Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Tink, are you thinking about returning them to their stepmum who is abusing them? Can I ask why dad got custody even though he is in Iraq? Did you fight to keep them? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I really cannot help but say this .... Please do not even think about taking those kids back to that house - They are being ABUSED and they got the courage to tell you and for you to take them back would make you just as bad as that not good scum who lays hands on your children to the point of them soiling themselves! How could you take them back? You can't! Your ex has no business going to Iraq when he has children to look after! This thread is making me feel sick - I so feel for those innocent kiddies! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Tink, are you thinking about returning them to their stepmum who is abusing them? Can I ask why dad got custody even though he is in Iraq? Did you fight to keep them? I'm not thinking of taking them back . But I may under law have to take them back when Dad gets home , if one of these states does not stop fumbling and figure out what the hell , and who has the right to decide. Dad has had primary custody for 5+ years. We div. in a state with a year long separation. He took the kids and refused to let me see them ( He would do things like show up with papers and our 1 y/o , the baby would cry for me , and he would not let me near him) I broke down and signed 10 months in ,in order to see them. Legally, whoever has a hold of the kids has the kids. I had been a stay at home mom for years , in a military town where there were NO jobs and very expensive attorneys that only worked for cash now. I had rights to alimony and retirement income and I gave them all up to hug my boys. It was stupid and I was afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I say act on it legally before you lose their trust too. The very fact that they had come to you to tell you about their situation already means HELP! Why not try a social worker to check on them? I have already tried 2 states full of social workers neither state will get involved claiming lack of jurisdiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Im seeing my attorney again today. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have no words, tink. You've been through so so much recently, and this on top of everything else is just heartbreaking. I really really hope everything works out. Someone in the system HAS to step up to the plate, they just have to! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Oh Tink I feel for you soooo much!!!!!!!! You are in an awful position but I am sure you will do the right thing and your kids will be safe. Keep us informed Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have no words, tink. You've been through so so much recently, and this on top of everything else is just heartbreaking. I really really hope everything works out. Someone in the system HAS to step up to the plate, they just have to! Thats just the thing. No one has to step up , thats not the way the system works. I will continue to try, and continue to try. But I don't know what anyone knows about custody disputes. If you do not return kids to their primary custodian, you have kidnapped them. You may lose your limited rights to them. I DO NOT want to return them, I will do everything legally in my power to protect them. I will spend all of the money that I have doing this . I'm frustrated, but I won't stop trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Tink, how have you kept your hands off of the woman who has done this to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Tink, how have you kept your hands off of the woman who has done this to them? I just have not spoken with her at all. Being violent in any way would lessen my chances of protecting my children. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I know Tink and you seem very level headed and you are dealing with this in the best way possible. I would find it very hard not to lay into anyone who hurt my son I admire the way you have coped and are coping Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Tink, I have no words of wisdom to offer, I'm sorry. I am absolutely flabbergasted at the injustice you have suffered, both through your divorce and the custody of your children. The best I can do is wish you the very best of luck..... which is not consolation at all I suppose. SEnding you cyber support and sympathy.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 The problem is that the system let us down when we need it most! It sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Eventually , some judge may possibly see that his courts unwillingness to step in on behalf of defenseless children against a parent that does not make firm and reliable arrangements during his willing absence , condones child abuse, and completely disregaurds the children's other parent and the few rights she has, could look bad on his career and will act. I hope for this quickly an perhaps in the next few days. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 tink! can the military help you in any way? I remember stories from my older sibs about the code of conduct they had to follow when my dad was active AF 40+ years ago, about how you couldn't mingle with officers' kids, how you when you lived on base your stuff couldn't litter the yard, etc. And I've been told that the military frowns on any kind of abuse ... I'm sure because of the nature of the business, the boys would have a ready source of assistance wherever their dad is stationed and they have to move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I talked to my attorney today about jag and possibly using them , but the downside is that they will perceive the kids as being his kids. The kids jurisdiction is one place mine another and dad's yet a third. On the plus side I do not have to return the kids without Dad in the country and time changes all things including jurisdiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 For crying out loud, get a lawyer and file for custody! This should be an easy one! My ex wife got custody with nowhere near this much in her favor. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 This is so terrible. Last week my oldest came to me to tell that he was being smacked in he face and knocked down up to five times a day by their step-mom. He said my other boys were as well. He told me that he had told his grandma and that it kept happening and that he was scared. There was a lot more. My middle boy said that it is going on for him as well and the same things and that it scares him and he goes and hides in his closet. My youngest says the same , and did not know that it was not okay for her to smack them in the face and knock them down. They told me it has been going on for years. I am so heart broken. Their Dad is still in Iraq and I emailed him with what the boys told me. He responded that our oldest is a liar, our middle and youngest don't know what they are talking about . That he thinks his wife pops them in the mouth sometimes repeatedly and sometimes knocks them to the floor but that is only because they jerk away or that it may be from a struggle.He went on to talk about what a saint his wife is and to tell me that I should be grateful to her for all the amazingly wonderful things she has done. I was so disturbed by what the children told me , but made physically ill by their Dad's reaction. I just don't even know . I have begun the ball rolling ofcourse. But this just crushes me. So I'm just sharing. Take your oldest and file a police report and complaint. Get an order of protection against her. Are you in a position to get custody of your kids? If so, now is definitely your chance. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yes, I made the decision to call after the other adults began making excuses and backing step-mom. I have also retained an attorney to get me in front of a judge double-time. My boys are currently in my home and in no danger. Thank goodness. Glad to hear it. I'd be using all my resources to make sure my kids were not living in my X's home. And if abuse is involved, whether it be from her or a boyfriend, ANY visitation would be supervised. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 For crying out loud, get a lawyer and file for custody! This should be an easy one! My ex wife got custody with nowhere near this much in her favor. For crying out loud. It is NOT that easy. 1) The kids are without jurisdiction . Dad is a soldier out of country. You cannot file against any soldier or sailor while they are on military orders out of country so anything I could do would be temporary and very probably not even legal. 2) No state will take jurisdiction over the kids and their custody , b/c Dads home of record is a state they have never been to , neither of us live in the original state we divorced in, my state says the kids have not been here long enough. 3) the state that should take jurisdiction has already refused because Dad fuc*** up the paperwork through them years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Take your oldest and file a police report and complaint. Get an order of protection against her. Are you in a position to get custody of your kids? If so, now is definitely your chance. I tried to file a police report in the county of the abuse and they refused as kids are out of state with me. I tried to file it here and my state says that the other state has jurisdiction and should file the report. They are all jerking off at my children's expense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 I am not giving up. I have gotten legal advice on how and when to get social services into action. I have also gotten legal advice on how and when to file for an emergency hearing, but the big question is where. Eventually this will clarify either when Dad returns or after more time in my home state depending on which comes first. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 For crying out loud. It is NOT that easy. 1) The kids are without jurisdiction . Dad is a soldier out of country. You cannot file against any soldier or sailor while they are on military orders out of country so anything I could do would be temporary and very probably not even legal. 2) No state will take jurisdiction over the kids and their custody , b/c Dads home of record is a state they have never been to , neither of us live in the original state we divorced in, my state says the kids have not been here long enough. 3) the state that should take jurisdiction has already refused because Dad fuc*** up the paperwork through them years ago. Sorry, I thought he was back already. My bad. Still, you can keep the kids for now, and file when he gets back. You may be able to petition his command and get all or part of his BAQ to help with expenses. After they've lived with you, he will have a hard time getting them back. Also, since they have no jurisdiction, he will not be able to use court action to force you to give them back! As soon as they have been with you for long enough you can file for your state to take jurisdiction of them. When your ex is back, you can file for temporary custody while the main custody hearing goes on. I think your chances are pretty good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Sorry, I thought he was back already. My bad. Still, you can keep the kids for now, and file when he gets back. You may be able to petition his command and get all or part of his BAQ to help with expenses. After they've lived with you, he will have a hard time getting them back. Also, since they have no jurisdiction, he will not be able to use court action to force you to give them back! As soon as they have been with you for long enough you can file for your state to take jurisdiction of them. When your ex is back, you can file for temporary custody while the main custody hearing goes on. I think your chances are pretty good. That is exactly what the attorney's have told me . No jurisdiction ,so he would have to convince a court that they should go after me for kidnapping . Normally, the state where the kids went to school with Dad would be their jurisdiction, but since Dad is out of the country ( he could have retained his residency but he kept his home of record in a different state) and he does not have residency in that state . If the kids are here for long enough, my state will take over. Social services will not get involved here unless the kids are in immediate danger, so if his wife ( their abuser) or he ( he condones the abuse and I have it in writing from him) arrives to take the children into danger. The police will respond with a social worker. This is what I have been told, the later frightens me because things have to go right . But well see. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I tried to file a police report in the county of the abuse and they refused as kids are out of state with me. I tried to file it here and my state says that the other state has jurisdiction and should file the report. They are all jerking off at my children's expense. Well all else fails, contacting CPS should do the trick. And it looks as if you have done that. The thing about CPS is they seem to overstep their bounds alot and impose their will even in situations where parents are wrongly accused. But in this case, who cares, your child told you about the abuse. Whatever gets them to investigate and possibly get them out of that environment and into yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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