I need a NC buddy.

[carhill]

I've made the commitment that, if I have to walk on eggshells around a woman to be in a relationship, I will have cats, satellite, my adventures and find happiness as I always have, within myself.

 

Trust, I'm likely as emotionally sensitive as most women are (my wife complains about this all the time) and I've suffered years (decades in fact) of their remarks and abuse, fortunately maintaining my own dignity and perspective and living alone in a healthy way (until getting married).

 

I firmly believe there are women out there who don't play emotional games with men and I look forward to the day I make their acquaintance, even if it is in another life

 

IMO, a successful man (by the rules you outlined) will ultimately fail, as no person is ever perfect throughout time. It's just not possible. By our very genes, we are flawed.

 

My decision in such a situation would be NC and to thank my deity of choice that I found out about such qualities when I did, prior to marriage. If my wife had been like that (insecure and jealous), no way would I have been sweating it out in a Santa suit She'd have been history.

[trust]

Stillstrong1/Carhill:

 

I remembered a post I read a few days ago. It may help if you read it. It's a guy who experienced what I'm trying to describe (I suppose poorly). I'm not suggesting walking on eggshells...I suppose that would come down to a matter of degree...I am suggesting to be careful with your hurtful words...as you will have to reconcile the imbalance those things will have on your relationship.

 

Here is the guy who is describing his experience with what I'm saying... I don't know his wife, and I don't know the degree to which she expected him to cater to her feelings...but his story is a familiar one.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1726892#post1726892

 

About the emotionally sensitive part... I wasn't suggesting that it would help if a man were emotionally sensitive (I think that may work against you), I am saying that a man should be sensitive to her emotions (this doesn't mean you'd have to be as sensitive as her...just learn to control what you say with respect to her feelings.) ---just my thoughts as I've seen many a pattern with that type thing in the past.

 

I didn't mean to suggest being perfect. But to say the things that stillstrong1 said to his girl friend were *very* far from being perfect. And what's worse is he didn't have the excuse to claim that he said those things out of anger. This is where the work comes in to the relationship. I'm not saying he should be perfect and have all of the burden. I am saying that he will have to be responsible for what he says. And the things being said were pretty darn bad.

 

It's one thing for her to be insecure and jealous without cause, but he gave her reasons to be that way. I have yet to meet one single girl, who was not at least to some degree, both insecure and jealous. And as backwards as it may sound, the hotter the girl, the more insecure and jealous I've found them to be (my experience...your results may vary on that one).

[carhill]

I wasn't suggesting that it would help if a man were emotionally sensitive (I think that may work against you), I am saying that a man should be sensitive to her emotions (this doesn't mean you'd have to be as sensitive as her

 

Absolutely agree. It does work against a man who is wired that way. I've tried for decades to unwire it, but unfortunately it appears to be genetic. MC has helped me alter certain behaviors outwardly and process my perspective a bit differently, but, inside, the cr@p which women sling incessantly at men due to their socialization norms leads to resentment within myself, as I process those insults/ignorals/betrayals the same way a woman does. Eventually, I confront directly, or, on occasion and more immaturely, circuitously, by way of sarcasm and insults of riddle. Ultimately, that all said, since a woman can get away with such behaviors with "normal" men, it does and has always left me at a distinct disadvantage in the mating game.

 

So, like the WOPR in "War Games", sometimes the best move is not to play.

 

It truly has been a waste of my valuable life energy. That's my only regret.

 

I have a theory that how "normal" men process emotion has a lot to do with infidelity, addictive behaviors and substantially reduced average lifespans, compared to females. I'm willing to wager, in a few generations, things are going to be much different. We'll see

 

So, when you see my NC advice, take it with the above grain of salt....

[stillstrong1]

Hey trust and carhill, thanks for your feedback.

