Update: The Aftermath... A very changed life.

[EmotionallyYours]

No, I don't think so. She has been fired for physically fighting, quit once because of a pay cut(I would have too), but generally she has been able to hold down a job. She DOES throw herself into her work though. I've often wondered how she could be so unstable at home and hold down a job.

 

In general, she has very low self esteem. That's another big difference. Right now, while completely stabilized, she tells me and everybody who will listen that she's a horrible person. I can't help but agree. A bit of uncharacteristic honesty leaking out I think.

 

I know it's a cry for help. She has to help herself first though.

 

I can hold down a job no problem. I just leave after a year or two instead of moving up the ladder where I am. I used to throw myself into work... no more though. Haven't found a job I liked enough in the last 5 years to do so. She may use all her self-control at work and then can't help herself when she gets home? Just a thought.

 

The only time I've truly thought myself a horrible person is right after my A. In fact, I started to turn my H into a saint and forgot all the reasons why I was unhappy. I was just a bad person for not wanting to be with him. Now, I see the problems with much more clarity. We were both at fault. I was more at fault than him in most things, but truly I don't think we were ever meant to be the loves of each others lives. He is starting to see that too.

 

I hope everything works out for the best for you. IMO, I don't think you and stbx has a shot. You have acceptance... now she has to have acceptance... accept responsibility for her behavior. She needs to stabilize, get a fresh start, build a new healthy relationship with her children and maybe include them in some family counseling once her head is on straight. Too much damage at this point.

 

After she does all this, THEN and ONLY THEN should she consider romantic involvement. God... I am a hypocrite aren't I? I stayed with my OM... Do as I say, not as I do

[nadiaj2727]

That's a very contradicting post within itself, don't you think? You're very defensive. I wonder why, don't you? You're smart enough to figure that one out.

 

Your point is taken and let's just agree to disagree. In the meantime, figure out why you're contradicting yourself emotionally.

 

I get defensive because I am a woman and sexist comments offend me. I am a very passionate person and if you take a look around at my posts you will see that they are often heated... I believe in thinking about things and stating my opinions strongly, and letting people know when they say something I find to be offensive. So there you have it.

 

These stereotypes perpetuate women's low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. If you are going to condemn women as sluts and whores instead of meeting them where they are at and offering to help them gain strength and self-dependence, then you are not helping one bit. And you are the one who only condemns and never shares your own past experiences which were obviously rough or you would not have such hated names for women to spew around. So let's not point fingers at who is smart enough to understand why they post the things they post.

 

I did not contradict myself. I agree with your viewpoints that infidelity is wrong and that people shouldn't cheat. I don't agree with you that it is ever okay to be sexist or call a woman nasty names. So you figure out why YOU do that, while we're into each figuring out our own issues, k?

 

PS I don't have to agree with all of YOUR viewpoints to not have my OWN viewpoints contradict each other. It seems like you like to decide who is right and who is wrong by who agrees with you and who disagrees with you. Well, I never agree that it's okay to call women sexist, mean, unproductive names which only damage them further, and I don't think I'm wrong about that, no matter what you might think.

Edited March 31, 2008 by nadiaj2727

[nadiaj2727]

EmotionallyYours,

I apologize for the thread-jack and I wish you the best in your situation. Thanks for the update, it is interesting to read how these things turn out.

[EmotionallyYours]

I get defensive because I am a woman and sexist comments offend me.

 

I did not contradict myself. I agree with your viewpoints that infidelity is wrong and that people shouldn't cheat. I don't agree with you that it is ever okay to be sexist or call a woman nasty names. So you figure out why YOU do that, while we're into each figuring out our own issues, k?

 

Thanks for pointing out the inappropriate name calling. It's funny that it was OK to describe someone with those names and when I called someone an A...H... fill in the blanks, I was warned for inappropriateness.

 

Even though it is not appropriate to be name calling on the site, Let's say it was. I am hurt by the fact that I was called those things. No matter how wrong an affair is, I would hardly call myself a "ho" or whatever names were used after having sexual relations with two men in 17 years. I did not repeatedly cheat on my husband. I did not continue in an affair for years (or even weeks). I am not those things I was called. If I was, I would have just went on my merry way without guilt or owning up to a thing.

