UPDATE: MM gone nuts....

[DepressedWaiting]

Whichwayisup,

 

You are right there were posters saying I should not go this morning which I read... but I didn't read any of the other ones after I posted... like Nadia's post for example.

 

And yesterday MM set it all up so this morning when I was saying I will not show up to the meeting he layed a guilt trip on me that I am embarrassing him in front of his attorney if I don't show and why did I say I would yesterday but now I am cancelling last second. So since yesterday I already said I would go... I did.

 

This forum goes down for one day and looks what happens, disaster

 

At least I got a free meal. Now I need to just forget about him and get along with my day... and move on with NC in high gear.

[DepressedWaiting]

Sorry to post about this again but I am soooo angry. WHY would that stupid attorney tell me that he doesn't find it necessary that I go NC with MM until he finishes his divorce??? Why would he say something like that to me when I questioned him about it.... that makes me so mad!!!

 

When the attorney said that to me I could see MM sitting across the table with a look on his face like "Aha I told you so". That made me soooo mad because that is hogwash!!! Who the h*ll does this attorney think he is... is he as DUMB as my MM???? He KNOWS we have had a 7 year affair and I even told the attorney MM has been saying for several years he will divorce but STILL has not!!!

 

Then the attorney said that my MM has indeed finally started the process and that his mind is made up and HIGHLY doubts MM will back out now.

 

I HATE that attorney... what an SOB

 

Am I right to feel this way? That attorney really upset me.

 

I suppose that is the difference between an attorney and a therapist. ANY therapist would say I must stay NC but of course a lawyer who doesn't know squat about these situations tries to give his idiotic opinion.

[Owl]

Did you think to ask the attorney for the specifics on how your state handles divorce? Is it a no fault state, how long does the process typically take, is there a mandatory seperation period, etc...?

 

The reason the attorney might have said NC was not needed was if your state is "no fault". In that case, the fact that MM is having an affair with you doesn't have any impact on the divorce proceedings at all.

 

Remember, he's talking to you from a legal viewpoint...not from a moral or ethical one.

 

What did you expect him to tell you, and why?

[DepressedWaiting]

Owl,

 

We are in florida so it's not like california. Florida is a no fault state... so I guess you might be right and that this is why the attorney didn't care if MM still see's me.

 

I honestly thought the attorney would side with ME and say that he agrees MM should not be in contact with me until he finishes his divorce. I was shocked to hear otherwise. It just made me mad that he said that in front of MM because here I am TRYING to convince MM that NC is the RIGHT thing to do... and in 3 seconds that attorney completely sqaushed my NC idea to nothingness.

 

PS: The attorney said that MM will be ready to file for divorce in about another month or two. My MM's stiuation is VERY complicated he said... MM's wife quit her job almost 3 years ago to run his entire business. Therefore she has now contributed to his business etc and can prove she relies on HIS business to survive... it is a big sticky mess that's for sure.

 

But the attorney did say that MM is lucky he doesn't have any kids.

[frannie]

Sorry to post about this again but I am soooo angry. WHY would that stupid attorney tell me that he doesn't find it necessary that I go NC with MM until he finishes his divorce??? Why would he say something like that to me when I questioned him about it.... that makes me so mad!!!

 

Why would an attorney have any view one way or another on whether you should be NC with MM? Surely it's up to you what you do regarding NC. If the actions of your MM in the past hadn't made you angry with him you wouldn't even be dreaming of NC. No one HAS to be NC if their MM is divorcing..

 

Apart from that, your MM is driving me nuts. Laying a guilt trip on you about embarrassing you in front of his attorney? Have you actually told him you want NC? Then stick to it. Why was he under the impression you might turn up? Why is he involving you in this when you've asked him not to.

 

Are you really telling him NC and no exceptions? Or giving in if and when it suits you, and then wondering why he doesn't take your word on what you want?

[Owl]

I honestly thought the attorney would side with ME and say that he agrees MM should not be in contact with me until he finishes his divorce. I was shocked to hear otherwise. It just made me mad that he said that in front of MM because here I am TRYING to convince MM that NC is the RIGHT thing to do... and in 3 seconds that attorney completely sqaushed my NC idea to nothingness.

