Obsessed with boyfriend's Ex-girlfriend!!!!

[Medgirl]

I agree thinkalot. To be honest, I've been having a hard time lately myself, but I think I'm getting better. Today my boyfriend and I were talking about our exs for some reason. I still get jealous thinking about them together, and I still have feelings of insecurity. It's hard since they were together for 10 years and she was a part of his life that long. They shared friends, they shared families, they shared their LIVES. So, it's pretty hard for him NOT to talk about her, but every time he utters her name I cringe. To be honest I could give a crap if she fell off the face of this planet. But I've been wondering, is it really best to just shove those thoughts out of the way? Is that really healthy? Or should we analyze them a little more and ask why it bothers us so much? It doesn't seem to bother him that I have an ex boyfriend, and I don't care about his last girlfriend, just his exwife. She just sounds so perfect and I guess I don't fully understand why they got a divorce. I guess part of me wishes that we could both just start fresh with no exs. One thing I miss about my ex is that we were so silly. We'd always swear we'd be together forever, and we learned and grew together. Things with him seem more unstable because we both know that crap can happen and people break up even though they swore they wouldn't. In a way I think it keeps us from forming a really strong attatchment. Nonetheless I think it just takes time. I really do think things have been getting better for us. I just hope it stays that way. Thanks for the post thinkalot, it was a good one.

[jp13370]

Here is one way to look at that. Picture yourself and how you feel now about someone you had a relationship with a long time ago. An ex who is totally out of your life. Now picture that person dating someone new who is obsessed with you.

 

Makes no sense because here you are - you've gone on with your life but some crazy person who is dating your ex is losing sleep over you and the relationship you had with your ex.

 

You'd think this person was crazy since there is nothing left of that old relationship!

 

Don't waste your time obsessing over someone who has no clue you exist and who has no interest in your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also realize that your current boyfriend is with you now - not the chick that works at Wal-Mart.

 

When you obsess over your mates past relationships you are only giving these people power and status that they don't deserve. They're history!

[sarah12]

jp13370 - you are so right about that. I am totally over my ex's and they are out of my lives. But how do you know that your current SO isn't completely over theirs? If they keep in contact with their ex's and still have a friendship with them, the possibility of a love resurfacing is high, is it not? Is it worth being in a relationship with someone who has a long term ex that they still talk to??

[moimeme]

If they keep in contact with their ex's and still have a friendship with them, the possibility of a love resurfacing is high, is it not?

 

No. Have you not read the tons of posts here about 'can I get him/her back'? People don't usually end relationships lightly - once the decision's made, it's final in almost every case. Sometimes, they go back, but it's very rare.

Is it worth being in a relationship with someone who has a long term ex that they still talk to??

 

Depends. How often do they talk and about what?

[Medgirl]

Thanks guys. I think I'm finally over my probelm with the ex wife. You all helped a lot. Before I was driving myself up the wall with worry. I worried about him getting back together with her or still desiring her. I finally talked about it with him and he said that yes, he does still love her and he always will but it's not the same way it used to be and it never will. Then he told me that I just need to stop worrying and trust him fully.

 

I don't know exactly what did it but I haven't had a worry in my head since that night we talked. However, there is one thing that perplexes me a bit. When we were talking he mentioned that he has told all his female friends about me except his exwife.

 

So, I asked him WHY he didn't tell her about me. He told me that he was afraid to tell her right now because last time he told her about a girlfriend they broke up and he just wanted to be sure I'd stay. So, I said something like "How do you know we won't break up in 30 years?".

 

Anyway, to make a long story short I finally beat it out of him that that wasn't the reason. He finally admitted that he didn't want to tell her because of my age. I'm 20, and he's 27. So I said "that's really none of her business" and he agreed. Then he told me that she does know that he's "sorta" seeing someone but he didn't tell her my age.

 

Finally I asked him what the big deal was and he told me that she intimidates him. I dunno, it's not a huge deal to me, but I think it's a little lame and I feel like he's BSing me. I feel like he's being a chicken. What are your thoughts?

[Melinda]

Tell him either he's going to be completely honest about your relationship with everyone, or there's not going to be a relationship at all! That's what I did and so far it's worked. He may not always come forward with setting other girls straight unless they ask, but at least he knows I'm not going to put up with any controversial ****. That I want an exclusive relationship. And why is he wasting his time if that's not what he wants also?

