Nevermind Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Can he still return the ring? If so, talk to him, and go with him to find a ring for a similar price but much more to your taste. Let it be the first mutual decision of your marriage. You should also draw a line for your fiance. He should not invite his ex to the wedding, which is basically what he did by telling her when and where it is WITHOUT saying that it would be awkward for her to come. Why does he want to marry on the 13? Does the date have a special meaning for him? You might want to adjust your ideas here, since it is only 2 weeks from your ideal date. Edited March 17, 2008 by Nevermind Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I get an uneasy feeling about all this. Is there a reason why you are having a short engagement? I mean it sounds like a lot of the pressure and confusion would be alleviated if you took a year and a half to prepare the wedding instead of 6 months. He could save for a ring you would like You would have time to discuss dates and such You could both save for a bigger wedding. I don't know. It's just that the more I read your threads on this topic, the more I feel like you are rushing into marriage ... and getting the wedding, the ring, the guest list, the venue and the menu right is only the beginning of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I personally think that all this nonsense about expensive ring, wedding bands, diamonds, wedding gowns... reception... is completely ridiculous... I personally got expensive jewelry that I thought was ugly and I never wore it... I rather have something less expensive that I like than something really expensive that I hate. Plus.. when you look at jewelry... it is extremely hard to tell when a ring is worth $10,000 and another one is worth $2,000... How do you know how much he paid anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I get an uneasy feeling about all this. Is there a reason why you are having a short engagement? I mean it sounds like a lot of the pressure and confusion would be alleviated if you took a year and a half to prepare the wedding instead of 6 months. He could save for a ring you would like You would have time to discuss dates and such You could both save for a bigger wedding. I don't know. It's just that the more I read your threads on this topic, the more I feel like you are rushing into marriage ... and getting the wedding, the ring, the guest list, the venue and the menu right is only the beginning of it all. The only reason we are having a short engagement is that my fiance wanted one. He proposed in February and suggested we get married this summer. We compromised with September. He has an 8 yr old son who lives with him full time. We have never lived together (I stay some weekends) and his son is very excited about us getting married so for his son's sake and because my fiance is very excited about getting married I agreed to a short engagement. I never wanted a big wedding or even a reception. I'm a private person and would be perfectly happy going to the courthouse or with a very small (twenty people) ceremony outside in a park somewhere. Instead of blowing all this money on a reception I'd rather take a really nice vacation or even more practical is putting it toward a down payment on a house for the 3 of us. But my fiance has always wanted the who shebang- the nice wedding, the reception. The only thing he doesn't want at the reception is alcohol and I feel we should have some alcohol for our guests (and the last time I drank was last June on a camping trip with friends, didn't even have a drink on New Years!!) so its funny that I'm the one pushing to have alcohol there) We are rushing and its stressful and I don't enjoy it. It just seems like he's afraid if we don't get married right away I'm going to change my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I should also say that the ring he gave me is the exact ring (same jewelry store even) that an old boyfriend from many years ago (I was 19 at the time) proposed to me with. This bf was starting college and worked a minimum wage job and opened a line of credit to afford the ring (I think he got me the 1/4 ct version so it was actually $400). he proposed to me because I was going away to college and basically he wanted other guys to know I was "taken". I didnt' accept his proposal but I remember what the ring looked like (and I didnt like it back then either) So maybe that is one reason I don't like the ring my fiance chose. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I should also say that the ring he gave me is the exact ring (same jewelry store even) that an old boyfriend from many years ago (I was 19 at the time) proposed to me with. Well, maybe you could tell you fiancee that. And ask if he'd mind it if you both took it back and picked out another one that doesn't have any memories of someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectLee Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Now I've been engaged before and the ring was gorgeous 1.5 ct that cost about $2000. however obviously that relationship didn't last. Also that bf put the ring on credit and paid it off. My GF just paid off my ring too. What a great thing, because now we can save for the wedding. Your ex got you a bigger ring, your current BF's ring is smaller. That's like comparing apples to oranges. Your current BF isn't in a competition. He loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 can you exchange the ring? You don't want to look at it everyday and hate it. Also have you talked to your fiance about how stressed out you are with the wedding planning and how rushed it is? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Lexi, if your parents are paying for the catering, then they should have the final say as to how many guests you can invite. My parents are paying for my entire wedding, and they are inviting quite a few of their friends- my fiances parents aren't paying for anything so they aren't inviting very many of their friends. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Lexi, if your parents are paying for the catering, then they should have the final say as to how many guests you can invite. My parents are paying for my entire wedding, and they are inviting quite a few of their friends- my fiances parents aren't paying for anything so they aren't inviting very many of their friends. I agree that the person paying gets to say how many people. I've also heard that if the groom's side wants to invite more than their allotment, they can if they pay for them. Lexi - I don't blame you a bit for not enjoying this. Sounds like you are being pulled in way too many different directions. I'd remind my fiance that a house is a much more lasting way to spend the money vs. a party - maybe he'll redirect his excitement. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I don't really like rings so no I wouldn't care but if he insist on getting me one ok, tough I'll probably end up giving it to my mother (she's in jewels and things). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I get an uneasy feeling about all this. Is there a reason why you are having a short engagement? I mean it sounds like a lot of the pressure and confusion would be alleviated if you took a year and a half to prepare the wedding instead of 6 months. He could save for a ring you would like You would have time to discuss dates and such You could both save for a bigger wedding. I don't know. It's just that the more I read your threads on this topic, the more I feel like you are rushing into marriage ... and getting the wedding, the ring, the guest list, the venue and the menu right is only the beginning of it all. Good solid thinking. This rush concerns me, in more ways than one. The fiancé appears to view the wedding process, as one big exciting adventure, rather than the beginning of a mature, committed relationship, hopefully, for the rest of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Good solid thinking. This rush concerns me, in more ways than one. The fiancé appears to view the wedding process, as one big exciting adventure, rather than the beginning of a mature, committed relationship, hopefully, for the rest of their lives. yes, yes yes!! I am starting to feel this way too. Thats why I posted about how excited my fiance was about the wedding and it seemed strange that a guy would be so excited. I'm happy he's excited but he seems more concered about what food we'll have at the reception rather than where we will live (he has a 2 bed apartment now that is the lower half of a duplex. I don't like the upstairs neighbor and right now my fiance's and his son's stuff takes up all of their apartment. I have 2 bedrooms of stuff (and some in the basement where I live now) to fit into a living space with him. We also have talked non stop about how to pay for the stuff for the wedding and reception but I have no idea how we will split bills once married etc. He's like the twin of a friend of mine who spent $8000 on her wedding (she saved and saved and put things on credit and paid them off etc) and then as soon as she and her husband were married they applied for subsidized housing!!! Because they had no money. They rented a place for a year and now for the last four years live with her in laws because they can't afford a place. I don't want to end up like that! Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My suggestion: Make a list of all the issues you have, all the open questions, about the wedding and about the marriage. Write it down. This way, you can't forget anything. Then: talk to him. Make an appointment, schedule some time together, a couple of hours, and talk. Do not go on with the wedding plans before you feel good about it. Don't allow him to rush you. You're a smart woman, don't let him cajole you into anything. Go, Girl! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Ok so why not put your foot down and tell him all this? Or say to him - look I know that traditionally the bride's family paid for the wedding, but that is not our reality. Additionally it was done because the groom was now going to take care of the bride (ie she would not work) - that is not our reality either. Then say to him you would really prefer to spend the money that the two (or three) of you can enjoy longer than a few hours. Then tell him if he continues down this path - he will have to come up with the money because you refuse to spend more than $X on this darn party. And that's it! Do not allow the pressure to put you in a risky financial position - or even a position you do not feel comfortable with. Honest to goodness! What are some people thinking?! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Oh forgot to add - and IF you decide to pay for this wedding, then YOU (the one with the checkbook) get to determine the menu, whether or not to serve alcohol, the venue, the time of day, etc. Sorry I'm getting full of righteous indignation for you! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why doesn't he want alcohol served? To be fair, the alcohol bill is usually one of the biggest, and I respect the fact that he may not drink which is his choice, but many of your guests might want alcohol. My cousin is having a bring your own booze BBQ for her wedding party. It sounds great. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Lexi, I would invest in pre-martial couseling. It will be worth it. Are you getting married by a pastor? Most churches require it/. Link to post Share on other sites
iSmiley Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Wow...U do need to tell him what's in your mind and what you really feel before he make any decisions himself. Marriage is about two person..U need to be respected and need to be heard as well. Tell him about what you want and what is bothering you. Since you two are getting married sooner or later..it shows you two should be up for an open and honest communication. Am sure it will be good to have a husband who is willing to listen to you and respect your decision and not all about himself. Good Luck Lexi..and keep us update =] Link to post Share on other sites
lisaelise Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 At least he bought you a ring. The only engagement ring my husband's ever bought was for another woman, and he put it on credit. Fast forward a few years, and I had to pay for the stupid ring so that we could get a mortgage for our home. He never bought one for me. And we couldn't even sell the ring to recoup some of the costs, he claims he 'lost' it. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarsoul Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 is there anyone here who would be upset with the most inexpensive ring in the store? I would never be upset! unless it's made out of tin foil... what matters is what the ring represents. girls who long for huge diamond rings should be more reasonable and look at her fiance's budget as well as financial situation. I am sure your finance brought you the best he can afford, and if he could give something more extravagant, he would! my take is that he worked hard to give you that ring, and that effort is more touching than a glamorous ring! Link to post Share on other sites
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