20 year old dudes not "misandrists"?

 

For god's sake, we have a 40 page thread here because some of us stated we prefer younger women!

 

We have women throwing statistics trying to disprove WHAT ALL GUYS KNOW(and all WOMEN TOO)!

 

What I saw during this thread was a constant attack by women posters, who would continuously put words into my mouth.

It got so bad that I had no recourse but to DIRECTLY challenge two posters (SOSerious and ALMOST FAMOUS) to state where I had said what they claimed and I would retract.

Of course, there was NO REPLY.

 

Going back to the topic.

 

Should the OP go out with the younger man?

 

Yes, but she should keep the things we have mentioned in mind.

 

If I try to date Katherine Heigl, I will be shot down.

She is too beautiful, too famous, too rich for me.

I have little to offer her; she is out of my league.

There is nothing wrong with that, and I accept it.

 

When the OP is dating that younger man with an LTR in mind, she is effectively going out of her league.

She may be beautiful and intelligent, but IMO, her age DOES count against her;

 

This is what I and many other males posters believe, and you don't accept.

 

I have always been truthful in my posts, and I understand and accept that this often be unpopular with some.

 

I know what you(and all women who are a bit older) want to hear.

 

You want to hear that you are as beautiful and as desirable as you where when you were 20 or 25.

In fact, you may want to hear that you are EVEN better, as you now combine beauty with the wisdom of your years.

You want to attract all men(young and old) and have your pick among them.

 

Well guess what?

No matter what VonErik or I say, you will attract a number of these men.

And they will appreciate you for all the qualities you possess.

 

But these younger men will not be a majority; they will be a small minority.

 

Just like the average Joe dating Katherine Heigl is a minority too.

 

TO the OP:

Date this guy. Live your dream, find love and happiness.

Forget what anybody says and do what is in your heart.

 

But, be ready to accept the consequences of your actions and be aware that the deck is stacked against you from the get go.

 

CHeers,

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I think the OP bailed out a long time ago....

[soserious1]

so how do you live for 30 yrs or more knowing that you're an unwanted piece of garbage?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

so how do you live for 30 yrs or more knowing that you're an unwanted piece of garbage?

 

Do not internalize these opinions, SoSerious. It's just a couple of opinions from a couple of people.

[vonerik012]

SOSO...

 

Lets say a man started a thread who was 5ft 4, wanting to date very tall women.

 

This is not very natural, but it might occur. Is he then a worthless piece of garbage if women suggest he date women that are shorter? Of course not.

 

It makes more sense to be the younger woman, then to be left for a younger woman.

 

How secure would you be knowing the man you are with is 5-10 years younger? You don't feel there is a greater chance of him leaving in the future? If you don't care, then go for it.

 

And it's true.. Men are misogynist pigs if they date a younger woman.. If women do it they are applauded.."You go girl!"

 

Cherry, you really think our opinions are extremely rare? You think all of the men we have talked to our entire lives were telling us they want to marry older women, and we are just lying to be mean?

[Balthazar]

It cuts both ways.

 

I have my first white hair round the temples.

It takes me an extra day to recover after basketball.

I can't stay up until dawn partying for more than 1 night in a row.

I actually have to find a woman attractive to get a boner(which wasn't the case in the past).

I haven't started a family yet and I'm 38.

 

We all have issues, aging is one of them.

 

As for being an unwanted piece of garbage.... well, that is an overstatement which I know you don't believe.

 

Everybody's options(men and women) decrease as they get older, but if we take care of ourselves(both physically and mentally), we will always have some.

 

CHeers,

[soserious1]

Vonerik, all your words have been ringing thru my head for days now, then just echo and reinforce what my soon to be ex-husband told me,that sexually he considered me "finished at 50" and that with the exception of very rare sex that I would need to ask for an appointment to have, he would much rather our marriage be sexless.

 

I'm just struggling here,trying to come to terms with the idea that after a lifetime of caring for others that I'm now basically worthless and that I'll most likely die alone in some nursing home.

[Balthazar]

I think the OP bailed out a long time ago....

 

You think?

 

I really hope things work out for her...whatever she chooses to do.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

 

Cherry, you really think our opinions are extremely rare? You think all of the men we have talked to our entire lives were telling us they want to marry older women, and we are just lying to be mean?

 

 

I'm saying that there are many people in the world with many different opinions and that to take what two to three people have said on this thread as representation of all men is not wise. V, Balti, Hiitsme have their opinions, which they have stated in various ways. There are other opinions as well. That's all I'm saying.

 

By the way, my college roommate's younger brother married a woman 16 years older than he. He is 30 and she is 46. Unusual? Yes. The point is that there is room for many pov's here.

[vonerik012]

SOSO, my mother passed away which left my Dad widowed at the age of 62.

 

After a few years he was ready to date, and went ballroom dancing. He met a woman who was around 56-58, and they have been together for the past 13 years. My father is now 76 and still very active.

 

If that 56 year old woman was saying "I want a younger man", chances are, in my opinion, she would be alone. Now she is about 68, and still has my father, and has had company, companionship, etc everyday.

 

And cherry, I do wonder if that 30yr old will stay with that woman when he is 45, and she is 61. That's what I am saying..Some people think ahead, some do not.

[soserious1]

SOSO, my mother passed away which left my Dad widowed at the age of 62.

