popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I don't know what's the deal here but I don't mind men paying for me and I don't mind paying either. I just think it's common courtesy if a man paid on the first date. It's easy, if you can't afford it - don't ask a girl out. I don't need a man to impress me with how much money he has. Going to fancy restaurants every other night is boring. Come to think of it, I don't need a man to do that. it shouldn't be a given that he SHOULD pay on the first date. i personally think, the inviter should pay. but if i am invited, i am prepared to, and offer to pay my share b/c i never presume that someone else is paying for me. why should i?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I don't know what's the deal here but I don't mind men paying for me and I don't mind paying either. I just think it's common courtesy if a man paid on the first date. It's easy, if you can't afford it - don't ask a girl out. I don't need a man to impress me with how much money he has. Going to fancy restaurants every other night is boring. Come to think of it, I don't need a man to do that. Its well established that your approximately one in a million! Most girls are not satisfied with a happy meal. I'm not exactly sure how we got on this topic to begin with, but its pretty well established that everyone has a different comfort level, and IMHO, if I dont pay... it wasnt a date! Which brings me to a pet peeve. If a woman is at a bar with me, she better not be accepting drinks from other men! Thats messed up on so many levels.
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 it shouldn't be a given that he SHOULD pay on the first date. i personally think, the inviter should pay. but if i am invited, i am prepared to, and offer to pay my share b/c i never presume that someone else is paying for me. why should i? If I invited someone out, I would pay. Be it a man or woman. If I was invited, I would be ready to pay too but I am always told - "I got this, this is on me" etc. I don't take men for granted because if a man paid for me, I would usually return the favour by going somewhere else later for coffee/ice cream or just buy him a small gift. No one should presume the other person is paying. Never presume that.
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Its well established that your approximately one in a million! Thank you.. Most girls are not satisfied with a happy meal. As long as it isn't McD's Happy Meal!! I'm not exactly sure how we got on this topic to begin with, but its pretty well established that everyone has a different comfort level, and IMHO, if I dont pay... it wasnt a date! That's what I mean! Which brings me to a pet peeve. If a woman is at a bar with me, she better not be accepting drinks from other men! Thats messed up on so many levels. Messed up alright! That would be just plain rude.
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 ok. now were hijacking the thread, but lyssa... got ya, with ya. cobra: interesting point that relates to a convo i was recently having. what if you are involved w/ someone who is out w/o you and a man sends her a drink? must she decline?
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 In my opinion, Troutie Jr is the type of guy most women want but don't usually come across. As any other threads, it's either people are with him or not.
shadowplay Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 By choice I’m not in a committed relationship and have had relationships in the past so I’m no stranger to what goes into one. I have been reading several threads on this forum and I guess I am curious to know why women have this fear of asking Men questions. What’s the deal? I would like to be asked point blank questions. My answer may not be what they would want to hear, but at least with the point blank questions it solidifies where each person stands and sets the bar of where two people choose to go with it I am not a game player and I find women who hold back asking specific questions tend to lack confidence. Complete turn off for me. If I like you, ask the question. If I am spending time with you obviously I like you and like you enough to tell you where it’s heading. Men are not mind readers and if a woman wants to know something ask! Just leave the emotions out of it. It will save you from a lot of embarrassment. If a woman is insecure, work on it! It’s not a date’s job to fix you Women don't ask questions because of the typical responses we get from men. You're in the minority. In the past when I've asked a guy something about "the relationship" he gets weird and uncomfortable. Typically it only leads to me feeling more insecure. This frustrates the hell out of me. There are things, though, I always bring up. Like exclusivity if he's pressuring me for sex. I need to set certain boundaries early on and make sure he's on the same page.
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I rarely ask because I don't like men giving me answers they think I want to hear. I have no problem with being blunt and I expect the same in return.
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 That's what I mean! I'm not exactly sure how we got on this topic to begin with, but its pretty well established that everyone has a different comfort level, and IMHO, if I dont pay... it wasnt a date! maybe im missing something. a deciding factor as to wether or not a date transpired is the gender of the payer?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 ok. now were hijacking the thread, but lyssa... got ya, with ya. cobra: interesting point that relates to a convo i was recently having. what if you are involved w/ someone who is out w/o you and a man sends her a drink? must she decline? Yes she does! For several reasons. First, accepting the drink provides him the wrong signal. Essentially she is leading him on! I wouldnt want to be with a girl who would toy with another man while dating me. Second, by accepting the drink she is accepting favors from another man. That is a direct disrespect to me! Hmmm.... I seem to have forgotten #3, but you should get my point by now. I also will not buy drinks for other women when I am in a relationship.
