Author Obama08 Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 you just wait to act on it until you feel you are both right for each other. That can happen instantly. I know from experience the power of love at first sight, but keep in mind I also feel that sex between good friends is okay. Just because you disagree doesn't make us wrong.
Arch Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 That can happen instantly. I know from experience the power of love at first sight, but keep in mind I also feel that sex between good friends is okay. Just because you disagree doesn't make us wrong. lol @ first site, now that is completely unrealistic and sex between "friends" is not appropriate in my book.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 and it will be my daughters choice when the time comes. I'm not going to tell her she needs to be married before she has sex. That's bullsh*t, and completely unrealistic. I didn't mean she had to be married, I meant not to just give up it because she's on the pill and do it with any guy. I would hope that 'first' guy would be her boyfriend and someone who likes and respects her. Not some horny 15 year old boy lookin for some fresh p*ssy. At 12, she's still a KID. Not even a TEEN! Even if she gets her period at 12, she's going to have enough going on dealing with it all, the cramps, etc...She shouldn't have the pill forced upon her because you want her to be on the pill at such an early age.
SeraBella Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Teach her to make healthy decisions. Teach her to respect herself. Teach her what's right and wrong and what is acceptable and not acceptable. Find out the what the school teaches regarding sex ed, find out when they teach it, and find out how they teach it. If you think more is necessary, then teach her those things. Let her know that she can trust you and your fiance, and if she needs to discuss birth control options with you guys, that you're open to it. Or let her know it's ok to ask a doctor about it and that it won't upset you. My parents were open to me going on birth control as a teen, but I didn't want to ask them for it. I didn't want them to know I was having sex even though I knew I wasn't going to be punished in any way for it. Let her make the decision for her body. And, I'll be honest with you, most of the girls I knew who were on the pill at an early age were mostly the ones who had the most misguided views on sex. ALSO, keep in mind, taking the pill takes responsibility. You have to take it around the same time each day for it to be effective. Puberty is a big change in your life, and there's a ton to learn...is it necessary to throw in one other thing to remember daily into the mix, especially if she may not even be involved with boys at all?
Mary3 Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Obama, once again you put your daughter in the middle of your twisted sex talk. You are extremely obsessed with how much sex you will be getting , how much your daughter will be getting. This is getting a little weird. Next I see you sitting in a trailer masterbating to mexican porn with your 12 daughter pregnant and daddy so proud. I'm sure glad I didn't see my dad banging my mom and another women . With your rate score that should happen pretty soon.... You are on here ALL the time talking about this stuff. Maybe doc can put you on those hormones for rapists where your libido is next to nil.... For those of you who have kept up with his other long lengthy post in the Me / fiance and 3 somesome post * now redirected to Sexual Practices site. I feel very sorry for your little girl . Thats what she is Obama~ a child. I hope you don't screw her up for her teenage life thats coming up.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Whoa Mary! That's abit harsh! I thought some of my posts were harsh... This guy IS here asking questions so it's not like he's just going to do it. And, he will be discussing this with his (future) wife too. Maybe she'll feel differently and want to wait till their daughter is more mature and can handle the hormones that are in the BC, let alone what it means to be on it. Whether or not anyone here disagrees with his lifestyle choice, it's his choice.
Gwyneth Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 My Mother decided to put me on the BCP when I was 16. Why? Because each month she'd get a call from the school nurse asking her to either pick me up from school, send a car for me, or let me walk home because I was suffering from tremendous menstrual cramps. My mother also had very bad periods before she became pregnant the first time (somehow I changed her whole system). I had a few episodes where I'd black out and faint, throw-up, etc. It was just awful. Not long after I went on the BCP was when I became sexually active. In this day and age, as a parent, you have to be prepared at your child's young age that they will most likely become sexually active. I don't think this was my mother's intention at all, but she knew I was suffering each month, as well as Very irregular. However, my sister had pain-free menstrual periods (the witch!). My mother also put her on the pill as she felt it was only fair since I was (we're 15 months apart). I don't see anything wrong with the BCP. I have a fairly religious friend who won't go on the BCP but yet would rather suffer monthly cramps and whine about it every month. My mother and I don't look at this as a sin of any sort--and yes, there are other solutions to the pain endured during MC, however, I was also very irregular and with advice from my GY, we decided the BCP was the best solution.
Gwyneth Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Let me add that now 10 years' later, I chose not to be on the BCP anymore because I see it as a sort of poison for my body. It tricks the body into thinking you're pregnant...and I also became pregnant on the pill years ago. It didn't prevent me from pregnancy, but it did make my montly cycle much easier and timely I was grateful for that. After I stopped taking the BCP last summer after being on it for years, I no longer have those horrible period, so I do wonder if either my first pregnancy changed my body, or if my body naturally changed.