 

This way of commenting is really not constructive. I have already thought the worst about myself throughout this situation and am trying my best to come to peace with myself despite my actions. This meanness always makes me take a few steps back in my progress. I had more than I could handle from my stbx and my family. They had reason to be upset, yes. However, I was chastised, yelled at, called even worse names that on this site (by my own Grandmother!) on a regular basis for a couple of months. I really had no one to even try to understand my feelings or support me in my trauma in any way at all except for the OM (which was not ideal since I needed some more objective help). My own sister spoke to my husband for over an hour a day. She would not even talk to me for 5 minutes without just telling me she didn't want to even talk to me because of her disgust.

 

Look at post by people like Cobra. He sees the person too. He is honest and shares his opinion without condemning. It is helpful when I see his opinion because I know that he is logically evaluating rather than lashing out in quick judgments. We come here because we have nowhere else to go sometimes and some of us are hanging on by a thread. That is why I didn't come back until I felt well enough to handle it. I realized there were too many people who would lash out at me and I knew I couldn't handle it back then.

 

Please express your opinion, but don't try to hurt the person by doing it. We wouldn't be here unless we already are hurt.

[TheRain]

This way of commenting is really not constructive. I have already thought the worst about myself throughout this situation and am trying my best to come to peace with myself despite my actions. This meanness always makes me take a few steps back in my progress. I had more than I could handle from my stbx and my family. They had reason to be upset, yes. However, I was chastised, yelled at, called even worse names that on this site (by my own Grandmother!) on a regular basis for a couple of months. My own sister spoke to my husband for over an hour a day. She would not even talk to me for 5 minutes without just telling me she didn't want to even talk to me because of her disgust.

 

You need to understand that you brought this on yourself. If you did not sleep with OM while you were married, none of that would have happened. Would your family be dissatisfied with your decision, probably, would they call you names and treated you the way they did, very doubtful. Your grandma would never call you those nasty names if you were just an unhappy wife who just want to leave a marriage, but you did more than that, you had sex with another man while you were still married.

 

Nadiaj, there seem to be lots of yelling at me, but your points sums to be this:

I get defensive because I am a woman and sexist comments offend me.

 

Look at my past posts, you will see that I don't differenciate between male and female when it comes to cheating. I said the same harsh things to men who cheat on their wifes and vice versa.

 

Now, you're defensive because you participated in an affair where you influenced a married man to moved out of his marital home and his marriage. Your anger toward me is mis-directed. You should be angry at your MM for cheating and you should be mad at yourself for breaking up a marriage or pushing it over the edge by participating in this affair. I said it how it is and a lot of times, I try to be gentle by not calling these names such as dogs, homewreckers, sluts, etc. directly at anyone. If people are offended or angry by the mere mentioning of these names and reference to certain undisputed facts, there are certainly some unresolved personal conflicts and they are targeting their frustration at the wrong directon.

[EmotionallyYours]

You need to understand that you brought this on yourself. If you did not sleep with OM while you were married, none of that would have happened. Would your family be dissatisfied with your decision, probably, would they call you names and treated you the way they did, very doubtful. Your grandma would never call you those nasty names if you were just an unhappy wife who just want to leave a marriage, but you did more than that, you had sex with another man while you were still married.

 

Rain. Of course I know I brought it on myself. I think we all know that I had sex with another man while still married. And on another note...Sorry, but no matter what my kids/grandkids did, I would always be there to support them. Not necessarily condone their behavior, but to help them through things. I will be different than my mother / grandmother.

 

The point is, you are beating a dead horse trying to bring my attention to the wrongness of my actions in this case. I don't see how it is helpful trying to use horrible names to get that point across. I am personally using this forum to help others in the same situation and give support to those who are in need. Period. It's funny how that only the saints deserve a lift up... never the sinners. You'd think that the opposite would be true to make the world a better place.

