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Prince charming=cowardly jerk????? WTF??

lovebites77

By lovebites77
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sedgwick Established Member

sedgwick

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This thread is what's keeping me from losing it right now! It helps me so much to realize that other people are going through this too and it's not just me. In a way I'm glad I don't have to follow him around anymore wishing for something he can't give. But there was a time when I thought he could give it, and that's what really messes with your head.

 

I know you know.

beta Established Member

beta

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Hey Sedg: you seem like the pioneer here...can I ask you something?

 

Have there been others? since HIM? 8mos is a long time. If there were, were any of them any serious attempt to a true loving relationship?

 

I'm only one month in but I can't even fathom the thought of being with anyone else :(

sedgwick Established Member

sedgwick

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Heh, pioneer? In what?

 

No, there has been absolutely nobody else. I can't even imagine looking at anyone else. I know who I love. It sucks.

 

The first time I saw him, something in me went, "That's my husband." I met him in '05, but he was dating someone. Then I had a brief thing with someone else (when an ex reappeared after 8 years, hmmm), but I couldn't stop thinking of him...and at this point I had hardly talked to him. When we finally got together, it felt so perfect, so right. I said, "Wow, when you meet the one, you really do just know, huh?" But he was a man who liked to waffle, and ultimately he sabotaged everything and ran off. I never thought we would end up not speaking. Never. Finding him was like finding my twin, and he said the same thing.

 

And then he STOPS SPEAKING TO ME because I'm not a MUSICIAN?!?!?! WTF? Really?

 

So there's something in me that says SOMEDAY we'll get back together. But in the meantime, I know I have to move on. He's over me, not even thinking of me. Why can't I get this through my head?

Edited by sedgwick
Walking away Established Member

Walking away

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Day 8 of NC and not one peep from mine...

 

Well, I guess it was best to find out now that he was going to disappear rather than later before my heart got more engaged...

 

I'm hanging strong.

 

WA

Far Behind Established Member

Far Behind

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I completed my draft of my email. Not sure when I'm going to send it but as I am leaving now for work, I'll wait a little bit.

beta Established Member

beta

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My last attempt to contact him was Sat. Morning (crazy email)...Although we havent' spoke in 6 days :(

 

I guess today means day 4 of NC?

 

I'm not calling...not emailing and not txt'ing.

Walking away Established Member

Walking away

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Me either.

 

He will hear NOTHING from me.

 

Hang in there....

Mouldylocks Member

Mouldylocks

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The last time I contacted him was 21st March. He replied Saturday morning. I haven't responded.

 

This is the longest EVER I've gone without trying to make contact. It's tough as hell, but I guess it has to done :(

sedona Established Member

sedona

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And then he STOPS SPEAKING TO ME because I'm not a MUSICIAN?!?!?! WTF? Really?

 

Have you considered becoming a musician? Sounds like that would solve all your problems! ;)

 

So with the exception of sedgwick, it looks like I'm the in the NC lead. Not a peep to or from him since March 21. So it's Day 11. I guess I'm winning, but I feel like I've lost.

 

Feels a bit like the 1979 hostage crisis. Anyone remember how they'd post the number of days since the hostages were taken on the nightly news?

 

So I went to see my therapist this morning. He asked me how I would feel if I were alone, that is without a SO/bf, for the next five years. A question I couldn't properly answer because I've never thought about it. I never thought that relationships were so difficult to manage. Until now.

LuCidiTy Established Member

LuCidiTy

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it's keeping me going too, sedge!

 

okay so i was at 24 days of NC (even though he contacted me twice or three times)but blew it sunday by sending him a megalong IM, but now i'm back up to 2 days NC...yay. where do the days GO?! haven't cried today after pretty much 3 solid days of it. (weekends DO suck, especially rainy ones.) went for blood work this morning and they said hmmm blood coming out slow...you're very dehydrated. well duh.:lmao:

beta Established Member

beta

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I hadn't even thought to make the connection! My skin is flaking! Have lost loads of weight and didn't even think of the pools of WET tears over flooding on a daily basis!:lmao:

 

11am...no tears yet (am going for a shower than meeting with another reference....) still trying to figure out which route to take; law school or pursue this business?

I'm thinking law school but am leaving NO stone unturned (something bf SHOULD have done with US!) Sod!

 

:( I had a dream about him...stupid really. We were doing laundry? (and no, not the naked on top of the washer type!) just the mundane everyday gotta do laundry type. ? We were happy.

cat-power Member

cat-power

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So I went to see my therapist this morning. He asked me how I would feel if I were alone, that is without a SO/bf, for the next five years. A question I couldn't properly answer because I've never thought about it. I never thought that relationships were so difficult to manage. Until now.

