MrsHellnoFire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 And you know this because, you're the man in question? No, I didn't think so... So before you go around deciding what other people's actions mean, why don't you think before you post...And try not to be so b*****... GEL Sometimes the truth HURTS! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 One woman's trash is another's _______ does not really apply to this scenario unfortunately. The major subconscious and/or conscious lure of a MM is that he IS TAKEN. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 On a slightly different note, and I know people won't like this because it may just be too philosophical, but maybe some of us are supposed to divorce. Perhaps it is the divorce that makes us stronger and better people? And maybe it was designed by fate that way all along, who knows? I can only speak for myself... but when I got divorced, I viewed it as a complete failure on my part, and I still do. A huge disappointment, and terribly sad. I believed that love was enough to overcome all things, including all the warning signs that I saw before we got married. It wasn't. I made a huge commitment to another person in front of God and everybody without knowing what the HELL I was doing... and I failed to see it through. Yet another reason why I haven't remarried since. Don't want to do THAT again!! Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 The major subconscious and/or conscious lure of a MM is that he IS TAKEN. I just had to comment on this. I have a real issue with being "taken." If/when I get married, I don't want someone to think I'm theirs, like they can do whatever they want, act however they want, get neglectful and then act appalled if I run into someone else's arms. And the same goes for me, if I treat my husband like dirt, he SHOULD leave. You don't respect a doormat. As if by taking a marriage vow, I automatically become their property. I want to be a part of the marriage, and I want my husband to want to be a part of the marriage. If for whatever reason he decides he wants out, or I want out, nothing's gonna change my mind. I'm sure that's not what MHNF meant, but that's how I feel about it. I remember another poster saying something about "not letting her talk to the OM", removing him out of the situation, and I said, "How can you stop anyone from talking to anyone? This is an adult we're talking about here, not a child you can punish and ground." He said, "If she acts like a child, she gets treated like one." I remember thinking, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not his wife." The minute any man acts like he owns me, monitoring my conversations, who I can and cannot talk to, I'm getting the heck out, and I'm kicking his butt to the curb, and I hope the door hits him where the Good Lord split him. Sorry about the rant, just had to get that out. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I just had to comment on this. I have a real issue with being "taken." If/when I get married, I don't want someone to think I'm theirs, like they can do whatever they want, act however they want, get neglectful and then act appalled if I run into someone else's arms. And the same goes for me, if I treat my husband like dirt, he SHOULD leave. You don't respect a doormat. As if by taking a marriage vow, I automatically become their property. I want to be a part of the marriage, and I want my husband to want to be a part of the marriage. If for whatever reason he decides he wants out, or I want out, nothing's gonna change my mind. I'm sure that's not what MHNF meant, but that's how I feel about it. I remember another poster saying something about "not letting her talk to the OM", removing him out of the situation, and I said, "How can you stop anyone from talking to anyone? This is an adult we're talking about here, not a child you can punish and ground." He said, "If she acts like a child, she gets treated like one." I remember thinking, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not his wife." The minute any man acts like he owns me, monitoring my conversations, who I can and cannot talk to, I'm getting the heck out, and I'm kicking his butt to the curb, and I hope the door hits him where the Good Lord split him. Sorry about the rant, just had to get that out. I feel exactly the same way. But good luck finding a man who feels that way too. Regardless of what they say, they're all the same underneath. When you marry them, they OWN you. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I feel exactly the same way. But good luck finding a man who feels that way too. Regardless of what they say, they're all the same underneath. When you marry them, they OWN you. I hope he's out there somewhere. But if he isn't...I want to get to the point where that is OK. In the past, I have thought, "I'd rather have something small than nothing at all." And I've settled for pitiful relationships, including this last one with MM. But not anymore. I don't want to take someone's crap just because I'm afraid of being alone. For what? No way. This is why I left my previous religion. I was taught the husband is the "head". First God, then Jesus, then the man and THEN the woman, on the bottom rung. And that everything goes well in a woman's life if she just respects the man and goes along with his decisions and does everything he wants. And I remember asking, "But what if I'm smarter and my decisions are better?" And I was told, "Trust in God to help your husband make the right choice and pray that he gets insight to make the right decision, and be a good wife and don't make things difficult for him." Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 This is why I left my previous religion. I was taught the husband is the "head". First God, then Jesus, then the man and THEN the woman, on the bottom rung. And that everything goes well in a woman's life if she just respects the man and goes along with his decisions and does everything he wants. And I remember asking, "But what if I'm smarter and my decisions are better?" And I was told, "Trust in God to help your husband make the right choice and pray that he gets insight to make the right decision, and be a good wife and don't make things difficult for him." It's enough to make any sane woman run screaming from the altar. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I feel exactly the same way. But good luck finding a man who feels that way too. Regardless of what they say, they're all the same underneath. When you marry them, they OWN you. Fortunately not, OB. I know many men who do feel they own their Ws, many Ws who feel they own their Hs, but I also know many civilised people who don't feel they own, or are owned by, anyone, and treat each other with respect. Admittedly, these are usually second Ms, and they've learned from their mistakes in their first M, but it does happen and both men and women can learn to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 I hope he's out there somewhere. But if he isn't...I want to get to the point where that is OK. In the past, I have thought, "I'd rather have something small than nothing at all." And I've settled for pitiful relationships, including this last one with MM. But not anymore. I don't want to take someone's crap just because I'm afraid of being alone. For what? No way. This is why I left my previous religion. I was taught the husband is the "head". First God, then Jesus, then the man and THEN the woman, on the bottom rung. And that everything goes well in a woman's life if she just respects the man and goes along with his decisions and does everything he wants. And I remember asking, "But what if I'm smarter and my decisions are better?" And I was told, "Trust in God to help your husband make the right choice and pray that he gets insight to make the right decision, and be a good wife and don't make things difficult for him." Equal, equal, equal. That is all we want. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 The truth about that is you are only supposed to follow your husband if he is living according to ALL of God's laws, not just the ones that suit him or the ones he has taken out of context to justify bad behavior. God doesn't want anyone to be a doormat or property. That is all societal and of different religious doctrines. He wants us to guide our spouses if we know more and are better equipped to handle a situation. And if the man is truly following God's law, he will except any help that his wife is offering. But leave it to different religious sects to leave out the most important parts of the scriptures to suit their own agendas. The word is to be "RIGHTLY" divided. Funny thing is, I would have been completely happy with this set up. In fact, this is what I signed up for at the ripe age of 21 and we had premarital counseling to ensure these guidelines would be followed. About a year later, H decided he wasn't a Christian anymore and began his control freak agenda. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 The truth about that is you are only supposed to follow your husband if he is living according to ALL of God's laws, not just the ones that suit him or the ones he has taken out of context to justify bad behavior. God doesn't want anyone to be a doormat or property. That is all societal and of different religious doctrines. He wants us to guide our spouses if we know more and are better equipped to handle a situation. And if the man is truly following God's law, he will except any help that his wife is offering. But leave it to different religious sects to leave out the most important parts of the scriptures to suit their own agendas. The word is to be "RIGHTLY" divided. Yes, even God has granted divorce for one/two reasons: 1. Infidelity 2. Partners being unequally yolked. Though the 2cnd reason seems to be geared toward choosing a partner. However, it is my understanding that it's grounds for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Not on my former religion. It was infidelity or bust. Even if your husband beats you, or even if someone is having an EA, that still wouldn't be grounds for divorce. The WS would have to commit some type of sex act. That led to a lot of people who wanted to be divorced going out and deliberately cheating just so they could be free. That's why I don't bother with those rules. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 The truth about that is you are only supposed to follow your husband if he is living according to ALL of God's laws, not just the ones that suit him or the ones he has taken out of context to justify bad behavior. God doesn't want anyone to be a doormat or property. That is all societal and of different religious doctrines. He wants us to guide our spouses if we know more and are better equipped to handle a situation. And if the man is truly following God's law, he will except any help that his wife is offering. But leave it to different religious sects to leave out the most important parts of the scriptures to suit their own agendas. The word is to be "RIGHTLY" divided. But who, pray tell, gets to decide who "knows more" and is "better equipped" -- and how things are to be "rightly divided"?? Ideally, this is negotiated between two equal partners. But IRL it's whichever one of them has the more power in the relationship. And the way men typically are, they grab that power (just like they grab that remote) and won't let it go for nothin'. And who are you to claim you know what God wants, and that you alone are prescient beyond all the "religious doctrines" that (you claim) are dishing it out buffet-style with their own agendas?? Seems to me you have your own agenda as well. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Sorry, but now you SEE how the BS feels when the A has ended and he/she is sitting around pining for the OW/OM right in OUR face, how messed up is that.....you are watching him pine over a woman he has been with A LONG TIME, his W that he MARRIED and chose to be TRUE to for the rest of his life....make sense, hell no. Most BS watch them do this after a stupid A that supposedly meant nothing by their lieing mouth........you are feeling what I felt for over a year. I feel I won my H by default, listen to what I am saying MY HUSBAND, not MM because he cannot be with the OW, the one he really wanted....does not feel good at all and it will eat you to pieces. I could not take it anymore and I am leaving him now.....he cannot be with either of us now and guess who he wants after all this **** and has put me through (remember he never admitted to any of the EA or PA and never will)??? He wants ME, what a f---- insult ! Too bad he can never have me AGAIN, now he can feel like crap, what he is a big LIAR...... Your man will go back to her and then hate it and come back to you as much as you both will let him......wise up and kick him out as well, he will go back to her and never call you again if she says so.....happens a lot ! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Carrie, I apologize for derailing your thread. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
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