 

I am a very good, caring and generous person in "real life". I feel that I do a lot of great things and have helped a lot of friends and family members when they needed help. I can't tell you how many times people have come to me when they really needed help. I have always been the problem solver that will make things better. I will continue to do that sort of thing I'm sure once I have settled down a bit more. I haven't in the last few months I admit because I have been in no condition to... but what good is it condemning me and reinforcing my feelings that I need to be in hiding? Why can't you offer suggestions in moving forward instead of hitting me over the head that I was a whore? You are a very negative and judgmental person. If you ever fall from grace, I hope you have people to pick you up at that point. I wouldn't wish total abandonment on anyone. It is a lonely place.

[Findingme]

Have you figured out exactly why you were so driven to do this?

 

It was definitely a combination of things (three things). First being unhappy in my marriage. I have been unhappy with the dynamics between my husband and I for a very long time. The last time things really blew up was about 7 years ago and I did tell him I didn't feel in love with him and wanting a divorce. At the time I did also have a mild Emotional Affair going on with one of the owners of the company I worked for. We had to work very closely together for long periods of time under a lot of stress. I think natural feeling just happen. I never acted on them, but they were disturbing enough to me to go to my husband to seek marriage counseling. I must say that I wasn't honest about my EA though. In retrospect, it wasn't all that serious anyway. Not like this last one that was my undoing.

 

Second having the unfortunate trait of hypersexuality (do look up hypersexuality in the manic phase). After reading a lot of books, talking to my doctor, kicking things around with my therapist, there is no doubt in my mind that this is one of the predominant traits of my manic phases. For most of my life, I have been what you would call mildly manic with a few bouts of depression. I am always the highly energized "go-to" person that everyone perceives as pleasant. I am the type that everyone confides their problems to. However, I am also a huge flirt. Even though I am not gorgeous of have a "hot bod", it just seems that men are always around me and I do nothing to discourage that. My Grandmother is very much like I am. She flirts with any man with a pulse. This is just so much of my personality anymore, I don't even know if I could stop. Half the time I don't even know I'm doing it. The more manic I am, however, the worse it gets. I will start dressing a little more provacatively (not slutty or anything, but just not conservative). I start wearing more lotions, perfumes and pay special attention to my nails and makeup. When I get like this my mind seems to evaluate every male as a possible sexual partner. I never acted on it before this, but in my mind I would always be "looking".

 

The third factor was the OM. I didn't think I was in a "manic" phase when I met him. In fact, I was feeling about as relatively normal as I get. The moment he starting speaking to me, though, I just got goose bumps all over me. I was infatuated with him right away. It was hard to understand since he was not really attractive in any conventional sense. He is overweight, dresses horribly and has no tact. He is pretty much a train wreck. The more time we spent together, the more he did become an obsession with me. I dreamed about him, thought about him way too much, I just couldn't shake it. We also became good friends. I wouldn't call it an EA at the time, because we did act as friends. No discussing things I should only be discussing with my husband, only saw each other in groups. When we no longer had a reason to see each other (our play was over), I was miserable. I missed him so much. I suggested we try out for another one together since we had such great chemistry on stage and we both got parts. That is when I can say that it developed into an EA. I kept telling myself that I could stop it at any time if it starting getting too far, but I was lying to myself. I really don't think I could have. I wanted him and nothing would stop that. Now... the part of the story you probably didn't see was his side. I didn't know his side at the time. He had the exact same "goose bump" thing when he met me as well and had a very similar reaction to me. I did not describe my feelings to him before he talked to me about it and it could have been me describing my feelings. It was almost creepy. This whole infatuation thing was happening to him too. He also thought he could stop it at any time. Why, so similar? We are both bi-polar. We were both going into a manic phase. We both have a high level of hypersexuality in our manic phases. Kiss of death. They do say that manic attracts manic. Is it chemical even?

 

Does your medication work, and what is it?

 

So far, so good. I take Lamictal. It seems to be working very well in helping me focus on my job and I am thinking about things far less emotionally. The nice thing is that I can concentrate on things without becoming obsessive. I used to have to read a book all in one sitting. Now I can do a couple chapters a night. I would play video games until 3 in the morning if that was my "thing" at the time. I won't do that now. I don't obsess over catching every prime time show that is out there if I am in my "TV" phase. I do all these things now in moderation. It is nice. I think I still get mildly manic (very mild), but is the "good" kind that just keeps me upbeat and energized. Not the kind that drives me to overwork, overcommitt and make bad decisions. It is a more normal mood. I don't have as much energy as I used to and I miss it, but it IS worth it. Also, I do fall into downs a little more often, but that is due to all the life stress I believe, not the bi-polar. However... I STILL flirt...lol

 

When you weren't manic, were you still driven to cheat, or was it constant?

