Jmina Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I was wondering if you were a girl! well now thats settleled, you are very sexy! Lol funkybase player!!! what did you think i was? pretty sure i told you i was a girl. ...am a girl. Always been a girl! lol:p Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Lol funkybase player!!! what did you think i was? pretty sure i told you i was a girl. ...am a girl. Always been a girl! lol:p Well when you fist started posting, i was nt sure, but yes your a girl alright! Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 pay attention to details, i mentioned a few times i was in a girl girl relationship you mustve thought i was pretty in touch with my feminine side to start with! haha. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Matty please be aware that she is letting go of her guilt in order for herself to move on without hurt. Its as much about her as anything else. PLease dont build hope on this, as it will just keep bringing you back to that horrible dark place, and wil slow down your own healing. Your ego, will try to make you feel otherwose, but as you have said, you know where that comment is coming from. As i said all she is doing is letting go of her guilt, her own healing process. She is forgiving herself for the way it ended, and the things she has said. Keep moving forward, and dont look back. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 pay attention to details, i mentioned a few times i was in a girl girl relationship you mustve thought i was pretty in touch with my feminine side to start with! haha. To be honest it was the way you were writing that made me feel you were a lady, but my bare buttocks will be spanked for my lack of paying attention to such a detail! I hope you can forgive me, and you may spank me via the airways in order for me to release my guilt!! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Matty please be aware that she is letting go of her guilt in order for herself to move on without hurt. Its as much about her as anything else. PLease dont build hope on this, as it will just keep bringing you back to that horrible dark place, and wil slow down your own healing. Your ego, will try to make you feel otherwose, but as you have said, you know where that comment is coming from. As i said all she is doing is letting go of her guilt, her own healing process. She is forgiving herself for the way it ended, and the things she has said. Keep moving forward, and dont look back. I know man, I do see it. I shall treat it as a beautiful goodbye. It just brought up a lot of stuff again ... suddenly the woman I loved had appeared again. I'll hold the love I have for her in my heart, that's all I can do I'm not hoping any more, I shall just let the current take me where I'm supposed to be. If our paths cross again then so be it, if not I got to share nearly 8 years of my life with an incredible woman - how can I ask for more than that! I am still emotionally wobbly so I may rant some more - just a warning! Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I know man, I do see it. I shall treat it as a beautiful goodbye. It just brought up a lot of stuff again ... suddenly the woman I loved had appeared again. I'll hold the love I have for her in my heart, that's all I can do I'm not hoping any more, I shall just let the current take me where I'm supposed to be. If our paths cross again then so be it, if not I got to share nearly 8 years of my life with an incredible woman - how can I ask for more than that! The stuff that keeps emerging, you will find is far deeper than the loss of the relationship, and it could be now is the time to find out what the stuff really is, in order for you to find yourself in a true way. This deep seated stuff has re-surfaced again and again, its causing the tears, and the deep pain that you are in. It could be something form your childhodd way back, that needs addressing, and letting go of. For example, when my ex split with me, i hit a massive depression, and it was the loss of my dad, and the guilt that i had over this (as i was partly responsible) that my relationship end triggered off, and of course, untill i looked deeper, i thought it was mainly to do with the ex, but the pain of losing her and the kids, brought up this deep pain that was in me. It really sounds like this is happening to you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Funky, You are right of course, it is deeper. My parents divorced when I was very young but the memories are still very hurtful. The earliest memories I have of my parents are constant arguing, my mother throwing plates at my dad and saying things like "I don't love you" and "I never loved you". There was another man involved and I discovered the divorce papers myself ... a lot of that is resurfacing now. I'm going all this with a very good therapist (weekly sessions). Being aware of this process has helped a bit but the emotion still comes up. The early contact I had from her after the break-up was cold and distant and in a way I didn't know who she was any more. Now that I know she is still the woman I fell in love with and dearly hold in my heart, it makes it so much harder to keep walking away, does that make sense? The thing is, I know that's all I can do. There isn't any way of going back and staying still isn't going to do me any good either. As much as I want (and pray) that some day the world may throw us together for another 'go', I can't make that happen and the most important part of my life is now, learning, growing, getting stronger. I can't do the things I have to do now with her, this is about me. I shall help her on her way, I shall forgive her and let her know that. I don't hold any bitterness or anger and I want her to be able to move on in her life with love in her heart and no regret or guilt. Maybe she'll find someone more deserving, who can make her really happy. She said perhaps she is falling in love with someone and in my heart, I wish her only the best. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Thats very strong stuff, and in some way maybe you feel a little responsible for your parents, and of course that leads to all sorts of dark emotions. Your ex is moving on, thats why she has the ability to say what she is, as i said b4 she is forgiving herself. Your ex will be fine, and the more you heal, the more she will as well, even though you dont talk, she will feel it. Its cool to cry, pain is an emotion like happyness, and they will not last forever. You know where the pain is, but its letting go of the guilt that you may have, and you must let go of your ex, that is the only way to move forward. That does not mean to stop loving her, which is impossible, but to love her, and send her loving thoughts. She knows in her heart that you are a good man, you never have to tell her that, and she will move on without guilt, cos your relationship sounds like it was true. You will one day be in a great place i promise you that, you sound like your walking the same road i have, but by letting go of the needs that she filled in your life, will help you get those needs met from within yourself. Thats the key. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 I never thought that I did feel responsible for my parents but I do. I've been through that in a few therapy sessions, but there is lots more to come. It has created a low sense of self-worth and as a knock-on some of the stuff that is talked about in No More Mr Nice Guy. As the pain and tears come I'll deal with them. I have before and I'm a lot more aware now than I ever have been. For me, moving on doesn't mean no longer loving her. It also doesn't mean finding someone else. Moving on means that I learn and I grow. It also means letting go of the attachments to her, the need. It feels like a filtration process, whereby I am starting to lose the need / attachment and also the fear of not being with her. You are right, I am learning to fulfill those needs myself - rather than depending on someone else for them. I still love her, I still want to be with her but I have let go and walked away. I might look back now and then, but it shall be with a smile and a feeling of warmth in my heart. The focus is on my own little journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Still ... wouldn't it be peachy if something did work out :lmao: (I'm allowed to say that on the basis that I'm miserable and have big fists ) Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I really can feel that you are in a huge change for the better in your life, like a catterpiller turning into a butterfly. When you have low self worth, you tend to take so much more crap from the other person, and making them happy is not in the true sense as deep down its to make you (us ) happy. Often people with the issues that you describe do look for needy and inscure women to lavish all this love and stuff on them, but deep down, all you are trying to do is find the inner peace by giving, and that amount of giving, comes from a deep guilt and not love. Its when you can trully trully give with love, that you will find love in return, and you really are on that road. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Well said me lad! It's a good road to be heading down! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Well the update is I haven't cried for at least 2 hours and I went for a run. Managed 2 miles before collapsing like a badly cooked souffle! Back at work for another 3 hours and then home to write! I've even got a title for my next blog post, thanks to Funky "A beautiful goodbye". Man I feel crappy! Link to post Share on other sites
J and S Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Happy Holidays Matty:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 Thanks man! Although I'm in the UK so ... I'm thankful for you lot though Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 Butt-cheeks planted back on the floor. But I got back up straight away, ran two miles and may well go out again and run some more. Forrest Gump here I come! Link to post Share on other sites
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