 

I'm not sure why you would have expected that. An attorney is ONLY interested in the legal aspects, and how it impacts the divorce case.

 

He probably couldn't care less if MM was leaving his wife for you, or the vacuum cleaner...because it doesn't change the outcome in the end. NC with you has no bearing on the divorce case, so he didn't care one way or another. No surprise there to me.

[DepressedWaiting]

frannie,

 

I have not been giving in. I went ENTIRE month of NC (did not speak to him not even once). Then he showed up at my front door... I kicked him off my property. Then 3 weeks NC again... but then this meeting incidence came about which I did give in to. Bad move.

 

I do now realize what I have done wrong and will make sure I do not repeat this type of an incidence.

 

Owl,

I think I am more ticked than surprised. It just urked me that the attorney squashed my NC idea to nothingness right in front of MM and seeing MM have an "haha I told you so" moment. Or a... " See, we don't need to go NC you are just being inconsiderate and non-supportive of me etc etc" moment. It just urked me

[Owl]

Just remember...NC is YOUR choice...not MM's, not the attorney's....YOURS.

 

Its about YOUR boundaries...not his or anyone else's.

 

There was no reason to expect the attorney to back up your NC plan. He's got nothing to do with it.

 

And if MM tries to convince you to drop NC because of the attorney's response...tell him what I started at the top of this post...its YOUR choice...not anyone else's.

[Order & Chaos]

frannie,

 

I have not been giving in. I went ENTIRE month of NC (did not speak to him not even once). Then he showed up at my front door... I kicked him off my property. Then 3 weeks NC again... but then this meeting incidence came about which I did give in to. Bad move.

 

I do now realize what I have done wrong and will make sure I do not repeat this type of an incidence.

 

Owl,

I think I am more ticked than surprised. It just urked me that the attorney squashed my NC idea to nothingness right in front of MM and seeing MM have an "haha I told you so" moment. Or a... " See, we don't need to go NC you are just being inconsiderate and non-supportive of me etc etc" moment. It just urked me

 

But it doesn't make sense. What you want is something personal for you, what the attorney is advocating is the facts. You are mixing the apples and the oranges and expecting the attorney to side with personal feelings.

 

Like Owl said it really doesn't pertain to the case. As soon as it does then you will get the attorney's opinion on it. Why do you need anyone to side with you on it? Figure out what you want and then stand your ground on it. I don't understand why you needed this forum up and running to make your decision on going to lunch. You do what you want to do, suddenly having strangers tell you their opinion really should amount to a hill of beans.

 

Weigh the pros and cons, figure out what will make you the most "happy" and go from there. Have the authority in your life to dictate what his happen and don't lean on others for the decisions to be made. Ultimately it's you who has to leave with them.

[Art_Critic]

DW.. in order for you to have gone then you must've expected something or hoped for something ?..

 

Why in the world would you want to be with a guy that plays games like this ?.. even if he comes up with his divorce decree you will still be stuck with someone who uses manipulation and disgusting tactics to get his way.. let alone you will also be getting someone who will most likely cheat on you once his ego isn't stroked just right..(I'm not saying that with the idea that all cheaters will continue to cheat.. your MM has got serious ego issues and that will lead him to cheat again)

 

I don't think the divorce will proceed..

 

Has the wife been served yet ?

[OWoman]

He probably couldn't care less if MM was leaving his wife for you, or the vacuum cleaner...because it doesn't change the outcome in the end. NC with you has no bearing on the divorce case, so he didn't care one way or another. No surprise there to me.

 

Nope, he'd definitely prefer a warm body than a vacuum cleaner. The vacuum cleaner could be replaced in due time with a visit to the shop, so there'd be no prospect of another divorce in the future (and another $5 000).

 

DW - you said in an earier post that the lawyer said there was no NEED for NC, and that that was up to you and MM. This doesn't contradict your position at all. There may be no legal need for it, so you're free to choose whichever way you're wanting to play it - which is exactly what you're doing. Imagine the lawyer told you NOT to do it, or to do it - you'd feel he was interfering in your R. His role ought to be to advise you of the repercussions of acting one way or the other - on legal grounds, none other - and then leave the choice up to you. Which he's done, and which you've taken.

