Women with Too Many Past Sexual Partners!

[luvmy2ns]

FWIW, when I was in a LTR with a girl who was only the second girl I'd ever slept with I definitely felt the need to sow my oats. I never cheated on her, but I did break up with her in college partially for this reason (and I just knew that she wasn't "the one").

 

Now that I've been with my fair share of women I feel satisfied and don't feel like I'd be missing out if I were to commit.

 

I'm not really concerned with how many men a woman has slept with. There are so many more important things to take into consideration.

 

"So, Juliet, we've been dating for 6 months now. In that time you've often cooked me meals, you've always been respectful, you haven't cheated on me, we have the same sense of humor and similar values, we have a fantastic time together, great sex, we love each other's families, and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, you've had 5 too many penises inside of you so we must part ways at this point."

 

It just seems retarded to me.

 

LMAOROF

 

The way you put that, it does seem pretty stupid, doesn't it? I mean, is there, like, a certain definable number you can determine that would put you off?

[Cobra_X30]

Would you elaborate on this?

 

There is this saying that goes "sex without love is voilence."

 

That's not entirely true... but it gives the idea.

 

Sometimes sex is about dominance and control, sometimes about tenderness and intimacy, sometimes its about fun and excitement... ect.

 

I find men more often than women feel these differences.

[allina]

 

"So, Juliet, we've been dating for 6 months now. In that time you've often cooked me meals, you've always been respectful, you haven't cheated on me, we have the same sense of humor and similar values, we have a fantastic time together, great sex, we love each other's families, and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, you've had 5 too many penises inside of you so we must part ways at this point."

 

It just seems retarded to me.

 

Well you're right that would be retarded, that's a super extreme example. No one is saying that there is a strict cut off line and that more partners than one would prefer is a deal breaker. However if I was dating a guy and found out that he has had a huge number of partners it would creep me out and I'd think he had issues. You know me, you know I'm far from conservative in this area, but I don't want a man that's had a 100 partners, I'd feel like he had issues, and maybe a kid somewhere.

[Leoni]

Not necessarily true. One guy may like certain things during sex. Another likes different things. People learn about different sexual preferences by having sex with different people. If you are with one man or woman your entire life, you learn about what that person likes, and that is what determines your sexual repertoire.

Not exactly. Sex is a natural act. If you have any empathy, are comfortable with your sexuality and aren't afraid to voice your preferences, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's pleasing to your partner, especially if you have a partner that isn't afraid to voice their wants.

[tanbark813]

LMAOROF

 

The way you put that, it does seem pretty stupid, doesn't it? I mean, is there, like, a certain definable number you can determine that would put you off?

 

It's hard to say without being in the situation. I don't ask about the number of partners these days. I have no idea how many people the last few gf's I've had have slept with.

 

Anything less than 50 I wouldn't bat an eye at. More than that would make me wonder what the circumstances were like regarding her past but if everything else about her were wonderful I doubt I'd break up with her.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Do you think that your insecurity over whether you would be enough for him is the same reason men have issues with this?

 

I don’t know. I do suspect (having known J as long as I have and some of the comments he’s made regarding the behavior of BOTH males and females) ... that if the roles were reversed, things may have turned out a little differently. He admits to having double standards, and doesn’t get bothered when I call him on it (as long as I do it in a joking way). He claims that finding women willing to have “sex” was never a problem in the circles he traveled in. But finding one mutually compatible enough to establish a serious relationship with was. And like everyone else, he’s had his hopes dashed and heart broken more times than he cares to repeat.

 

I don’t think he’s any different than many males (or females for that matter) ... in that there are people you have a go with, and those you think enough of to eventually bring home to the family. And in all honesty, I met a couple of guys during the short time I spent single who I would NEVER bring home to meet my folks. As a matter of fact, he was the first and only one after my divorce.

 

I think double standards exist in society as a whole, whether right or wrong. And the best we can do is try to recognize that within ourselves (as individuals) and do our best to try and change that.

[tanbark813]

However if I was dating a guy and found out that he has had a huge number of partners it would creep me out and I'd think he had issues.

 

I get this line of thinking and don't necessarily disagree, but, it seems to me that if the reason for the number of partners was because of issues the guy had then those issues would likely manifest themselves in other ways. That is, it seems unlikely to have issues that would only lead to a high number of partners but leave the person great in every other way.

[allina]

Anything less than 50 I wouldn't bat an eye at. More than that would make me wonder what the circumstances were like regarding her past but if everything else about her were wonderful I doubt I'd break up with her.

 

Right but even you (Mr. doesn't care about how many partnrs a woman has had) have a number after which you'd step back a bit and think "wow that's quite a bit, wonder what that's about" So you can't say it doesn't matter at all.