 

I more thought about leaving my marriage than about cheating. I would have periods of contentment, however. I felt a genuine affection and friendship for my H. (Until he would have one of his temper tantrums...grrrrr....and but me back on edge)

 

If you weren't bipolar, do you think any of this would have happened?

 

No, I would not have acted on my urges. However, I knew there was something wrong with me and needed to get help, so it is not an excuse.

 

 

OK, that's it for now. I didn't have time to read your thread, but I'll let you know when I do if I have any insight for you.

 

-EY

 

btw... if anyone wants to have a field day about the unhealthiness of two bi-polars beginning a relationship in the manic stage via adultery... start a new thread... it will really make this one unruly.

 

WOW...... I've read this entire thread...... well up to this point anyway and am totally shocked at how close your story is to my own. It's actually been a big help. My Mom was diagnosed Manic Depressive years ago and I was really worried because I go through these weird phases that I call OCD because I can't seem to stop myself. I guess Obsessive Compulsive sounded better than manic depressive, less mentally unstable. I asked my Dr (gyno) if I could become like that and he said no because I would have to be mentally unstable to begin with. I took that to heart because no way did I want to be labeled mentally unstable like my mother. He obviously never walked into my house during an obsessive phase. During the beanie baby phase I owned just about every one there was, my livingroom looked like a toy store, they took over my house. When I decide to clean, look out. There is no in between, it's either an obsession or I am not interested at all. And when I lose interest it's like 1 day I wake up and I hit a brick wall and there's nothing there. For the last couple of years I've tried hard to find cheaper things to get interested in.

Anyway this is long enough, I am just so blown away by the smiliarities!

[Findingme]

None of these side effects are common with Lamictal. In fact my sex drive is awesome. No weight gain or hair loss. If this was not on the market, I would have refused medication and went for behavioural therapy only instead of both. The horrible side effect of it is a severe skin rash that can be fatal. If you don't get it within 2 weeks, you're good to go.

 

I didn't know about side effects either, my daughter takes lamictal for epilepsy and it's the only 1 she's taken where there are no side effects and she does well on it. It's also the safest drug for a pregnant E patient to take.

[Findingme]

It just occurred to me, she tried so many meds over the years that I might be getting side effects confused. Lamictal was relatively recent though, as was Clonozepan(sp?). She takes anti convulsives too, so who knows what interactions are possible there.

 

Well, she stopped for some reason or other... maybe so she could BE manic? Maybe it didn't work? Ehhh... whatever.

 

Lamictal is an anti-convulsant as my daughter take it for Epilepsy.

[EmotionallyYours]

WOW...... I've read this entire thread...... well up to this point anyway and am totally shocked at how close your story is to my own. It's actually been a big help. My Mom was diagnosed Manic Depressive years ago and I was really worried because I go through these weird phases that I call OCD because I can't seem to stop myself. I guess Obsessive Compulsive sounded better than manic depressive, less mentally unstable. I asked my Dr (gyno) if I could become like that and he said no because I would have to be mentally unstable to begin with. I took that to heart because no way did I want to be labeled mentally unstable like my mother. He obviously never walked into my house during an obsessive phase. During the beanie baby phase I owned just about every one there was, my livingroom looked like a toy store, they took over my house. When I decide to clean, look out. There is no in between, it's either an obsession or I am not interested at all. And when I lose interest it's like 1 day I wake up and I hit a brick wall and there's nothing there. For the last couple of years I've tried hard to find cheaper things to get interested in.

Anyway this is long enough, I am just so blown away by the smiliarities!

