More "guy weekend" b.s.

July 18, 2008

But seriously... if there's one thing I do know, and I know well, it's how to sabotage and irreprably harm a relationship.

Oh me too! BTDT!

Knowing what NOT to do to have a successful relationship is as important as knowing what to do.

So true, so true.

July 18, 2008

OMG, I can't believe how many more posts this thread got. Sheesh!

Anyway, talked with boyfriend, settled everything. Actually I'm going to spend the day with my family tommorrow and go to an athletic center that is near our house. They have a pool, gym, ect. So I won't be back at the apartment until around 9 then its off to meet my friend for drinks.

He doesn't care if I come in and sleep on Saturday night, he told me he wants me to be able to go out and have fun and he knows I can't do that if I spend the night at my parents.

So everything got worked out just like I thought it did. His friends just got here so I am leaving in like an hour to go have dinner with my family. They all kind of forgot I was here when they strolled in, so I'm glad I'm leaving because I'd be bored as hell. Anyway we worked it all out, so that's what matters. We spent a couple hours together before his freinds got here and it waas nice to get that in.

As far as switching plans go, neither of us really care. He and I agree that re-compromising is better than one person being miserable if you stick with the original one. He's not mad at all that I switched plans so it's all done with.

Yeah I did feel I was being attacked, so I think that I'm going to be done posting threads for awhile. I will update periodically but I think I can handle things from here because I obviously did. I'll keep posting for others. Thanks for posting so many responses.

July 18, 2008

too late .... .lalalla ,,.,.,

July 19, 2008

I am just so blown away by this thread and the one before. As Carhill said, I've been following this whole event without responding, but I just find it so amazing. I can go on about the importance of letting a guy (or girl) entertain friends in their home with privacy or time away from their partner, but that whole point has become so convoluted now.

I'm just seriously trying to understand what is so difficult about packing a bag with clothes, a good book, and miscellaneous sundries and just heading to your parents' house and whatever other flop house you want and just doing your thing. It's not like you have to rent a hotel room or anything. This has become just such a blatant exercise of power (ironically, where little exists) and warfare on your part that it's laughable.

Man, relax. Read a book. Chill out. There is nothing at your apartment that you can absolutely not do without that wouldn't fit in a bag. Wow. I have to say that those people who have been throwing out the term "princess" have been kind.

I think what makes this so interesting to me is that with every thread you remind me more and more of my ex-wife. Not an insult, just an observation. And as that continues, I really feel more and more sorry for your bf. You seem to lack the ability to compromise. You do it in words, but can't seem to follow through in action. This is a combative trait that can be devastating to a relationship. When people point this out, you crawl into your shell and put your fingers in your ears... not a positive coping strategy as I'm sure you know as a therapist.

LB, giving up a bit of control to others that love you and that you love can be a great thing. You should try it. There's something very freeing about not having to be right or victorious all the time. And it makes for a much less stressful life. Really, relax and delegate some power before you blow an artery, alright?

July 19, 2008

I will update periodically but I think I can handle things from here because I obviously did. I'll keep posting for others. Thanks for posting so many responses.

Hey LB.. WTF happened to this thread ?..I haven't seen a thread implode like this in forever..

Damn.. I step away for a few hours to go spread 75 bales of pine straw in the flower beds and come back to 11 pages to read..

I'm sorry you felt attacked.. I wasn't meaning to make you feel that way..

Have a good weekend and let us know how it went

July 19, 2008

Hey, A_C, set you post preference to 40 per page and it makes these iterations of War and Peace much more palatable

I assume the games have begun. Fanfare, please!

July 19, 2008

OMG, I can't believe how many more posts this thread got. Sheesh!

Anyway, talked with boyfriend, settled everything. Actually I'm going to spend the day with my family tommorrow and go to an athletic center that is near our house. They have a pool, gym, ect. So I won't be back at the apartment until around 9 then its off to meet my friend for drinks.

He doesn't care if I come in and sleep on Saturday night, he told me he wants me to be able to go out and have fun and he knows I can't do that if I spend the night at my parents.