[Gertie]

Hi ladies, just wanted to let you know that I had the same problem for almost a year, and am just starting to feel the crippling jealousy loosen up a little. It's the same story, she was there before me, he had the pictures, the letters, the little trinkets throughout the house ... I was obsessed, he was oblivious. There was never really any threat, she only came back into town once or twice and dropped him a little impersonal e-mail to let him know. I was so threatened by her, and he had no idea the effect it was having on me until I got caught reading his email and had to explain myself. I hate to say it, but sometimes the answer really is as simple as that your boyfriend can be dense about such matters. The best results I've gotten from him were when I was at my most calm (i.e. least "jealous" looking) and asked him to put himself in my shoes using specific examples. Also, I learned a lot about myself during this whole episode -- most of the damage I did to myself. I went looking for old love letters, and got what I deserved. I am glad that I did in some ways, because I ironically began to identify with her over time, and was glad that I had their letters to serve as a model when things started getting difficult between us. But in others it was detrimental and stupid, and an invasion of his privacy. I learned that the primary reason I was so threatened by her was her physical appearance, a self-esteem issue I'm working on, definitely. Jealousy almost always stems from insecurity, I've found, and if you can identify what you're most obsessed with then it's a dead ringer that it's a problem you need to work on improving for your own good and has nothing to do with the ex. To love someone is to be vulnerable to them, and it absolutely stinks, but I'm here to say that (if it's more or less a made-up problem like mine) with time it usually goes away on its own. Good luck everyone!

[Medgirl]

Gertie and Melinda those are great posts. Melinda the other night when I was with him and we were arguing about it I felt like I was beating a dead horse. I squoze out everything that was going to come out. My only option now is to just let it go, but I see your point.

 

I don't know if he was being honest with me or not, but I honestly don't care. I have come to terms with the fact that they're over. If he wants to get back with her and isn't telling me then fine, he can get back with her. I'll move on. I'm confident I could get someone else.

 

However, from what he has told me I highly doubt he would get back with her. I think the thing deep down inside that was really nagging at me WAS my insecurities. But my insecurities weren't about my looks or anything I can control. My insecurities are about making him happy and being happy with him. Sometimes when he talks about his past it seems like everything was so good. Everything was so fresh and they had a great marriage.

 

They shared friends, they made love almost every day, he had a great job, and they were talking about having kids together. Now he's in this dreadful small town where the best job you can hope for is at a gas station, he's on medication that makes it so we're lucky if he's even able to make love ONCE a week for 5 min, and he never wants to go out anymore. To sum it up I feel like I missing something from him that she had. Maybe she even took it from him. But I'm here now.

 

My problem isn't her at all, it's "us" and how I feel about our relationship. Regardless that this MAY not be a match made in heavan, the stress and the jealousy that is now gone has made such a difference in my life. I feel so much more free. Gertie I'm happy that you got over your jealousy too, and for all you present girlfriends out there battling exgirlfriends, Good Luck.

[Nebula]

Well I'm in need of venting in an objective environment and I stumbled across this BB which seems as the right place to do so.

 

So my situation is a little different because I already broke up with my boyfriend, for a lot of reasons, but even now there's something that keeps bugging me and just won't leave me alone.

 

And yes of course I'm going to talk about his ex because she's been an issue since the beginning.

 

I'll TRY to be as brief as possible even though that's very hard for me. So I met him at work, we were friends, he had his gf, I had mine, and we'd talk and he'd tell me about these mean things that she would do to him, how she'd be cold on special ocassions, reject him, etc, but even with this they lived together and they'd been together for 3 yrs and at this point I still figured they were going to get married and whatever. Well she broke up with him, I never even knew why, and on my side I broke up with my bf because we'd been having a lot of problems it seemed we could never fix. So then in the next couple of weeks me and this "friend" started getting closer and eventually he told me he was in love with me and he got together. So it was weird dealing with the fact that he lived with her, but hey he didn't have anywhere to go... he even took me there so I know were he lives. Well he told me she tried getting back together with him in several ways, cried, even asked him to marry her. :s She pretended to be pregnant to keep him. So I figure, ok she's insane and I don't like him there. Either way he moved out into his own place, so that was nice... but I learned of him saving her from a car situation he had, taking her car to the mechanic... I'm like, ok let's pretend she has no one else..

 

Then I hear of him getting a dog from a "friend", fast forward I found out she gave it to him... OK....

