More "guy weekend" b.s.

[Lauriebell82]

Honestly, big whop. Doesn't change the fact that you're deliberately changing your plans now.

 

SO WHAT that YOUR plans changed and now it might be more inconvenient for your friend to drive a little bit farther to pick you up/drop you off from your parents' house. That's YOUR problem now, not your BF's. Your BF has friends coming in from OUT OF TOWN. You already AGREED to a COMPROMISE where you would NOT be there tomorrow night, AT ALL. Now you're changing YOUR mind to what suits YOU better regardless of the fact that YOU made an agreement that made BOTH of you fairly happy.

 

Go ahead and sabotage your relationship, LB. Like Touche said, you're making a bit to-do about nothing, and causing unnecessary drama.

 

You're only thinking of yourself right now. Mark my words, but if you keep this stuff up, I guarantee we'll be seeing you in the break-up forum in less than 6 months.

 

Attack everyone else. I'm done, sorry. I should known better.

[Star Gazer]

Note that three people who were very much on your side at the beginning (Art, Trial and Touche) are now urging you to stick to your plans, and stop causing drama.

 

You can't have it both ways, LB. A compromise don't mean sh*t if you don't keep your end of the bargain. Your compromise was not contingent on you having the best laid plans for yourself...

[Lauriebell82]

Note that three people who were very much on your side at the beginning (Art, Trial and Touche) are now urging you to stick to your plans, and stop causing drama.

 

You can't have it both ways, LB. A compromise don't mean sh*t if you don't keep your end of the bargain.

 

Yep, I'll just worry about my own probs right now and try to solve them. Thanks for responding.

[Star Gazer]

Attack everyone else. I'm done, sorry. I should known better.

 

Don't be passive aggressive. I'm not saying anything that the majority of people here aren't saying as well.

 

I really hope FOR YOUR SAKE that you give him his requested and agreed upon space this weekend.

[Star Gazer]

Yep, I'll just worry about my own probs right now and try to solve them. Thanks for responding.

 

Have it your way, LB. You always do.

 

Best of luck.

[Lauriebell82]

Don't be passive aggressive. I'm not saying anything that the majority of people here aren't saying as well.

 

I really hope FOR YOUR SAKE that you give him his requested and agreed upon space this weekend.

 

Yeah thats why i'm leaving. I'm sick of being attacked, do it to each other.

 

I can solve it on my own.

[Nevermind]

Why do you view this as an attack? Because you started it to get a backrub? This is support: people are telling you what is wrong in this picture, for the sake of your relationship. I agreed with you at first, before I had the full picture and then I realized that your behaviour is not okay.

 

If you can't deal with being wrong, you're in for some trouble eventually. That worries me, honestly. You seemed to be interested in getting a compromise that suits both, but you are now completely ignoring said compromise and doing everything you can to sabotage it.

 

I do get the feeling that the entire "I want my own life. No depence. Can do what I want. Compromise, Schompromise." attitude is a kind of revenge, because your boyfriend chose to spend time without you.

 

This is not healthy.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Why do you view this as an attack?

Just as a casual observer, I'm seeing a few of these posters as blatantly attacking rather than trying to help as well.

[oceangrl]

I think you have every right to make plans that would make you happy. And if spending time with your friend and your sister makes you happy, he will understand that you are already busy doing your own thing--you are not relying on him for your happiness--that IS giving him space. I'm pretty sure he'll have an easier time having fun with his friends knowing that you are happy doing your own thing too.

 

As long as you aren't relying on him for your weekend plans, I don't see how you aren't giving him space--you will be doing your own thing. Isn't this better than canceling plans (that would make you happy) and spending a whole weekend at your parent's and not enjoying her weekend? You are not being selfish here. You are compromising for what is best for the both of you....not just works best for him.

 

I think it would hurt the relationship to not enjoy your weekend...because if you enjoy your weekend too....then you BOTH have things to talk about once you reconnect after this weekend.

 

I think this compromise is fair. Don't cancel your plans with your friend to stay at your parents place. As long as you make your way through the house discretely, you are giving him the space he needs.

