Update: The Aftermath... A very changed life.

[annieo]

The husband is to love his wife, as Christ loved the church. But no man is perfect in doing this.

The wife is to honor her husband, sleeping with other men is about the most dishonorable thing a woman can do to her husband. Even God gives an out on the Infidelity thing.

 

There are a million ways that a husband can dishonour his wife, or vice versa. Sex with another person is a biggie, I admit, but I still see a huge difference between the serial cheater who steps out on a loving spouse and the person who ends up in an exit affair at the end of a crappy, soul-sucking marriage.

My exh was a model of decorum, polite to neighbours, walked old ladies across the street, didn't smoke, drink to excess, gamble, cheat or beat me or the kids. Therefore, he's perfect, right? Wrong!

He treated me like crap in a million other ways, always behind closed doors (except he did let his mask slip in front of my parents, and my mother ended up HATING him) belittled, controlled, harassed, insulted to the point where I felt like nothing, a useless loser who should be grateful that he was willing to put up with me.

[Darth Vader]

Darth, I'm not sure what your point was of posting a quote of mine with a reply from Reverse - Not sure it comes across that mine was a reply to HIS post

 

I can see where others may get the impression his reply was to me, and then extrapolate his words as being about my situation, and nothing could be further from the truth

 

 

I forget, oh well, it probably got mixed up somehow, or rather blown up in this Thread, all we need is artillery fire now! That's usually the case in these forums, skip it!

[Darth Vader]

There are a million ways that a husband can dishonour his wife, or vice versa. Sex with another person is a biggie, I admit, but I still see a huge difference between the serial cheater who steps out on a loving spouse and the person who ends up in an exit affair at the end of a crappy, soul-sucking marriage.

My exh was a model of decorum, polite to neighbours, walked old ladies across the street, didn't smoke, drink to excess, gamble, cheat or beat me or the kids. Therefore, he's perfect, right? Wrong!

He treated me like crap in a million other ways, always behind closed doors (except he did let his mask slip in front of my parents, and my mother ended up HATING him) belittled, controlled, harassed, insulted to the point where I felt like nothing, a useless loser who should be grateful that he was willing to put up with me.

 

Who says that you have to stay in a marriage like that? I didn't, I just state the obvious, get out of the marriage, and don't cheat, Period! No one has to take the abuse Crap in a marriage like that! Looks like your hubby was Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde!

[annieo]

A friend of mine, a Jew from New York, said there is a Yiddish expression which roughly translates into, "Street angel, house devil". I think it sums up my ex perfectly.

But to be honest, I did end up falling in love with another man and leaving exh, not proud to say. But OM and I have been together for 8 years now (married for 3), almost all of it happily, so I can't say that I regret anything. Just wish I had left first, met current h second, but it didn't work out that way.

[Darth Vader]

A friend of mine, a Jew from New York, said there is a Yiddish expression which roughly translates into, "Street angel, house devil". I think it sums up my ex perfectly.

But to be honest, I did end up falling in love with another man and leaving exh, not proud to say. But OM and I have been together for 8 years now (married for 3), almost all of it happily, so I can't say that I regret anything. Just wish I had left first, met current h second, but it didn't work out that way.

 

 

You see, that's where I'm going, leave first, don't cheat. Because cheating Implants pain and stuff that can NEVER be removed! That also goes for the children in the family, although it's almost never mentioned, it warps children, because now they think it's ok to do what mommy or daddy did.

 

So you're not sorry for hurting your Ex? Makes me wonder though, if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on ya!

[nadiaj2727]

I don't necessarily believe those words completely apply to her, but certain individuals have the right to call her such names if they choose to. One thing I notice about her posts is that she tried shifting the blame to her husband and even at one point to "people like me."

 

TheRain--

 

The words "ho" or "slut" don't apply to any woman unless she feels that they apply to her. Have you heard of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"? Well it sounds to me like you are trying to make a lot of people on LS feel inferior for some reason, but luckily, they are not consenting to that. Good for them.

 

Who are you to go around saying who has the right to call a woman nasty and sexist names? No one has that right in my book, and I don't like people who think it's okay to call women nasty names. That's just wrong and I won't associate with people like that. Women are people, no matter what kind of bad decisions they're making... not sluts or hos or whatever other word you think it's okay to refer to them as.