 

I've mentioned some of the things that transpired, but let me mention some other things that paint a more balanced picture. I did a lot of nice things for this girl, I surprised her with flowers all the time, I hid little love notes all over the apt for her to find, took her to plays, etc. At the time, I had a very responsible high-paying six figure job. I was supporting her through grad school with a very lavish lifestyle in NYC, I put $4k a month in a joint account for her to use at her whim, I paid for trips, most recently to Jamaica for example. When we made love, I'd look her in the eye and tell her I loved her and kiss her. Even after we broke up she said that I was "affectionate, romantic, and passionate." I bought a bunch of sexy lingerie and clothes for this girl which she never wore, I bought an expensive spa package for her which she never used. I never once in 3 yrs cussed at her, even though she did at me. I never even raised my voice in an argument until the crap hit the fan at the end.

 

I was busting my balls and being tired all the time and a chunk of that money was going to an account that she used, so why does she find it so hard to do something that's nice for me, like put on something sexy for a night out, or not kiss me with smoker's breath? There was only one time that she put on the lingerie that I bought her, and I worked a LONG day, like 8am-10:30pm that day, and I stumble in all tired and she's sitting there and I come over and kiss her, but apparently I wasn't all over her like she expected, so she was furious at me. She told me she was finally going to use that spa package now that we broke up. She also mentioned that what I wanted was a "trophy girlfriend" which is far from the truth.

 

With all that being said, I understand I hurt her feelings with some things I said and the journal, but really she shouldn't have been reading my journal in the first place and I'm entitled to whatever silly thoughts I want. For example, if I write that I want to choke half of NYC, does that mean I'll really do it?

 

No, I really think I deserved a mulligan for the journal and those other comments. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. But where's the commitment on her part? This girl obviously sees that I'm trying for the relationship. Where's her attempts to try for me and also try to keep her insecurities in check and be more aware of the big picture?

[trust]

Absolutely agree. It does work against a man who is wired that way. I've tried for decades to unwire it, but unfortunately it appears to be genetic.

Very interesting....I honestly find that kind of thing fascinating... I have this closet obsession for psychology..along with a genuine desire to help others succeed (not that I am saying there is anything I can do for you in that way...just that I hope you get all the answers you were searching for)....I know it's very personal, as well as off topic, but I'd be very interested in hearing what you have found on that topic as it relates to you. Maybe a PM one day?

 

MC has helped me

That's soooo awesome that you go there. Many guys tend to not go for various reasons/excuses. Glad you aren't one of them.

 

alter certain behaviors outwardly and process my perspective a bit differently, but, inside, the cr@p which women sling incessantly at men due to their socialization norms leads to resentment within myself, as I process those insults/ignorals/betrayals the same way a woman does. Eventually, I confront directly, or, on occasion and more immaturely, circuitously, by way of sarcasm and insults of riddle. Ultimately, that all said, since a woman can get away with such behaviors with "normal" men, it does and has always left me at a distinct disadvantage in the mating game.

Wow. Carhill..you've got your behavior figured out. I'm very impressed by that. I picked up on some of your listed behaviors as I was going through your published journal.

So, like the WOPR in "War Games", sometimes the best move is not to play.

 

It truly has been a waste of my valuable life energy. That's my only regret.

 

I have a theory that how "normal" men process emotion has a lot to do with infidelity, addictive behaviors and substantially reduced average lifespans, compared to females. I'm willing to wager, in a few generations, things are going to be much different. We'll see

 

So, when you see my NC advice, take it with the above grain of salt....

I've read your journals...because I really want to understand those who I converse with. And I can tell you that I have a great respect for the tremendous amount of *effort* that you have put into why you do what you do. Now if only I would have done this work with on myself about 8 years ago......

[carhill]

The essence of incompatibility, IMO.

 

Your actions weren't perceived in the way that they were meant. Perhaps what she truly wanted from you doesn't exist within you. Who knows?

 

My mantra. Give of myself what I feel strongly and give freely, without expectation. If a healthy relationship results, icing for me. If not, no regrets. Life is a journey

 

***editorial note**** oops, trust snuck in . This response is meant for OP...

 

For trust...thanks. My mom developed psychotic dementia. I was forced to learn about the brain to effectively care for her. Life-changing event. Nearly killed me. (insanity)

[trust]

Hey trust and carhill, thanks for your feedback.