 

We broke up cuz we were fighting so much this one time and as I was freaking out one day I went into his email account cuz I'd seen the last 2 letters once and it was actually my name, but what do I find, all these emails from her, all these emails to her, saying they were gonna work it out this time, that they loved each other, they were going to get married, yadda yadda... this devasted me and I confronted him and just asked him. He said he didn't mean anything he said, that in a way he was trying to get her back for all her previous humiliations and the damage she'd done... oh yeah to make it worse there were these things they'd say like, "so you pick up the dog later"... so wtf I mean was he living with her again? I don't know, he said she went back to the US (I live in Costa Rica, she's from up there), and some things it made sense that they'd said over email and not personally, but not others like, "could you pick up that dog food"... I tried confronting him about these specifically but all he did was get defensive and mad because of course who the hell am I go to his email account, and never got an answer more than they were exaggerating as if they could...

 

He also liked about her name because I'd asked him before and he told me it was Jenny... but hey in the emails her name was Jackie! Funny. So unnecessary. Eventually I think he lied about her last name too, but whatever.

 

Anyway somehow we got back together I don't know why the hell, and he moved out of his apt supposedly to his momma's house... I've never been there because he has some issues there that I'm not gonna discuss but he just didn't want me to see some things, well ok... oh yeah to make it worse his mom and sister were friends with his ex and still talked, so they already probably didn't like me. Anyway he told me he told her the truth and she was really upset and never talked to him again because she was really hurt.

 

Things were ok for a while, I again was snoopy and checked my Temp Internet Files where I saw his mailbox where he'd deleted all his ex's emails and there were no new ones, which was good.... and then he had this wedding thing and I was gonna go initially but because we started fighting too much at the end I didn't go because I was afraid we'd fight there or something and it wouldn't be nice, but that was the chance to meet his family at least which I knew he wanted me to, under those circumstances. He told me he had to walk down the isle as it was his aunt's wedding, along side his cousin, who I'd supposedly seen in pics and knew they were close. She was this chubby redhead. Anyway, so he's showing me these pics of the wedding and just other places, mostly of him and his family, he's hugging the redhead in all the pics, and BOOM he's stupid enough to show me some pics of all of them hanging out at HER PLACE... and he's even more stupid trying to deny it was, as if I hadn't been there, sheesh.... eventually as it was retarded to deny it he told me that his uncle was friend with her aunt that was living there, and that she STILL was in the US, and he just went to pick them up cuz his uncle called... problem is that now I'm recalling he might have said this cousin looks like Reese Witherspoon which looks nothing like the redhead so now I'm thinking there's a chance he showed me new pics of him and his ex which is just RIDICULOUS... but I can't be sure of that because there are a lot of other clearer things that show why that was her cousin, like the fact that I WOULD have met this redhead at the wedding cuz she walked down the isle too and I doubt he'd introduce me to his ex as his cousin and that she'd actually play along as he'd be forced to kiss me and everything... but putting that aside, its just so stupid because she keeps popping up EVERYWHERE... even worse whether she's in the US or not she comes up somehow... the biggest problem with this is that this girl he's known since he was like 13, they've been friends forever, they grew up together and only had each other, then they got together, she moved here for him, they've cheated on each other, yelled, insulted, etc, but they've stuck to each other, for that long until I came along, and, and he denies ever wanting to get back together with her, etc, but why does she keep popping up then!?

 

We broke up before even the photo incident, a couple of days, I broke up because we didn't have a future, we didn't have trust cuz funny enough he has a lot of jealousy issues with my ex with whom I was friends with at the beginning of our relationship, but I NEVER cheated on him and even though he was my ex, I only saw him as a friend and never intended anything else, I still drifted away from him so my guy wouldn't be upset. And even now that we've broken up he's still jealous of him and EVEN broken up I don't talk to him that much and I KNOW I'm never getting back together with the old one. And just all these fights, and he smokes and I hate it, and stuff like this, and whenever he's mad he's been very mean to me, he's turned his back to me in several ocassions, and I've always given him my best and all my love and support, and help in every way he ever needed, not getting half as much back.

 

And now that we're over even though I still miss him and I'll admit that I still love him, I know I'm not going to get back together with him, (thank God I got me some balls) and what I felt isn't as strong as it used to be, and most of the time I'm ok, and I still talk to him every now and then, and he says he misses me... oh yeah and during the relationship and still now he always told me I was his first TRUE love, and that he never loved anyone as much as me, that I gave him hope, yadda yadda.... but the point is - that even though I think I'm in the ability to get over HIM and pursue someone better, it's that aching thought in the back of my head, that even though the way I say it might be very evident that he in fact cheated on me, there's still this small window of doubt that everything else except the dog thing could be explained, he was going to take me to his place but for a good reason I refused in the end so I know he was going to show me for sure he lived with his mom.