 

I don't understand your point of being on LS, you never share your own story but instead you are mean and judgmental to people who are acting in ways you don't agree with. That's really immature behavior if you ask me, not to mention completely unhelpful. I used to put a lot of thought into your posts because I agree with many of your viewpoints, but now that I see how judgmental you are and how you think it's okay to call women sexist names, I am never going to read another of your posts again. I know you probably don't care but I'm just saying, I don't take advice from guys who bash women like that. To me it shows that there's something wrong with them. Ciao.

[TheRain]

TheRain--

 

The words "ho" or "slut" don't apply to any woman unless she feels that they apply to her. Have you heard of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"? Well it sounds to me like you are trying to make a lot of people on LS feel inferior for some reason, but luckily, they are not consenting to that. Good for them.

 

Who are you to go around saying who has the right to call a woman nasty and sexist names? No one has that right in my book, and I don't like people who think it's okay to call women nasty names. That's just wrong and I won't associate with people like that. Women are people, no matter what kind of bad decisions they're making... not sluts or hos or whatever other word you think it's okay to refer to them as.

 

I don't understand your point of being on LS, you never share your own story but instead you are mean and judgmental to people who are acting in ways you don't agree with. That's really immature behavior if you ask me, not to mention completely unhelpful. I used to put a lot of thought into your posts because I agree with many of your viewpoints, but now that I see how judgmental you are and how you think it's okay to call women sexist names, I am never going to read another of your posts again. I know you probably don't care but I'm just saying, I don't take advice from guys who bash women like that. To me it shows that there's something wrong with them. Ciao.

 

That's a very contradicting post within itself, don't you think? You're very defensive. I wonder why, don't you? You're smart enough to figure that one out.

 

Your point is taken and let's just agree to disagree. In the meantime, figure out why you're contradicting yourself emotionally.

[EmotionallyYours]

Have you figured out exactly why you were so driven to do this?

 

It was definitely a combination of things (three things). First being unhappy in my marriage. I have been unhappy with the dynamics between my husband and I for a very long time. The last time things really blew up was about 7 years ago and I did tell him I didn't feel in love with him and wanting a divorce. At the time I did also have a mild Emotional Affair going on with one of the owners of the company I worked for. We had to work very closely together for long periods of time under a lot of stress. I think natural feeling just happen. I never acted on them, but they were disturbing enough to me to go to my husband to seek marriage counseling. I must say that I wasn't honest about my EA though. In retrospect, it wasn't all that serious anyway. Not like this last one that was my undoing.

 

Second having the unfortunate trait of hypersexuality (do look up hypersexuality in the manic phase). After reading a lot of books, talking to my doctor, kicking things around with my therapist, there is no doubt in my mind that this is one of the predominant traits of my manic phases. For most of my life, I have been what you would call mildly manic with a few bouts of depression. I am always the highly energized "go-to" person that everyone perceives as pleasant. I am the type that everyone confides their problems to. However, I am also a huge flirt. Even though I am not gorgeous of have a "hot bod", it just seems that men are always around me and I do nothing to discourage that. My Grandmother is very much like I am. She flirts with any man with a pulse. This is just so much of my personality anymore, I don't even know if I could stop. Half the time I don't even know I'm doing it. The more manic I am, however, the worse it gets. I will start dressing a little more provacatively (not slutty or anything, but just not conservative). I start wearing more lotions, perfumes and pay special attention to my nails and makeup. When I get like this my mind seems to evaluate every male as a possible sexual partner. I never acted on it before this, but in my mind I would always be "looking".

 

The third factor was the OM. I didn't think I was in a "manic" phase when I met him. In fact, I was feeling about as relatively normal as I get. The moment he starting speaking to me, though, I just got goose bumps all over me. I was infatuated with him right away. It was hard to understand since he was not really attractive in any conventional sense. He is overweight, dresses horribly and has no tact. He is pretty much a train wreck. The more time we spent together, the more he did become an obsession with me. I dreamed about him, thought about him way too much, I just couldn't shake it. We also became good friends. I wouldn't call it an EA at the time, because we did act as friends. No discussing things I should only be discussing with my husband, only saw each other in groups. When we no longer had a reason to see each other (our play was over), I was miserable. I missed him so much. I suggested we try out for another one together since we had such great chemistry on stage and we both got parts. That is when I can say that it developed into an EA. I kept telling myself that I could stop it at any time if it starting getting too far, but I was lying to myself. I really don't think I could have. I wanted him and nothing would stop that. Now... the part of the story you probably didn't see was his side. I didn't know his side at the time. He had the exact same "goose bump" thing when he met me as well and had a very similar reaction to me. I did not describe my feelings to him before he talked to me about it and it could have been me describing my feelings. It was almost creepy. This whole infatuation thing was happening to him too. He also thought he could stop it at any time. Why, so similar? We are both bi-polar. We were both going into a manic phase. We both have a high level of hypersexuality in our manic phases. Kiss of death. They do say that manic attracts manic. Is it chemical even?

