noforgiveness Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 One of the discussions my MM and I have had has been around this. Given that the kids are saying they want to live with us, first prize we thought would be not to disrupt them too much and to find a place close to MM's house (where is W will stay on) so that their schooling is not disrupted and they can see their mother as much as they want. The kids themselves have been less keen on this - they've wanted to put some distance between them and their mother so that she isn't at large in the same neighbourhood, wreaking havoc unexpectedly. They'd like their visits to her contained, scheduled, and supervised if necessary. And the counsellor also suggested to MM that us setting up happy home on her (previously their) doorstep might be inflammatory given her reluctance to acknowledge the end of the M. So, NF, it might not be LSD's MW who's reluctant to live on her xH's doorstep, it may be her xH who feels unhappy about seeing his xW and her new beau flaunting their happiness everywhere he turns, and HE may well be the one to leave. (Assuming, in that scenario, that the MW leaves her M and takes up with LSD - which, at this stage, is an unknown.) I'm sorry but I think your mm really feeds you some bull. No kid is going to say no no no we want to leave our school so mom doesn't disrupt our life. HIGHLY UNLIKELY a kid would say this. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I'm sorry but I think your mm really feeds you some bull. No kid is going to say no no no we want to leave our school so mom doesn't disrupt our life. HIGHLY UNLIKELY a kid would say this. My parents have been married almost 35 years and when I was in elementary school, I wished my father would divorce my mother and I could live with him, because she was really mean alot of the time, to me and my father... She had chronic PMS (it was constant) possibly suffered deep depression, but at the time, as a child, I did not understand it... All I know is that she would follow me around the house and pick fights with me about mundane things (I was a straight A student and did normal kid things but nothing for her to really get that upset about)...It was real bad until I got out of high school and she was treated for PMS symptoms...It was crazy, it just took half a pill and she has been fine ever since...I think she was just really unhappy... So I don't find it unlikely at ALL... Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I'm sorry but I think your mm really feeds you some bull. No kid is going to say no no no we want to leave our school so mom doesn't disrupt our life. HIGHLY UNLIKELY a kid would say this. I agree. Depending on how fast they mature kids like to believe that their parents are good people and they love them reguardless. Alot of kids (depending on age and maturity level) are not going to have that complicated thought process. Usually it's when they are adults that they realize what their parents but them through and then they deal with it. Most kids (again, depending on age and maturity level) don't want to change schools and leave their friends, etc. So, I agree that it is very unlikely for a child to say something like that. A teenager, maybe but not a small child. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I agree. Depending on how fast they mature kids like to believe that their parents are good people and they love them reguardless. Alot of kids (depending on age and maturity level) are not going to have that complicated thought process. Usually it's when they are adults that they realize what their parents but them through and then they deal with it. Most kids (again, depending on age and maturity level) don't want to change schools and leave their friends, etc. So, I agree that it is very unlikely for a child to say something like that. A teenager, maybe but not a small child. JMO. They are teens. And they've been "parenting" their parents because of the abusive M for a long time, so their perspective is pretty mature. And they wouldn't have to leave their school, just travel further in the morning. It's possible. Point was, we ASSUMED that everyone staying close would be best (for the kids, specifically). The kids were less keen (for the reasons I mentioned) and the counsellor raised the issue about the BW perhaps not being keen either. So it's not necessarily the CS that doesn't want to stick around "the scene of the crime", sometimes it's the other parties involved who'd rather put in some distance. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 This is the same reason that we are living pretty close to the ex...Close so that visitation is easy and yet far enough away so that no one is right under each other's nose... Sorry for t/j - GEL, does this work for you? I'm happy to go along with whatever emerges out of the counselling MM and his kids are in as the best solution, though it's really hard to be certain without the BW's input and so I'm keen to get as much info as possible to help the decision. Tx! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Sorry for t/j - GEL, does this work for you? I'm happy to go along with whatever emerges out of the counselling MM and his kids are in as the best solution, though it's really hard to be certain without the BW's input and so I'm keen to get as much info as possible to help the decision. Tx! I certainly hope it works for us but I don't know for sure...We are moving there in a week and a half... I think in the beginning it will probably be more strained but I hope that as time goes on it gets better...I'll hope for the best... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 LakesideDream, during all these years of this emotional affair, did you and her ever meet in person? How unhappy do you think she is in her current marraige? What about her kids....how old are they? When was the last time you saw her? How long did you guys dated back then? You're putting so much on the line...what if she just saw you as a "fantasy" thing where she can get some attention and free flowers once a while and don't want ANY real relationship with you at all....but just a fantasy. Isn't that possible? StillSame, You haven't read the thread, or the other two threads running on this situation. Yes, there was a VERY torrid LD PA. The need to take my adult, drug problem son back into my home made continuing a PA impossible six years ago. I have know her since I was 17 years old, that's 40 years next month. She freely admits she is living in a "room mate" situation with her H, I tend to believe her, but realize it could be untrue. She also hides the EA carefully. Her children like mine (I'm 57 she 56) are grown adults long out of the house, one of each married. No grandchildren either way. Anything is possible, good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
growingimpatient Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 LS..I'm new here and I don't know your situation, but I'm coming to find that it doesn't really matter the circumstances. Doesn't matter what the hell I say or anyone else says. I'm assuming your here for words of encouragement. Follow your heart. You know your MW better than anyone here, you know what to do. There are NO guarantees with ANY relationship, beginning to think it doesn't matter what the marital status. Anyone can break your heart if you let them, and for passionate people (like those of us crusing around Loveshack pouring our hearts out to strangers) that chance doubles. You believe in love, you believe in this...go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) And just how is this romantic?? I wonder if the role was reversed and it was the OW moving to be closer to MM would this still be a good idea and best wishes hope everything goes great for you sort of thing? It scares me to think what you would do if she reacts negative and decides to end the A. Don't sweat it dude. I'm a grown man, I have had years to weigh this decision and all the ramifications. At very least I have a new home (actually 4 years old) in the new location. With ZERO mortgage, cash is in Escrow, and taxes of $785.00 a year. Where I am going there is NO snow, ever, instead of the current average of 6 feet a year (I just drove from 78 degree's 9:30 am daytime to 29 degrees 8:00 pm.) There is also a 5500 foot difference in elevation. Additionally I get to keep and rent my current home with a $300.00 estimated monthly cashflow. Of course normal upkeep will cut into that. The current house is only 8 years old. I'm already semi retired. Have a small pension, (not quite enough to live on comfortably) and am not yet old enough for collecting my social security. My current business is web based, and completely portable, in fact I worked while there looking for a house (now back here for a half hour). Going nuts, acting irrationally, and breaking laws is for kids. I'm not going to start doing those things at 57 because a love affair doesen't happen, fizzles out, or is otherwise a failure. All this became possible because of the CRASHING real estate values. I cashed out a LLC Real Estate venture, and had to park the money to avoid an "F-wad" of taxes. I might well have chosen the same place or one very like it had I not known she lived there. The biggest drawback to this move is that I won't be able to establish a fiber optic T-1 connection, I'll have to suffer along with a commercial DSL hook up which will marginally affect my business. I love the new town anyhoo! Edited February 13, 2008 by LakesideDream Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I'll have to suffer along with a commercial DSL hook up which will marginally affect my business. I love the new town anyhoo! You can tie 2 maxed out dsl lines together to get twice the upstream performance..surpassed a t-1 upstream and triple downstream. The phone company can mux it or you can use 2 server nics and mux the bandwidth together on the server level.. Not having the guaranteed uptime of the t-1 line will suck if your business is reliant on uptime.. you might also look into comcast broadband for business.. it can be cheaper than dsl.. Good luck with your new life.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I love the new town anyhoo! As long as you love it, that's what matters the most. And from what you have just posted, it seems like you have it all figured out. Again, good luck and enjoy it, LSD! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 As long as you love it, that's what matters the most. And from what you have just posted, it seems like you have it all figured out. Again, good luck and enjoy it, LSD! ........ Lyssa, would that it be true! I don't have it "all" figured out at all. I'm male, I have all the hum drum logistics worked out. The personal, emotional, intimate stuff is still way up in the air. I have loved this woman forever. Sometimes way in the back of my mind. She was the one I "threw away" as a teenager. She claimed the same substituting the one that "got away" for threw away. Yes I was her "first" and she was "almost" mine. She was surely the first girl I ever had feelings for. I believed for decades that If I ever "found" her (days before computer searches) that she would love me... when I did she did and it was at least a sanity saver if not lifesaver. She could have gone NC at any time in the last 6 plus years and I would have respected her decision, she hasn't. She knows that it has never been my "goal" to "be friends". She knows we are lovers, active or not. My feverant hope is that closeness will begat closeness. Beyond that I will remain sane, happy or sad. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I wish you the best on your journey! Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Wow. You have me hooked on this story. It has everything--suspense, romance. I'm tuning in every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 There has been a hidious development! Due to the Sellers (of the new house) need to sell as soon as possible, and my ability to pay all cash, this deal will be completely done by Monday! That's in Monday Feb. 18. Now I have to packup, throw away and generally act like a crazy man moving. I hope I can get it done by March 30th! I had thought I would have much more time to get this done. Ah well... it was all going to easily. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Holy! That's fast! Good luck with the packing LD! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 I sincerely hope that the majority will be thrown in the trash. To much accumulation! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 15, 2008 Author Share Posted February 15, 2008 I'm busy, busy throwing things away, deciding what to keep.. and making moving arraingments. It's pretty much keeping my mind busy. If all goes well I will make my move in 40 days, so time is of the essence! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 I sincerely hope that the majority will be thrown in the trash. To much accumulation! Garage sale time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Escrow close has been moved back to Mar. 3 which doesen't really help me. I'm still gonna be outta here by the end of March. Already took a whole pickup full of trash to the dump yesterday, lots more to go. Argh! I wish I could hire a genie to just "poof" it all away! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Wow! That's fast! Good luck packing and moving! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 My feverant hope is that closeness will begat closeness. Beyond that I will remain sane, happy or sad. I hope you will remain sane and happy not sad! You're in my thoughts and happy moving! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 (edited) Lyssa, I know I'm gonna be tired, exhausted in fact. But...I'm excited about the new house, new area, clear sinus's, no more snow. I may be a little sad if the romantic "component" doesen't happen. But that sadness if it occurs won't lessen the positive aspects of the move. As a matter of fact, I haven't been "fretting" over the MW at all, I've been way to busy with the logistic's of the move. Before I logged on here I Googled, a family practice MD and asked for an appointment in a couple of months via email, then searched for and found all the various utilities I will need to contact before I leave here. Thank you for your good thoughts! Edited February 17, 2008 by LakesideDream Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 ARDriver, I understand each of your feelings, I understand your emotion. I lived it seven, almost eight years ago now. The differences is driver, I'm older, and have "been in the s**t", I understand violence up close and personal. When my ex wife (of 25 years) did to me what yours did to you, I had a much different reaction. My most feverant hope was that her and her "new man" would live comfortably, and in good health. Why? Because I knew that if something bad happened to one or both of them, that I would be the first suspect. Doing violence against either of them wasn't as important to me as an hour of peace or a good meal. LD, if this is how you feel (and felt)...why is it ok for you to move to where you're going now with the primary purpose and intent of doing exactly this to someone else? Wow...I cannot believe how someone could go from one perspective extreme to the other. What makes what you're doing OK, compared to what you just described????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 LD, if this is how you feel (and felt)...why is it ok for you to move to where you're going now with the primary purpose and intent of doing exactly this to someone else? Wow...I cannot believe how someone could go from one perspective extreme to the other. What makes what you're doing OK, compared to what you just described?????????????[/quote) I just find this sad and disturbing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts