Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 F*** no, she dumped me by pushing me away until it all came to a head. I am not at fault for this; she disengaged, belittled me, lost all respect for me. Maybe that's why your perceptions about my R confuse me so, T. This isn't a fault finding mission for me kizik. When it came to a head, who walked away from whom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 SHE walked away from ME. OK? I did EVERY goddamn thing I could to hold onto the R. But it was like trying to catch a fish with your hands. The fish wanted gone, and I couldn't hold on forever. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 F*** no, she dumped me by pushing me away until it all came to a head. I am not at fault for this; she disengaged, belittled me, lost all respect for me. Maybe that's why your perceptions about my R confuse me so, T. Kizik, did you at any time after the initial break up, contact her? Did you ever attempt to talk to her. I'm sorry, I have read all your posts, but one forgets the details of all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Yes, smile, I did. We talked a few times after the breakup. You wanna hear the worst part? Two days after she calls and says, "Are you sure we can't try to work it out this summer?" I go, "Of course we can!" The next time I talk to her, she says, "I don't think that's a good idea about this summer." Of course I'm devastated that she reneged this offer of trying to work it out. And I'm practically begging, "Are you sure?" She says, "I don't think it's a good idea!" After SHE brought it up. She continued to hurt me after the breakup in ways like this. Until I was like, f*ck it, I can't let this girl hurt me anymore. And I stopped bothering to call her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 It looks like I owe you an apology, kizik. I thought you were the dumper and were playing the pride game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 No prob, T. I'm sure there is still pride involved. Look: she is happier w/o me, I think. And I love her to the point that if she is finally happy, even w/o me, then that is great. You know? I believe that what you're really getting over is not necessarily the R, but yourself. The ego is SO bruised in a breakup that you feel like a nothing. Well, I am something. With or without her. And I hope she does great. I really do. Link to post Share on other sites
v33 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Look: she is happier w/o me, I think. And I love her to the point that if she is finally happy, even w/o me, then that is great. You know? I believe that what you're really getting over is not necessarily the R, but yourself. The ego is SO bruised in a breakup that you feel like a nothing. Well, I am something. With or without her. And I hope she does great. I really do. I am starting to feel this way about my ex too. I mean, I KNOW she is happier without me, and it looks like she is really getting her life sorted out. And really, all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I would have preferred that she was happy with me, but I want her to be happy all the same. My ego is hurt bad, but I will get over it. Really, it will be easier for me to overcome that than it was for her to get over her obstacles. And yes, we are something without them, we are who we are before we met them.... and we must have been doing something right back then to attracted the SO in the first place. I was just reminded of something that happened shortly before she left me, but during the time she was falling for the new man. We saw our first shooting star and both made a wish. I had wished for us to be happy together, forever.... it was more of a prayer. She confided in me after the break up when I told her this that she had wished for a loving soul to come into her life and accept her the way that she is. She told me she got her wish with the new man. It made me angry at the time, but I realize now that it could have never been with us. Too many old patterns. Sorry for the hijack, Kiz. But this thread got me thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 hey K, It seemed like an invitation for more hurt. Imho. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 No prob, T. I'm sure there is still pride involved. Look: she is happier w/o me, I think. And I love her to the point that if she is finally happy, even w/o me, then that is great. You know? I believe that what you're really getting over is not necessarily the R, but yourself. The ego is SO bruised in a breakup that you feel like a nothing. Well, I am something. With or without her. And I hope she does great. I really do. Couldn't have said it better myself Kizik....your a good man...don't worry, good things will come to a great guy like you....for sure:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 V - sounds like you're having some really important realizations. Good for you, bro. Keep that love in your heart, and be happy for the goodness you had with her. Sid - maybe so. But it was something I felt was necessary to say, and I don't regret it. Smile - thanks for saying that. It's nice to get an ego boost! But seriously, I do believe I will end up w/ someone who values my kindness. The real issue is not rushing into meeting someone... I'm going to need some time to learn to enjoy being alone. FYI everyone... just went to the doctor and got an Rx for anti-depressants. Who knows if they will help. Just a reminder to everyone that you are worth it and it's important to help yourself through these tough times in any way you can. And if you're fantasizing about suicide, as I was as recently as 2 days ago, then you definitely need to seek help. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 V - sounds like you're having some really important realizations. Good for you, bro. Keep that love in your heart, and be happy for the goodness you had with her. Sid - maybe so. But it was something I felt was necessary to say, and I don't regret it. Smile - thanks for saying that. It's nice to get an ego boost! But seriously, I do believe I will end up w/ someone who values my kindness. The real issue is not rushing into meeting someone... I'm going to need some time to learn to enjoy being alone. FYI everyone... just went to the doctor and got an Rx for anti-depressants. Who knows if they will help. Just a reminder to everyone that you are worth it and it's important to help yourself through these tough times in any way you can. And if you're fantasizing about suicide, as I was as recently as 2 days ago, then you definitely need to seek help. Kiz, I know you're still having a rough go - but I think it's important to also know that in the fall you'll be at a new college, new experiences, new people and that is really something to look forward to man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 *sigh* Thanks North, you're right, it's going to be awesome. In the meantime though? Grr it's tough. I've got 3 months to fill! I'm waiting to hear back about some volunteer opportunites. I've joined a Meetup group. Playing as many coffeeshops / bars / open mics as I can. 3 months... Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 *sigh* Thanks North, you're right, it's going to be awesome. In the meantime though? Grr it's tough. I've got 3 months to fill! I'm waiting to hear back about some volunteer opportunites. I've joined a Meetup group. Playing as many coffeeshops / bars / open mics as I can. 3 months... I hear ya. I know it's cliche, but just one day at a time. Maybe just set some goals to cover those 3 months. Whether it be to get in better shape, or run a race, or learn some new songs to play, or write a script, or whatever you really like or want to do. Setting some goals with some realistic time frames is something to look forward to and put on the mental calendar. Volunteering is great - you'll feel good, and maybe meet new people. Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I really doubt your ex is 100% OVER things. Your email was civil and polite, and well, she just sent back a civil and polite response. Like others have said, I wouldn't read much into it. I know if I received an email like yours, I wouldn't take it as license to pour out all the emotions I'd been feeling. That doesn't mean you need to write another email pouring out emotion though - judging from your story, the ball is in her court to do that, if she so wishes. You're obviously very intelligent and have tons of sane, thoughtful, insightful advice to give people (I've even copy-pasted some of your posts into a Microsoft Word document to read over more easily). It's been very helpful to me to read your threads and the variety of emotional responses you've had. I would only say, I'm not sure girls necessarily have an easier / faster time healing (or else I'm an outlier!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizik Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Orange, I can't tell you how much your response means to me. Simply the fact that you have copied my posts and used them as helpful tools, is incredibly flattering to me. You're right. She probably isn't "over" it, per se. But she has a lot more going on, schedule-wise, than me right now, and those things certainly help a person detach from grief. Meanwhile, I'm doing everything I can think of to be social. But if you call people and they don't call you back... just what the f*ck can you do? Answer my own question: Volunteer. Play open mics. Play poker. Masturbate. Link to post Share on other sites
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