 

Does your medication work, and what is it?

 

So far, so good. I take Lamictal. It seems to be working very well in helping me focus on my job and I am thinking about things far less emotionally. The nice thing is that I can concentrate on things without becoming obsessive. I used to have to read a book all in one sitting. Now I can do a couple chapters a night. I would play video games until 3 in the morning if that was my "thing" at the time. I won't do that now. I don't obsess over catching every prime time show that is out there if I am in my "TV" phase. I do all these things now in moderation. It is nice. I think I still get mildly manic (very mild), but is the "good" kind that just keeps me upbeat and energized. Not the kind that drives me to overwork, overcommitt and make bad decisions. It is a more normal mood. I don't have as much energy as I used to and I miss it, but it IS worth it. Also, I do fall into downs a little more often, but that is due to all the life stress I believe, not the bi-polar. However... I STILL flirt...lol

 

When you weren't manic, were you still driven to cheat, or was it constant?

 

I more thought about leaving my marriage than about cheating. I would have periods of contentment, however. I felt a genuine affection and friendship for my H. (Until he would have one of his temper tantrums...grrrrr....and but me back on edge)

 

If you weren't bipolar, do you think any of this would have happened?

 

No, I would not have acted on my urges. However, I knew there was something wrong with me and needed to get help, so it is not an excuse.

 

 

OK, that's it for now. I didn't have time to read your thread, but I'll let you know when I do if I have any insight for you.

 

-EY

 

btw... if anyone wants to have a field day about the unhealthiness of two bi-polars beginning a relationship in the manic stage via adultery... start a new thread... it will really make this one unruly.

[Cobra_X30]

I am the type that everyone confides their problems to. However, I am also a huge flirt. Even though I am not gorgeous of have a "hot bod", it just seems that men are always around me and I do nothing to discourage that. My Grandmother is very much like I am. She flirts with any man with a pulse. This is just so much of my personality anymore, I don't even know if I could stop. Half the time I don't even know I'm doing it. The more manic I am, however, the worse it gets. I will start dressing a little more provacatively (not slutty or anything, but just not conservative). I start wearing more lotions, perfumes and pay special attention to my nails and makeup. When I get like this my mind seems to evaluate every male as a possible sexual partner. I never acted on it before this, but in my mind I would always be "looking".

 

I'm super happy to see that you are taking an introspective look at your mental health. I think being away from your H will help.

 

Of everything you say here... this is the one that I think you need to work hardest on. This is a deeply ingrained mindset that can really prevent you from having a happy relationship. My guess is that it comes from attention seeking.

 

Sometimes it's tempting to just waive this off and say... "Well I don't act on it... so it's no big deal". It probably wont even affect you when your happy with your relationship either. However, over time it will eat away at things... and reduce your ability to be happy. I know, because I've seen it many times before.

 

Just something to pay attention to.

[EmotionallyYours]

Wow... I really hope I am not at ALL like your stbx. I am no angel to be sure, but I have never every been abusive towards my kids. I think the worst you could accuse me of is being a little distant from time to time, when my thoughts were just too fast to really be able to concentrate. I am very loving and if any time that I have felt REALLY bad, I removed myself from the house using one excuse or another.

 

To tell you the truth, I really didn't get any insight into your wife from the threads. I can't really tell what was going through her head on the sex side of things, but it does seem that she wants the raw physical sex. I can honestly say that I "thought" I wanted that at various points, but what truly satiates me now is the emotional connection with a man. I need true intimacy. A lot of women confuse that with sex and I admit that I have done that in my life, especially as a teen.