[Cobra_X30]

"So, Juliet, we've been dating for 6 months now. In that time you've often cooked me meals, you've always been respectful, you haven't cheated on me, we have the same sense of humor and similar values, we have a fantastic time together, great sex, we love each other's families, and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, you've had 5 too many penises inside of you so we must part ways at this point."

 

Well Romeo, that's fairly well put.

 

However, have you been in that situation? I don't think you have. Not that I have either... it's just I think I can understand the guys that are.

 

There is a reason for the term "sloppy seconds." Yeah... she wanted better... but she will have to settle for you, because better didnt want her for more than a booty call. Get the idea?

[Saxis]

For those who think it doesn't matter, answer this question: Why do the majority of relationships end after infidelity, even when the cheater comes crawling back? They could change, right? You wouldn't dare judge them based on that experience! After all, it was just another partner.

 

Of course I'm comparing past experience with present experience here, but why should that matter? People's actions are a direct reflection of who they are. Would you acquit a murder suspect before hearing the trial?

[tanbark813]

Right but even you (Mr. doesn't care about how many partnrs a woman has had) have a number after which you'd step back a bit and think "wow that's quite a bit, wonder what that's about" So you can't say it doesn't matter at all.

 

Right, but like I said, it's unlikely I would break up with a girl, or not date her, for that. Most responders to this thread have stated they flat out wouldn't date someone with high numbers.

[Mustang Sally]

Hmmm.

Thought provoking topic.

 

I used to be intimidated by guys who had slept with large numbers of women. I don't think I would be so intimidated now. Not because I have slept with huge numbers of men (I haven't) but because I am more comfortable, in general, with myself, my body, and my sexuality/sexual response. Age has been good to me, in this way.

 

I think anyone, male or female, who has an excessive number or partners, may have some issues that I, personally, would consider significant as far as LTR-potential is concerned. I am not a proponent of promiscuity for promiscuity's sake.

[luvmy2ns]

Not exactly. Sex is a natural act. If you have any empathy, are comfortable with your sexuality and aren't afraid to voice your preferences, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's pleasing to your partner, especially if you have a partner that isn't afraid to voice their wants.

 

You obviously didn't get what I meant. Yeah, you'll please your current partner. Then you break up maybe. All you know is what that partner liked. There may be things your next partner won't even know he or she likes unless you try it with them, and you won't know to try it with them if you've never been asked for it in the past.

 

Granted, you can read Cosmo, but it's just not the same.

[Leoni]

The next question to those that don't think numbers matters, is how much time do you want to put into every single person you date, to decide if promiscuity are validation issues or drive, jack rabbit issues? Many times, snap judgements are no different than negating someone because of their large number of partners.

 

The best con men and women are the ones that believe their own stories.

[Kamille]

Well Romeo, that's fairly well put.

 

However, have you been in that situation? I don't think you have. Not that I have either... it's just I think I can understand the guys that are.

 

There is a reason for the term "sloppy seconds." Yeah... she wanted better... but she will have to settle for you, because better didnt want her for more than a booty call. Get the idea?

 

But then why wouldn't women think the same way about 'sloppy seconds'?

 

And this also indexes something else that bugs me about these threads: it's like the main thing the OPs think relationship are for is sexuality. Like women base all their decisions on sex.

[luvmy2ns]

Well Romeo, that's fairly well put.

 

However, have you been in that situation? I don't think you have. Not that I have either... it's just I think I can understand the guys that are.

 

There is a reason for the term "sloppy seconds." Yeah... she wanted better... but she will have to settle for you, because better didnt want her for more than a booty call. Get the idea?

 

Wow. I never would have taken you for such a sexist (insert descriptive noun here).

[Leoni]

You obviously didn't get what I meant. Yeah, you'll please your current partner. Then you break up maybe. All you know is what that partner liked. There may be things your next partner won't even know he or she likes unless you try it with them, and you won't know to try it with them if you've never been asked for it in the past.

 

Granted, you can read Cosmo, but it's just not the same.

I do understand exactly what you mean and don't agree. If you're open to experimenting with your next partner, you don't have to have given 1000 blowjobs to a 1000 men, to learn what works for your next partner.

[Cobra_X30]

I used to be intimidated by guys who had slept with large numbers of women. I don't think I would be so intimidated now. Not because I have slept with huge numbers of men (I haven't) but because I am more comfortable, in general, with myself, my body, and my sexuality/sexual response. Age has been good to me, in this way.

 

I think anyone, male or female, who has an excessive number or partners, may have some issues that I, personally, would consider significant as far as LTR-potential is concerned. I am not a proponent of promiscuity for promiscuity's sake.