 

I've mentioned some of the things that transpired, but let me mention some other things that paint a more balanced picture. I did a lot of nice things for this girl, I surprised her with flowers all the time, I hid little love notes all over the apt for her to find, took her to plays, etc. At the time, I had a very responsible high-paying six figure job. I was supporting her through grad school with a very lavish lifestyle in NYC, I put $4k a month in a joint account for her to use at her whim, I paid for trips, most recently to Jamaica for example. When we made love, I'd look her in the eye and tell her I loved her and kiss her. Even after we broke up she said that I was "affectionate, romantic, and passionate." I bought a bunch of sexy lingerie and clothes for this girl which she never wore, I bought an expensive spa package for her which she never used. I never once in 3 yrs cussed at her, even though she did at me. I never even raised my voice in an argument until the crap hit the fan at the end.

 

The more I hear you talk, the more you are starting to sound like me. And the more you describe that girl, the more she is sounding like my ex wife. Ditto on everything you said...the money, the love and affection (I had issues there though on the love part but I didn't find out until it was too late) ditto on the lingerie that she never wore, yep on the spa, yes on an expensive gym membership, which she attended maybe 2 days, same on the cussing...not once in 6 years, not even during the divorce..but no she never cussed at me. Yes, and then things changed in the end. I'm listening.

 

I was busting my balls and being tired all the time and a chunk of that money was going to an account that she used, so why does she find it so hard to do something that's nice for me, like put on something sexy for a night out, or not kiss me with smoker's breath? There was only one time that she put on the lingerie that I bought her, and I worked a LONG day, like 8am-10:30pm that day, and I stumble in all tired and she's sitting there and I come over and kiss her, but apparently I wasn't all over her like she expected, so she was furious at me. She told me she was finally going to use that spa package now that we broke up. She also mentioned that what I wanted was a "trophy girlfriend" which is far from the truth.

 

With all that being said, I understand I hurt her feelings with some things I said and the journal, but really she shouldn't have been reading my journal in the first place and I'm entitled to whatever silly thoughts I want. For example, if I write that I want to choke half of NYC, does that mean I'll really do it?

You are entitled to your silly thoughts...until you write them down...and someone gets a hold of them (although that was more than a silly thought...and then you confirmed it verbally to her). I guarantee you if you wrote that you planned on building a dirty bomb to choke half of NYC, and someone who cared got a hold of it, that would change things now wouldn't it? I'm not meaning to harp on the one thing you did...and if you fight it even here...then I don't know how much hope I have for you right now. You will get into huge trouble with hurtful words...especially when you tell her she's not that hot. Just don't be so critical. It will get you a long ways. I'm willing to bet she would start to appreciate you a little more if you worked on that...plus some other things I'd like to share with you. She needs her work too...but you can't focus on that...you can focus on *you*. That's what I'm trying to do right now without coming off as putting blame on you. You just need to be *responsible* for what you say and do. What you wrote and said about her was not very responsible.

 

No, I really think I deserved a mulligan for the journal and those other comments.

Now I hardly know you but that's anger talking right there.

I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. But where's the commitment on her part? This girl obviously sees that I'm trying for the relationship. Where's her attempts to try for me and also try to keep her insecurities in check and be more aware of the big picture?

She is an emotional being and when you said the hurtful things you said about her, it threw her jealousy and insecurity waaay out of balance. Now you've got to get it back in balance (if you care enough about the relationship). If you don't care enough about that one...at least learn a thing or two for the next one. I would challenge you to do something. It will require just a little bit of work on your part. Let me know if you are interested. I would like very much to see you succeed and I have a very educated guess as to what will help you immensely.

 

Where's her commitment? She needs work on her emotional development. And so do you. But which is easier? Changing you or changing her? Someone's got to lead the way and wise the relationship up. You can only be the best *you* can be and hope that some of your improvements will benefit her for the success of your relationship (you can't say "well if I'm doing this then you need to do that.." NO..just work on you). At your current state, you're just both going to spiral downwards and crash. You are going to have to do the *work* on you. Are you ready to get started or is it too early? I don't know what stage you are in (which is why I keep asking you how you are feeling..I'm actually keeping track) but I didn't start picking up my pieces until well after the anger stage after my breakup/divorce. I wasn't in the mood. I was too busy being freaking mad - just like you. But I'll be here for you when you are ready to start doing some work.

 

How are you feeling today? Good until I started busting your balls? I'm sorry man... I'm hoping you'll get better later.

[trust]

The essence of incompatibility, IMO.

Or a lack of understanding on both parts.

Your actions weren't perceived in the way that they were meant.

That's exactly what's happening. And *her* actions aren't being perceived the way that they were meant either.

 

Perhaps what she truly wanted from you doesn't exist within you. Who knows?

Or...you never did the work to find out just exactly what "it" was that she truly wanted from you. It very well may have been there.

 

My mantra. Give of myself what I feel strongly and give freely, without expectation. If a healthy relationship results, icing for me. If not, no regrets. Life is a journey

And a very good mantra...which is why I was saying in my last post that he shouldn't give then expect from her...and he also shouldn't make self improvements and then expect her to make improvements just because he did. That may be how it should go but unfortunately that's not how it works.

 

For trust...thanks. My mom developed psychotic dementia. I was forced to learn about the brain to effectively care for her. Life-changing event. Nearly killed me. (insanity)

So sorry...much more is making sense now.

[carhill]

So, can the OP bend or does he break? Intrinsic lack of understanding (that not easily solved with/by communication) leads eventually to bending and/or breaking. This is the essence of my intrinsic incompatibility theory. Certain levels can be overcome through psychological analysis and behavior modification, but IME this requires introspective and perceptive capacities which are difficult for most of we mere mortals

 

Query: Is it more efficacious/effective/mutually beneficial to do the work and take the risk in the existing R or do it alone and find a more compatible mate? I would opine the former, with equal commitment to bending, but the latter if breaking becomes a very real possibility. IMO, exiting before the break will save emotional baggage/psychological damage. Opinion?

 

I mention this because, due to the stress involved in attempting to care for my mother and adapt to the changes in my marriage, I became "broken" psychologically, resulting in a contravention of my moral code by contacting an old female friend I had been in love with in the past. Mistake borne of circumstance; wrong but an awesome signpost for future use.

[stillstrong1]

She is an emotional being and when you said the hurtful things you said about her, it threw her jealousy and insecurity waaay out of balance. Now you've got to get it back in balance (if you care enough about the relationship). If you don't care enough about that one...at least learn a thing or two for the next one. I would challenge you to do something. It will require just a little bit of work on your part. Let me know if you are interested. I would like very much to see you succeed and I have a very educated guess as to what will help you immensely.

 

Where's her commitment? She needs work on her emotional development. And so do you. But which is easier? Changing you or changing her? Someone's got to lead the way and wise the relationship up. You can only be the best *you* can be and hope that some of your improvements will benefit her for the success of your relationship (you can't say "well if I'm doing this then you need to do that.." NO..just work on you). At your current state, you're just both going to spiral downwards and crash. You are going to have to do the *work* on you. Are you ready to get started or is it too early? I don't know what stage you are in (which is why I keep asking you how you are feeling..I'm actually keeping track) but I didn't start picking up my pieces until well after the anger stage after my breakup/divorce. I wasn't in the mood. I was too busy being freaking mad - just like you. But I'll be here for you when you are ready to start doing some work.

 

How are you feeling today? Good until I started busting your balls? I'm sorry man... I'm hoping you'll get better later.

 

I am interested in bettering myself, so I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say. I'm listening. You said there was a good book to read? I'm willing to put in the work.

 

As far as my mood, it fluctuates from anger to depression to bargaining. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes not. This morning I feel ok, I had a good time last night. Some mornings I wake up with a bad depression.

[stillstrong1]

Last night (4th of July) my ex texted me "Some days are harder than others". I didn't bother to reply. I'm on day 6 NC. What does her text mean?

[df273]

sounds to me like she misses you.

 

in my opinion, it feels good to be missed. it lets you know someone out there is thinking of you and possibly wishes the distance was not so great. i wish i was missed... and if i am, she sure as hell letting me know.

 

NC day 10 for me. it sucks a whole lot. some more then others. best wishes for you.

[stillstrong1]

sounds to me like she misses you.

 

in my opinion, it feels good to be missed. it lets you know someone out there is thinking of you and possibly wishes the distance was not so great. i wish i was missed... and if i am, she sure as hell letting me know.

 

NC day 10 for me. it sucks a whole lot. some more then others. best wishes for you.

 

If you want to get back with someone, I understand letting them know you are missing them. But if you are the one who broke up and said it was over, why would you want to inform the other person that you are missing them? I don't get it.

[trust]

I am interested in bettering myself, so I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say. I'm listening. You said there was a good book to read? I'm willing to put in the work.

 

As far as my mood, it fluctuates from anger to depression to bargaining. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes not. This morning I feel ok, I had a good time last night. Some mornings I wake up with a bad depression.

 

Hi stillstrong1… I hope you had an enjoyable fourth of July. You sound like you are not ready for that book yet. When you are in the anger stage…most of your thoughts are occupied with the pain from the loss…so it’s probably not time for that yet. But it’s cool to go ahead and get it…at least you’ll have that out of the way and you won’t forget to buy it. So...I guess you could go ahead and buy it. It's called (ignore the title and just trust me) "Five Love Languages *for your mate*, by Gary Chapman." There's a bunch of them that look alike so don't get them confused...they have one for teenagers..one for married people... get the one "for your mate."

 

If you are a little on the macho side…as I am…you may want to be a little covert with the purchasing of that book. To make things worse – it’s pink. So once you’ve located the book, just keep an eye on the register, and time it such that no one’s in line when you make your fast walk to the front of Borders. When you carry it, make sure the title is facing inwards towards your body…that way people who are all up in your business won’t be able to read it. When you get to the register, whether the cashier is a guy or a girl, just say this when you lay it down. Hey, how’s it going (in a deep voice)? You don’t want to come off sounding all defensive and stuff so you want to make some small talk first. Now for the defense, you wanna nonchalantly say that you bought that book for a girl who’s getting married soon. So if it’s a chic at the register, she won’t go telling all her friends that you bought that book and risk them getting the wrong idea about you. Sorry… I know it’s tough being cool like us but… these things we must do.

 

Sorry I know that was a bunch of silliness… was just trying to cheer you up. How are you feeling today? As for the text..yeah..she misses you...she's not totally cold you know? She's an emotional being and she's just feeling right now...and that's cool...she also wants to know that she's being missed...You really need to be strong and break that contact...Total NC. Keep going back and it will delay your healing process.

[stillstrong1]

trust,

 

I will look into the book. I will buy it from Amazon, like I usually do, so as to avoid any embarrassments you had at the counter. At Amazon, it says there is a version for men.

 

As for the text, I think it is her desire to reach out to me and get a response back that I miss her too. She feels bad and misses me and she would feel better if she knew I felt the same. Just feelings, no action.

 

I won't bother to respond.

[df273]

I think i too am going to look into that book. At what stage do you recommend it being read. I am at 6 weeks since breakup, and 10 days NC. I have felt a bunch of everything, all the time, triggered by all types of stuff. I don't know what stage I'm in. I know I'm still depressed and have nervous breakdowns still. Loosing your mind stage?

[trust]

I think i too am going to look into that book. At what stage do you recommend it being read. I am at 6 weeks since breakup, and 10 days NC. I have felt a bunch of everything, all the time, triggered by all types of stuff. I don't know what stage I'm in. I know I'm still depressed and have nervous breakdowns still. Loosing your mind stage?

Wow. I hate to hear that. I had my first panic attack when I was getting over my wife. If you are having "nervous breakdowns" I would hope that you have visited your general practitioner. My doctor gave me some things that I think really helped.

 

Anything was better than the emotional pain that I had felt...add to that - I couldn't sleep. And I was borderline suicidal. He asked me if I thought of killing myself...to which I said - no...I would never do that...but death or sleep would be better than this pain that I feel. So when I said that... he put me on antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs.

 

You may want to get some professional advice and at least visit your doctor. I didn't read your past posts yet, so I don't know much about you (but I will look into it later). I advised that book to staystrong1 because I have an intuition about him....based on what I saw, that book will help *him* in a huge way....but he'll have to get the book....read the book when he's "over" his ex...then he'll have to understand what he read..then he'll actually have to put that great information to use...there's a very small chance that all of that will happen but... I'm hopeful for him because he sounds a lot like me and I made a miraculous recovery...but only because I did a lot of work on myself.

 

I'll keep an eye on you too. How are you feeling today? Hang in there..

[df273]

Yea, i have seen a councilor and going to see a psych later this week for the nervous breakdowns. as much as i hate being medicated to deal with things, this is something i fear is unavoidable. it has to be better then the off/on alcohol abuse and sleeping pills i go through routinely.

 

i can only sleep when either drinking, or taking a sleeping pill. (generic benadryl). nights suck, but not as much as the mornings. i too have had suicidal thoughts, but nothing more then thoughts. i went from 8-9 hours of sleep when with my ex, to 12-14 hours of sleep. the 1st couple hours are the only good ones, the rest after is tossing and turning every half hour.

 

unfortunately, i work for the same company as my ex. i have way too much power here as well, which i admit i abuse since the breakup. i check in on things (via computer) which i know i shouldnt. people have told me i'm self-destructive.

 

i had 2 of the best days this week, followed by 2 of the worst. kind of sucks since once day i think im making progress, and the next im walking backwards. anyways trust, you have some wisedom which i like reading. this forum has brought alot of good to my situation. i could not think where i would be right now if i never stumbled upon LS

 

Thanks all

[trust]

Yea, i have seen a councilor and going to see a psych later this week for the nervous breakdowns. as much as i hate being medicated to deal with things, this is something i fear is unavoidable. it has to be better then the off/on alcohol abuse and sleeping pills i go through routinely.

 

i can only sleep when either drinking, or taking a sleeping pill. (generic benadryl). nights suck, but not as much as the mornings. i too have had suicidal thoughts, but nothing more then thoughts. i went from 8-9 hours of sleep when with my ex, to 12-14 hours of sleep. the 1st couple hours are the only good ones, the rest after is tossing and turning every half hour.

 

unfortunately, i work for the same company as my ex. i have way too much power here as well, which i admit i abuse since the breakup. i check in on things (via computer) which i know i shouldnt. people have told me i'm self-destructive.

 

i had 2 of the best days this week, followed by 2 of the worst. kind of sucks since once day i think im making progress, and the next im walking backwards. anyways trust, you have some wisedom which i like reading. this forum has brought alot of good to my situation. i could not think where i would be right now if i never stumbled upon LS

 

Thanks all

Wow. You sound a lot worse off than I was. I'm so sorry man. I also work for the same company as my ex (in a very round about kind of way). I don't see her though. I couldn't imagine. Your drinking..I'm assuming you are talking about alcohol? If so...you do realize this is a depressant, right? I stayed ten miles away from anything that was a depressant when I was depressed. You need to treat yourself better than that.. I haven't heard you mention a doctor..but you really need to get some help with the sleep issue. I'm worried about you...

[celinedion1]

My situation is kind of an odd one. After my ex cheated on me i broke up with him (last month). I did no contact with him for 4 days, he then contacted me and I thought that I was well enough to be his friend. Being his friend would of been fine however recently he started coming over to my house, visiting with me then disappearing to my bathroom to call his girlfriend. When I asked him to please do not do that, he basically told me that he doesn't care and he will continue to do it. I then told him to get out of my house but before he left we had a small conversation in which he told me that he's just been using me this whole time and that he doesn't mean a word of what he tells me. He told me that since he can't be with his gf who lives 2500 miles away, that he's using me until he's able to be with her. I have't talked to him since then. This happened yesturday on the 4th of july. I have no plans to ever talk to him or see him again. So If I'm doing no contact then I guess this would be day 1 of the start of my new life.

