Women with Too Many Past Sexual Partners!

[underpants]

I have never been asked this question. Or if I was asked, I dodged it beautifully.

 

I am trying to think of creative responses now.

 

Do you mean human?

 

I love the movie 2001 A Space Odyssey.

 

Professional or personal?

 

Show me you penis and I'll tell you.

 

How many jellybeans are in this jar?

 

Which should I use? Or is there a better one?

[Phateless]

The number issue is all relative.

 

I know a guy that married his first. Over 20 years later she left him for his best friend. Severe burn.

 

He told me this and I was all like you have only had one partner? Then I quickly corrected myself and acknowledged that he lived that "first and true love" ending that for so many does not happen. He got to experience that for over 20 years and as sad as it is that it came to an end. He did have that.

 

Now he is all about sowing his lost oats, and I would not date him. He is dating on a 10th grade level. He is a 40 year old girl crazy maniac.

 

The number thing is all relative.

 

I have had a few "I hope he is the one" guys that just did not want to be "the one". It makes me no less of a good partner because they were not.

 

Ouch. I can relate to that guy, but not to that degree at all. I was with one girl for 5 years, and she was my first (one girl one time before her) so I've been a little bit of a man-whore in the past year (I've ALWAYS been safe!!) to make up for lost time. Now I'm calming down and not so girl-crazy at all anymore. I'm hoping to find someone I want to be committed to.

[Pyro]

I have never been asked this question. Or if I was asked, I dodged it beautifully.

 

I am trying to think of creative responses now.

 

Do you mean human?

 

I love the movie 2001 A Space Odyssey.

 

Professional or personal?

 

Show me you penis and I'll tell you.

 

How many jellybeans are in this jar?

 

Which should I use? Or is there a better one?

 

I like those two.

[Kittiecat]

After 17 pages I'm not sure if this has been touched on, but I'll throw in my two cents anyway:

 

To the ladies that say "I would never date anyone who had 'X' amount of partners or over," I say that it's pretty safe to assume most men in this situation will lower their number so as not to freak out their new partner. Nobody likes to be judged for behavior that is ancient history.

 

The fact is, most men have a period of oat sowing in their lives. I don't think that makes the oat sowers "bad" guys and the non-oat sowers "good" guys -- everyone is different, and some men are more inclined to be more sexually active than others.

[malaclypse]

As long as she's free of STD's, I prefer my woman to be experienced...

 

Many women take a long time until they can relax, lose their weird inhibitions and fears about their own body and just ... enjoy. I'm glad if that happened before the woman meets me

 

Hmm, there is one case where many previous partners would be a problem for me - that is, when they are the people I spend my time with... Better 50 former partners I've never met than 2 former partners that are friends of mine.

[Leoni]

After 17 pages I'm not sure if this has been touched on, but I'll throw in my two cents anyway:

 

To the ladies that say "I would never date anyone who had 'X' amount of partners or over," I say that it's pretty safe to assume most men in this situation will lower their number so as not to freak out their new partner. Nobody likes to be judged for behavior that is ancient history.

 

The fact is, most men have a period of oat sowing in their lives. I don't think that makes the oat sowers "bad" guys and the non-oat sowers "good" guys -- everyone is different, and some men are more inclined to be more sexually active than others.

If it's delivered as part of a conversation, it's not difficult to play up the ego and play down the acting.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I've gone on record for this one -- I think it's a double standard that is imprinted on people from an early age. Women who sleep around are sluts. Men who sleep around are studs.

 

.

I think that just about sums it up in a nut shell!!

[cutegirl]

I think that just about sums it up in a nut shell!!

 

I personally disagree, men who sleep around are SLUTS to me, they are definitely NOT studs. AT ALL. Dirty sluts. Man whores.

[tanbark813]

Hey, the correct term is "ladies man".

 

Exactly.

[amaysngrace]

I think if someone is promiscuous at a younger age it could be for a variety of reasons. Sowing wild oats or maybe a mental inadequacy of some sort.

 

If they are still like that when you get involved with them it's a problem.

 

If it all happened before they met you and they're changed now it's no biggie.

 

It's all in the past.

[Cobra_X30]

I think if someone is promiscuous at a younger age it could be for a variety of reasons. Sowing wild oats or maybe a mental inadequacy of some sort.

If they are still like that when you get involved with them it's a problem.

If it all happened before they met you and they're changed now it's no biggie.

It's all in the past.

 

Seriously... it's all in how you do it.

 

See I think here is when we run into a problem. "Sowing the wild oats" is not always performed with honesty and integrity. Lots of people use, abuse, and lie to do this.

 

I'll be honest. When I personally meet women with super high numbers... I immediately assume she has some mental issues. She is'nt good in relationships... doesnt know what she wants... has a poor view of herself.

 

Don't think guys dont talk about this stuff!