 

Its just the thought of how everything I gave was for someone who behind my back, always went back to her, and could never let her go, and that maybe what I thought right in the beginning was right and he was always meant to be with her and I was only something in between, a fling, and that they're just both crazy and and are open to other "affairs" or something... but even so, he spent most of his time with me... A LOT of time.

 

It's just that doubt, that's eating me up inside. Thinking about her makes me so mad, I have her up my booty (to avoid being rude), it makes my guts twist, not only for her but for him too, for the damage he was doing and never had the balls to admit. That these 8 months that we spent together were nothing but a game, when he was the first man I ever fell in love with (my other ex I loved, but I never fell in love with him cuz I understand he was only meant to be a friend) that I gave my whole soul to, was nothing but a liar, a cheater, a player. And I want to be wrong so that not everything would be wasted.

 

I don't have a car (I will soon though) but sometimes I would want to drive by to see if his car is parked there... I have her number and I would want to call just to see if its true that she's not there, but she has caller ID so I don't dare to call cuz if I hang up I know she'd call back... and I could just find another phone but I don't want to be too psycho either.

 

All I REALLY want to do, is just that knowing that it's over, that it's not of my concern, and whatever happened it doesn't matter because it's over anyway. And I have to look forward, not dwell. I don't want to miss him or care about him, just like I don't want to resent him or hate him. The best feeling is indifference and that's where I want to be but it's SO HARD. And I've asked him so many times to be straight and all he says is that he doesn't talk to her, that he loved me and he never cheated on me... he's sworn for pretty big things too... but how am I ever to know when all these weird coincidences have happened??

 

I hate not knowing, and that if he didn't cheat on me I'll never really know, unless he tells me which I see he won't. And maybe because he actually didn't, in some way or another. Or I do something stalkish which I don't want to because I want to have more dignity and just let it go and not make it any bigger than it already is. Like when I saw those emails I saved some and every time I saw them my heart broke. I deleted them like the day after and it was the best thing I could do, which is exactly what I want to do with this, just let it go, wipe it out, I deserve better.

 

I hate knowing what I have to do for myself, and still feeling so stuck. I just don't know how to make it go away.

 

And I'm scared that like someone said that this sickly feeling will stay with me for a long time to come even if I found someone else, just that sour taste. I know I will always resent him for making me lose so much faith in love. But then again thank him for teaching me not to trust anyone so blindly.

 

THAT WAS LONG and I'm sorry lol

 

But I needed to vent. Thank you.

 

M.

[Thinkalot]

It's great to vent and this is the place for it. Please, read books or see a counsellor to work through your feelings. Do not become bitter and negative, but try and look at positives out of the situation or lessons you have learnt about life and yourself. It's tough when the thoughts get stuck. Read my posts, my head often gets stuck in a loop. But you can overcome this.

[lepeep]

I don't mean to scare anyone, or come across as negative. I am trying to deal with my own jealousy problems and this thread has helped alot,

 

but,

 

can someone please explain this:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t31109/

[Thinkalot]

I don't think that situation should be taken as the norm. It's how some people feel sometimes. That's it. Don't be too afraid to take the risk and love. There are always risks, but the rewards are many.

[lepeep]

Thank You Thinkalot!

 

Just wondering if anyone has read these books:

 

Trusting You are Loved by Lewis Epstein

If This is Love, Why do I feel so insecure by Hindy, Schwarz, Brodsky

 

 

 

I just want to know if these titles where helpful for the specific topic of being jealous of the ex.

[Thinkalot]

I've heard of the second title, which is supposed to be good.

 

Scan through your library too, I've found a few goodies that way.

 

Good luck with it.

