My kids are claiming abuse.

[tinktronik]

As an addition, I found out today that the kids stepmother signed waivers for them to be filmed in a commercial for an "adult themed" television show ( an MA Rating on cable ) representing that she is their mother.

The commercials are airing on tv and the internet, next to images of nudity, and extreme violence and definite adult themes ,featuring the same male actors in the video with my kids.

This was filmed in the month I did not know their dad was gone. Step Mom has no legal rights to the kids what so ever.

 

Im so pissed off and disgusted. I have tried contacting the media corp. but have not had a callback yet.

 

What is WRONG with these people???????:sick:

I need an icon with the top of his head steaming.

[quankanne]

in the immortal words of hokeyreligions, document up the wazzoo. Everything. And add this latest discovery of her signing off permission to let your minor children to be filmed without your knowledge. Because even if Dad's the custodial parent, he's not there to represent their best interest.

 

a letter from your attorney to the company staging this filmed production might put a monkey wrench in their plans.

[tinktronik]

in the immortal words of hokeyreligions, document up the wazzoo. Everything. And add this latest discovery of her signing off permission to let your minor children to be filmed without your knowledge. Because even if Dad's the custodial parent, he's not there to represent their best interest.

 

a letter from your attorney to the company staging this filmed production might put a monkey wrench in their plans.

 

I am on this already. I have sent email requesting the videos be taken down from the internet and be removed from tv airing, in effect the television station is airing content with minors without parental consent. I , I just cannot believe the lack of adult judgement going on here all around.

I am documenting everything.

 

Jeeze.

[Haloandhorns85]

Well,

 

Tink probably doesn't want to have them either.

 

As she said: He has physical custody because he took on the responsibility to put these children absolutely FIRST.

 

I mean, aren't the kids first no matter who has them?

 

She probably has them today because it's a long weekend, but Monday comes and I doubt she'd want to have the responsiblilty and just "work out a deal" with the stepmom that she is not going to me mean.

 

 

Wow....do you even have a heart? That was beyond anything that would be called for. Obviously she cares, otherwise, why would she post on here? Just for kicks? Seriously...you know nothing about that woman or her life. Why pass judgement in a situation where you don't even have all the facts?

[quankanne]

hey tink? Would it help to consult the state Attorney General's office for an opinion on this whole issue? Of how to best document the abuses going on when your children are under their step-monster's care?

[whichwayisup]

As an addition, I found out today that the kids stepmother signed waivers for them to be filmed in a commercial for an "adult themed" television show ( an MA Rating on cable ) representing that she is their mother.

 

This is bullcrap and you HAVE to go to your lawyer now. This woman gets NO SAY, let alone FINAL SAY in what your kids do. I bet she was going to take their money too and not give them any.

[sb129]

That stepmother sounds just AWFUL. You are doing well to resist smacking her upside the head...(although I totally understand why you aren't)

 

Again Tink, no words of wisdom to offer, I live in a totally different country and have no idea of family law, just words of support and I hope you get this resolved.

[tinktronik]

hey tink? Would it help to consult the state Attorney General's office for an opinion on this whole issue? Of how to best document the abuses going on when your children are under their step-monster's care?

 

I have attempted to contact the State of our "original decree's" attorney general's Office. I've left a callback message and it just seems like this whole thing is very slow moving. Perhaps this will go somewhere.

 

I have gotten word hat Dad "may" be on the way home.

 

I believe I may fly back to the state from which our divorce originated and give myself over to pleeing with the court to take action or officially release their hold . So far this court refuses to admit that this hold legally exists, but every other state/county respects and refuses to touch this until the court in question admits their hold, and legally releases it in a court of law.If this court refuses to admit to their "jurisdictional hold" I can attempt to sue the court.

 

A note to all divorcees with children, be very very very careful and concise with the wording of your divorce decrees and specifics about leaving the state of origination.

 

Things have changed.

[tinktronik]

This is bullcrap and you HAVE to go to your lawyer now. This woman gets NO SAY, let alone FINAL SAY in what your kids do. I bet she was going to take their money too and not give them any.

 

She has already taken their money as far as I know.

I have been told by separate people that, 1 ) she signed the kids rights to pay away.

and 2) She was paid.

[nittygritty]

I'm not thinking of taking them back . But I may under law have to take them back when Dad gets home , if one of these states does not stop fumbling and figure out what the hell , and who has the right to decide.

Dad has had primary custody for 5+ years. We div. in a state with a year long separation. He took the kids and refused to let me see them ( He would do things like show up with papers and our 1 y/o , the baby would cry for me , and he would not let me near him) I broke down and signed 10 months in ,in order to see them.

Legally, whoever has a hold of the kids has the kids.