[Lauriebell82]

I think you have every right to make plans that would make you happy. And if spending time with your friend and your sister makes you happy, he will understand that you are already busy doing your own thing--you are not relying on him for your happiness--that IS giving him space. I'm pretty sure he'll have an easier time having fun with his friends knowing that you are happy doing your own thing too.

 

As long as you aren't relying on him for your weekend plans, I don't see how you aren't giving him space--you will be doing your own thing. Isn't this better than canceling plans (that would make you happy) and spending a whole weekend at your parent's and not enjoying her weekend? You are not being selfish here. You are compromising for what is best for the both of you....not just works best for him.

 

I think it would hurt the relationship to not enjoy your weekend...because if you enjoy your weekend too....then you BOTH have things to talk about once you reconnect after this weekend.

 

I think this compromise is fair. Don't cancel your plans with your friend to stay at your parents place. As long as you make your way through the house discretely, you are giving him the space he needs.

 

Just wanted to tell you that we worked it out, without fighting or anything. I just got off the phone with him and he told me that everything is cool and that he wants me to be happy. He said he knows that being at my parents house would not be fun and he wants me to have a fun weekend too. So all is good. i'm actually excited to spend time with my sister and my friend. I'm usually with my bf, so I am looking forward to reconnecting with them. And like you said oceangrl, then we can tell each other about our weekends.

[vedderbetter]

The point is - she should have NEVER been put in this sitatuion in the first place. This is utterly ridiculous. Her BF does NOT have the right to demand that she vacate her home for three days and then act like a spoiled child when she tries to point of the sheer idiocy of his request. LB and Star Gazer, I could not disagree with you more emphatically if I tried. This isn't about "breaking a deal" or "being too needy" or any of the other nonsense you are trying to make it into. This about a girlfriend who was pressured into making an arrangement (which was originally made without her consent anyway) that she was NEVER comfortable with NOT because it involved her BF spending time away from her, but because he REQUIRES her to be COMPLETELY banished from her OWN home for a period of several days. She clearly has no issue with him going to Vegas or where ever else, it is the simple fact that she is being emotionally blackmailed into getting tossed out of her own house so that her BF can regress into his childish party years with a bunch of louts who have zero regard from the OP.

 

For the life of me, I cannot understand how any rational adult who has ever had a successful, serious relationship would think that this was in any way aceptable. A young foolish teenager or college kid who has no understanding of what a mature partnership is, sure. I just can't believe the hostility of these responses when clearly they are utterly and completely wrong.

[Star Gazer]

Why do you view this as an attack? Because you started it to get a backrub? This is support: people are telling you what is wrong in this picture, for the sake of your relationship. I agreed with you at first, before I had the full picture and then I realized that your behaviour is not okay.

 

If you can't deal with being wrong, you're in for some trouble eventually. That worries me, honestly. You seemed to be interested in getting a compromise that suits both, but you are now completely ignoring said compromise and doing everything you can to sabotage it.

 

I do get the feeling that the entire "I want my own life. No depence. Can do what I want. Compromise, Schompromise." attitude is a kind of revenge, because your boyfriend chose to spend time without you.

 

This is not healthy.

 

 

I totally agree. I actually add you to the list of others who were first 100% in agreement with LB's perspective at first, but then realized over the past 3 (4?) threads about this that it's not okay.

 

As you said, we're here to help, for the sake of the relationship. That's not always going to amount to a virtual backrub.

[oceangrl]

See thats all that matters!! Its all good. There is no drama. I knew he would be happy knowing you are happy.

[Nevermind]

I think he had no right to throw her out. His planning was selfish. LaurieBell had every right to stick up for herself.

 

BUT

 

They are adults who agreed on a compromise that was portrayed as a mutual agreemend to both side's satisfaction. One should not, unless for very severe reasons, break those compromises. It will establish a pattern of unreliability.

[Trialbyfire]

It will establish a pattern of unreliability.