 

I can also say something else. I could never have been a serial cheater or been in a A for a long time. I fought the urge of doing what I did for a very long time. When I finally did succumb to my baser instincts and urges, I fell apart mentally, tore myself apart and really did have a breakdown. It was so at odds with what morally I knew was right, that I just couldn't go on like that for very long at all without ending up as an psychiatric in-patient. I have a very high confidence level that this experience in combination with being on the right meds will keep me from EVER repeating this mistake again.

 

One last note. Although I know that I wronged my H. I don't want to go back to him. We are not a good match. I also think that by being a bipolar person I may have some special relationship needs that are more important to me than others to satisfy me. Now that I am in a relationship where I have an emotional connection with a man who communicates in a way that I "understand", I see a really big difference in conflict resolution and my contentment level. I never feel unsure about what he is feeling and I can tell what he is thinking before he verbalizes it. I can do that in knowing him for less than a year. After 17 years, my stbx is still a complete mystery to me as far as interpreting his feelings, intentions and wants. This relationship may not be perfect, but what a difference!

[BetrayedMM]

Wow. Thank you very much, you obviously put much time and thought into responding!

 

Yeah, I know only too well about hypersexuality. Usually strongest when in a state of hypomania. (mild mania). Hypomania indicates bipolarII. Probably easier to live with(for you) than rapid cycling bipolarI. The stbx will go thru DOZENS of complete cycles on a bad day if unmedicated!

 

But, with slower cycles, you have had more time to analyze the thought processes of mania. Thank you for sharing, makes it a bit easier to figure out what some things were all about!

 

If this helps you any, Lamictal was one of the many medications that didn't work for her. The side effects (weight gain, lowered libido, hair loss) were too much, like most other bipolar meds she tried, especially because it wasn't very effective. Lithium is the only thing that works for her, but the side effects are almost as bad, and prescription lithium keeps you close to toxic doses. Easy to overdose and possibly DIE.

 

So, yeah, she was off her medication last time(both times come to think of it), funny about 7 years between affairs... coincidence, or cycle? Anyway when it all blew up, I INSISTED she get back on lithium. She did, became 'human' again, but never an honest human. So, medication ain't enough to fix the problem.

 

Well, our oldest daughter was poking around in google about lithium, and stumbled into a 'new' form of it. It's called Lithium Orotate, and it's cheap, legal, over the counter, and a VERY low dose of lithium, totally avoiding side effects.

She tried it(after consulting our family doctor about it, he researched it a little, said it's harmless), and for her it works much better than prescription lithium. Apparently the orotate(whatever that is) allows lithium to be easily absorbed by the blood stream, so it only takes a little tiny bit to work. The traditional method was shovel in as much lithium as possible in the hopes some soaks in, and monitor blood levels to make sure too much isn't soaking in, causing death... living on the edge of being poisoned. Kinda scary, isn't it?

 

It is NOT FDA approved for treatment of bipolar. May never be, There is no incentive to study it in depth. Since a pharmaceutical company can't patent an element why pay for studies on something they won't make a fortune off of? They're not fond of lithium to begin with for that reason, it's very cheap(the old formulas) because nobody can own it. So, there is nothing but anecdotal evidence that it works. But, I can tell you IT WORKS FOR HER!

 

I AM NOT A DOCTOR. So, take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. Bipolar can be very dangerous, nothing to play games with. Research this yourself, please, before you think about trying it at all!

 

But, it's something to think about if Lamictal becomes ineffective or the side effects become too much.

[EmotionallyYours]

 

Sometimes it's tempting to just waive this off and say... "Well I don't act on it... so it's no big deal". It probably wont even affect you when your happy with your relationship either. However, over time it will eat away at things... and reduce your ability to be happy. I know, because I've seen it many times before.

 

Just something to pay attention to.

 

I completely agree. This mindset of "always looking" though is when I am over the top manic. Now when I flirt, it is in good fun mostly. For instance, my last role was playing a slut in "sex farce". So much sexual innuendo and all the players get into their characters. We all did a lot of flirting, but in my head it was having fun instead of "hmmm... would I really sleep with this guy". The show is over now so that is probably a good thing. Too much immersion in that mind set is probably not healthy for me.