I had been a stay at home mom for years , in a military town where there were NO jobs and very expensive attorneys that only worked for cash now.

I had rights to alimony and retirement income and I gave them all up to hug my boys. It was stupid and I was afraid.

 

My ex husband tried do the something similiar when my son was a baby and we separated. I'd asked my ex to take care of the baby overnight and after my ex picked up our son he went and filed for divorce and full custody.

 

My ex's attorney told the attorney that I hired (who I later found out used to be partners in the same law firm that my ex's attorney was in) that my ex would only return the baby to me if I agreed to give my ex full custody. I'd even had the police go to my ex's but the police could only check to see if the baby was safe because custody was undecided. Basically what my ex did was hold my infant son hostage for over a week for the ransom of full custody.

 

What I did was I said I agreed to give my ex full custody and then once I got the baby back I fired my attorney. As soon as the divorce was final my ex moved out of state and didn't exercise any visitation and refused to pay child support. Eventually my ex sent me a letter asking me to terminate his parental rights because he thought I "was such a b*tch and he didn't want to have to deal with me anymore". Rather than try to prosecute my ex or get his wages garnished for the child support he was in arrears, I had his parental rights terminated in order to protect my son.

 

Anyway, my point is that I think the most important thing you can do is protect your kids from having to return to an abusive situation. I know you said that you tried to file charges with the police against the stepmother but even if its just a civil suit for costs of counseling for the "mental anguish" her abused caused your kids and the money she took for pimping your kids out to the adult sites, you need to do whatever it takes.

 

You have every right to refuse to return your kids to an abusive situation even when your ex returns home from Iraq. While I understand that maybe your concerned about a contempt of court orders charge being filed against you and that maybe it won't look good in court because your ex has been serving our country and all but once all of the evidence actually gets before a judge, hopefully its all still supposed to be about serving "the best interests of the child".

 

Another thing that I did during that custody dispute with my ex was that the second attorney that I hired for the divorce and custody dispute requested that depositions took place immediately. Getting your ex and the stepmom's testimony about the abuse and the unethical way your ex acquired custody and the adult sites the stepmom used your kids for and whatever else that needs to get on the record to not only protect your kids and try to get custody reversed but it would also put a stop to a lengthy, costly, long drawn out "he said, she said" custody battle that will be hard emotionally for your kids to be in the middle of.

 

Start taking your sons now to a Psychologist that's willing to testify in court as an expert witness for your kids.

[nittygritty]

If all else fails, you can keep moving to whatever town your ex moves your kids to and exercise very liberal visitation.

[tinktronik]

I've been told that Dad is home but we have not heard anything from him.

[tinktronik]

Okay, I have the full update on the legal situation.

Our original state has said that there is a clause under their laws that since he kids and both parents are out of state they relinquish jurisdiction. They have no formal means of doing so there is no petition or action to file. A court will not formally relinquish jurisdiction. This idea does not exist. If they were to formally relinquish it, we could always move back and they would not be able to take us on as a court. So they just don't do it.

 

Dad's state requires the original state to formally relinquish jurisdiction in a court of law and will not assume jurisdiction until this is formally done.

 

So in other words, its a catch 22. I have no legal forum under law to have a petition entered. Its all in how each state legally defines each word of a set of laws.

 

My State will not move to take jurisdiction until January, but will do so even if another court disagrees. So all of you out there, cross your fingers.

 

Dad called this morning, he is considering leaving the kids with me for the school year. We argued extensively. He is angry that I contacted the police and social services, but they are up him and his wife's as*es over their own young child.

It sounds as though step-mom has admitted abuse above and beyond what the kids have told me about.

 

So these are he rocky days when we wait and figure out what is going to happen. Please all of you hope, think of us, wish the best and even pray if you think it will help.

[quankanne]

she sounds like a real piece of work, and even if it makes things a challenge for now, I'm relieved that the kids will be with you. Hopefully any and all improvements as noted by professionals will be something that will reflect positively on you when the time comes to get them completely away from the step-monster.

 

you and the kids will definitely be in my prayers, tink. Now, I've got two very overprotective, Mexican mamacita sisters who could be persuaded to give Dad and S-Monster a reality check :laugh:

[tinktronik]

she sounds like a real piece of work, and even if it makes things a challenge for now, I'm relieved that the kids will be with you. Hopefully any and all improvements as noted by professionals will be something that will reflect positively on you when the time comes to get them completely away from the step-monster.

 

you and the kids will definitely be in my prayers, tink. Now, I've got two very overprotective, Mexican mamacita sisters who could be persuaded to give Dad and S-Monster a reality check :laugh:

Honestly, we have had the DARK ALLEY discussion in a jokey manner. I would never do it, but I certainly have relatives that are ready to drive, fly, walk there and teach a lesson. Not that it would do any good. But I think it releases some of the pressure. It is strictly in a "joking" manner.