[amaysngrace]

Well going from your original post where you ask:

 

Is it ok to judge a person based on thier past exploits? Why or why not?

 

to giving this remark:

 

I'll be honest. When I personally meet women with super high numbers... I immediately assume she has some mental issues.

 

...makes me wonder if you are just looking for validation that passing judgment is okay for you to do.

 

My answer is if it works for you then who am I to judge?

[Cobra_X30]

Well going from your original post where you ask:

 

...makes me wonder if you are just looking for validation that passing judgment is okay for you to do.

 

My answer is if it works for you then who am I to judge?

 

Naw, my opinions are my own. I don't need validation, because I know I'm right.

 

I think its a topic poeple need to talk about... dont you?

 

Do you understand what I mean about that "sowing wild oats" thing? Whats the probability you are able to do that without hurting people? My guess... fairly low.

[tanbark813]

Do you understand what I mean about that "sowing wild oats" thing? Whats the probability you are able to do that without hurting people? My guess... fairly low.

 

If you've never done it how would you know? And if you're doing it right you don't need to lie.

 

You sound very repressed.

[Cobra_X30]

If you've never done it how would you know? And if you're doing it right you don't need to lie.

 

You sound very repressed.

 

You have to realize I dont like talking about me and my experiences in anything short of an abstract form.

 

In order for you to understand where I'm coming from. I feel I have been with plenty of women. More than most... less than some.

 

So... yes I know that you cannot have that kind of lifestyle and not hurt people. Why? Because I've hurt some very good women... and its something I regret.

 

I'm not repressed in the sense your referring to... I just have the ability to look back on what I have done, and realize that I did not choose the best of the available options for the other person.

 

Does that make sense?

[tanbark813]

When I personally meet women with super high numbers... I immediately assume she has some mental issues.

 

I feel I have been with plenty of women. More than most... less than some.

 

So you have mental issues then? (I assume you meant the first statement applies to both genders, not just women.)

[Cobra_X30]

So you have mental issues then? (I assume you meant the first statement applies to both genders, not just women.)

 

Note the terminology I used in both statements. Your stretching that too far... they do not fit so as to contradict one another. In other words... I have not been with a super high amount of people.

 

And you failed to address the meat of my statement... I assume because you have to think about it. Which is good, because that's the overall point. We need to think about what we do.

 

If an attractive girl offers you no strings sex, and your not interested in a Relationship... what do you do Tan? And why?

[tanbark813]

And you failed to address the meat of my statement... I assume because you have to think about it. Which is good, because that's the overall point. We need to think about what we do.

 

I only didn't address it because I wanted to make another point. Wishing you had handled things differently in the past is one thing, but it's quite another to hold things against other people that you have done yourself (and I mean "you" in general not you as in Cobra).

 

If an attractive girl offers you no strings sex, and your not interested in a Relationship... what do you do Tan? And why?

 

Well at this point in my life I'm looking for a LTR serious enough that it might lead to marriage but for the sake of the question: If I weren't interested in anything serious then yes, I would take her up on it. For me it wouldn't be a question of why but of why not. If it's been made clear that it means nothing and we're both adults, then I see nothing wrong with it.

[weightoftheworld]

bored to tears at the office on a slow day.

 

these posts have all been extremely entertaining and informative and have helped me past most of the morning. THANK YOU.

 

it is only fair that i contribute some inflammatory angle to the conversation.

 

so here goes - does anyone think that the external versus internal positions of the male, female genitalia contribute to the emotional differences that men and women have on this subject and thus generally contributed to the formation of the double standard? Generally speaking, isnt everyone more selective about what you put in your body as opposed to on it?

 

just a random thought.

[blind_otter]

so here goes - does anyone think that the external versus internal positions of the male, female genitalia contribute to the emotional differences that men and women have on this subject and thus generally contributed to the formation of the double standard? Generally speaking, isnt everyone more selective about what you put in your body as opposed to on it?

 

just a random thought.

 

Hah! Good point. I think that goes back to the double standard issue.

[Cobra_X30]

I only didn't address it because I wanted to make another point. Wishing you had handled things differently in the past is one thing, but it's quite another to hold things against other people that you have done yourself (and I mean "you" in general not you as in Cobra).

 

Yes, I understood your point. I always hold myself to a much higher standard than I hold others to.

 

However, We both have to agree that there does come a point... and it is somewhat dependant on age... Where a person has just been with a ridiculous number of people.

 

And of course it depends on circumstances too.

 

Well at this point in my life I'm looking for a LTR serious enough that it might lead to marriage but for the sake of the question: If I weren't interested in anything serious then yes, I would take her up on it. For me it wouldn't be a question of why but of why not. If it's been made clear that it means nothing and we're both adults, then I see nothing wrong with it.

 

I think thats what most reasonably well adjusted males would do, because that is what feels good for them, and the female seems to want that.

 

However, I have found that there is rarely such a thing as no strings... and when someone develops an attachment... they get hurt. Yes, its thier own fault.