 

I'm still keeping an eye on it though. My SO did get a little jealous when he did come around because he said that the men were following me around like puppy dogs and I had to watch it. He says that I just have this way about me that is seductive at times. This time, though, it was my role and not the bipolar that was coming out. Its funny though because he flirts with women a lot too and doesn't see it. It really doesn't bother me though. It makes me laugh because he is so inept at it. Birds of a feather... lol

[EmotionallyYours]

 

If this helps you any, Lamictal was one of the many medications that didn't work for her. The side effects (weight gain, lowered libido, hair loss) were too much, like most other bipolar meds she tried, especially because it wasn't very effective. Lithium is the only thing that works for her, but the side effects are almost as bad, and prescription lithium keeps you close to toxic doses. Easy to overdose and possibly DIE.

 

 

None of these side effects are common with Lamictal. In fact my sex drive is awesome. No weight gain or hair loss. If this was not on the market, I would have refused medication and went for behavioural therapy only instead of both. The horrible side effect of it is a severe skin rash that can be fatal. If you don't get it within 2 weeks, you're good to go.

[BetrayedMM]

Cobra, one of the things most folks don't understand about bipolar is that is's far more than just mood swings and energy levels. It's more like multiple personalities to observe. Jeckyl and Hyde. But, what I'm getting at is their entire thought processes get twisted with the cycles in ways that are VERY hard for the rest of us to understand. Some of what they say and do makes no sense to US, but if you're around them long enough you see common themes to the... twisting.

 

Outrageous flirting is only a symptom of those thought processes.

 

I think EY, like her SO, probably doesn't realize how much, how often, and how severely she does it. That's one reason why men follow her around, because they take the behavior as a signal of availability.

 

I can tell you, some bipolar women are VERY magnetic. They seem to be a lot of fun, the type who will keep a smile on your face, they're often highly intelligent and intellectually stimulating, their sense of humor and fun spirit can be delightful, their hypersexuality and pheromones WILL attract a men like a moths to a flame, because even being near them in that condition is arousing. People ask me how on earth I could have fallen for a monster- there it is right there(not calling EY a monster, rather my stbx).

 

In fact, I'm starting to think I gave my love to the symptoms of a disorder, not the person buried underneath the disorder. Makes me feel pretty stupid actually.

[BetrayedMM]

None of these side effects are common with Lamictal. In fact my sex drive is awesome. No weight gain or hair loss. If this was not on the market, I would have refused medication and went for behavioural therapy only instead of both. The horrible side effect of it is a severe skin rash that can be fatal. If you don't get it within 2 weeks, you're good to go.

 

Hmmm... well, since I was taking HER word for it, maybe she just didn't like being stabilized. I have to keep reminding myself she lies about the important things.

 

But, the weight gain and hair loss(not baldness, just thinning) were real, I was there. I can't really speak for her libido, frankly I never noticed the difference, her sex drive was as powerful as ever from my perspective, but she said it wasn't. Maybe some other cause? Who knows. For that matter, I don't recall her acting stable either. Oh well.

 

But if Lamictal works for you, then stick with it!

 

I have to resign myself to the fact that some of it will NEVER make sense.

[Cobra_X30]

Cobra, one of the things most folks don't understand about bipolar is that is's far more than just mood swings and energy levels. It's more like multiple personalities to observe. Jeckyl and Hyde. But, what I'm getting at is their entire thought processes get twisted with the cycles in ways that are VERY hard for the rest of us to understand. Some of what they say and do makes no sense to US, but if you're around them long enough you see common themes to the... twisting.

 

Outrageous flirting is only a symptom of those thought processes.

 

For the most part you are correct.

 

Understand that just as our thoughts are a product of chemical interactions within our brain... those thoughts create physiological responses. This is why behavioral therapy can be so effective where pills fail.

 

Nobody really knows the action through which most psych drugs work. We have a rough idea what they do... but we don't know how.

 

So, while I understand the push and pull of a bi-polar, my family is rife with them... I also understand the plasticity of the brain. We are literally designed to be able to reroute and rewire behavior patterns.

[EmotionallyYours]

Outrageous flirting is only a symptom of those thought processes.

 

I think EY, like her SO, probably doesn't realize how much, how often, and how severely she does it. That's one reason why men follow her around, because they take the behavior as a signal of availability.

 

 

I am beginning to realize how severely I do it. It is more out of habit now than out of compulsion and with men that I already have that dynamic with. I catch myself more often now and it is much less than it would have been 6 months ago. My SO said exactly what you did. They are "taking my behavior as a sign of availability". His exact words...lol. I really do believe the pheromones are a big part of it. My stbx says that I ooze them. He also describes the multiple personality traits. I switch between personas. In the play I was doing, I truly was doing one of my own "real life" characters. I just acted the way I did around men when I was manic. It was kind of an eye opener when the director loved it "as is".