[tinktronik]

Update:

Dad did return. We had a huge argument about the whole thing. After that he threw his wife out of their house and filed for a divorce. He kept their son with him. This whole thing is a mess.

Meanwhile , he kids are sill with me and we have touched on the boys staying with me as a conversational topic when "his head stops spinning" as he puts it. School starts up in a few weeks and we don't have a date set as to when dad will get them if he does, so Im playing it by ear for now.

I think , even with his divorce, there are very good reason for the kids to stay. One of which is that this divorce will be apparent to the kids , and may go very hard on them even with the history here. I feel like nothing has changed in any significant way here in my home and if the kids stay, they can eventually ease back into dad's life without the stressors of divorce and him struggling .

We have not heard much from him ,to be honest. Im hoping it stays that way.

[Ronni_W]

After that he threw his wife out of their house and filed for a divorce. He kept their son with him.

Well, at least he got his head straight about that! I know it's only after a LOT of blood, sweat and tears on your part, but still...goal accomplished on getting that "person" out of the kids' lives.

 

Possibly there is a positive spin that you can put on that divorce -- dad obviously believes you guys, is doing what he KNOWS in his heart is the right thing to do, obviously must love you very much, etc. (Not that is all has to be 100% factual, but enough for them to feel good about themselves and their dad, I'm thinking.)

 

Good for you, Tink. That was one helluva crazy and crazy-making situation, and a truly super-courageous battle that you fought and won. (I know more on the way, but at least there is assurance that she'll not get near them again.)

 

Sending lots of everything that you and the kids need to get through, and FAR beyond this chapter!

[Lishy]

Wow Tink, I am glad they are still with you. Will you not fight for them to stay with with you permanent now?

[tinktronik]

Wow Tink, I am glad they are still with you. Will you not fight for them to stay with with you permanent now?

 

I think we are working on a situation where we will have a more even split. I never had any legal grounds to keep them permanently in the first place. I will keep the legal process moving forward to get into court for a change of physical if it is warranted ,and a modification and laying down of clearer terms if it is not,my ex knows this, and with the kids no longer in danger, I have not a chance of keeping them without a change in court order first.It is a very slow and as of now unclear process.

 

My ex is in (right now) agreement, that I should keep our middle son, who has the most severe emotional problems to try and work with him and the therapist here to see if we cannot focus in one on one and get some positive results in all aspects of his life, and help him to cope before it is too late for him and us to make these changes.

 

I don't know how I feel about splitting up the boys but I don't think in such a large household either way that our middles son will be able to get the "work" that needs and has to be done, but don't know what isolating him from his siblings will do either.

 

I don't know what the right answers are here, you only are a mom once in a lifetime , and unfortunately,my kids did not get the perfect situation the first time around.

 

I worry what the effect of this second divorce will be, and hope Dad does not jump into another marriage or introduce another relationship into the boys lives right away.

 

I would not try to pull a change of custody behind my ex's back as long as he is willing to do the work for the kids and to assure their safety.It sounds as though he initially panicked over the situation and wanted it all to be made up; then when he was introduced into the reality of the repercussions and the truth from myself our children and his mom he realized the same story was coming from everyone sans his wife.He took what I feel to be the appropriate immediate action.

I don't have to like the things he has done in the past , but such is the nature of divorce.

 

I always felt that while being who he is and having my own thoughts regarding him, he loved his kids and wanted to do the right thing, did when he was able to (that is why his statements in reference to this latest situation threw me the way they did), but that he put too much of the daily care of the children off onto the women in his life. Perhaps this will change now, I don't know.

 

The focus and attention to the children and their daily lives has to pick up on his end , our communication has to pick up on his end as well as my own.

 

I guess there is a lot to be decided , and honestly , I don't have a date when he is to come for the boys, so it may fall through and they may just all stay. School starts this month. You don't ever know . I would love this to happen it would be my ideal, I love the kids daily presence in my life, it inspires me in a way nothing else seems to, I feel it is the thing I am best at and is more important to me than anything else, I think it is good for the boys, they thrive here.We are incredibly stable regardless of whatever challenges we have in our lives and cope through them, we have maintained the same home for a long while now and before that lived right up the street, the same relationships, the same friends and community the same standards of care for the children the same expectations for and from them. They know how our home works, they know the boundaries , they know the affection and attention is always there, they know us as people .

I wish it were not so complicated.

[whichwayisup]

It would help if all of you, even if your ex if he's willing, to do family counselling as a group. That's one option, as well as getting the middle one counselling to help him cope with his feelings.

 

I am glad to hear that the evil step-mom is out of their lives. What a monster she turned into!!