Author UnknownGal Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 you do NOT know the state of his marriage, or what is going on in their life in general While I do not know the status of the marraige, I do know that had I not broken it off, we would still be in the same boat. He begged and pleaded for me not to leave, and continued to attempt to contact me for months after I declared NC (his last email was 2 months ago). So, I believe that given the opportunity, he would start this right back up with no qualms about it - so I do not believe that he would have just run home to his wife to fess up! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 He may not have fessed up, but he certainly could be making a bigger effort and reconnecting with his wife. Even if he hasn't told her, he could be making up for it in actions without confessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I see your point, SOC, and agree with it to a degree. But, IMHO, its a risk assessment situation. Is the risk that this will lead to the resumption of the affair (due to renewed involvement of OW into the marriage again, compounded with the sudden explosive strain on the marriage from the affair being revealed)...is that risk WORTH breaking a six month long established NC to inform the wife. I'm not sure that I would want OM to call me with information about my wife's affair four years later, at the risks I'd mentioned. I'm not sure...honestly...which is a better plan of action in this particular case. The affair IS ended. Do you risk restarting it again, to tell the wife that it happened in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Something seldom considered: When you marry a man or woman who is capable of cheating in circumstances that are ordinary or exceptional or somewhere in between, you run the risk that somebody out there might have informaton you should have, but don't. That's the nature of the gamble of marriage. My belief is that if the marriage is being maintained the OW/OM should not tell, unless directly asked by the BS or if they know each other already. Any time devastation can be avoided in a family, I think that's always best. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I meant to add, but it wouldn't let me edit-- Lizzie how come the only people you "hate" and are judgmental about (losers... miserable...) are the people who are actually telling the truth?? Sounds like you have a real problem with people who are HONEST but no problem with cheating, lying married men. Hot damn nadiaj!!! I agree 100% Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Hot damn nadiaj!!! I agree 100% Let's write down the date and time. J/K. I think we agree on a lot of things and disagree on some things. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I don't think it is about vengeance..it's about truth. In the beginning, OW believes all the crap MM tells her. She tends to feel that she is special, that she is different. The A is different & special. Soul mates & all the other crap. It's an illusion. When she comes to that realization.....she knows exactly what kind of life W is living. OW lived the lie. The illusion. She knows that while she may be out of the false reality, W is in it way deeper than OW ever thought about being. Why would she want that for another woman? I think your motives to tell her is just about vengeance.. Link to post Share on other sites
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