 

I did that before I met Mike- no men for 6 years, no, not even a date. It was a choice, i'd completely given up on them. Which is also why I totally ignored Mike when he came after me (which probably made him even more interested) Actually the only reason I ever DID go out with him is because I knew he was leaving the country and it wouldn't go anywhere.

 

Seems to me these men need more therapy than we do. Mike dissapeared on me twice before:mad: Believe it or not we (or I should say HE) even talked about moving to France together. Up to the point where I started believing that maybe there are some good guys out there, maybe this was the real thing.

 

I sometimes wonder if EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouthes is lied!

 

The reason why I think Mike has some serious issues (in hindsight)

- he'd always completely slagg off his ex (who cleaned him out financially, he now has serious debts)

- He hates her with a passion(his words): I even told him she must have some good qualities because he was with her and they have a kid together !

- hes an epileptic, but spends 20+hrs in the car every week, does motorracing and mountainclimbing (things that you're not allowed to do when you have that condition) like he's in denial or something

 

can anyone relate ?

Far Behind Established Member

Far Behind

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I did that before I met Mike- no men for 6 years, no, not even a date. It was a choice, i'd completely given up on them. Which is also why I totally ignored Mike when he came after me (which probably made him even more interested) Actually the only reason I ever DID go out with him is because I knew he was leaving the country and it wouldn't go anywhere.

 

Seems to me these men need more therapy than we do. Mike dissapeared on me twice before:mad: Believe it or not we (or I should say HE) even talked about moving to France together. Up to the point where I started believing that maybe there are some good guys out there, maybe this was the real thing.

 

I sometimes wonder if EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouthes is lied!

 

The reason why I think Mike has some serious issues (in hindsight)

- he'd always completely slagg off his ex (who cleaned him out financially, he now has serious debts)

- He hates her with a passion(his words): I even told him she must have some good qualities because he was with her and they have a kid together !

- hes an epileptic, but spends 20+hrs in the car every week, does motorracing and mountainclimbing (things that you're not allowed to do when you have that condition) like he's in denial or something

 

can anyone relate ?

 

 

I can so relate...mine has pulled the disappearing act and seems to be at it again. Didn't reply to IM last night as a matter of fact. I have drafted my email, but now I think rather than send it cold I will wait until he resurfaces, since they always seem to, and send it as a reply. I do NOT want to seem reactionary because I have given this quite a lot of thought. I really do wish things would be different, but I am pretty certain they would never be.

cat-power Member

cat-power

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yeah..I only sent that email (the one I posted) after crying for a week, because it finally dawned on me that I was constantly making excuses for his behaviour. I knew I wasn't being treated right and it made me miserable.

 

His last dissapearing act (besides not replying to the email) was at Xmas, I didn't hear from him in 3 weeks. Silly me called him, just to make sure he wasn't dead- which I told him at the time !

 

I kept the draft email for a couple of days, revised it a few times, and cried a lot.

 

But there was a big weight lifted from my shoulders when I pushed that "send" button...it was the right thing to do.

 

hang in there !

beta Established Member

beta

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Hey...

Just thought I would say: It's almost 2pm and NO sign of a panic attack!

 

I've been sad today (hang on...I've been devastated for a month! So sad is a step up, no?)

But no tears.

I actually did a food shop this morning (yes again!) And NO tears! I actually smiled at someone (an elderly woman)!

 

AND...I REALLY have NO desire to contact him today! I don't! (today...so far!)

 

this is a "pheww" moment....

Mouldylocks Member

Mouldylocks

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It's getting harder for me rather than easier.

 

I've gone from wondering if he'll reply to an email I've sent (because I've not sent any for 11 days) to wondering if he'll wonder why I haven't sent any emails and make contact :confused: I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.:confused:

sedona Established Member

sedona

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Seems to me these men need more therapy than we do. Mike dissapeared on me twice before:mad: Believe it or not we (or I should say HE) even talked about moving to France together. Up to the point where I started believing that maybe there are some good guys out there, maybe this was the real thing.

 

I sometimes wonder if EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouthes is lied!

 

can anyone relate ?

Yup. Sure can. I think that mine could use some therapy, but he refused to even consider it. That's when my heart really sunk because I just couldn't see how he was ever going to change by just sitting in his house, letting his thoughts go around and around.