Exactly. I suspect that right now, he's pretty much willing to agree to anything just to have the weekend happen. Anything to stop the drama.

[Nevermind]

This is my impression as well. I'd be glad for both of them, if that's not the case, but given the history of this situation it's doubtful.

[Lauriebell82]

I think he had no right to throw her out. His planning was selfish. LaurieBell had every right to stick up for herself.

 

BUT

 

They are adults who agreed on a compromise that was portrayed as a mutual agreemend to both side's satisfaction. One should not, unless for very severe reasons, break those compromises. It will establish a pattern of unreliability.

 

Oh PLEASE this is not an everyday occurance. Who the hell cares if we "re- compromised" it happens. "Set in stone" behavior does NOT fly when you live together. At least not for us.

[Nevermind]

Remember this sentence when he will re-plan something that was important for you.

[sb129]

I can't believe this is STILL such an issue.

 

I can't wait for this frickin "guys weekend" to be over and its nothing to DO with me!

 

While I agree with vedderbetter that the way this was dealt with initially was immature and ridiculous, it was an arrangement that was made before LB moved in with her BF, so he couldn't really back out of it.

 

Then she (after a 28 gazillion page thread of agonising) decided to let him go ahead with it and they came to a compromise so that they were both happy with it. Now that this seems to have disintegrated, LB wants to "have fun" because he is "having fun" and somehow feels shortchanged that her only option is staying with her parents for the weekend.

 

Whats so bad about staying with your parents for the weekend? I would love the opportunity to stay with my parents for the weekend if my fiance was out getting obliterated all weekend. Unfortunately they live 19000 miles away...

 

I think this has been handled poorly from start to finish by BOTH LB and her BF, and isn't a particularly good sign of things to come if this much drama has to happen before the event has even taken place!

 

I asked my fiance what he would do if he wanted a guys weekend/night. He would either go somewhere else, or arrange it for a time when he knew I had something planned. He said he wouldn't insist that I left the house, but would consult with me at the outset so we could work something out together.

 

I guess LB didn't get this opportunity, but for heavens sake is it going to take another 28 pages before we see the end of the weekend and the end of this?

[Star Gazer]

Exactly. I suspect that right now, he's pretty much willing to agree to anything just to have the weekend happen. Anything to stop the drama.

 

Ain't that the truth!

[Star Gazer]

Oh PLEASE this is not an everyday occurance. Who the hell cares if we "re- compromised" it happens.

 

Umm, I'm guessing your BF cares. I doubt he's pleased that you changed things at your whim and put him in a position where he had no choice but to agree to your change of plans. Like TBF said, he'll say and do anything to make this weekend happen, hopefully without more friends dropping out because of the drama.

[vedderbetter]

"Remember this sentence"? Seriously? It's not as if she suddenly refused to allow him to go visit his dying mother or sabatoged a milestone celebration in BF's life or some other serious life changing event. She simply siad (as she has EVERY right to do) "hey, you can have your buddies over, but I have the right to come and go as I need to from my OWN house". If her minimal presence is SO horrible that it will RUIN any fun her BF and his friends are having, then the question should be asked, what the heck are they doing that is terrible she can't even be a silent witness to it for a few hours?

 

I think there are a lot of perspectives on here that are way out of whack. Nobody lives in a vaccuum, plans change, people have to be flexible. That's life.

[sb129]

I think he had no right to throw her out. His planning was selfish. LaurieBell had every right to stick up for herself.

 

BUT

 

They are adults who agreed on a compromise that was portrayed as a mutual agreemend to both side's satisfaction. One should not, unless for very severe reasons, break those compromises. It will establish a pattern of unreliability.

 

 

Absolutely.

 

I agree with this.

[Nevermind]

Vedder: What is wrong with "remember that sentence"? She simply stated that rules are not fixed in their relationship, and I think she should stay aware of that fact. If it works for them, fine. But it cannot apply to one side only.

[oceangrl]

I completely agree with vedderbetter...was going to say that myself. I don't understand the "NO compromise for a compromise" statements. It would feel like dating is part of the legal system or something.