 

Manic phases in bipolar are SO seductive though. You just feel so good and so wanted. My personal experience has also been that my bipolar has kept me from forming long-term bonds with other women because of the way I am with men. One friend from H.S. said that the girls were always jealous of the way that I was always so at ease with boys... that it came so naturally. She is bipolar too and actually the only long-term friendship I have sustained. She is really the one who brought it fully to my attention that this is probably my problem. I had kept a lot from her for years and when I shared everything when everything blew up. She urged me to seek medical attention right away. She knew I was out of control and needed to be brought back to the real world.

 

I feel like I am consistently one person now more often than not. It seems that my medicated self is a blending of the two. Time will only tell though. Medication doesn't completely take everything away. There could be a need for adjustments. I just try to monitor everything very closely with my therapist.

[BetrayedMM]

Medication doesn't completely take everything away.

 

That's so true! All it does is cure bipolar, not any other problems picked up along the way.

 

One thing about bipolar is there's often co morbidity. Borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, or histrionic personality disorder often ride shotgun.

 

BTW, it seems the only thing you really have in common with the stbx is similar disorders. SIMILAR, but you're definitely not a rapid cycler. Your capacity for introspection far exceeds hers, as far as I can tell also. I have no reason to believe she's serious about 'getting better', unlike you. So, don't worry about similarities, maybe look at it as 'this is what eventually happens if left untreated'.

[BetrayedMM]

None of these side effects are common with Lamictal. In fact my sex drive is awesome. No weight gain or hair loss. If this was not on the market, I would have refused medication and went for behavioural therapy only instead of both. The horrible side effect of it is a severe skin rash that can be fatal. If you don't get it within 2 weeks, you're good to go.

 

It just occurred to me, she tried so many meds over the years that I might be getting side effects confused. Lamictal was relatively recent though, as was Clonozepan(sp?). She takes anti convulsives too, so who knows what interactions are possible there.

 

Well, she stopped for some reason or other... maybe so she could BE manic? Maybe it didn't work? Ehhh... whatever.

[EmotionallyYours]

It just occurred to me, she tried so many meds over the years that I might be getting side effects confused. Lamictal was relatively recent though, as was Clonozepan(sp?). She takes anti convulsives too, so who knows what interactions are possible there.

 

Well, she stopped for some reason or other... maybe so she could BE manic? Maybe it didn't work? Ehhh... whatever.

 

There are no sever or significant side effects with Lamictal. It is the safest of all the meds as far as I can tell. Many bipolars DO stop because they miss being manic. That is why it is so important to watch and keep on seeing doctor/therapist. I miss my high energy level so much sometimes that I think about it. I won't though and I'm getting used to it. I'm just happy that I'm still me.

 

My SO was on meds that made him feel like he was drugged and he lost some of what what him. That's the way he described it anyway. He is going to give the Lamictal a try now. He has concentration issues that need resolved. He is taking a certification test and has so much trouble keeping focused on his study material. Also, he occasionally falls into the alcohol for self-medication if we apart for significant periods of time (when I have the kids for a longer stretch).

 

We kind of "watch each other" and he is weaker when I'm not there calling him out on things. After one episode where he was REALLY drunk and pissed me off (called me on the phone), he agreed to make an appointment. It is coming up soon and I hope it helps. It is very infrequent though (maybe once every six weeks or so). I understand why he does it because I have been there, but there is no excuse not to try treating it if there is a new med out there.

 

I also stressed to him that there is no way that he will be in me and my kids lives if there is instability on his part. It's fine now while we are dating, but if it becomes long-term where we are thinking about getting married or anything like that, I have to have complete confidence in him. Some will say to drop him. Surprisingly my H.S. friend says that I should because two manics in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, but bi-polar is so different in each person, that I really don't accept that. That was her experience. I seem to have an extreme calming affect on him. His family says the difference in him is quite significant. They "like him so much better"...lol. He seems to bring me out of my emotional downward trends. He is the "logic" I need when I start going into circle thought patterns where I over analyze and play the "what if" game with a zillion iterations of how I should go about things in my life. He hasn't had to do that in a while and I attribute that to the medication. I ramped up the dosage and the one I'm on now seems to take care of it.