 

I don't believe that he ever lied to me. The problem isn't that he lied, just that he changed his mind/feelings abruptly and for no reason which he could explain. I believe that he really did love me when he told me that he loved me. I think that if I could convince myself that he deliberately meant to deceive me then at least it would be easier to feel angry at him, which would help me now. Instead, I mourn for the love which I still feel and which simply disappeared for him. Aargh!!!!

cat-power Member

cat-power

Posted
Posted
It's getting harder for me rather than easier.

 

I've gone from wondering if he'll reply to an email I've sent (because I've not sent any for 11 days) to wondering if he'll wonder why I haven't sent any emails and make contact :confused: I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.:confused:

 

Try not to torture yourself ! i've been on that rollercoaster, but at some point anger takes over "how dare he not reply !!!!" These are not babies...they're grown men who supposedly know we've got feelings, hell, we've laid them on the line often enough !

 

Don't get me wrong, if he comes back...I WILL take him back..but on my terms, he's gonna have to work for it- I will not go through this again. I'm worth more and so are you !

sedona Established Member

sedona

Posted
Posted
It's getting harder for me rather than easier.

 

I've gone from wondering if he'll reply to an email I've sent (because I've not sent any for 11 days) to wondering if he'll wonder why I haven't sent any emails and make contact :confused: I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.:confused:

I've asked him twice to give me back something I lent him. I keep expecting it to show up in my garage. The last connection, sigh...

 

Anyway, at some point if I he doesn't deliver, then I'll ask again. But it has to be at a time when I feel strong and when I don't care about him anymore so that I don't use this as an excuse to contact him hoping for something more.

 

When will that be?!?!? I don't want go on mourning this relationship indefinitely. It's just that I don't feel it's a matter of choice. Boy, it would be lovely if I could just flip a switch to a different position and be done with it.

cat-power Member

cat-power

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@sedona: I know, I agree, i don't think mine is lying either...but it feels good to vent. :) they don't realise how f*cked up they are, but still, it could have been so perfect...how can they not see that ?

sedgwick Established Member

sedgwick

Posted
Posted
Have you considered becoming a musician? Sounds like that would solve all your problems! ;)

 

Yeah...the issue with that is that I have two books to write, a film to make, and a dance company to be in! Damn it all!

Far Behind Established Member

Far Behind

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Posted
Yup. Sure can. I think that mine could use some therapy, but he refused to even consider it. That's when my heart really sunk because I just couldn't see how he was ever going to change by just sitting in his house, letting his thoughts go around and around.

 

I don't believe that he ever lied to me. The problem isn't that he lied, just that he changed his mind/feelings abruptly and for no reason which he could explain. I believe that he really did love me when he told me that he loved me. I think that if I could convince myself that he deliberately meant to deceive me then at least it would be easier to feel angry at him, which would help me now. Instead, I mourn for the love which I still feel and which simply disappeared for him. Aargh!!!!

 

That is why I have held on all this time...because I totally believe (and still do) that when he tells me he loves me he is sincere. Here is my theory. Get too close, like we did thursday night with that soul-baring kinda closeness...then retreat because he feels all too vulnerable...and at some point when it feels safe, resurface. I can't do this anymore. At school people have been asking me about my weight loss...I said it is the anxiety of dating an emotionally immature man diet. Still no contact from him since the email he sent me on Saturday. Never opened my card. Didn't reply to my IM last night. So now, I feel like if I send the email it will look like a reaction to his not responding. What do you guys think? Part of me wants to send it because maybe I will finally knock this anxiety crap off. I'm tired of taking xanax. I called my GP and made an appointment for Thursday to go back on lexapro, which I have been off of for months. I don't want to go on it as a cure-all (I know that has to come from me) but just hopefully to start to feel a little bit better. I feel utterly and completely drained right this minute and I have to make dinner. Ugh!

Far Behind Established Member

Far Behind

Posted
Posted
@sedona: I know, I agree, i don't think mine is lying either...but it feels good to vent. :) they don't realise how f*cked up they are, but still, it could have been so perfect...how can they not see that ?

 

They most certainly are some very f'cked up individuals. They have to know it on some level. Mine, at 48, has never had a long-term healthy relationship. There is obviously a reason for that. Why I thought that would somehow change with me I don't know. But I know it won't, no matter how hard I wish it to be. It starts with him and he isn't willing, apparently.

Mouldylocks Member

Mouldylocks

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:( I love him and I want him back :(
Far Behind Established Member

Far Behind

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Posted
It's getting harder for me rather than easier.

 

I've gone from wondering if he'll reply to an email I've sent (because I've not sent any for 11 days) to wondering if he'll wonder why I haven't sent any emails and make contact :confused: I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.:confused:

 

Been there, done that, hate it!!!!!

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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