nadiaj2727 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Having an open an honest relationship with your children need not involve your personal sexual/relationship issues. There's a reason one is the parent and one is the offspring. You are supposed to be there for your kids...not the other way around. At least not regarding this kind of stuff. IMO, it's nothing but selfish to drag children into this kind of thing for support. Then again, I guess affairs, and the people that have them are selfish anyway(including me and not referencing anyone in particular). Just my opinion though.. E..H I think that if you can't tell your own children what you're doing, then you shouldn't be doing it. Now I don't mean completely opening up your dating/ sex life with your children. But I mean if you have to hide the fact that you are having an affair from them because you feel ashamed and you know it's not the right thing to be doing... then stop it. That to me is a really good reason to stop. I think that once a child reaches a certain maturity level he is going to have some idea what is going on anyway. Once a child is an adult or a near adult, like precious' sons appear to be, they have realized that their parents are human and make mistakes like anyone else. Why not show them how to learn from a mistake instead of continuing to repeat the mistake in secret? I'm not advising her to tell them or not tell them... I have no children so I really can't say. Although my dad does shares stuff about his personal life and even his sex life or lack thereof with me, talking about my mom! I guess that's kind of weird but at 27 I realize he is frustrated and struggling, and I am not going to say "Dad, don't burden me with your private issues." I learn a lot from the mistakes of my parents' marriage and I would rather them be open with me about it instead of pretending to live in some perfect marriage when it's obviously not. Adult children are very smart when it comes to their parents. They will figure it out, so I think they will know anyway in time if they don't already. But I'm no parenting expert, I'm just saying, I see both side of this argument but if the children are grown and mature, then they're not really "children" anymore... they're adults, able to handle even their parents' issues in certain circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 That sounds very painful. If I were you, I'd try to look at the positive side. You aren't invested in this turd the way his W most likely is. You KNOW the truth. You can walk away with no papers, no lawyers, no surrendering of your assets. You can take time to heal and then you can go find a SINGLE man who treats you right. I advise you to find a new church and maybe also move away. I think you need some fresh vistas and some fresh faces. Leave the two of them to their M, for what it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Not in my experience. I have dated some wonderful men. Unfortunately in the past I got bored and I think part of me was drawn to the totally wrong type of guy -- such as lying, sleazy cheating xMM. I sure have learned a lesson -- I am going to take my time getting to know them and only stick around for the ones who treat me like a princess, honor their promises to me, etc. I assure you they are out there. We women just have to be patient and not settle for less than we deserve! Oh I know the Good Ones are out there, I just am not that into them I apparently like the bad boys... Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I have been seeing MM for about a year. We've known each other awhile, we have great fun, along with up and downs of course. The thing is, I want to wait for my 16 year to turn 18 before I get married again. I love him so much and we have a great relationship...am I just crazy or nuts??? Aren't you ashamed while carrying an affair with a married man AND on Sundays attend the same church as this married man and his wife? How do you deal with the guild seeing his wife and children in your God's house knowing that you had sex with her husband only days ago? To answer your questions, yes, you're nuts. Now, what happened to that "great relationship?" Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I think that if you can't tell your own children what you're doing, then you shouldn't be doing it. Now I don't mean completely opening up your dating/ sex life with your children. But I mean if you have to hide the fact that you are having an affair from them because you feel ashamed and you know it's not the right thing to be doing... then stop it. That to me is a really good reason to stop. I agree, except that I would add that would be one of the countless reasons to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious1357 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Aren't you ashamed while carrying an affair with a married man AND on Sundays attend the same church as this married man and his wife? How do you deal with the guild seeing his wife and children in your God's house knowing that you had sex with her husband only days ago? To answer your questions, yes, you're nuts. Now, what happened to that "great relationship?" Thanks, oh you perfect person! Maybe you should be called god or Maker of the Rain!!! Edited April 1, 2008 by precious1357 Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious1357 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 That sounds very painful. If I were you, I'd try to look at the positive side. You aren't invested in this turd the way his W most likely is. You KNOW the truth. You can walk away with no papers, no lawyers, no surrendering of your assets. You can take time to heal and then you can go find a SINGLE man who treats you right. I advise you to find a new church and maybe also move away. I think you need some fresh vistas and some fresh faces. Leave the two of them to their M, for what it's worth. Thanks for your words...i would like to find a new church and move away...its easier said than done....i have a family...thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Prescious... It may be easier "said than done". But honestly...and I don't mean this as an insult...but have you come up with a better plan? This really is one of the recommended solutions for ending an affair forever. It may be painful, but its also one of the few "surefire" things to get it all behind you. You're getting consistent advice about changing churches, making changes in your life so that you don't see MM anymore. This should tell you something. Its going to take strong measures for you to recover from all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious1357 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 Owl. Thank you.... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 He isn't a pleaser. He is a liar. How could he stand in a church before God and renew vows that God set for marriage, knowing he wasn't keeping those vows. He sure isn't trying to please God. He is a joke and I would hate to be in his shoes when his mess slaps him in the face. He doesn't know what love is, if he did, he would know that the love of God comes first. What a butt. I agree. His renewing his vows was to cover his @$$. But it backfired because he didn't think that his "mistress" would be upset that he had to add to the charade by making it seem like he is extra committed to his M. A rose, huh? What a cheapstake! I would expect something a little more enduring than a flower that will die. Don't be surprised if people told his W about your emotional reaction to the ceremony when she got her cheapo rose. All things done in the dark will come to the light. Better leave this church before your name gets drug through the mud publicly. The OW always gets trashed publicly in church. People express their feelings about the W in private. Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious1357 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 I agree. His renewing his vows was to cover his @$$. But it backfired because he didn't think that his "mistress" would be upset that he had to add to the charade by making it seem like he is extra committed to his M. A rose, huh? What a cheapstake! I would expect something a little more enduring than a flower that will die. Don't be surprised if people told his W about your emotional reaction to the ceremony when she got her cheapo rose. All things done in the dark will come to the light. Better leave this church before your name gets drug through the mud publicly. The OW always gets trashed publicly in church. People express their feelings about the W in private. The ceremony included hundreds of people and roses were given to each person by the church and the church had over 2500 people in it at the time, so no one noticed any reaction i had. Link to post Share on other sites
SerenityX2 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Precious I hope this day finds you better. I know you prob found my posts to you in the past to be harsh, but really that was not my intent...I could tell so clearly how in conflict you were but couldn't see it so it frustrated me! As I do, (b/c I think my posts get too darn long!) I'd encourage you to read some of my past posts and insights to what I've experienced, some may say it's blowing sunshine, but I'd really like to convey there is hope. If I can tell you one thing though (and b/c you've expressed your strong religious belief so that's why I can approach from that angle) remember God doesn't put any mountain in front of us that we can't climb...and in that regard, you're never alone. Naturally I can't say if there's another marriage down the road for you as there was for me, but what I can tell you, is your q to how a man who is "Godly" can have an A? Simple answer is they can't if they are truly Godly, and trust me when I say I've experienced guys that talk the talk but don't walk the walk..and the walk is where it's at. In a nutshell...it's that little thing called free will and just because some "proclaim" to hold God dear and want to follow him...they don't...you will know them by their fruits. Precious the point is, and it may be hard right now but trust that God will put you where "he" wants you, remember his ways are not our ways..have patience...but no matter what if you pray on his will, and wait for that "peace" feeling to surround the decisions you will be on the right path, turn over the steering wheel for a while it's gets easier as it goes..and that's not to say you become some sort of robot...it's hard to explain but we really do complicate our lives for what he really intends for us. So don't force things...remember if you're forcing things it's more than likely "your" will you want to be able to push on God...not what he actually wants for you. With that said, go into future meetings with men with that in mind. Start to figure out "if" you do meet that someone, what do you really believe would be that man for you...settle for nothing less. As soon as he shows early on, he's not the person he said, or you thought he was...WALK AWAY!!! That means if he doesn't call when he says...if you ever have the thought "what does *this* or *that* mean?" (another words have to guess what he may be thinking..or actions not matching words) get out...trust me when I say if you do trust in God to bring you that person ...you will just *know* ...it will be unlike anything you have experienced, and it is out there....*but* if for whatever reason another marriage is not in God's plan for you...*trust* that whatever he has in store for you will fulfill your deepest desire and truly make you happy within....that's the point I was able to get to...and yes although my story does end with a marriage I would have been truly happy to just be following his path with the career change that I am making (I'm in my early 40's so not that far off from you...age is but a number ) I wish you the best Precious...take the time to pray and most importantly "listen" to him...he'll speak, it's just not always what we think he should be saying (after all we know best right? lol ) Just remember *if* you start making excuses for the next guy...he's the wrong guy...there should absolutely be no turmoil if it's right...not only in my experience, but others that I've talked to that are happily married...they just *knew* and it wasn't filled with doubts, and what if's...and what does this mean? type things. You're in my prayers. There are brighter days if *you* allow them to be shown to you...regardless of that others may disagree and certainly they're entitled I found that my life got a WHOLE LOT better when I let go and let God...free will...the choice is yours. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 The ceremony included hundreds of people and roses were given to each person by the church and the church had over 2500 people in it at the time, so no one noticed any reaction i had. Now, that's different. It sounded like each couple was done separately based on the response you said you had to seeing them in line and him giving her the rose. It sounded like he gave it to her on his own, not that it was provided by the church. He's still cheap though. He could have brought something himself as well. Regardless, I hope you are walking away from him and this drama he is involving you in. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I must admit that this post about the renewing of vows makes me nausious. Him standing before God and lying is, disgusting. To lie one time, but to renew a lie, just sickening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious1357 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Serenity: Thanks, my brain is worn out right now...good things are on the way...I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
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