 

Funny... my Mom's obsession is currenly scrapbooking (NOT inexpensive). After some reasearch, I have concluded that all the women for 4 generations are bi-polar with I believe a touch of OCD. I had a Harry Potter / Professor Snape phase. OK I admitted it! Worse than admitting the affair... sheeesh...lol. I own a time turner and slytherin earrings. So embarassing. I think I would try to refocus my sexual compulsions on other things. OK... even more embarassing... Professor Snape porn.

[Findingme]

Funny... my Mom's obsession is currenly scrapbooking (NOT inexpensive). After some reasearch, I have concluded that all the women for 4 generations are bi-polar with I believe a touch of OCD. I had a Harry Potter / Professor Snape phase. OK I admitted it! Worse than admitting the affair... sheeesh...lol. I own a time turner and slytherin earrings. So embarassing. I think I would try to refocus my sexual compulsions on other things. OK... even more embarassing... Professor Snape porn.

 

ROFL.. this was funny! I am currently in a fill my 80 gig ipod phase. I currently have 3 1/2 days worth of music but just doesn't seem enough and the sad thing is, I have only been listening to Tom Petty. I am also in a photography phase. After plopping down almost 3 grand for a new camera hubby will KILL me if I don't follow through as per usual!

In the morning I am going to force feed this thread on my hubby. We are currently trying to work through our (MY) issues and this was a real eye opener to me and it might help him as well. You have no idea ( maybe you do ) not knowing what the hell is going on with me. I am just so blessed that my hubby loves me enough to stick around during this horrible time in my life, even when at times I want nothing more than to push him as far away as I can get him.

Some times the obsession is good, like when we need to be saving money or when I need to get my house clean.

[EmotionallyYours]

ROFL.. this was funny! I am currently in a fill my 80 gig ipod phase. I currently have 3 1/2 days worth of music but just doesn't seem enough and the sad thing is, I have only been listening to Tom Petty. I am also in a photography phase. After plopping down almost 3 grand for a new camera hubby will KILL me if I don't follow through as per usual!

In the morning I am going to force feed this thread on my hubby. We are currently trying to work through our (MY) issues and this was a real eye opener to me and it might help him as well. You have no idea ( maybe you do ) not knowing what the hell is going on with me. I am just so blessed that my hubby loves me enough to stick around during this horrible time in my life, even when at times I want nothing more than to push him as far away as I can get him.

Some times the obsession is good, like when we need to be saving money or when I need to get my house clean.

 

The fact that you will show hubby this thread is great! I did open up to my husband about my sexual desires and actually he got a lot better in the bedroom. The problem was that even when everything was there mechanically... still no emotional intimate connection. I was trying to fix it with new and creative stuff in the bedroom, but it was much deeper than that. I need intimacy! I can point to a hundred other things that showed we really did lack that. This was what was wrong with us together I think underneath it all. We could not communicate or give each other over to each other completely. When he does find a new lover eventually she will be a very lucky woman...lol.

 

My SO now connects so emotionally and there is so much intimacy. Luckily other than the hypersexuality stuff our bipolar manifests very differently. We really see the stuff that is "wrong" and talk to each other about it. For him, he has some pretty grandiose ideas and has way too much confidence in himself at times. For me, it is being obsessive... like being on the internet too much, allowing my emotions to take me over. We call em as we see em and put each other in line. It really is pretty cool. I can't remember feeling more "together" and happy with myself since I was a preteen. I know a good deal of it is the medication finally allowing me to feel normal, but he really does help a lot too. We don't try to control the hypersexuality anymore. We love it. Not just sex, butwe just relish in holding each other... touching... laughing in bed at our own silliness. Life is good. For now anyway... I really am anxious for him to try the meds too. I think there are so many parts of his life that will improve. He sees what it is doing for me and he is convinced its worth a try.

[EmotionallyYours]

Also Findingme... this thing has to be genetic. I am sure that the hypersexuality was prevelant with my Great-Aunt, Grandmother, and GreatGrandmother. My GG left her husband and my Grandmother (16 yrs old at the time)for another man. This was unheard of then especially in our community. My Grandma left my Grandfather for another man... divorced him... left other man... came back to remarr Grandfather. They were never truly happy together though. In fact my Grandma took my mother with her to the OM who was an alcoholic! That's why I am really floored at how badly she lashed out at me. I think my mother never went that route because she was pushing 350 - 400 pounds. Sex is not really an option at that point. She obsessed over other things. We had 4 generations of us alive for a very long time and I saw all the interactions. Extreme selfishness at times, all obsessive about different things at different times... it was crazy. Some of my obsessive behavior I probably didn't recognize right away because in my family it was not abnormal.

