More "guy weekend" b.s.

[Lauriebell82]

I need a place to vent I suppose. I already vented about it to my only friend, but she's probably sick of hearing about the stupid thing.

 

So in my other threads I posted about my bf having his 7 guys friends over this weekend. This weekend is causing me so much frustration, I think I'm going to go nuts here.

 

So these guys are coming at like 4 or 5 pm. They are ordering pizza and eating tonight, my bf mentions that its a "guy thing" meaning he wants me to go elsewhere. I suggested that maybe I could just eat with them at least and then leave (i'm going to the bar with my sister tonight) because he did say that it was important to me that I socialize with his friends and be nice to them. So he got real huffy and said "my friends aren't going to like that very much." So now I decided that I will just go to my parents for dinner. I also told him my other plans.

 

Next I told him that I was coming back late on Saturday night after going to the bar. He told me that they would probably still be up when I got home. I said okay fine, I'll probably be exausted and then go to sleep. And he said "okay well don't get mad when you are all drunk and yell at me for acting crude with my friends and ignoring you." (my bf doesn't EVER act crude, so I was suprised at the comment). I said, well you know what it's my apartment too so I'm going to stay there when I want to. He gave me this shocked stare, and was like "okay fine." We didn't get into an argument about the whole thing, but I have a feeling I'm not going to like this whole weekend. Maybe he is just being a guy, I don't know. His friends have this weird influence over him, and when he is with them he doesn't act like himself, he acts like this crude jerk.

 

I just needed a place to vent I suppose, any advice/comments would be helpful though.

[Nevermind]

He forbid you to eat pizza with them?

 

I honestly didn't really think much about the thing before. But this is simply ridiculous. Is he going to act all manly and pretend to be someone else around his friends? Did he paint you to be the bad girl so his friend won't get angry at him?

 

Weird. Who does he think he is? You pay half the rent, you can do whatever you damn well please.

 

He is old enough to rest in himself. He should not switch personalities when he is with his friends, that's just immature.

[Lauriebell82]

He forbid you to eat pizza with them?

 

I honestly didn't really think much about the thing before. But this is simply ridiculous. Is he going to act all manly and pretend to be someone else around his friends? Did he paint you to be the bad girl so his friend won't get angry at him?

 

Weird. Who does he think he is? You pay half the rent, you can do whatever you damn well please.

 

He is old enough to rest in himself. He should not switch personalities when he is with his friends, that's just immature.

 

He didn't exactly FORBID me from eating with them. It was more like a suggestion that I wouldn't have a good time if I was there because they would be talking about guy stuff, blah, blah, blah. I actually thought that it might have been nice to at least eat with them and try to show my bf that I want them to like me. I guess it's reserved "guy time" or whatever. He had a "guy weekend" last weekend too, sheesh.

 

I actually think that his friends don't want me around, and my bf might have made it seem like I wanted to butt in on their fun or some b.s. like that. Im taking a Zumba class on Saturday morning and i said I would be back after to take a shower and get ready before my cousin's grad party. To that my bf responded, well can't you get ready at your parents? Guys are going to be wanting to use the shower and stuff. I said: "well it's my shower, not theirs, so I get first crack at it"

[Jilly Bean]

LB, my advice hasn't changed since you first raised this issue.

 

Make yourself scarce over the weekend, give him his space with his friends, and BOTH of you will have not only a better weekend, but a better relationship because of it.

 

I know you chose to dig in your heels (and are still doing so) in order to prove a point, or assert your position, but I never saw the need for this, and it doesn't seem like it's working out too well (which is what I suspected).

 

In SO many ways he has asked you to not be around, for a variety of reasons. You insisting on sticking around the place here and there is causing just the wedge I expected it to.

 

I guess I just don't see the purpose of standing ground when all he asked for was a little space. Honestly, from what I experienced in living with my ex for 5 years, I did FAR better in maintaining our closeness when I gave him space when he asked for it, or needed it. I think once you realize that you don't need to win (or even fight!) every battle that comes your way, things will skate along a lot smoother for you...

