Author SouthernT Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 I've still got some things in my life that I'm working on ~ but the list is getting shorter with each passing day before I get back into the mating and dating game. I don't want to get into a serial dating type situation ~ and would very much like to get into a LTR committed relationship with the right woman. During my sabbaticial from the dating world, I've been taking sometime to "bone-up" by reading, web-surfing, etc. One of the things that I read randomingly is that the length of time from the on-set of the relationship to the the point to where it become sexually intimate ~ is proportinate to how long the relationship will last. The next LTR I get into ~ she and I will be taking it "Andy Griffin and Hellen Crump" slow. Interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
tgrgrlx Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I agree with you completley SouthernT.. Especially the last part. People are afraid & so ur right, they don't know a good thing when it's standing in their face... !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernT Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Hi.. I am in love with "a man who can't love" ! It's driving me nuts & I am very trn as if to saty for the ride or get out now while I have at least half of my heart left. He is all that people descibe. Mixed signals, Actions & words thaat contradict each other, a neverending rollercoaster ride, full of ups & downs ! But as I said.. I am in love with him & so are my children ! I have no clue what to do. I do know that I have ALWAYS" attracted men like this. Unavailable to me in one way or another. Please read my posts under "dating"... Tell me what you think ! What's interesting is that the book mentions that these men have no problems making commitments to children. Because children grow up and go away on their own. Wives, HOWEVER, are forever and he can't get away from her. Hence, his problem avoiding the commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 True that- Ladies, all men who date you will NOT want to marry you because they are just not attracted to you as a long term prospect. You can buy all those lame-ass books which attempt to portray the guy as pathological if it makes you FEEL better about getting dumped.. Apparently this is a growth industry --writing books for women who are desperate to avoid talking responsibilty for the failure of their relationship (s) I have to agree with you SC. Do you really need a book? If he treats you in a way that is undesirable to you, won't commit yet you want to, cheats or flat out tells you he isn't ready yet, will a book help??? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 What's interesting is that the book mentions that these men have no problems making commitments to children. Because children grow up and go away on their own. Wives, HOWEVER, are forever and he can't get away from her. Hence, his problem avoiding the commitment. That just seems like plain old common sense. His children are his flesh and blood that is why he doesn't mind commiting to them. They are his forever and nothing can change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 No matter from which perspective you look at this, whether there's something wrong with the man or the woman, it's all kinda' moot. A man like this isn't worth your time, energy and emotion. Better to find a man who willingly steps up to the plate and takes care of his 50%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernT Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 No matter from which perspective you look at this, whether there's something wrong with the man or the woman, it's all kinda' moot. A man like this isn't worth your time, energy and emotion. Better to find a man who willingly steps up to the plate and takes care of his 50%. You're abs. right. But the thing is, you don't realize it until AFTER it's over. These guys will NEVER admit that they can't commit and so the girl never has a clue. He will even go as far to get into a relationship only to purposley sabbotage it months down the road. He will even get married only to have affairs on the side as his outlet....so it's not that simple... Link to post Share on other sites
Cov Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I have trouble committing myself to endless tears, tantrums and vast amounts of moodswings. After a few sex sessions, I get bored in relationships, I run out of ideas of how to keep things fresh. Relationships are just naturally boring, hence why I go off with other women. (I don't cheat, I just break the relationship up and move on). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 You're abs. right. But the thing is, you don't realize it until AFTER it's over. These guys will NEVER admit that they can't commit and so the girl never has a clue. He will even go as far to get into a relationship only to purposley sabbotage it months down the road. He will even get married only to have affairs on the side as his outlet....so it's not that simple... As you well know, I've had the one experience with marrying someone like this but then, he had NPD and was a consummate liar. I drop-kicked him to the curb when I found out and haven't seriously looked back. I also had a minor experience with someone else who was a self-saboteur. The only way to ensure that you don't get emotionally raped is to take your time before jumping in with both feet. They can't keep up the front forever. When the mask comes down, you see it all. At this point, you can either keep going back and taking the bait everytime they throw it out or you can shut down the cycle by saying "eff it, no more, leave me alone". Listen to the song "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse, on youtube. Don't just source the lyrics. If you've been there, you will understand. Having said all this, there are men out there who are capable of committing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Yes, it's completely a conspiracy. It can't possibly be that once he wins the woman and starts to date her, he then realizes that she is not what he wants or imagined. Let's not entertain any "interpersonal" possibilities... that would make it too confusing and vague. We need concrete answers to make it through life. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 There are evil people of both genders. I'm sure there's a book out there that teaches men how to avoid the women MJR talked about. I could go read that book, come to this forum, and go... gasp!! I can't believe this, women really do this!?! And some poor guy that just got his life ripped apart by an evil woman will post OMG! Yes, I'm living it! Even outside of dating, it's smart to avoid evil people. We all need to set up a filter, and update the filter so it's working as well as we can make it. I'm just not sure how much these types of books will help, since they tend to be filled with generalizations, and their primary goal is to make money. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Whether you guys want to believe it or not, much of it has to do with where you are in life. I raise my hand right now because I'm a tad relationship-averse at the moment. Why give up my freedom for expectations and the angst that always goes along with it? I'll get by this stage but at least I've been nothing but honest with the guys I'm dating. Not all people are willing to risk losing a prospect by being upfront about it or even admitting it to themselves. I will say that you guys suck at being upfront, when it comes to risking losing the chance to bang the hawt chick. *waits for the male angst* Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 *inserts expected male angst* And another thing... *more male angst* Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 *inserts expected male angst* And another thing... *more male angst* You can't dispute it! Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 OMG Yes I'm living it! I'm going to get a new library card. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 God forbid men might want to bang 'hawt chicks' rather than commit to an untrustworthy saggy old bitter misandrist with delusional ideas about her scarcity and value. People will believe what they want to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernT Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Whether you guys want to believe it or not, much of it has to do with where you are in life. I raise my hand right now because I'm a tad relationship-averse at the moment. Why give up my freedom for expectations and the angst that always goes along with it? I'll get by this stage but at least I've been nothing but honest with the guys I'm dating. Not all people are willing to risk losing a prospect by being upfront about it or even admitting it to themselves. I will say that you guys suck at being upfront, when it comes to risking losing the chance to bang the hawt chick. *waits for the male angst* Yeah it has to do with where you are in life to a certain point. But take for example, a man in his 40's or 50's who has NEVER been married. We are talking at least 20-30 years of dating experience. (because even though they can't commit, they are still activley dating and sleeping around), but after 20-30 years, how does a person continue to say that they never found "The One"? That's either a result of unrealistic expectations or purposely finding faults in everyone and walking away over something SUPER petty. (Not you Trial, I'm talking about the men in this case) Another example from the book: One guy has this thing were he won't marry a girl who is not Jewish. However, after 15-20 years of dating, he has always dated NON Jewish women and using the NON Jewish aspect of the woman as a reason to walk away in the end, but he new in the begining, that he wanted a Jewish woman for a wife "Eventually".... Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah it has to do with where you are in life to a certain point. But take for example, a man in his 40's or 50's who has NEVER been married. We are talking at least 20-30 years of dating experience. (because even though they can't commit, they are still activley dating and sleeping around), but after 20-30 years, how does a person continue to say that they never found "The One"? He's not looking for 'the one' He can love and commit, if someone comes along who is worth it. But sadly modern woman is rarely so. Don't blame men for women failing to be good enough. That's either a result of unrealistic expectations or purposely finding faults in everyone and walking away over something SUPER petty. (Not you Trial, I'm talking about the men in this case) It's not unrealistic expectations, it's women all too often failing to be adequate, responsible, mature, trust-worthy, accountable supportive life-partners. So lets just screw hotties instead until you girlsshape up your act... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah it has to do with where you are in life to a certain point. But take for example, a man in his 40's or 50's who has NEVER been married. We are talking at least 20-30 years of dating experience. (because even though they can't commit, they are still activley dating and sleeping around), but after 20-30 years, how does a person continue to say that they never found "The One"? That's either a result of unrealistic expectations or purposely finding faults in everyone and walking away over something SUPER petty. (Not you Trial, I'm talking about the men in this case) Another example from the book: One guy has this thing were he won't marry a girl who is not Jewish. However, after 15-20 years of dating, he has always dated NON Jewish women and using the NON Jewish aspect of the woman as a reason to walk away in the end, but he new in the begining, that he wanted a Jewish woman for a wife "Eventually".... There's no doubt that self-saboteurs exist. I'm of the belief that many of these types of people fool themselves into believing there's always something wrong with each and every person they date. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 There has been something wrong with most of the guys i've dated. I've come to the conclusion that I'm either picking them wrong, or there are just very few good apples. But then again, I also keep dating younger guys when I know that I want a guy my age... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 It's not unrealistic expectations, it's women all too often failing to be adequate, responsible, mature, trust-worthy, accountable supportive life-partners. So lets just screw hotties instead until you girlsshape up your act... Aren't "hotties" girls too? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I have trouble committing myself to endless tears, tantrums and vast amounts of moodswings. After a few sex sessions, I get bored in relationships, I run out of ideas of how to keep things fresh. Relationships are just naturally boring, hence why I go off with other women. (I don't cheat, I just break the relationship up and move on). I appreciate your honesty. I think this is basically what happens in a lot of relationships. It would be nice if people would just be honest and say, "It's not working out and I'm moving on." Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernT Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 He's not looking for 'the one' He can love and commit, if someone comes along who is worth it. But sadly modern woman is rarely so. Don't blame men for women failing to be good enough. It's not unrealistic expectations, it's women all too often failing to be adequate, responsible, mature, trust-worthy, accountable supportive life-partners. So lets just screw hotties instead until you girlsshape up your act... Ummm...what is it that makes men think that they aren't failing at these things as well? Men are falling short in these areas and thats exactly why they can't commit. They don't want the responsibility of being "trustworthy" and "accountable". Everybody has different definitions of the above mentioned. It's not fair to discount an individual because their definition is different from your. Different does not equal wrong. It just means it's different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernT Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I have trouble committing myself to endless tears, tantrums and vast amounts of moodswings. After a few sex sessions, I get bored in relationships, I run out of ideas of how to keep things fresh. Relationships are just naturally boring, hence why I go off with other women. (I don't cheat, I just break the relationship up and move on). Why do some guys equate "comfortable" with boredom when it comes to realtioships? (appreciate your honesty by the way.) Link to post Share on other sites
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