[OldEurope]

frannie,

 

I have not been giving in. I went ENTIRE month of NC (did not speak to him not even once). Then he showed up at my front door... I kicked him off my property. Then 3 weeks NC again... but then this meeting incidence came about which I did give in to. Bad move.

 

I do now realize what I have done wrong and will make sure I do not repeat this type of an incidence.

 

Owl,

I think I am more ticked than surprised. It just urked me that the attorney squashed my NC idea to nothingness right in front of MM and seeing MM have an "haha I told you so" moment. Or a... " See, we don't need to go NC you are just being inconsiderate and non-supportive of me etc etc" moment. It just urked me

 

 

A month of NC is nothing, my dear. You are not even warming up to the big stuff.

 

You do come across as obsessed with this guy and you have been enjoying the ego trip of attention. Be careful because you are being sucked back into this web. Anger, resentment will get the best of you until you stop. Stop with the "updates". Just stop thinking about him altogether. You still have to train your mind and self-discipline a bit better

 

xooox

OE

[OldEurope]

DW.. in order for you to have gone then you must've expected something or hoped for something ?..

 

Why in the world would you want to be with a guy that plays games like this ?.. even if he comes up with his divorce decree you will still be stuck with someone who uses manipulation and disgusting tactics to get his way.. let alone you will also be getting someone who will most likely cheat on you once his ego isn't stroked just right..(I'm not saying that with the idea that all cheaters will continue to cheat.. your MM has got serious ego issues and that will lead him to cheat again)

 

I don't think the divorce will proceed..

 

Has the wife been served yet ?

 

She's not getting it and is hanging on to a false hope.

Her next thread will be "Update: I Am Going Nuts" if she isn't careful.

 

OE

[DepressedWaiting]

I see what you guys are saying I I didn't mean to make a big deal of it... I was just trying to say it urked me that MM was having a little "Haha I told you so moment" because of what the attorney said. It just urked me that's all

 

Art_Critc,

 

The wife has not been served yet... MM just started working with the attorney very recently on his case. It is too early to do that yet... they are trying to figure out and calculate all the assets still. In the infant stages... that's why the attorney said another month or two before ready to actually file.

 

Now if MM does file for divorce... that would AMAZE me and I could easily erase all of this. We have been through so much already... to be honest if he did actually get his divorce... I could easily wipe the slate clean.

 

MM doesn't have a big ego though... it's the opposite actually. He is very shy and reserved and has low self esteem... it's difficult because you guys don't know him personally to always access somebody so definitely and accurately.

I agree with most of the things you guys say but highly disagree that he would cheat on me because he has a big ego.

[DepressedWaiting]

I am not obssesed with this anymore nor am I in ANY danger of getting sucked back in.. not at all. I will stop blabbing about this because it has been discussed to death.

 

I think nuff has been said. And at first yes I did like seeing him suffer without me... but now I am even fed up with that. I won't be back here unless he has file for divorce.

[neverendingsaga]

i dont see why it matters what his attorney said. you said his atty is his buddy so he is prolly saying whatever MM wants him to say. or else he is a sleazy divorce atty who is 'used to' helping MMs leave there Ws for there OWs. what a lovely job LOL

 

i think hes MMs good buddy b/c what he said doesnt make sense to me. why would you being in touch w/ MM def. not create any legal problems w/ his D? obviously if his W finds out she could make things even nastier then they might already be. if he is even D'ing...

 

there are just to many holes in this story. i think your MM is a con artist like my XMM. kick him to the curb. or if you still love him & want to be w/ him after all this drama & shadiness, ok, just realise you love & want to be w/ someone whose doing some very shady things & causing you lots of drama!!

 

just be strong & stick to your guns. you said NC till D so dont backslide. believe i know how that is but you have to stick to your word or you will be as bad as him. who cares if 8 totally REAL attys tell you its legally ok to contact him? that doesnt change that you knew for sure it wasnt best for you to have contact w/ him unless he was D'ed for REAL (having an atty tell you he'll prolly be ready to file in a month doesnt make it real... to me it makes it that much sketchier. anything can happen in a month. believe i know, ive been giving timelines too.) there is only one thing that matters. what do you want? keep your promises to yourself. good luck.

