More "guy weekend" b.s.

[sb129]

I think the whole situation is ridiculous and has become quite melodramatic.

[vedderbetter]

Vedder: What is wrong with "remember that sentence"? She simply stated that rules are not fixed in their relationship, and I think she should stay aware of that fact. If it works for them, fine. But it cannot apply to one side only.

 

I just think it's a rather extreme inference to make that because they had to make a new compromise on a minor issue and event (that was bungled badly on his part from the beginning) that somehow that will translate into relational disaster and a perception of "unreliablity". As if because of this issue, then big set-in-stone rules like Thou Shall Not Screw Hookers and Do Blow With Strangers or whatever their big rules are will somehow be up for compromise after this insignificant negotiation.

 

Seems way over the top to me.

[sb129]

I also agree with Vedder that things do change and that people need to be flexible, but I don't see why it was necessary for LB to consult with her BF over every minute detail and draw it all out so much.

 

If plans changed either a) find something else to do, or tell him that you have no choice but to have to stop by your apartment once or twice over the course of the weekend and that is that.

 

I think LB needs to grow some balls.

[Touche]

Remember this sentence when he will re-plan something that was important for you.

 

NM, I thought you were right on target on this and your previous post. But you got an "Oh please!"

 

This one:

 

I think he had no right to throw her out. His planning was selfish. LaurieBell had every right to stick up for herself.

 

BUT

 

They are adults who agreed on a compromise that was portrayed as a mutual agreemend to both side's satisfaction. One should not, unless for very severe reasons, break those compromises. It will establish a pattern of unreliability.

 

That's exactly how I feel about this also.

 

And LB, you may feel attacked now but SG brought up a good point. Some of us were on your side in this from the beginning...I mean I didn't agree with SG and JB. But now, the story is different and we're all pretty much unanimous on the fact that we don't feel you're handling this right.

 

You can stamp your feet and leave but think about it.

 

And I'm glad you resolved this AGAIN...but let this be a lesson for the way you handle future situations. Because, although you keep saying this is all an isolated incident, etc.

 

Trust me, this is going to manifest itself in other situations. This whole dynamic here. You know what I mean?

 

Learn from this.

[blind_otter]

Just as a casual observer, I'm seeing a few of these posters as blatantly attacking rather than trying to help as well.

 

Word.

 

I agree, everyone here basically jumped down her throat. IMO LB was never comfortable with the arrangement in the first place. I wouldn't be. My S/O has been hearing about this from the beginning and he thinks the BF is a grade-A jerk in this situation - he offers no compromise whatsoever, nor any options other than "this town ain't big enough for the 2 of us." If LB needs to make use of facilities that she pays an equal share for she damn well should and those boys should shut their cake holes and be frikkin polite guests.

 

But I'm glad she reached a compromise, even if there's no way in hell I would ever agree to such a thing myself.

 

FWIW, my S/O said he would never ask such a thing, even if we were living in the house he recently sold that he owned.

[shadowplay]

Yeah thats why i'm leaving. I'm sick of being attacked, do it to each other.

 

I can solve it on my own.

 

Don't let her get to you, LB. Like any other advice forum has a few "bullies," and I've decided to just ignore them. You should do the same.

[shadowplay]

Just as a casual observer, I'm seeing a few of these posters as blatantly attacking rather than trying to help as well.

 

I agree......

[vedderbetter]

With all due respect (and I really do not mean to make an example out of someone I only briefly interacted with a chatboard) this is a perfect example of why moving in with your significant other before the age of true maturity (roughly the age of 25, maybe younger if the person has a high level of education/life experience) is a bad idea. 18-25er's simply are not equipped to deal with the realities of cohabitation. Again, just my opinion.

[Star Gazer]

Don't let her get to you, LB. Like any other advice forum has a few "bullies," and I've decided to just ignore them. You should do the same.

 

Looks like this entire thread, with the exception of two people, are "bullies" then. Ironically, those of us "bullies" are only called bullies when trying to help people who clearly need it the most. Hmm.

 

With all due respect (and I really do not mean to make an example out of someone I only briefly interacted with a chatboard) this is a perfect example of why moving in with your significant other before the age of true maturity (roughly the age of 25, maybe younger if the person has a high level of education/life experience) is a bad idea. 18-25er's simply are not equipped to deal with the realities of cohabitation. Again, just my opinion.

 

I somewhat agree. Thing is, LB and her BF are beyond the ages you've mentioned. IMO, they shouldn't have moved in together until there were concrete plans for marriage (i.e., a ring, a proposal, something along those lines). But that's a bridge that's already been crossed, so we have to learn how to tredge through the next forrest.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Looks like this entire thread, with the exception of two people, are "bullies" then. Ironically, those of us "bullies" are only called bullies when trying to help people who clearly need it the most. Hmm.