 

He's planning on moving to indiana in september to meet his online gf and live with her. I figure the sooner he leaves the better I'll be cause I won't have to deal with his crap anymore. Out of sight out of mind....

[miss_28]

My situation is kind of an odd one. After my ex cheated on me i broke up with him (last month). I did no contact with him for 4 days, he then contacted me and I thought that I was well enough to be his friend. Being his friend would of been fine however recently he started coming over to my house, visiting with me then disappearing to my bathroom to call his girlfriend. When I asked him to please do not do that, he basically told me that he doesn't care and he will continue to do it. I then told him to get out of my house but before he left we had a small conversation in which he told me that he's just been using me this whole time and that he doesn't mean a word of what he tells me. He told me that since he can't be with his gf who lives 2500 miles away, that he's using me until he's able to be with her. I have't talked to him since then. This happened yesturday on the 4th of july. I have no plans to ever talk to him or see him again. So If I'm doing no contact then I guess this would be day 1 of the start of my new life.

 

He's planning on moving to indiana in september to meet his online gf and live with her. I figure the sooner he leaves the better I'll be cause I won't have to deal with his crap anymore. Out of sight out of mind....

 

oh my god. he said those things to you??? holy... wow girl... i don't know how you didn't give this guy a beating... what a loser this guy is. the online chick is in for a nasty surprise...

[df273]

Wow. You sound a lot worse off than I was. I'm so sorry man. I also work for the same company as my ex (in a very round about kind of way). I don't see her though. I couldn't imagine. Your drinking..I'm assuming you are talking about alcohol? If so...you do realize this is a depressant, right? I stayed ten miles away from anything that was a depressant when I was depressed. You need to treat yourself better than that.. I haven't heard you mention a doctor..but you really need to get some help with the sleep issue. I'm worried about you...

 

10 day of NC, and i was starting to feel good tonight and thought id beable to go home and sleep. anyways, my ex and her new pet took the bus home tonight. same bus i take. when i noticed them at the stop, i walked away. i drank the booze i had with me, and then got on the bus with them. not a word said between us, but i kind of did give the other guy a dirty look. it was not my intent, as he does not control anything. i rationalized that easily, so even tho i do have aggression towards him, i know i will not act upon it,... atleast not until provoked. any how, with the sleeping pills and drinks i've got, im off to bed. i cant wait till i can kick this somehow, hopefully the psych will be able to help me out.

[df273]

Just as an update, for some odd reason, i feel pretty good today.

 

It was hard waking up this morning, and i thought about her a little this morning, but not like it usually is. I had a dream about her last night again, nothing special tho. Once i was ready for work and all, went outside to catch the bus, i felt pretty good. I don't know why. It's a crappy day out and its probably going to rain a bit. It might have to do with the fact I have the next 4 days off from work, but still not sure. I hope it lasts for a little bit.

 

It's so odd how 1 day everything is so complicated and confusing, and the next day, life is simple. Anyways, hope you others are having a good day as well.

[stillstrong1]

Just as an update, for some odd reason, i feel pretty good today.

 

It was hard waking up this morning, and i thought about her a little this morning, but not like it usually is. I had a dream about her last night again, nothing special tho. Once i was ready for work and all, went outside to catch the bus, i felt pretty good. I don't know why. It's a crappy day out and its probably going to rain a bit. It might have to do with the fact I have the next 4 days off from work, but still not sure. I hope it lasts for a little bit.

 

It's so odd how 1 day everything is so complicated and confusing, and the next day, life is simple. Anyways, hope you others are having a good day as well.

 

Expect it to be bumpy. You'll have your good days and bad. But you are making progress. Keep up NC.

[df273]

:S Unfortunately breaking NC might be inevitable right now. I still have some personal belongings at her place. I think i am going to organize something with her mother to get them on a day when she is not there. I'm not worried about it right now tho. I'm just enjoying this peace i have with myself, and look forward to my 4 days off from work. Already have some plans set up for them. Thank you for the kind words all.