[kara]

Hi there,

I just found this post and am amazed that so many women have a similar problem, so wanted to share mine. The ex-woman... The fact is she will always be there, and the question how can I refocus my attention to my life and myself? My boyfriend has made some very hurtful comments about his first love, ex from a relation ship that ended more than 10 years, and I am devastated to see her influence on him even now. I told him all this, he says, they have stayed friends and he didn't have romantic feelings for her. But I can not get over one thing, the thing I wanted most in a relationship: there is nothing he would find bad about her, she is an artist and she is this and that and very likable person and if I met her I would have liked her as well. Even if objectively there is something negative which includes her, he would make sure that "but she isn't" is said. She dumped him for another guy, he was very heartbroken, but hell: 10 years is a long time to get over someone. He had a girlfriend in between but she doesn't seem to matter at all. Am I the only one dreaming of a relationship where I am liked the most? He says he like me more, he says neutral things like "the relationship was boring", but never a negative word about her. We've been together for over a year and he can be very nice and loving and he is ready to commit for a marriage, but I don't know if this is because he thinks "it's time" (he is 32) or because he is afraid of being alone. I am not saying my self-confidence is top level, but he has incredibly low self- confidence himself.He is not a kind of person who questions himself and I am trying to change him, to turn him into something I want him to be, knowing that it's bull****. He has changed some things for me, thrown away paintings he had from her, her pictures and books she gave him, he stopped emailing her, but he has done it, because it was bothering me, to a degree that I have tried to leave him.

It is incredible that he has no negative feelings for her (I mean she dumped him), and too many positive feelings, which make him have a dry throat and shaky hands anytime she is mentioned. I do feel betrayed, I thought I am entering a clean relationship, I have kept my exes strictly away from it and then this guy who for whatever reason is ready to do whatever to keep me as his girlfriend is still attched romatically to an ex? There is more, but I don't want to have to live with this and fear "bad days" about his ex, I am 28 and i know it is difficult to find a good man, but why do I have to pay so much for him? I deserve to have someone who likes me best. I am so confused...

[Thinkalot]

Hi Kara..I just read your post. Feel free to PM me anytime.

My partner has no negative feelings about his ex either,and she cheated on him ..he stuck with her, then she called things off. He has forgiven her. He also says their relationship was good, but lacked some intensity etc. It's good he can be so positive and forgiving.

 

Please try to accept what he tells you and move forward.

 

I feel for you. If I can help through a PM I will. Read some of my posts in the self improvement section on obsessive thoughts.

 

See a counsellor of you need to.

 

I'm not sure about the dry mouth etc at the mention of her..does he really feel that tense at the mention of her?

[kara]

Hello everyone,

of course my problem has a lot to do with my own insecurity and messed up grad school studies which is probably why I am shifting attention to my love object problems, but still I think I am a living sensing person and I can trust my senses, yes, my boyfriend did get dry mouth etc. symptoms whenever the x was mentioned, and not even her, it was whenever something that related to her was, like her birthplace or some art exhibition or whatever. When I finally confronted him, he said I am making it up and I knew I wasn't. I spoke to him last night again,now he accepts and he says he had to inflate the value of the relationship because looking like someone who has lost something very precious will make him feel like a more interesting person and a victim. He says will try self-help books, councelor is financially difficult now... But now he went the other way, he moans about how messed up he is, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I can't let him go though, may be its my motherly feeling that he is abusing but I just feel I have to make sure he is OK....

Anyway, what I also wanted to communicate was, I was thinking about psychology etc., I think one should get all the info one can, agreed, but when it comes to applying I have to make sure it works for me, feels right. I think living starts with TRUSTING YOUR OWN SENSES... It took me a long time to trust them and I can't just throw them away because they don't fit the scenario I have written for myself. Like, if your senses say I don't want a man brain-attached to an x, you have all the right in the world to express it and ask him to stop it. We have a right to not believe in the "staying friends" thing.

Good luck in following your hearts everyone and me, I know it won't be easy...

P.S. Anyone interested in starting an adult children of alcoholics thread?

[Medgirl]

Kara, I feel a lot for you. You've expressed a lot of feelings I've felt but didn't really know how to put in words. Actually I never wanted to admit to myself that it bugged me that there was nothing wrong with the dreaded "ex wife". If you've read my previous posts my boyfriend... well exboyfriend now.... was with his exwife for 10 years. When he talks about his past it sounds like they were best friends, and inseperable. I'm not 100% clear on why they got divorced. It was either because she got religious and he wasn't religious or it was because of his depression. Nonetheless, she still sounds like the perfect woman. He even went as far as to telling me "You reminde me so much of Amy (exwife) ". He wouldn't even tell her about me. That to me shows a sign of lack of commitment. Furthermore, I don't know WHAT is going on between them but when we broke up and I told him I needed some time apart he said something like "Yeah, now Amy needs some time away from me too". I'm like "What the hell is going on?". To be honest, and I may sound a little selfish, but I wanted to be the only woman in his life! I want her to be out of his life. They're divorced, and I think they should move on with their lives. It's great that they're friends and yes, I'll admit that i"m still friends with the ex before this ex, but we talk maybe.... once a semester? And not to mention I told him that I have a boyfriend as well! Anyway, I'm feeling better because I don't have to deal with it anymore. Actually, I still see him. We're friends now. Maybe we'll get back together if I can get rid of my jealous feelings, maybe we won't. I wish there was a cure for this!