That's funny...I remember when people were trying to tell you your ex didn't care about you and was going to break up with you, you completely flipped out and pulled the poor victim card but that's neither here nor there. There's a nice way to help people, and a spiteful way. The former always works better.

[endlesstrains]

Don't let her get to you, LB. Like any other advice forum has a few "bullies," and I've decided to just ignore them. You should do the same.

 

I hear that sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "LA LA LA LA" works pretty well.

[Star Gazer]

That's funny...I remember when people were trying to tell you your ex didn't care about you and was going to break up with you, you completely flipped out and pulled the poor victim card but that's neither here nor there. There's a nice way to help people, and a spiteful way. The former always works better.

 

Nice pot shot, but I'm not sure how that's in any way relevant here?

[shadowplay]

Looks like this entire thread, with the exception of two people, are "bullies" then. Ironically, those of us "bullies" are only called bullies when trying to help people who clearly need it the most. Hmm.

 

 

 

I somewhat agree. Thing is, LB and her BF are beyond the ages you've mentioned. IMO, they shouldn't have moved in together until there were concrete plans for marriage (i.e., a ring, a proposal, something along those lines). But that's a bridge that's already been crossed, so we have to learn how to tredge through the next forrest.

 

It's not about agreeing vs. disagreeing with her actions, it's about the tone. I actually agree that LB should stick to her compromise. But the way in which a few posters are criticizing her approach comes off as more of a personal attack than a helpful gesture. Calling her selfish or saying she always has to have things her way is not constructive, especially considering that her BF has been the more selfish one in this ordeal, imo.

It will just have the effect of pushing her away and make her stick her heels in as she is doing now.

 

I think she should stick to her compromise for the sake of the relationship, not because she's morally obligated to. The original compromise was unfair, imo.

[Star Gazer]

I hear that sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "LA LA LA LA" works pretty well.

 

Don't forget to stomp your feet!!!

[Touche]

Unfair or not, she agreed to it.

 

It's like signing a contract and then not abiding by it because you thought it was an unfair deal. Then you shouldn't have signed it to begin with. The courts will uphold the signed agreement not caring about whether you thought it was unfair or not.

[Star Gazer]

It's not about agreeing vs. disagreeing with her actions, it's about the tone. I actually agree that LB should stick to her compromise. But the way in which a few posters are criticizing her approach comes off as more of a personal attack than a helpful gesture. Calling her selfish or saying she always has to have things her way is not constructive, especially considering that her BF has been the more selfish one in this ordeal, imo.

It will just have the effect of pushing her away and make her stick her heels in as she is doing now.

 

I think she should stick to her compromise for the sake of the relationship, not because she's morally obligated to. The original compromise was unfair, imo.

 

What other words would you use to describe someone who's being selfish and controlling? Give me some synonyms that are more to your liking and I'll be sure to use them in the future. I'm serious. But at this point, I felt it was best at this juncture, after nearly 600 posts in a previous thread on this same exact issue, to just state it matter-of-factly instead of beating it around the bush and hemming and hawing.

 

LB has always known that I have her best interests at heart. I can't speak for anyone else, but there's certainly no spitefulness or anything of the sort involved in my posts to her. It's really no different than many posters posts to me (such as Touche, for example): direct, honest, and heartfelt.

[Nevermind]

I am sorry if calling LB selfish is seen as an attack. I do view a turn-around so shortly before the week-end as selfish, and I am not aware of any word that conveys the same without being harsh. In a thread that has "bs" in the title, sugar-coating seems unnecessary.

 

English is not my native language, and although I try some subtones will always be lost to me. So if this is highly offensive, I apologize. And would love to learn a way to express it better.

[Star Gazer]

I am sorry if calling LB selfish is seen as an attack. I do view a turn-around so shortly before the week-end as selfish, and I am not aware of any word that conveys the same without being harsh. In a thread that has "bs" in the title, sugar-coating seems unnecessary.

 

Exactly right.

 

Not that LB is being a biotch, but assuming she was being a raging biotch, would y'all prefer we simply say, "Now, LB - that's not very nice." ?? C'mon people, be reasonable.

[sb129]

Nevermind, I knew you lived in Europe, but I thought you were an ex pat Brit or American due to the standard of your written English, so you had me fooled!

[shadowplay]

I hear that sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "LA LA LA LA" works pretty well.

 

I prefer the ignore button. *Click*

[shadowplay]

What other words would you use to describe someone who's being selfish and controlling? Give me some synonyms that are more to your liking and I'll be sure to use them in the future. I'm serious. But at this point, I felt it was best at this juncture, after nearly 600 posts in a previous thread on this same exact issue, to just state it matter-of-factly instead of beating it around the bush and hemming and hawing.