Trimmer Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Even if I can keep great communication open between us as she gets older... It just seems so much better to have her on the pill and not even have to worry about it. I wish I could just hand the whole issue off to my fiancee, but that would be totally unfair. It sounds to me as if in spite of how "open" you seem to present yourself, you are having a real problem with the idea of parenting your child through adolescence. You want to "have her on the pill and not even have to worry about it." Do you really think that just preventing pregnancy is the end of your responsibility as a parent, with respect to her development through puberty into adolescence? Talked about it with my fiancee. She was 13 when she started on birth control. I think that's when we'll start my daughter, depending on when her first period is and when she enters Jr. High. You keep talking about "putting her on BC" and "we'll start her," as if it's an action you will take. Here's a thought-provoking question: what if she says "No?"
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 You keep talking about "putting her on BC" and "we'll start her," as if it's an action you will take. Here's a thought-provoking question: what if she says "No?" Word. She should be involved in the decision. She should be allowed to educate herself on the MANY different BC options there are out there (the pill is not the be-all-end-all of birth control) and choose for herself what option she feels she would like. It is her body, not yours.
Author Obama08 Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) Word. She should be involved in the decision. She should be allowed to educate herself on the MANY different BC options there are out there (the pill is not the be-all-end-all of birth control) and choose for herself what option she feels she would like. It is her body, not yours. Very true. A lot of selective listening around these parts... It's true I do spend a quite a bit of time posting here, but it's due mainly to boredom at work. Funny though how much time some members spend trying to vilify me. It's a tiny bit pathetic. Edited March 9, 2008 by Obama08
Mary3 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Very true. A lot of selective listening around these parts... It's true I do spend a quite a bit of time posting here, but it's due mainly to boredom at work. Funny though how much time some members spend trying to vilify me. It's a tiny bit pathetic.[/quote I'm pretty much done responding to your posts . I have no more advice for a 27 year old dad who is having sex with his fiance and his 18 teenager/ friend at the same time while his 8 year old daughter is upstairs.
Mary3 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Whoa Mary! That's abit harsh! I thought some of my posts were harsh... This guy IS here asking questions so it's not like he's just going to do it. And, he will be discussing this with his (future) wife too. Maybe she'll feel differently and want to wait till their daughter is more mature and can handle the hormones that are in the BC, let alone what it means to be on it. Whether or not anyone here disagrees with his lifestyle choice, it's his choice. Well WWIU I usually am not so harsh but I am thinking mostly about his little 8 year old girl that he's planning her sexual life for ( right now ) and how he will give her the pills and that she can sleep with boy/boy . girl/ girl and so on and so forth. What is wrong with that picture ? She is only 8 years old....Its pretty sad. Were you able to read his "Me/fiance and threesome" on the Sexual Practice Page ?
Kamille Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Your daughter definitely needs to be included into the decision process of when she should take the pill. But what strikes me most is how afraid you are of an unplanned pregnancy. I know it's every parents fear, but why don't you try to rationalize it a little? When I was growing up, my parents always told my sister and I that if we got pregnant, they would be there to support us. My mother told us that what to do and where to get protection (against STDs and unplanned pregnancies) and told us she would gladly come with us if we wanted to. Do you know what happens when you know you can turn to your parents with pretty much anything? You become incredibly responsible about your life decisions. I got on the BCP when I was 18 and sexually active for the first time, with my first bf. I don't regret it.
Ssheena Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I am with Mary on this one and am beginning to believe this might just be one of those threads started to see how much controversy can be generated. Where is this little girls' mother and why does the father in Fairbanks, Alaska, have sole custody? Fairbanks is not a little rinky dinky town, it's pretty big. Why even the need to say he lives there? What bothers me is this is a 8 year old girl. Do you know how many times her likes/dislikes are going to change before she turns 12? A lot. Jeez, when the time comes, have a talk with her and make sure she knows how you feel about being a grandfather at an early age. Don't just decide for her, without taking her feelings and thoughts at all in consideration because we are talking 4 years away, that she is going on the pill. That's just ridiculous and super controlling. I still think you have concocted all the threads just to get responses. Fairbanks, ha.. I bet you live in McCarthy.
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 A lot of selective listening around these parts... What I've heard from you is that you don't want to repeat the legacy that has been lingering for generations. Yet you are very liberal about putting your daughter on the pill. I just don't get it. I think she'd gain a lot more by you teaching her the nature of the hormonal teenage boy. Especially one who knows of a girl on BC.
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Well WWIU I usually am not so harsh but I am thinking mostly about his little 8 year old girl that he's planning her sexual life for ( right now ) and how he will give her the pills and that she can sleep with boy/boy . girl/ girl and so on and so forth. What is wrong with that picture ? She is only 8 years old....Its pretty sad. Were you able to read his "Me/fiance and threesome" on the Sexual Practice Page ? Yes, I have read and replied on that other thread. I guess you haven't read my replies on this thread because then you'd know I think he's very wrong for considering the BC pill for his daughter at such an early age.
hotgurl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 to let you know being on birth control does not always prevent pregnancy. I was 15 when I started having sex. I got the pill myself from planned parenthood. But do to being a teenager being immature and perhaps my pot smoking habit. I was not great about taking the pill everyday at the same time. I skipped days and doubled up plus I was on antibotics a lot due to chronic broncitis. I became pregnant at 16. Plus BC does not prevent STDs. I never could talk to my parents about sex. Who knows what would have happened if I had a closer relationship with my parents. Also maybe if I wasn't so into drugs. I think BC should be an option when she does become sexually active but I think the best thing to do is have an open relationship with her. Spends lots of time with her keep her involed in after schoold activiites. keep tabs on her. teach her to respect herself. just an FYI most teenagers have sex between the hours of 3-5pm.