 

So, what do we learn in retrospect?

[makemyblackrosesred]

what is an LTR?

[Art_Critic]

what is an LTR?

 

Long Term Relationship

[tanbark813]

I think thats what most reasonably well adjusted males would do, because that is what feels good for them, and the female seems to want that.

 

However, I have found that there is rarely such a thing as no strings... and when someone develops an attachment... they get hurt. Yes, its thier own fault.

 

So, what do we learn in retrospect?

 

That it's nearly impossible to go through life without being hurt in some fashion. I'm not saying everyone should go out and try to hurt other people, nor should they only behave selfishly. We all have a responsibility to treat others how we want to be treated. But you can't avoid pain altogether without seriously degrading the quality of your life (and even that could cause pain in and of itself out of loneliness).

 

I could die in a car accident on my way to work, or get caught in a random mall shooting, or crash in a plane, or get hurt by some girl I've inadvertantly developed an attachment to via a FWB situation. The only way to be sure I'll avoid these is to never leave my house. It's all risk versus reward.

 

what is an LTR?

 

long-term relationship

[AAlike]

Hello all - first post...

 

First of all, I think that there's a very big difference between drawing a line in the sand excluding people that fall outside of a specific criteria and having that criteria affect you once you have begun to get close to someone. The former is simply being judgemental - it's certainly your choice but with how rare love is these days, blocking out a significant part of the population for something that would have taken place before you had met them is mighty restrictive and might have you squandering a great chance with a great person. I understand the "people don't change" sentiment to a degree, but as a 31-year old adult for someone to write me off because I slept with 10 or so people while a 16-22 year old kid is pretty asinine. Those experiences are SOOOO insignficant to me and are no different in magnitude than "one night when I was 20 I drank 18 beers and puked" or whatever. it's no different - although I guess I get the "sex is sacred" view and can respect it, I really don't see how in today's times you can judge others for not having it. Honestly, my number is in the mid-20's and that's with behavior that I feel is almost prude, esepcially relative to the **** that some of my friends, both male and female, do. Had I taken a large chunk of the opportunities that presented themselves, or slept with all of the women that I had made out with, triple digits would not be out of the question - and this is simply a product of never being in a serious relationship (not due to being adverse to one I don't think, at least over the last few years) and having a fairly avid social life. And although I clearly wasn't in fairy tale love with any of my previous partners, I can definitely say that other than two teenage experiences (both of which weirded me out and I did not enjoy) that none of my sexual experiences have been one night stands or something that I deemed trashy. Some were better than others, some evolved into minor relationships, some were one time because we didn't "work" that well, but all involved people that i knew and respected. I need at least that in order to have sex with someone.

 

HOWEVER - once you get in a situation where you are in love, all bets are off and logic is skewed. You can play it off as insecurity and judgementalism and to some degree it is but there's more to it than that. People have pre-defined comfort zones when it comes to sex that are very rigid - like, no one is on the fence about premarital sex, one night stands, whether they like anal, whatever...for the most part it's either "that's totally no big deal" or "eww that's completely not my thing" - and for the things that you are on the fence about, generally once you do it once you fall to one side. And with the weird love-hate nature of sex in modern society, especially American, things that are outside of our comfort zone quickly mold from "I wouldn't enjoy that" to "that's dirty and something that a slut/pig would do" when in reality it's just all variants on the same basic thing. When you're in love, especially in the early stages when sexual past information tends to be revealed, you are apt to see your partner as immaculate, and them disclosing that they did something that's outside of your comfort zone is naturally tough to deal with - you don't want to associate this person that you put on a pedestal with something that you consider "cheap". yes, it's still insecurity but it's also something that intrinsically goes with the emotions that accompany love.

 

That said, I think both genders are affected and apt to react strongly in this vein when having to confront their partner's past exploits - but the manifestation is a little different. Women I think actually tend to latch on stronger to their guys (i.e. he might be tougher to keep around) while men often pull away and feel "disgusted" by their partner depsite no moral objections to what they've done. Whether this is a culturally-based phenomenon or hardwired I don't know (probably a little of both), but males definitely have a need to be dominant and territorial, and the thought of other males "invading their territory" is tough to reconcile for many. Men also need to feel this sense of "achievement" surrounding sex, and knowing about multiple partners can dampen this sense - this I believe is totally cultural and fabricated. The thing that most people feeling this syndrome are missing the point about is that the sex that you're having with your bf/gf (if you're in a good relationship) is probably worlds apart from any sex that some random partner had with them. Look at your own previous partners and realize how insignificant they are to you now (again, at least they should be if your relationship is good). Any time I've had a minor issue handling her past, I just look at mine and how it's not even a blip on my radar screen.

 

Interesting point about the relative roles of the genitalia factoring in - and maybe a valid one. There's probably a sense of "power" that stems from being the penetrator.