 

LB has always known that I have her best interests at heart. I can't speak for anyone else, but there's certainly no spitefulness or anything of the sort involved in my posts to her. It's really no different than many posters posts to me (such as Touche, for example): direct, honest, and heartfelt.

 

Why not just focus on the issue at hand instead of turning it into a critique on her character? Calling her selfish and controlling is unproductive because it will only push her away and make her less likely to follow your advice.

[Nevermind]

One selfish actions does not a bad charactre make. But if you ignore the reality of your behaviour, then you refuse to learn a lesson about yourself.

 

I can't say if LaurieBell is selfish or not, I don't know her. Her threads obviously show that she does care deeply for this relationship and that she does try to have a meaningful bond with her boyfriend. And this is exactly the reason why she gets so much feedback. Very often people will side with her, but sometimes they won't. How she deals with both reactions speaks of her maturity and maybe gives an image of how she deals with both from her boyfriend.

 

In general, I don't think she is selfish, and I don't think that this weekend deserves so much attention, but I do think that you need to be true to your word and honour your own promises. In small and big ways. If the compromise wasn't good enough than it should not have been made. But it was made, and the reasons to change it were relatively trivial, one-sided and benefitted only one person. If the situation were reverse, people on this board would critizise her boyfriend much harsher than I did on this thread.

[nicki]

As I said before, if he wanted a big alone weekend with his buddies, he should have either waited for her to be out of town or simply gone out of town himself to meet up with his buddies.

 

It's her home, too, and she should not be kicked out of it so he can have days of time alone with the guys.

 

He's not a single college guy with a girlfriend who comes to visit. She lives there. Different rules apply.

 

It's like they are married. If she wants to go out and hang with her friends to give the guys some alone time, great, but that doesn't mean she has to stay away for the whole weekend. It's kinda up to her.

 

I can't imagine her asking him to leave for the whole weekend while she throws some wild girls weekend only at the house.

 

If she wanted to do that, I'd bet money she would either wait until HE goes out of town, or go out of town herself with the girls.

 

It's a matter of respect to the relationship and the fact they live together.

[nicki]

Personally, I think her boyfriend was immature to ask her to get lost for so much of the weekend.

 

A night planned away with the girls herself would have been plenty of time for the guys to "bond." And Laurie shouldn't have to sleep anywhere else but in her own bed if she chooses to.

 

I don't care that she agreed to such nonsense initially. She can say she reconsidered it and will give them time alone, of course, but that she will based at home this weekend, as is customary when one lives there.

[bish]

I need a place to vent I suppose. I already vented about it to my only friend, but she's probably sick of hearing about the stupid thing.

 

So in my other threads I posted about my bf having his 7 guys friends over this weekend. This weekend is causing me so much frustration, I think I'm going to go nuts here.

 

So these guys are coming at like 4 or 5 pm. They are ordering pizza and eating tonight, my bf mentions that its a "guy thing" meaning he wants me to go elsewhere.

 

Ya see. I knew it. It wasn't him "suggesting" you might not be comfortable there.....he WANTS you to leave.

 

 

I suggested that maybe I could just eat with them at least and then leave (i'm going to the bar with my sister tonight) because he did say that it was important to me that I socialize with his friends and be nice to them. So he got real huffy and said "my friends aren't going to like that very much."

 

Gee, what a surprise. You are still suggesting that you will be leaving, and all you wanted to do was have a little pizza and then be on your way.

 

sounds like my initial impression of your boyfriend is correct, or this one friend that has a problem with you is pulling his strings.

 

 

So now I decided that I will just go to my parents for dinner. I also told him my other plans.

 

Next I told him that I was coming back late on Saturday night after going to the bar. He told me that they would probably still be up when I got home. I said okay fine, I'll probably be exausted and then go to sleep. And he said "okay well don't get mad when you are all drunk and yell at me for acting crude with my friends and ignoring you." (my bf doesn't EVER act crude, so I was suprised at the comment). I said, well you know what it's my apartment too so I'm going to stay there when I want to. He gave me this shocked stare, and was like "okay fine." We didn't get into an argument about the whole thing, but I have a feeling I'm not going to like this whole weekend. Maybe he is just being a guy, I don't know. His friends have this weird influence over him, and when he is with them he doesn't act like himself, he acts like this crude jerk.

 

I just needed a place to vent I suppose, any advice/comments would be helpful though.

 

I'd fully expect to be dogged and treated by crap, especially by the one friend that wants you out of your own apartment.

 

This bf of yours is no bf at all. I wonder if he'd even give a crap if the following week he came home and you and all your things have been moved out?