[BetrayedMM]

I've also been told it's easy to stop taking meds because you feel OK, so why take them.

 

That thing about circular thoughts- could that be described as "My mind is racing"? I always wondered what that meant, but circular thoughts about serious issues I can understand. She would say that during panic attacks.

[EmotionallyYours]

I've also been told it's easy to stop taking meds because you feel OK, so why take them.

 

That thing about circular thoughts- could that be described as "My mind is racing"? I always wondered what that meant, but circular thoughts about serious issues I can understand. She would say that during panic attacks.

 

Yes, my mind races. I can't stay focused on one particular thought. You can't resolve anything in your mind because you go on tangents... lose it... and then go onto another. Sometimes it is serious issues... sometimes its not. For instance, I suddenly have to create a spreadsheet of grocery items and a monthly menu.... that leads me to the perfect London Broil recipe... I chastise myself for not working like I should be.... then go onto reading guidelines for a proposal I'm doing... back to the spreadsheet. Then I remember that I have to put together drills for soccer practice and I'm off to that. It's terrible and frustrating. I've eliminated a lot of extra-curricular activities to help resolve this. I over-commit in manic. I can do anything AND everything. Now I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to (within reason of course), but not EVERYTHING. Limits are key.

[BetrayedMM]

Yes, my mind races. I can't stay focused on one particular thought. You can't resolve anything in your mind because you go on tangents... lose it... and then go onto another. Sometimes it is serious issues... sometimes its not. For instance, I suddenly have to create a spreadsheet of grocery items and a monthly menu.... that leads me to the perfect London Broil recipe... I chastise myself for not working like I should be.... then go onto reading guidelines for a proposal I'm doing... back to the spreadsheet. Then I remember that I have to put together drills for soccer practice and I'm off to that. It's terrible and frustrating. I've eliminated a lot of extra-curricular activities to help resolve this. I over-commit in manic. I can do anything AND everything. Now I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to (within reason of course), but not EVERYTHING. Limits are key.

 

Wow! That's exactly what it looks like too! The over committing, the loose ends, all of it!

 

You are being very generous about this. Thank you! You seem to know exactly what I'm asking in spite of my poor communication skills. I'm asking some of the same questions I've been asking the stbx for years, yet instead of "You don't understand", (and, of course I don't. That's why I ask), here you are cluing me in on what goes on.

 

For instance, they say mania includes overconfidence, yet it never occurred to me that it's manifested by all the tangents. I took it to mean arrogance. Now I see it!

[EmotionallyYours]

For instance, they say mania includes overconfidence, yet it never occurred to me that it's manifested by all the tangents. I took it to mean arrogance. Now I see it!

 

Don't forget the over-inflated sense of self-entitlement too... I'm sure she has that one too. Also, does she job jump. Tackles her job with enthusiasm at first and then loses interests, find things wrong with it and then is looking to the next thing? I quit the best job I ever had because I thought I deserved more money, could do so much more at a bigger company, etc... Also, in another my arrogance that I was indispensable sabotaged me. I found out that actually I WAS dispensable but did not protect my job because of my arrogance. I strong-armed myself into a huge raise when they really needed me. After I trained others to do what I did... bang... big demotion. Of course I quit instead due to more arrogance. My attitude didn't help either. I knew everything.

[BetrayedMM]

Don't forget the over-inflated sense of self-entitlement too... I'm sure she has that one too. Also, does she job jump. Tackles her job with enthusiasm at first and then loses interests, find things wrong with it and then is looking to the next thing? I quit the best job I ever had because I thought I deserved more money, could do so much more at a bigger company, etc... Also, in another my arrogance that I was indispensable sabotaged me. I found out that actually I WAS dispensable but did not protect my job because of my arrogance. I strong-armed myself into a huge raise when they really needed me. After I trained others to do what I did... bang... big demotion. Of course I quit instead due to more arrogance. My attitude didn't help either. I knew everything.

 

No, I don't think so. She has been fired for physically fighting, quit once because of a pay cut(I would have too), but generally she has been able to hold down a job. She DOES throw herself into her work though. I've often wondered how she could be so unstable at home and hold down a job.

 

In general, she has very low self esteem. That's another big difference. Right now, while completely stabilized, she tells me and everybody who will listen that she's a horrible person. I can't help but agree. A bit of uncharacteristic honesty leaking out I think.

 

I know it's a cry for help. She has to help herself first though.