[kara]

Medgirl,

you did the right thing, be strong and congratulate yourself. There is no such thing as being selfish about asking for a true partnership and respect. Angel on this thread has a very nice approach to this: she said she asks the guy she meets if he is still in touch with an x or x's and doesn't go for the one who is...

Do you all think it can be this simple?

[Medgirl]

Thanks Kara, it's hard, but hopefully I can work things out. That sounds like a simple approach and I wish I wasn't so ignorant and naive when I got into this relationship in the first place. The only thing is... is I still see him all the time. I want him so bad, but I simply cannot deal with the jealousy. What do you guys think about actually meeting the exwife or the exgirlfriend? Do you think that's a good idea?

[christineR]

Yes ur crazy..... but then again who isnt! Normal is only a setting on a washing machine!

[Thinkalot]

Apparently meeting the ex can help some people. I think it's probably better to move past the need to do that. Let them go out of your life and your head (easier said than done, I know...considering my jealousy of the ex-wife-but I am getting there now!).

[Venéa]

Originally posted by Thinkalot

Apparently meeting the ex can help some people. I think it's probably better to move past the need to do that. Let them go out of your life and your head (easier said than done, I know...considering my jealousy of the ex-wife-but I am getting there now!).

 

True, it can help some people. Some people it can't (like me and a certain ex of my boyfriends). It all depends on the situation.

[lady d'arbanville]

I was so glad to read all these posts! I think when we start a new relationship we listen a lot to the boyfriend's romantic history, in an effort to understand him, and he gets a lot out of it because it helps him to achieve closure...then we are left imagining OUR man with someone else, who must be more important than us because, after all, he's not breaking his heart over US! Men don;t talk about these things to other men. They don;t really analyse the way we do. We can get on here, or call a friend and really dig around and get to the bottom of things and cry and let off steam, and then we know the reasons why we felt as we did, and it helps us get over things. Men just don;t do this. You know what it;s like. You can say to a man:

A chicken crossed the road.

And he will say: Oh, did it? then get back to what he was doing....

say that to a woman, and she will say: Why? How was it walking>? What was it wearing? Was it with someone? How did it look? Why do you think it had that look on it;s beak?....and before you know it, an hour has passed and you know all you need to know about the chicken, the road, the chicken's friends and the surrounding neighbourhood.

Men don;t seem to achieve closure in the same way - that's why it;s a bad idea to 'stay friends', or pretend to 'stay friends'. Personally, I think that's the most dishonest thing in the world, but people who do that will have you believe you are immature for disagreeing with it. No-one 'stays friends' - everyone just keeps their options open! If all you ever had was a realtionship, and you no longer want the realationship, then get the hell out of there and find a new relationship! You are kidding yourselves, in thinking you can stay friends - and for the girl who's boyfriend has been texting.....well, men have this funny idea that it;s not quite cheating, if it;s with an ex. He is CHEATING on you. He is doing what you would never do. At best, he is getting off on the ego trip of having sweet little you hanging around, while he plays the old flame. At worst, he just isn;t over this woman - or he would see her for the nothing that she should be in his mind - and is building up to some little experimental meeting with her, just to 'prove' that nothing will happen. But it WILL happen. First love or tenth love, it doesn;t matter - you always keep a sweet memory - but that's just where it should stay, IN THE MEMORY, NO ARGUMENTS, NO GOING BACK, NO LITTLE PHONE-CALLS OR TEXTS OR EMAILS..............or it ISN;T OVER.

[beautifulme]

If you had a healthy self esteem about you, you would not obsess with someone else. That is the bottom line here. Besides no man is going to hang around someone that behaves so irrational. This is not about the ex but rather about your own problems with you. Once you fix them , you be ok and stop running around after your guy's ex. Don't think he doesen't know.........guys know and feel a lot about what is wrong with the women they are with. They rate you going , I imagine he won't stick around for long.