 

After a few years he was ready to date, and went ballroom dancing. He met a woman who was around 56-58, and they have been together for the past 13 years. My father is now 76 and still very active.

 

If that 56 year old woman was saying "I want a younger man", chances are, in my opinion, she would be alone. Now she is about 68, and still has my father, and has had company, companionship, etc everyday.

 

And cherry, I do wonder if that 30yr old will stay with that woman when he is 45, and she is 61. That's what I am saying..Some people think ahead, some do not.

 

The older men I've ran across do not share my lifestyle or my interests though. I don't want to provide nursing care for a new husband's elderly parents, I don't want to help him pay to send his pre-existing children thru

college. I don't want to have actively parent step-children only to have the guy die when I'm in my late sixties leaving me alone in the end anyway.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

You think?

 

I really hope things work out for her...whatever she chooses to do.

 

I know you do. I do too.

[vonerik012]

Why not just be single and enjoy yourself if you have been stressed by marriage, taking care if people, etc.

 

There is no perfect scenario in which you get everything you want. For men or women. The younger men have the same concerns about older women.

[soserious1]

Why not just be single and enjoy yourself if you have been stressed by marriage, taking care if people, etc.

 

There is no perfect scenario in which you get everything you want. For men or women. The younger men have the same concerns about older women.

 

it just seems that in the exchange you're proposing that I won''t get ANYTHING that I want, that the one who will win will be the much older man, who can then expect me to pay and to caretake for him before he dies.

[vonerik012]

Women seem to have a harder time coming to terms with this. Do you think men get everything they want? Typically if they want a younger woman they support them, in many many cases.

 

Men get rejected all the time for one reason or another. Too short, not enough money, no chemistry, too old, too young, etc

[soserious1]

Women seem to have a harder time coming to terms with this. Do you think men get everything they want? Typically if they want a younger woman they support them, in many many cases.

 

Men get rejected all the time for one reason or another. Too short, not enough money, no chemistry, too old, too young, etc

 

I'm prepared to not get EVERYTHING I want, what I'm not prepared for is the idea that I won't get ANYTHING I want.

[stillafool]

Rachel Hunter announced she is pregnant today!

[almost famous]

Men have no issue whatsoever dating educated and successful women but it doesn't really matter. As long as a woman is tolerable to live with and a man feels he will make a good wife or a good partner that is who he will go for. A woman's career status is sort of besides the point.

 

 

It's not about status, it's about background and education. most professional men are educated, therefore they want someone who is also mentally stimulating.

All of my married male coworkers are married to women who also have at least a college degree like they do themselves.

I'm used to men who are professional being interested in dating me, they don't want the Wal-Mart cashiers, or bar maids, whatever, there is no commonality at all.

[soserious1]

Rachel Hunter announced she is pregnant today!

 

I'll make up popcorn and grab some lawn chairs

[almost famous]

Rachel Hunter announced she is pregnant today!

 

That makes sense, she stated she wanted another child.

[Taramere]

Lets say a man started a thread who was 5ft 4, wanting to date very tall women.

 

This is not very natural, but it might occur. Is he then a worthless piece of garbage if women suggest he date women that are shorter?

 

No he's not, but he's probably making a mistake if he believes that in posting on a very mainstream message board he's going to get the kind of advice he probably wants to hear. The likelihood is that he'll get conventional opinions....and convention says that women generally prefer taller men.

 

He either accepts that and gives up on his quest to have a tall girlfriend...or he decides "to hell with it. I'm going to give it a go anyway."

 

There are lots of people who don't comply with convention. Who find they don't want the things that sociologists and anthropologists decree they should want.....but because the norm is for women to want taller men, any tall woman our 5 ft 4" guy gets is going to have to be a bit unconventional. If he doesn't like non-conformists, then he probably needs to drop his dream of a tall girlfriend, because a tall, conservative-minded girl probably won't go against the grain and hook up with someone of his height. If he does like them, and is a non-conformist himself, he has a higher chance of getting a tall girlfriend who is a little more unusual in her personality and tastes...in a way that he can relate to and enjoy.

 

People with conventional outlooks and tastes find it hard to understand those who don't share them. Conservative types and subversives often don't mesh very well, so if you're very conservative and traditional in your outlook, it might be difficult for you to understand the mindset of a man who's a little more out there. A subversive and non-conformist of a woman might actually have a better insight into that man's thinking than you do. Just as you might have a better understanding of how the conservative, traditional woman thinks and perceives things.

 

A conventional older woman will probably want a man her age or older....in just the way that you feel she should. What you're talking about is less conventional women who aren't overly fussed about age. Now sure, there's a chance that her radical young guy will discover a more conservative side to himself after a few years of shagging the older lady, but the thing is that non-conformists tend to be bigger risk takers in general. Which means they're that bit better equipped to deal with an outcome like that...because they're more used to taking risks and sometimes losing.

 

If someone's of that mindset and that temperament, you won't change them by preaching convention and "what most men want" at them. The average man probably isn't what an unconventional woman is looking for, or who she could ever find any happiness with. She'll find that happiness with someone a little more unusual. He might be ten years older or ten years younger...but they'll understand eachother in ways that you don't realise, because it's too difficult for you to see beyond simple, familiar symbols of what most people want.