 

Good luck, hon.

[Lauriebell82]

Thanks for your response JB. Yeah I mean honestly I agree with the fact that he needs space..and he is perfectly welcome to have it. I mean, I'm not going to be lurking around bothering them or anything. It is inconvient for me to leave and stay at my parents for the entire weekend, mainly because the things I had planned are out by my apartment (my parents live across the city, like 40 minutes away).

 

I actually thought of a good way that I could still stay at my apt and do what I need to do, and still be out of their hair. We have a really nice pool in our apt complex, and it is supposed to be like 90 degrees all weekend. So my plan is to go to the pool and things when they are in the apartment therefore, I wouldn't be lurking around. I am going to get ready there, because the things that I had planned on Saturday are out by our apt. I do have a graduation party to go to all day and then i'll come back and go to the pool before going out with my friend. So I will tell my bf about that and see what he thinks.

[Lizzie60]

Oups.. I said in a previous post that I don't think your relationship will last 2 years.. I just changed my mind.. now I say one year..

 

I feel soooo sorry for you... really your bf is a total loser...

[Laurenwho]

I've read your other threads and though I don' t really have any advice I would say your boyfriend wants to act like he has a girlfriend when it is convenient for him. I understand "guys night" and all that and I can see why he doesn't want you hanging out there the WHOLE weekend. But I honestly don't see anything wrong with eating pizza with him and his friends. It IS your apartment too. If he were having this party at his own place then I would understand him asking you not to come over for the weekend so he can have his space. But I think you are being very accomodating in leaving for the weekend (and it is hard when you only have a few close friends that live by you - I know that feeling). He sounds like he wants to pretend he doesn't have a girlfriend this weekend. Yes, his friends might make fun of him or not feel they can act like discusting guys around you but they NEED to understand that you live there too. If you two were married its not like he should rush you out of the house so he can have his guy's night.

 

If he and his boys want to have some privacy they should have rented a hotel room (I know you mentioned they don't have the money) for the weekend. Not made you feel like an intruder in your OWN house. I understand the concept of him wanting space and to hang out with his friends but he is making you feel like sh*t in the process and that is not very respectful of him. He isn't acting very mature in this situation.

[DunnoWhat]

maybe they're all gay??

[Star Gazer]

I agree 100% with Jilly.

 

Also LB, you're now renigging on your agreed upon promise. You had agreed to a reasonable compromise: to hang out in your room watching DVDs while they had their guy time on Friday night, and to be completely scarce on their big night on Saturday night by staying at your parents'. Now you're trying to invade their guy time tonight; they won't be free to be their guy selves on this guy night. And tomorrow you're coming home on the one night he really, really had hoped you wouldn't be.

 

Why are you being so stubborn? Why are you digging your heels in? Why can't you give him this weekend?

 

And what's with this whole, "It's MY shower so I get first crack at it!" nonsense? AGAIN, if that bratty logic is true, it's your BF's shower too, so shouldn't HE get a first crack at it too by letting his friends get ready? Do you really want to be the girlfriend who makes his friends wait forever to even piss because you're primping to go out?

 

If you want to make friends with them, this certainly isn't the way to do it.

 

Do you have ANY idea how to be a gracious host?

[Ariadne]

I second Jilly Bean 100%.

 

Also, why would you want to be around when they are eating pizza?

 

That is exactly when they bond and they feel the most comfortable and relaxed.

 

You being around when they are eating is going to make the dinner all tense and they won't even be able to talk, or make polite talk because of you.

 

I really don't understand why you make such a big deal out of something so simple as to giving someone space.

[ahah2322]

i agree with JB and SG. i know it's your apartment/ bath and all but it's not like they're having this 'guy weekend' every day so just take a chill pill and do you own things. stop trying to 'butt' into their guy weekend. i mean, you're not one of them and shouldn't try to be. enjoy your girl time and yes, be a gracious host.