So everything got worked out just like I thought it did. His friends just got here so I am leaving in like an hour to go have dinner with my family. They all kind of forgot I was here when they strolled in, so I'm glad I'm leaving because I'd be bored as hell. Anyway we worked it all out, so that's what matters. We spent a couple hours together before his freinds got here and it waas nice to get that in.

As far as switching plans go, neither of us really care. He and I agree that re-compromising is better than one person being miserable if you stick with the original one. He's not mad at all that I switched plans so it's all done with.

Yeah I did feel I was being attacked, so I think that I'm going to be done posting threads for awhile. I will update periodically but I think I can handle things from here because I obviously did. I'll keep posting for others. Thanks for posting so many responses.

You know I did this type of stuff in my last relationship, getting upset about minor issues, and it didn't help matters at al. He sounds like an easy going guy who wants everyone to be happy. Be careful about using that too much to your advantage.

July 19, 2008

OMG, I can't believe how many more posts this thread got. Sheesh!

Since the topic of attacs came up...I do feel that this attitude is not very nice considering that most people wrote those pages because they tried to help. Starting 4 topics and then wonder why things get blown out of proportion..I don't get. I never ment to attack you.

But good for you that you found a solution. Have a nice weekend.

July 19, 2008

Yeah but Krytie, her boyfriend spent the last 4 weekends with other friends, excluding her out. Something's not right with this if he's spending his weekends that he has off with friends, not with her. I mean the weekends are the times that you WANT to spend with your SO, and he goes and plans 4 weekends with friends instead?
That is really off to me.
I really think that is the heart of the issue here.

I am going to go out on a limb here and respectfully suggest that somebody who acts the way the OP has over this weekend probably acts in similar fashion much of the rest of the time. Would anybody WANT to go out and spend time around a drama filled,insecure control freak?

Lauriebelle.. gracious women give space immediately when space is requested,they don't have endless hours of negotations, renegotations..

you've put this guy in the position where he's flat out had to tell you that your company wasn't wanted this weekend.

You had an opportunity to be gracious, to gain bonus points for being a cool,understanding g/friend. When he first reminded you of this weekend

the gracious lady would have said that you were packing a bag and would be going to your parent's home directly from work on friday and that you'd see him monday evening after work, you'd have kissed him friday morning,told him to have a good time and issued the standard reminder to clean up and gone about your business.

I'm sorry but you come across really badly and I'm betting your b/friend feels so micromanaged that he probably acts out just in sheer rebellion.

July 19, 2008

LB... I think you handled things just fine. Have more trust in your own abilities. You might not always get it right, but as long as you communicate with your bf in an open way then you two will be okay. If the relationship doesn't work out, it won't be due to lack of comprimise and communication, it'll be due to differences in core values.

As far as some of the posts this thread... yes, they were incredibly attacking and harsh. Some simply state their opinion, give their reasons and allow the OP to come to their own conclusions. Others turn it into a figurative 'shove their opinion down your throat and get pissed you didn't swallow fast enough'. There are healthy paths to take, and attacking paths. Some people need to be reminded that this is a discussion, not a boxing match.

Personally LB, I think you reacted to Star Gazer, Touche and the others who critized your motivations the same way you reacted to your bf... you back down. You hide, you give in, you stop communicating and tell everyone you give up, they win. (same thing I do.) You can't do that though. You can't back down on things that are important to you. Stick up for yourself maybe not on here.. but in real life)

For the record... I would love to hear how this plays out. I know how I would react to the situation, and I sure as hell wouldn't be as diplomatic, comprimising, or understanding as you have been. It just shows that you have a good handle on the situation.

July 19, 2008

Hey LB.. WTF happened to this thread ?..I haven't seen a thread implode like this in forever..

Damn.. I step away for a few hours to go spread 75 bales of pine straw in the flower beds and come back to 11 pages to read..

I'm sorry you felt attacked.. I wasn't meaning to make you feel that way..

Have a good weekend and let us know how it went

You didn't make me feel attacked it was others. I understand constructive criticism and all, but I just stopped responding when others started just bashing into my character. Insults aren't helpful to me.