 

Are you saying that perhaps you would consider Wilt Chamberlain now that your a little older? But you would not consider him LTR material?

[tanbark813]

However, have you been in that situation?

 

No, and I likely never will be because if I break up with a girl it's because of something about her character.

 

There is a reason for the term "sloppy seconds." Yeah... she wanted better... but she will have to settle for you, because better didnt want her for more than a booty call. Get the idea?

 

This is just insecurity and ego. I fail to see why a girl who has slept with someone else is settling for me. I wasn't settling for my last gf but yet I had several before her.

 

For those who think it doesn't matter, answer this question: Why do the majority of relationships end after infidelity, even when the cheater comes crawling back? They could change, right? You wouldn't dare judge them based on that experience! After all, it was just another partner.

 

Of course I'm comparing past experience with present experience here, but why should that matter? People's actions are a direct reflection of who they are. Would you acquit a murder suspect before hearing the trial?

 

All other things being equal, I would rather be with a woman who has slept with 50 guys but never cheated on anyone than a woman who has slept with 10 and cheated on several.

[luvmy2ns]

The next question to those that don't think numbers matters, is how much time do you want to put into every single person you date, to decide if promiscuity are validation issues or drive, jack rabbit issues? Many times, snap judgements are no different than negating someone because of their large number of partners.

 

The best con men and women are the ones that believe their own stories.

 

And if someone is so painfully shallow that a mere number sends them running, who'd want 'em anyway? The judgemental attitudes and double standards in this thread are absolutely unbelievable.

[Art_Critic]

The next question to those that don't think numbers matters,

 

To me you have to consider not only numbers but age as well it is a whole package deal..

 

To me :

A woman who is 18 years of age that has a number of 40 is way different that a woman who is 40 and has a number of 40.

 

I've never been a person who cares about numbers whether small or large.. and women I've dated ranged from me being number 2 all the way to me being number 25..but if the girl I was with had a HUGE number like 150 or 200 then I might consider that an issue...but who really knows..

 

I will say that since I have never had to deal with a woman that has had a HUGE number then I really truly can't say if it woul be an issue or not.

[oppath]

For those who think it doesn't matter, answer this question: Why do the majority of relationships end after infidelity, even when the cheater comes crawling back? They could change, right? You wouldn't dare judge them based on that experience! After all, it was just another partner.

 

Having sex when single, or a number of casual relationships, has little bearing in my opinion, on someone's dignity and integrity as a person WITHIN a committed relationship. I'd much rather commit to someone who has been single for a year and slept with 4 guys in that year -- semi casually dating them -- than a woman who was in a relationship for 3 months, broke up with him when she met another guy, and repeated every 3 months. Those types of women/men DO exist. And being semi-promiscuous while single does not mean you will be unfaithful within a relationship.

 

I have friends who are sex writers -- who write women's erotica -- who have slept with close to triple digits. But once they commit, they are entirely faithful. In fact, they were aghast and completely pissed when my ex asked me to be FWB, "cause that ho had no decency."

 

You obviously didn't get what I meant. Yeah, you'll please your current partner. Then you break up maybe. All you know is what that partner liked. There may be things your next partner won't even know he or she likes unless you try it with them, and you won't know to try it with them if you've never been asked for it in the past.

 

Granted, you can read Cosmo, but it's just not the same.

 

Sexual compatibility has more to do with how you communicate. You can have slept with 100 people and SUCK in bed. Yes, a few experiences probably means you are more likely to experiment, ask for, and give what your partner wants. But it doesn't mean it is a given. It is not absolute.

[Cobra_X30]

But then why wouldn't women think the same way about 'sloppy seconds'?

 

And this also indexes something else that bugs me about these threads: it's like the main thing the OPs think relationship are for is sexuality. Like women base all their decisions on sex.

 

I think the point is less about what women base thier decisions on... but instead what the men do. Does that make sense?

 

Wow. I never would have taken you for such a sexist (insert descriptive noun here).

 

Hmmm... I'm explaining the thought process nothing more!

 

Some people don't know or dont understand the concept.

[Leoni]

And if someone is so painfully shallow that a mere number sends them running, who'd want 'em anyway? The judgemental attitudes and double standards in this thread are absolutely unbelievable.

I feel this is applicable to men and women. It doesn't mean I can't befriend, trust or respect people who are or have been promiscuous, I'm just not interested in dating a man like that.

 

It is my right to have an opinion or preference, as it is your right to have your opinion and preference.

[Saxis]

All other things being equal, I would rather be with a woman who has slept with 50 guys but never cheated on anyone than a woman who has slept with 10 and cheated on several.

 

But that's still just a numbers game. Why would you judge her for one choice she made and not the other? You don't think sleeping with 50 people is at all a hint at that person's decision making?