 

i would be pissed if i were your bf.

[Lauriebell82]

I agree 100% with Jilly.

 

Also LB, you're now renigging on your agreed upon promise. You had agreed to a reasonable compromise: to hang out in your room watching DVDs while they had their guy time on Friday night, and to be completely scarce on their big night on Saturday night by staying at your parents'. Now you're trying to invade their guy time tonight; they won't be free to be their guy selves on this guy night. And tomorrow you're coming home on the one night he really, really had hoped you wouldn't be.

 

Why are you being so stubborn? Why are you digging your heels in? Why can't you give him this weekend?

 

And what's with this whole, "It's MY shower so I get first crack at it!" nonsense? AGAIN, if that bratty logic is true, it's your BF's shower too, so shouldn't HE get a first crack at it too by letting his friends get ready? Do you really want to be the girlfriend who makes his friends wait forever to even piss because you're primping to go out?

 

If you want to make friends with them, this certainly isn't the way to do it.

 

Do you have ANY idea how to be a gracious host?

 

I'm not the host, so that does not apply. (actually i'm even being nice and helping my bf clean today)

 

Okay once again here are my plans:

I changed my plans Friday night because my sister can't do anything Saturday. I plan on going to my parent's tonight for dinner around 7:30 then going to the bar with my sister and sleeping over, instead of sitting in my room by myself, I think that sounds more fun. I was told to get my own life, so I'm freaking getting one.

 

Anyway after Zumba (if there is time) i plan on going to the pool, NOT hanging out with my bf and his freinds. Coming back to take a shower real quick (NOT PRIMPING), taking a shower for 10 minutes and getting ready in the bedroom so they have full use of the damn bathroom.

 

Going out with my friend on Saturday night after my counsin's grad party. We are staying out till 2 am then I AM coming back to my apt because I don't expect my friend to drive me 40 minutes to my parents. They can do whatever they want I'll go to the bedroom and go to sleep (I guaranttee these guys will be passed out, at least my bf will). I am going to go to bed and they can do whatever they please. Sunday they will probably go out to lunch or whatever and then they will leave because they are driving 5 hours home.

 

Does that sound like I'm "intruding"? Oh and I'm being stubborn because we already compromised that I would be there when I needed to be and then stay out of their way,p but now my bf doesn't remember that convo or who knows what else (his friends).

[Lauriebell82]

i agree with JB and SG. i know it's your apartment/ bath and all but it's not like they're having this 'guy weekend' every day so just take a chill pill and do you own things. stop trying to 'butt' into their guy weekend. i mean, you're not one of them and shouldn't try to be. enjoy your girl time and yes, be a gracious host.

 

i would be pissed if i were your bf.

 

I'm not the host. Anyway, I never once said I was going to "butt in" their weekend. I was THINKING about having pizza mainly because

 

a) I've been to dinner with them before and we had a good time. We talked and had fun.

 

b) he wants me to get to know his friends and not be so "standoffish."

 

When he told me he didn't want me there i just said okay and plan to go to my parents for dinner.

[Ariadne]

parent's tonight for dinner around 7:30

going to the bar

sister and sleeping over

after Zumba

going to the pool

counsin's grad party

staying out till 2 am

 

Also, what's up with all these elaborate plans?

 

Can't you just get a change of clothes and go to your parents' house and just chill and have a cup of coffee?

 

It seems like you want to prove to him that you also "have a life" and that you are going to be doing all this stuff.

 

Sounds very elaborate and high maint to me.

[Art_Critic]

I'm throwing a flag on this play..

This is 1st down 3 yards to goal and you want to call a time out and rethink your play..

Stop...

 

It seems to me that the way it stands right now you should be just letting it all happen..

Quit making things worse by interjecting more drama into a situation that should have zero drama at this point..

 

Try and not make things worse.. this weekend isn't about you anymore.. you have other things to do.. other places to go to..

 

Let your BF just enjoy his time with his buds and you enjoy your time with your family and friends..