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 maybe im missing something. a deciding factor as to wether or not a date transpired is the gender of the payer? No, no - you got it wrong or maybe I didn't make it clear as I quoted Cobra. On a first date, yes. That's just me. Also I think if a man paid, it means he isn't stingy. I know quite a number of men who expect me to pay ALL THE TIME! Even when they are the ones that invited me out!
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Yes she does! For several reasons. First, accepting the drink provides him the wrong signal. Essentially she is leading him on! I wouldnt want to be with a girl who would toy with another man while dating me. Second, by accepting the drink she is accepting favors from another man. That is a direct disrespect to me! Hmmm.... I seem to have forgotten #3, but you should get my point by now. I also will not buy drinks for other women when I am in a relationship. ok, here's a hypothetical i was just discussing. so suppose you are in a relationship and on a trip without her with your male friends. while out at a bar, the bartender comes over and says this round is on the ladies over there. Do you decline?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 ok, here's a hypothetical i was just discussing. so suppose you are in a relationship and on a trip without her with your male friends. while out at a bar, the bartender comes over and says this round is on the ladies over there. Do you decline? Yeah, I've been there, and declined. I told the woman that I was "off the market" So let me ask you this... not hypothetical. What situation prompts your question?
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 well I generally have been thinking alot about the nature of jealousy, trust, boundries, etc. My bf and I both go to vegas w/ our same sex friends anually (coincidentally) before we met. So this gave rise to this question in my head. What is acceptable behavior in such a circumstance? I know that I don't think he has to be rude and announce, "I have a gf, back off!" if a female utters a word. (likewise for me). But I also think that "i didn't touch anyone" is not the end all. i'm not clear on where the line is. ps the vegas trip is just one example of my big picture question on this.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 well I generally have been thinking alot about the nature of jealousy, trust, boundries, etc. My bf and I both go to vegas w/ our same sex friends anually (coincidentally) before we met. So this gave rise to this question in my head. What is acceptable behavior in such a circumstance? I know that I don't think he has to be rude and announce, "I have a gf, back off!" if a female utters a word. (likewise for me). But I also think that "i didn't touch anyone" is not the end all. i'm not clear on where the line is. ps the vegas trip is just one example of my big picture question on this. Ah, I see! The answer is simple and yet complex. We all come into relationships with different levels. Some need lots of reassurance, and some trust easy. Obviously your talking to him about where your comfort levels are. Thats really good! All you need to do is make sure where your trust boundaries are vs. his and begin to respect one another. So really your going to have to have honest conversation about it. I'd run some scenarios past him and see where he draws the line first. IMHO, accepting or requesting anything is off limits... beverages, contact information, saliva... ect.
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Ah, I see! The answer is simple and yet complex. We all come into relationships with different levels. Some need lots of reassurance, and some trust easy. Obviously your talking to him about where your comfort levels are. Thats really good! All you need to do is make sure where your trust boundaries are vs. his and begin to respect one another. So really your going to have to have honest conversation about it. I'd run some scenarios past him and see where he draws the line first. IMHO, accepting or requesting anything is off limits... beverages, contact information, saliva... ect. of course what matters is that he and I understand and respect where eachother are on such issues. but i'm still interested in general. so if you were on a guys weekend, and at a bar with male friends and the bartender said this rounds on those ladies over there; you would feel compelled to say "not for me thank you." if you had an SO? and likewise would expect your gf to do the same in similar circumstances?