Anyway, I am having a fun weekend so far, I went to a cabana bar with my sister last night and it was really great to hang out with her because I rarely do. It was a lot of fun. I'm having fun with my family as well, it is good to see them all. I know everyone sees the situation differently than each other. I remember reading that someone said that I don't know how to compromise, which is obviously NOT true since I have done so on many occasion.

Like I have said before, I wonder how some of the posters would have reacted if actually put in this situation. It's very easy to say "oh I would NEVER react that way" but it is a hell of a lot different when you are actually in it.

BF and I worked out a compromise, that's all thats important. I have actually concluded that he wants to hang out with his friends because he is feeling a little claustrophobic from living together. Maybe thats why the situation DID bother me so much. Well, I gave him his space and I have mine so hopefully that will help our relationship to get some time away.

July 20, 2008

I am just so blown away by this thread and the one before. As Carhill said, I've been following this whole event without responding, but I just find it so amazing. I can go on about the importance of letting a guy (or girl) entertain friends in their home with privacy or time away from their partner, but that whole point has become so convoluted now.

I'm just seriously trying to understand what is so difficult about packing a bag with clothes, a good book, and miscellaneous sundries and just heading to your parents' house and whatever other flop house you want and just doing your thing. It's not like you have to rent a hotel room or anything. This has become just such a blatant exercise of power (ironically, where little exists) and warfare on your part that it's laughable.

Man, relax. Read a book. Chill out. There is nothing at your apartment that you can absolutely not do without that wouldn't fit in a bag. Wow. I have to say that those people who have been throwing out the term "princess" have been kind.

I think what makes this so interesting to me is that with every thread you remind me more and more of my ex-wife. Not an insult, just an observation. And as that continues, I really feel more and more sorry for your bf. You seem to lack the ability to compromise. You do it in words, but can't seem to follow through in action. This is a combative trait that can be devastating to a relationship. When people point this out, you crawl into your shell and put your fingers in your ears... not a positive coping strategy as I'm sure you know as a therapist.

All great points, Krytiekins.

Yeah but Krytie, her boyfriend spent the last 4 weekends with other friends, excluding her out.

I believe he only went out last weekend as well. Her argument seemed to also sound like, "He went out last weekend too, and has another get together in 2 months, why does he need this one too?"

Since the topic of attacks came up...I do feel that this attitude is not very nice considering that most people wrote those pages because they tried to help. Starting 4 topics and then wonder why things get blown out of proportion..I don't get.

Absolutely. LB received posts because we were trying to help. Getting annoyed at the outpouring of help and insight - whether she liked the overwhelming majority's opinion or not - isn't conducive to getting ANY advice in the future.

I am going to go out on a limb here and respectfully suggest that somebody who acts the way the OP has over this weekend probably acts in similar fashion much of the rest of the time. Would anybody WANT to go out and spend time around a drama filled,insecure control freak?

Lauriebelle.. gracious women give space immediately when space is requested,they don't have endless hours of negotations, renegotations..
you've put this guy in the position where he's flat out had to tell you that your company wasn't wanted this weekend.

You had an opportunity to be gracious, to gain bonus points for being a cool,understanding g/friend. When he first reminded you of this weekend
the gracious lady would have said that you were packing a bag and would be going to your parent's home directly from work on friday and that you'd see him monday evening after work, you'd have kissed him friday morning,told him to have a good time and issued the standard reminder to clean up and gone about your business.

I'm sorry but you come across really badly and I'm betting your b/friend feels so micromanaged that he probably acts out just in sheer rebellion.

I had hoped that LB would have gained points after the first thread on this subject, but I don't think she did.

Personally LB, I think you reacted to Star Gazer, Touche and the others who critized your motivations the same way you reacted to your bf... you back down. You hide, you give in, you stop communicating and tell everyone you give up, they win.

But that "give up" isn't ever sincere. It's again something she says with words, but doesn't really believe or follow through on. It's passive aggressive.