[Star Gazer]

By saying you're not the host, you're now the one treating your BF like he's merely a roommate. If you want it to be your home TOGETHER, then you need to realize that you ARE one of the hosts, and therefore should be trying to make his friends feel welcome and comfortable. You can't have it both ways (the way YOU want it).

 

You sound like such a princess right now, it's astounding. I had really thought you two had come really far by making that compromise. In taking it back, you just took five giant steps backwards. *sigh*

[Lauriebell82]

Also, what's up with all these elaborate plans?

 

Can't you just get a change of clothes and go to your parents' house and just chill and have a cup of coffee?

 

It seems like you want to prove to him that you also "have a life" and that you are going to be doing all this stuff.

 

Sounds very elaborate and high maint to me.

 

I already made all these plans and I actually want to do them. And heck yeah I'm trying to show him a have a life. It's not high maintenance, I just don't want him to ever use that against me again. I don't want to hang out at my parents the entire weekend bored with nothing to do.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm throwing a flag on this play..

This is 1st down 3 yards to goal and you want to call a time out and rethink your play..

Stop...

 

It seems to me that the way it stands right now you should be just letting it all happen..

Quit making things worse by interjecting more drama into a situation that should have zero drama at this point..

 

Try and not make things worse.. this weekend isn't about you anymore.. you have other things to do.. other places to go to..

 

Let your BF just enjoy his time with his buds and you enjoy your time with your family and friends..

 

That's the plan. It alwasy was. Everyone is twisting this into some princess bs and it's not at all. We compromised to begin with, he now doesn't like the compromise. So I am trying to make another one with him by staying out of the way. And I am.

[ahah2322]

Also, what's up with all these elaborate plans?

 

Can't you just get a change of clothes and go to your parents' house and just chill and have a cup of coffee?

 

It seems like you want to prove to him that you also "have a life" and that you are going to be doing all this stuff.

 

Sounds very elaborate and high maint to me.

 

agreed. stop trying to 'prove' something because it will backfire. as the girlfriend/ apartment owner, you are kind of like a host as well.

[Star Gazer]

I'm throwing a flag on this play..

This is 1st down 3 yards to goal and you want to call a time out and rethink your play..

Stop...

 

It seems to me that the way it stands right now you should be just letting it all happen..

Quit making things worse by interjecting more drama into a situation that should have zero drama at this point..

 

Try and not make things worse.. this weekend isn't about you anymore.. you have other things to do.. other places to go to..

 

Let your BF just enjoy his time with his buds and you enjoy your time with your family and friends..

 

Exactly! Well said, Art!

 

This weekend is NOT about you; so stopping causing drama in a situation that should be easy breezy and enjoyable for your BF.

You might be irritated and peeved right now, but I assure you that if you keep this up and ruin his weekend he will harbor a LOT of resentment against you for a VERY long time.

[Lauriebell82]

Okay thanks for the advice.

[Lauriebell82]

I just talked to my bf. He likes the idea of me going to the pool. So there is our compromise. We worked it out so we are good.

[Ariadne]

I just talked to my bf. He likes the idea of me going to the pool. So there is our compromise. We worked it out so we are good.

 

I can see that you are giving him stress over this also.

 

What a stressful weekend.

 

And you are going to be there in the apt the whole time, just going "in and out" for a little bit each time.

[Lizzie60]

Hum... you'll stay by the pool for HOURS??? wow...

 

plus .. he seems to really enjoy his weekend guy thing.. not a good sign.

[Lauriebell82]

Hum... you'll stay by the pool for HOURS??? wow...

 

plus .. he seems to really enjoy his weekend guy thing.. not a good sign.

 

It's not going to be for hours. Like an 1 hour or 1.5..thats how long I usually stay there.

 

Anyway, we talked about it and his friends are important to him, and this is kind of like a rare occurance that he has something like this. And honestly I don't care if he has his own life, as long as I'm important to him to..and I am.