[EmotionallyYours]

EY,

 

You are messed up. I look forward to reading in a few months when you and OM crash and you're back on your own. Which is where you belong. You are a sl*t and dressing it up with fancy words like "hypersexuality" doesn't mean ****.

 

Are you honestly telling me in a couple years when things with OM cool down, you're not going to suck the first c*ck shoved in your face? I doubt it.

 

 

OK... so let's see. Instead of hypersexuality... let's use other words so it can be crude enough for you since you like it better. I was horny all the time. I thought about sex way more than was normal and yes, I wanted to be a slut more than anything else in the world at times. After burying my "ho" tendencies for over 17 years... I couldn't hide it any more and my true horrible evil self came out.

 

Yes DK, I've been pretty messed up, but I am not a slut. I won't be defined as a person by the mistake(s) I made. Sorry... it is just not true. Listen, I'm not dressing up anything. I am discussing the symptoms of a very real mood disorder. I am not excusing any behavior of mine, but I am trying to bring to light some things that people with bipolar disorder need to be aware of. If you feel like this, you may need help. I was also pointing out that I had very similar traits to family members. Excessive flirting, a history of dissatisfaction in relationships, very obsessive behavior... etc...

 

It was so enlightening to see why I felt certain way and what drove me to want to do certain things. When I read the biography of Kay Redfield Jamison (An Unquiet mind), I was so floored by the similarities in our behavior. Other literature describes exactly what I have gone through in my head. You can dismiss this and that is fine. You don't believe in psychological illness either I guess. Haven't you already seen one person note the similarities between our situations and is talking to her HUSBAND about it. If that isn't useful, then I don't know what is. I wish I would have done that about 10 years ago. I may not have been here.

 

Yes, I am honestly telling you that I won't be sucking the first anything shoved in my face. Believe it or not... as of right now I no longer care what you think.

[EmotionallyYours]

Looks like all his posts have disappeared? I was responding... then it was gone... now I see no DK posts.... hmmm? I will miss him.... sigh .

[ookla_2]

*sigh*

If you can't say something nice.....

[precious1357]

Rain. Of course I know I brought it on myself. I think we all know that I had sex with another man while still married. And on another note...Sorry, but no matter what my kids/grandkids did, I would always be there to support them. Not necessarily condone their behavior, but to help them through things. I will be different than my mother / grandmother.

 

The point is, you are beating a dead horse trying to bring my attention to the wrongness of my actions in this case. I don't see how it is helpful trying to use horrible names to get that point across. I am personally using this forum to help others in the same situation and give support to those who are in need. Period. It's funny how that only the saints deserve a lift up... never the sinners. You'd think that the opposite would be true to make the world a better place.

 

I am a very good, caring and generous person in "real life". I feel that I do a lot of great things and have helped a lot of friends and family members when they needed help. I can't tell you how many times people have come to me when they really needed help. I have always been the problem solver that will make things better. I will continue to do that sort of thing I'm sure once I have settled down a bit more. I haven't in the last few months I admit because I have been in no condition to... but what good is it condemning me and reinforcing my feelings that I need to be in hiding? Why can't you offer suggestions in moving forward instead of hitting me over the head that I was a whore? You are a very negative and judgmental person. If you ever fall from grace, I hope you have people to pick you up at that point. I wouldn't wish total abandonment on anyone. It is a lonely place.

 

Thank you so much Emo...I was bashed too!

[BetrayedMM]

IMO, I don't think you and stbx has a shot. You have acceptance... now she has to have acceptance... accept responsibility for her behavior. She needs to stabilize, get a fresh start, build a new healthy relationship with her children and maybe include them in some family counseling once her head is on straight. Too much damage at this point.