Like I have said before, I wonder how some of the posters would have reacted if actually put in this situation. It's very easy to say "oh I would NEVER react that way" but it is a hell of a lot different when you are actually in it.

Like I said before, I've been in that situation, more than once. Most of us here have.

July 20, 2008

BF and I worked out a compromise, that's all thats important.

You know, I've just read this whole thread and was planning to stay out of it, but this...

It's not true, LB, that working out a compromise is all that's important. It's HOW you work it out, and how both of you feeling during that process and afterwards that is important. And what you learn from the whole thing is important so you can handle it better next time there's some issue.

And in this case, you've been agonizing about this for, how loooooong? And you've been changing and rearranging and discussing your rearranged plans how many times now with your bf? All that f*cking drama is what kills goodwill between people and creates resentments, irritation, and causes major withdrawals from the emotional accounts.

I was once visiting my fiancee's family for a holiday weekend and spent over an hour listening to his parents "discuss" back and forth and up and down and sideways and around who and how and when someone would go to the store to pick up something or other...making and re-making and re-re-making the plan. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and took my boyfriend's car and drove to the damn store myself. When I returned, they were still arranging and rearranging the plan with escalating levels of frustration between them...it was all about CONTROL.

Cut the drama, LB, as much as possible, if you want to ENJOY being with your bf. You might make it together, either way, but you won't enjoy it if you don't learn to cut out the drama and keep it simple.

July 20, 2008

Cut the drama, LB, as much as possible, if you want to ENJOY being with your bf. You might make it together, either way, but you won't enjoy it if you don't learn to cut out the drama and keep it simple.

I would go even further and suggest that she may not HAVE a Bf much longer unless she puts down the "empowerment" sword . THis is what feminism has wrought upon you, ladies.

Most of you lack the skills to apply your equality and the subsequent entitlements CONTEXTUALLY.

LB is a classic example .

July 20, 2008

You know, I've just read this whole thread and was planning to stay out of it, but this...

It's not true, LB, that working out a compromise is all that's important. It's HOW you work it out, and how both of you feeling during that process and afterwards that is important. And what you learn from the whole thing is important so you can handle it better next time there's some issue.

And in this case, you've been agonizing about this for, how loooooong? And you've been changing and rearranging and discussing your rearranged plans how many times now with your bf? All that f*cking drama is what kills goodwill between people and creates resentments, irritation, and causes major withdrawals from the emotional accounts.

I was once visiting my fiancee's family for a holiday weekend and spent over an hour listening to his parents "discuss" back and forth and up and down and sideways and around who and how and when someone would go to the store to pick up something or other...making and re-making and re-re-making the plan. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and took my boyfriend's car and drove to the damn store myself. When I returned, they were still arranging and rearranging the plan with escalating levels of frustration between them...it was all about CONTROL.

Cut the drama, LB, as much as possible, if you want to ENJOY being with your bf. You might make it together, either way, but you won't enjoy it if you don't learn to cut out the drama and keep it simple.

Best advice so far, IMO. Very well said.

July 20, 2008

Hey NJ, was wondering where you had been hiding! Welcome back!

July 20, 2008

LB is like a lamb to the slaughter here

::Sigh::

July 20, 2008

The point is - she should have NEVER been put in this sitatuion in the first place. This is utterly ridiculous. Her BF does NOT have the right to demand that she vacate her home for three days and then act like a spoiled child when she tries to point of the sheer idiocy of his request. LB and Star Gazer, I could not disagree with you more emphatically if I tried. This isn't about "breaking a deal" or "being too needy" or any of the other nonsense you are trying to make it into. This about a girlfriend who was pressured into making an arrangement (which was originally made without her consent anyway) that she was NEVER comfortable with NOT because it involved her BF spending time away from her, but because he REQUIRES her to be COMPLETELY banished from her OWN home for a period of several days. She clearly has no issue with him going to Vegas or where ever else, it is the simple fact that she is being emotionally blackmailed into getting tossed out of her own house so that her BF can regress into his childish party years with a bunch of louts who have zero regard from the OP.