[jon01]

I've got to agree...is this REALLY the kind of guy you want in your life?

 

If he's this bad now...can you IMAGINE being married to him?!?!?!

 

Why, what did he do that's so bad? He's bad because he is married and is having a crisis in his life over leaving his wife for this big complainer and demander who started this thread? Give me a break ladies. "My MM" .. my my my... get outta town with these demands.

[DepressedWaiting]

I think this has been discussed to death. Time will tell and prove everything

 

Until then I am back to NC like I was doing before today's incidence. I was doing great and this one bad move today isn't going to make me get sucked back into the situation. I can promise you that.

[neverendingsaga]

I see what you guys are saying I I didn't mean to make a big deal of it... I was just trying to say it urked me that MM was having a little "Haha I told you so moment" because of what the attorney said. It just urked me that's all

 

Art_Critc,

 

The wife has not been served yet... MM just started working with the attorney very recently on his case. It is too early to do that yet... they are trying to figure out and calculate all the assets still. In the infant stages... that's why the attorney said another month or two before ready to actually file.

 

Now if MM does file for divorce... that would AMAZE me and I could easily erase all of this. We have been through so much already... to be honest if he did actually get his divorce... I could easily wipe the slate clean.

 

MM doesn't have a big ego though... it's the opposite actually. He is very shy and reserved and has low self esteem... it's difficult because you guys don't know him personally to always access somebody so definitely and accurately.

I agree with most of the things you guys say but highly disagree that he would cheat on me because he has a big ego.

 

you could wipe away the fact that you specifcaly asked him not to contact you untill he's D'ed & he did anyway? what other requests of yours might he disregard for his own selfish impatience? how could you wipe that away? at least keep it as knowledge, knowledge is important!

 

i dont think you should go away. i think you should post as much as you want. believe me i know how it is. it feels like so much drama but its there untill were strong enough to walk away & say 'its out of my hands. either he gets D'ed or he doesnt. and THEN ill decide if hes in a place that is healthy for me to be in there w/ him.'

 

i think its much better to post here then contact him. i do it all the time since ive found this site & a lot of ppl help me cope w/ my situation. so we can help you cope w/ yours too. im in a similar stage, my XMM is pulling all the shots to get me not to walk away. like yours he says they are in the beg. stages & diving up the assets & then they will file mutually whenever its all figured out. whatever. i dont know if its true or not but i want him to come tell me AFTER its done & i dont care how it gets done. im staying out of his drama so lets just stay out together.

[DepressedWaiting]

jon01,

 

Why don't you refrain from posting in my thread if you have a problem. How DARE you say I am demanding... I have NOT demanded anything other than NC from MM and he has not respected my wishes.

 

No offense... but you idiot... get off my thread. Can't stand trolls.

[DepressedWaiting]

Yes I could wipe the slate clean EASILY if he divorced. He is not the only one with not so "good" behavior in all this. Read my threads from two and a half years ago.

 

I won't be back to this forum unless he files. I won't be having ANY contact with MM until and unless he files.

[OldEurope]

Why, what did he do that's so bad? He's bad because he is married and is having a crisis in his life over leaving his wife for this big complainer and demander who started this thread? Give me a break ladies. "My MM" .. my my my... get outta town with these demands.

 

 

To her credit, she DID go away and stay away from him for a solid, difficult month even when he was practically sleeping on her doorstep. You must take into account that kind of discipline in a situation that is very emotionally difficult and psychologically confusing.

 

OE

[DepressedWaiting]

Can somebody lock this thread? I am done discussing all of this... nuff has been said. I see the mistake I made today going to meet his attorney today.

[DepressedWaiting]

Jon01,

 

An obvious troll... in one ear and out the other. Complete idiot IMO.

 

The ONLY demand I have is telling MM to respect my NC but then MM tries to lure me back in with a meeting with his attorney which he BEGGED me to join him on... yet this idiot Jon01 starts bashing me.

 

That is plain laughable.

[neverendingsaga]

well good luck. i didnt read your other threads but i think right now you are trying to do the right thing & thats what matters. be a good person & only be in relationships w/ good ppl. thats what im learning anyway. im sorry your frustrated & i wish you the best.