 

After she does all this, THEN and ONLY THEN should she consider romantic involvement. God... I am a hypocrite aren't I? I stayed with my OM... Do as I say, not as I do

 

Yep, I won't give her another chance, I'm done. Had she taken the steps you have and worked as hard as you to straighten herself out, learn from her choices(sorry, I can't call it a mistake when it's intentional), figure out the whys, etc., well, then yeah, I probably would have (sigh) bit the bullet and stuck with her through it. Too little, too late is very much how it is now.

Frankly, I can say I don't really love her. She killed the love I gave her, it's dead.

 

As far as what she does, hey, she can do what she wants, the sooner the better from my perspective, as long as it pulls her farther out of my life. She still wants to TALK, but I don't, because I've heard far far too many lies, hearing more is beyond tiresome at this point. Would it bother me if she were to 'find' somebody? Yeah, I'd feel sorry for the poor guy because he probably would have no idea what he was getting himself into.

 

I can't really give you any advice or suggestions for your situation, frankly you're doing all the right things NOW. I wouldn't even want to see you patch things up with your ex, not even the romantic in me wants that because you say yourself you just don't love him. As far as your SO, hey, I don't know if it's healthy or not, it started badly for sure, but who can tell at this point.

 

I think 2 bipolars getting together makes sense actually. Fight fire with fire and all. Good luck with that though, you're sure going to need it. You DO know I'm not being a smartass when I say that, right? It won't be easy for you, but at least you'll know why when(not if) he acts up.

[EmotionallyYours]

Yep, I won't give her another chance, I'm done. Had she taken the steps you have and worked as hard as you to straighten herself out, learn from her choices(sorry, I can't call it a mistake when it's intentional), figure out the whys, etc., well, then yeah, I probably would have (sigh) bit the bullet and stuck with her through it. Too little, too late is very much how it is now.

Frankly, I can say I don't really love her. She killed the love I gave her, it's dead.

 

As far as what she does, hey, she can do what she wants, the sooner the better from my perspective, as long as it pulls her farther out of my life. She still wants to TALK, but I don't, because I've heard far far too many lies, hearing more is beyond tiresome at this point. Would it bother me if she were to 'find' somebody? Yeah, I'd feel sorry for the poor guy because he probably would have no idea what he was getting himself into.

 

I can't really give you any advice or suggestions for your situation, frankly you're doing all the right things NOW. I wouldn't even want to see you patch things up with your ex, not even the romantic in me wants that because you say yourself you just don't love him. As far as your SO, hey, I don't know if it's healthy or not, it started badly for sure, but who can tell at this point.

 

I think 2 bipolars getting together makes sense actually. Fight fire with fire and all. Good luck with that though, you're sure going to need it. You DO know I'm not being a smartass when I say that, right? It won't be easy for you, but at least you'll know why when(not if) he acts up.

 

Don't worry. I know you're not being a smartass. I'm scared to death sometimes. I feel kind of panicky sometimes. Then, I realize that I can depend on myself now and therefore the girls can depend on me.

[AppleV]

I have read your thread (including your original one) with great interest. WOW - Who needs books???!!!

I just wanted to wish you all the best and am very glad that you are doing well. Whoever is wrong, whoever is right, we all deserve happiness.

Good luck to you.

[Darth Vader]

You know EY, you're going to have to be honest with your husband sooner or later, like the why's and wherefores that you're leaving him, best for you to tell him now, and let him find someone else. Otherwise if you don't, that would not only be, but also look selfish, what I mean is, you've already had someone else other than your husband, why stop/hold back your husband now? Why keep him on the back burner in case things don't work out, stringing him along?! That's what it looks like, in all fairness to your husband. I'm saying, let hubby go, now!

[45Reverse]

I don't believe it was YOUR post I quoted ... or was it ?

 

 

No...It was my post and anger had little to do with the words it contained. Check my facts, they're accurate.

 

I simply called the OP out on her plan to intro the kids to the OM. I don't think I'm off base to suggest that that is a horrible way to treat the kids.

 

If you're the kind of person that thinks that sort of thing is ok then all you had to do was say so.

[Findingme]

Looks like all his posts have disappeared? I was responding... then it was gone... now I see no DK posts.... hmmm? I will miss him.... sigh .