For the life of me, I cannot understand how any rational adult who has ever had a successful, serious relationship would think that this was in any way aceptable. A young foolish teenager or college kid who has no understanding of what a mature partnership is, sure. I just can't believe the hostility of these responses when clearly they are utterly and completely wrong.

I second this.

I think some good points have been made about compromising, and sticking to a compromise. However, I think the deeper issue is that Lauriebelle is still unsettled over this whole situation, from the beginning. Therefore, the last minute negotiations to pop in here and there. If this guy and his loutish friends had been more respectful of HER space in the first place, then I'm willing to bet she would not still be posting on here. And yes, I said her space. Someone mentioned that when space is requested, a gracious woman would grant that space. Going out with the guys on a Saturday night is space. Letting him have a couple of friends visit for the weekend is space. Having 7 guys for the weekend and not so subtly demanding that she VACATE her own living space for 3 days is another thing. So this was planned months ago. Big deal. Things have changed. They live together now. A little respect, please. Her bf doesn't want her to share a slice of pizza and a soda with the guys? What, does she have cooties or something? And don't even get me started on these friends and their lack of respect for this woman's home. I can't imagine going to stay in someone's house and asking them to LEAVE while I'm there. Jeeez.

Hope you are having fun this weekend, Lauriebelle, whatever you end up doing.

July 20, 2008

Wow.. this thread is something..

I see the "common-sense' VS 'the nonsense' posts here..

I bet the 'nonsense' posters have changed their mind when reading more and more about the 'common sense' posts.. but since they will not admit it... keep on arguing an issue that just doesn't make sense...

July 20, 2008

Wellt he weekend went great. I got to spend a lot of quality time with my family then came back home last night (my bf and his 6 friends were still here) and my friend came to pick me up right away and we went to the bar. We had the most AWESOME time. It was seriously so much fun and it felt good to get out.

Actually all the guys couldn't get a cab out last night so they ended up playing poker all night. When I got home at 2 I was really excited and a little drunk. I sat with them and watched a little of their poker game. My bf said how glad he was that I had a good time. I think he realizes now that I can do my own thing and dont need to rely on him so much. So I'm glad for that, as I think it will help our relationship. It was nice that we each got some of our own time with our friends. His friends left earlier and we are doing some housework and talking about our weekend. So everything worked out so well.

I will try to cut out some of the drama, I analyzed the weekend way too much when I should have just gone with the flow. The "re-compromise" worked out sooo well though, and my bf said how glad he was that I had an opportunity to have fun with my friends.

I know we will be okay, we have had pretty much no problems with living together since this whole guy incident. We are happy and the weekend worked out great for both of us, so compromise (even re-compromise) helped the situation. We are both trying to be flexible and understanding of each other, as it should be when you live together.

Thanks for the responses.

July 20, 2008

my friend came to pick me up right away and we went to the bar... When I got home at 2 I was really excited and a little drunk...My bf said how glad he was that I had a good time.

What an embarrassment for your bf.

To have his live-in gf show up drunk, at 2am, from a bar, in front of all his friends.

Scored a bunch of points against right there.

July 20, 2008

Forgive me, Ariadne...

You are no person to judge on embarrassing situations.

And neither am I.

That was a mean spirited comment.

July 20, 2008

Forgive me, Ariadne...

You are no person to judge on embarrassing situations.

And neither am I.

That was a mean spirited comment.

I just told her exactly my impression from her post.

I have no other impression.

July 20, 2008

What an embarrassment for your bf.

To have his live-in gf show up drunk, at 2am, from a bar, in front of all his friends.

Scored a bunch of points against right there.

WHAT? He wants me to get my own freaking life. So I got one. What I'm supposed to stay at home in my room while they play poker and not go out because they couldn't get a cab??? YEAH RIGHT.

July 20, 2008

WHAT? He wants me to get my own freaking life. So I got one. What I'm supposed to stay at home in my room while they play poker and not go out because they couldn't get a cab??? YEAH RIGHT.

One night out doesn't mean that you suddenly got your own life.

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