Author Obama08 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) I'm gonna bring it up with her first period, but I think people are right when they say that it's her choice. We'll go over the options with her, and she may not decide to go on birth control right away, but she'll know that she can as soon as she's ready. I do have [looks at watch] 5 years to come to terms with this, kids evolve too, no telling who she'll be then. just an FYI most teenagers have sex between the hours of 3-5pm. That's a good bit of info. Got to find some after school activities... I'm pretty much done responding to your posts. Good. I think that's a very good idea. Edited March 10, 2008 by Obama08
MakeLemonade Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I think teaching her about respect, as well as education will be very important, you might want to think about pushing condoms rather than BC - she won't get PG but there won't be any disease she won't be able to catch, just using BC. Being on the pill also may be considered a license to f*ck. I went on the pill at 15, I haven't really had any negative effects from it, though I am not on it anymore because I smoke and I am almost 35 and frankly just got tired of pumping my body full of hormones daily. Condoms work as long as you put them on (and as long as they are fresh and not kept somewhere they will be banged up and smashed around). BC has to be taken like clockwork or failure rates rise dramatically. I have 2 year old twin boys due to not taking my pills properly. Just things to keep in mind as you mull this over for the next 4 YEARS. I think you have time to figure it all out Obama, don't you?
Author Obama08 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 There are other birth control alternatives of course that don't require a daily dose, (depo, IUD etc.) and while I'm less comfortable with that idea, she might be more receptive to something she won't have to remember each day. Also who knows what they'll invent in the next 4-5 years.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 There are other birth control alternatives of course that don't require a daily dose, and while I'm less comfortable with that idea of an implant, she might be more receptive. Also who knows what they'll invent in the next 4-5 years. When I was using hormonal BC I liked the nuvaring. You pop it in and pull it out when needed and it can stay out for up to 3 hours without causing any issues. My SO's mom is a midwife and she used to give me all sorts of different types of BC for free, to try and see if I liked it. You know, it really shocks me how little most women know about their cycles and their own bodies. I am part of a pregnancy forum (I'm expecting in July) and there is a "try to conceive" section there, filled with the most random questions women have about their own bodies. It's horrible! The sad truth is that they simply do not teach girls about their own bodies in health class. You get the standard explanation about how babies are made, but beyond that - nothing. My sister gave me a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and it really opened my eyes to my own body and how it works. Just a thought.
hotgurl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 There are other birth control alternatives of course that don't require a daily dose, (depo, IUD etc.) and while I'm less comfortable with that idea, she might be more receptive to something she won't have to remember each day. Also who knows what they'll invent in the next 4-5 years. they won't use an iud on women who have not had a pregnancy as is can cause scarring esp on a younger girl.
hotgurl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 you what would probably be the best idea. when the time comes set up an appointment with your daughters peditrition and you, your daughter and her doctor can talk all about her body, her period, sex etc.. Also it might not be a bad idea for you to call her docotr now. She can giver you all these wonderful resources about how to talk to your daughter about puberty, her period and sex.
Author Obama08 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Because it was mentioned, I want to briefly cover her mother. My ex is a bisexual beautician and fellow swinger. She followed her boyfriend (also bi) to Seattle in 2006, and handed me primary custody. She even filled out the paper work for me. All I had to do was sign. The idea originally was that I would keep our daughter until she found a decent place to live, but a year and a half later it's feeling pretty permanent. She thinks I'm a good father (and she frequently defends me from her pentecostal parents.) She's a good person, always has been. No bad blood between us, though I do wish my daughter got to see her more often. We're very liberal people. Both artists. Both fierce defenders of personal liberty. Both swingers. It's fair to say I was never really in love with my ex. She was a "friend with benefits" but she got pregnant (yes I'm the father) and we got married under a lot of pressure from her parents, and it worked out alright. For five years we were basically roommates, and I was sad when she left, but I understood her desire to find real love, and that being married to me was too great an obstacle to that goal. We've both found real love now, so I've got no regrets. I got a great kid out of the deal. No messy divorce. Everything turned out just fine. __________________ I probably ought to have another sex talk with my daughter... I just really don't want to. Maybe it is my life style, and the more she knows about sex maybe the more likely she is to pick up on things I'm not ready for her to know about me yet, but that's a bit unfair to her. So far we've had the masturbation talk and the "good touch, bad touch" talk. We've also briefly covered that some girls like other girls and some boys like other boys, and that there's nothing wrong with that. We haven't had the "where baby's come from" talk yet though. Is she that age? She knows about pregnancy of course, but not about sex... that I know of. Who knows what she's found out at school... There has to be a less confrontational way of communicating these ideas. Anyone have any suggestions? Edited March 10, 2008 by Obama08
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