 

 

ROFL... you crack me up! I wonder if sarcasm is a part of being bi-polar because I am sarcastic and LOVE sarcasm.

 

I wanted to answer all these posts in 1 to save a little time because I have to start getting ready for work here soon. First hubby did read this thread this morning, it took him like 3 hrs but he read it. At first he didn't see it till you started talking about the symptoms and the things you said just FLOORED him, just like it did me. He said the same as I did, that it was like I was reading about me. Now he keeps bugging me to see someone. He actually wants me to sit down and write you my story which is entirely too long but VERY similier to your own, even down to your gg, and gma. After I read your last post I went and looked up bi-polar and was SHOCKED to see that bi-polar used to be called manic depressive. I had no clue. He was a little upset with me that I didn't post all the other stuff I do but it's funny how you KNEW anyway. HAHA He laughed about the menu thing because I do that too. Now he's freaking about the camera saying I better NOT do that! I almost regret telling him because now he won't let up till I go and I wanted to make that decision on my own.

I have to ask though........ when medicated are the good feelings gone? The creative side gone? Tell me how the meds make you feel. I worry about that, and the stigma of being labeled mentally unstable. KWIM?

Anyway I thank you for your courage to post this thread, not sure I would have had that same courage! HUGZ!!!!!

[EmotionallyYours]

You know EY, you're going to have to be honest with your husband sooner or later, like the why's and wherefores that you're leaving him, best for you to tell him now, and let him find someone else. Otherwise if you don't, that would not only be, but also look selfish, what I mean is, you've already had someone else other than your husband, why stop/hold back your husband now? Why keep him on the back burner in case things don't work out, stringing him along?! That's what it looks like, in all fairness to your husband. I'm saying, let hubby go, now!

 

I have been honest with him truly. He knows we are over. I've been out of the house since Thanksgiving and have let him know that I am much happier this way. The therapy session I attended with him was to help him through the divorce process by talking out what the problems were with someone there to kind of mediate. We will be filing within the next two weeks and have the Marital Seperation Agreement pretty much finalized.

 

I've told him the truth about everything including the mild EA I had about 7 years ago that I did not act on. I've discussed at length the intimacy, communication and anger issues that were a combination of both of us. The worst is that he thought it was all the bipolar and had a very hard time accepting that our relationship underneath didn't work either. I am far from stringing him along. The only things that I have held back (which I may have mentioned earlier or on another thread) are the things that seem to attach him basic character. It would seem that way (like attacks) to him, but in reality may be traits and interests that would match perfectly well with another woman. Also, after I told him everything, he somehow figured out my password to my alternate email account and not only had the basic details, but the intimate ones as well. He knows the full story beginning to end.

[EmotionallyYours]

I have to ask though........ when medicated are the good feelings gone? The creative side gone? Tell me how the meds make you feel. I worry about that, and the stigma of being labeled mentally unstable. KWIM?

 

I won't lie and say my energy level is the same. However, before was not normal. I do compensate with caffeine and nicotine. Quitting next week though because my women's soccer league starts up soon. Soccer motivates me to quit and then after the season is over I'm alway back

 

The creative side is far from gone. However, you will notice that you actually prioritize the things that you are creative / passionate about. Now I focus on the activities for myself that I love the most. Theatre, soccer and reading. I play the occassional video game, watch a tv show here and there and movies only when I really had time. I used to try to fit everything in at once. The things I love, I'm just as good at as ever.

 

I've told my boss, coworkers and friends that have been around me the most the last 6 months about my diagnosis and that I am being treated. They noticed that I was not myself and knew something was really wrong. I was truly manic. Fast speech, 1-3 hours sleep per night etc... If you haven't experienced this yet, believe me that you NEVER want to. I know that mild manicness is so pleasant, you feel more creative etc... but it does get worse eventually. The risk is that it can get out of control so quickly that its ridiculous. They all understand and inevitably have a family member or friend with the condition as well. There really isn't stigma like there used to be. I wouldn't worry too much about that. Anyway, no need to tell anyone unless, like me, you have telegraphed it to everyone... sheesh... boy did I.

 

Go to the doctor and talk about it. Get a therapist. Can't hurt.