should I leave my menopausal wife because the sex has stopped?

[TrustInYourself]

I agree with TIY (as always). But I think I'll be more judgemental.

 

A wife's purpose is not to satisfy the insatiable sexual "needs" of her husband. Sexual satisfaction is just one of many aspects of a marrriage.

 

Nevstan is in a state of depression due to his insatiable sexual "needs" not being met. He needs to talk with a counselor and maybe get some meds (and maybe a blow-up doll).

 

I laughed.

[Fun2BMe]

First of all, I think you are severely depressed and need to be on some anti-depressants. Secondly, I think your "wife" (gf) is being manipulative and passive/agressive. She does not hug, hold hands or even kiss you when you have told her you would like physical contact. It's like she's punishing you for some other issues while using menopause as an excuse. You say that she never loved you mentally, that it was only physically. Now that the physical part is gone, you fear what is left of the relationship.

 

Also, you are not financially capable of leaving her house so you are pretty much stuck even if everyone were to take your side and say leave her. She's never agreed to marry you and that's another red flag - maybe to preserve her assets (house) fearing that it wouldn't last due to both of your lack of deep love for each other.

 

I think you are in a very bad and miserable situation and I don't know what you should or can do. You had a lot of issues with your ex-wife to the point you'd go in your car and scream. You thought this woman would be a safe haven to take you away from your problems, but you only went to someone who you were both physically atracted to without much else to back it up and when the sex dried up, there was no other substance left to keep you together.

 

There was a brief period back in April when she had sex 3 times in one week with you and you felt like you were on top of the world. You should get that feeling just being in the same room with her. Sex is the only shred of substance holding you together and without it you feel like jumping off a cliff because the rest of your life/relationship is dark and empty. You wanted nothing more than to be loved by a "pretty girl" who you are fooling yourself to think loves you when she is playing mind/body games on you. Maybe she senses how you see her as a safety net financially and a piece of meet physically, and is witholding sex as a means to maintain her sanity and prove to herself these facts to be true while simultaneously punishing you.

 

But with 1 1/2 years of 99% no sex and the last 3 months no sex at all - I don't think you are obligated to go along with her rollercoaster ride where everything/time is on her terms with no touching, kissing, hugging in between her bouts of sex as she ignores every one of your needs without making the slightest effort to accomodate in any shape or form.

 

I'd get off the ride even if it meant you'd have to start from scratch in the big scary world out there at your advanced age on a fixed limited income, without her roof over your head (which she uses to control you and keep you locked in), and without feeling shamed to show your ex-wife and kids that the woman you left them for didn't pan out. Put your pride aside and start taking care of yourself because your gf is sure not contributing to it. You can downgrade to renting out a room or sharing an apartment in an inexpensive part of town to get started.

[nevstan]

Single Dad,

 

Where on earth did you get "insatiable sexual needs" from. Twice a week would be fine. Is that what you consider insatiable?

[Geishawhelk]

It's all relative.

Twice a month is great by me and my partner.

A good friend of mine thinks twice a day is pretty normal....

 

It's down to the couple to define, insatiable, lacking or normal.

 

However, I take his point, in that sex is not the be all, end all and purpose of your wife's relationship with you.

At least, you might think it is, but she clearly doesn't.

Whatever.... there's a problem.......