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 By choice I’m not in a committed relationship and have had relationships in the past so I’m no stranger to what goes into one. I have been reading several threads on this forum and I guess I am curious to know why women have this fear of asking Men questions. What’s the deal? I would like to be asked point blank questions. My answer may not be what they would want to hear, but at least with the point blank questions it solidifies where each person stands and sets the bar of where two people choose to go with it I am not a game player and I find women who hold back asking specific questions tend to lack confidence. Complete turn off for me. If I like you, ask the question. If I am spending time with you obviously I like you and like you enough to tell you where it’s heading. Men are not mind readers and if a woman wants to know something ask! Just leave the emotions out of it. It will save you from a lot of embarrassment. If a woman is insecure, work on it! It’s not a date’s job to fix you Another turn off, are women who live in the yester years. Their idea of a gentleman is a man who is subservient to her needs. I love to spoil and pamper a woman, but I won’t bow down and worship the ground she walks on or do I expect the same from her! There are women who have class and there are women who “think” they have class. Personally, I don’t care if a woman looks like Angelina Joli if she comes across as bitch material, I walk! I don’t mind opening up a car door for a woman, but let’s face it, that would depend on how many times in a day we are in and out of a vehicle Oh gees yeah, could you imagine if you were dashing to twenty different stores doing the xmas shopping, how many times you'd have to open it for her!! Lol. I tihnk if you are going out on a date or special evening or just on the odd occassion it is nice to do it. When things become expected of a person thats when female gets disappointed, male wants to stop doing them, because its expected right? I like surprises. As far as the questions thing go, do you mean asking about where this is heading etc type of thing? Well we have it embedded by books etc never to ask this question as it scares a man off. However if they had confirmed bf/gf status and used the L word I would have no problems having an adult convo about the future. But its not something I would do early on, I'd rather just enjoy someones company to begin with.
Lyssa Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 When things become expected of a person thats when female gets disappointed, male wants to stop doing them, because its expected right? I like surprises. That is true. That is why I don't expect anything from a man. I am independent in that way. I love surprises and I don't mind at all if a man does not open doors, pull out chairs.. because when one is spoiled in that way and so much more, when he stops doing it - you get disappointed. So yes, never expect anything.
Author troutie jr Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 The date is the first point of interest right? It’s a date. The date can be comprised of any point of interest. I prefer a quiet dinner over a Club. I don’t see how two people on a first date can get to know each other that well in a loud atmosphere, dancing and chugging back one two many cocktails. If that’s what some people prefer, great but when I am getting to know a lady I like a more intimate setting where I can at least get a sense of who she is. I don’t need a couple of cocktails to decide whether she is attractive enough, funny enough, or intelligent enough or one two many cocktails to get the conversation in motion. I think it’s pretty easy to tell when a woman is not responsive to talk about her wants that we obviously are lacking some form of connection and it tells me that there will not be a second date. I will not my waste time with someone who does not know how to communicate effectively. Again, I pay for the date. Weather I choose on a Saturday evening to drop a bill on one lady and take her out for dinner, or drop a bill and pay for a few ladies drinks at a club, or drop a bill hanging out with my buddies, its six of one have a dozen of the other. At the end of the day, it all gets pissed in the toilet anyway. Money is money. My opinion on people having sex in the world of dating is that it takes two people to want to have sex. Either you want to or don’t but having sex with someone does not make a person change their mind to whether they want to be with you for any duration. So when you choose to have sex with someone be prepared to accept whatever comes your way and live with your decision. Personally, I like sex and I am sure that there are men and women alike who are just in it for sex. If sex is the only thing I want out of it and the woman is receptive to that want, I’m not going to turn away from it but having sex does not mean that she is the one. If a man or woman feels that they have been taken, obviously you don’t know the person well enough and more time should have been spent getting to know the person. Eventually their true colors do appear and its about being patient to get that figured out. If the guy isn’t going to stick around because you won’t have sex, chances are he’s not what you want anyway. A date is not spending time with someone. It is a point of interest where I make a decision whether I want to spend more time with that person. Spending time with a person is getting to know her better and seeing if there is a possibility of it going anywhere. As long as I know what is half the battle of knowing whether she is compatible with me.
LoisLane Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Hi there. Do men like you exist out there? What I mean is are there more men like you in the real world? Where is the real world anyway? Guys don't give honest answers when asked questions, especially when it comes to figures, clothes, future or even sex. You just sound too good to be true. For me anyway because I have been burned too many times to actually belief that men like you still exist.
plainoldjared Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I rarely ask because I don't like men giving me answers they think I want to hear. I have no problem with being blunt and I expect the same in return. Im with you on this one Lyssa, what happened to good ol fashioned honesty? I consider myself to be a man of the times but I think its respectful to honor traditions that stand for a good reason. For example: opening doors, sending flowers, paying on the first date, picking her up at the door, complimenting her outfit paying attention to changes in hair etc. And then theres the new school and I am all fine with that, I love having the attention placed on me, it feels good and makes me appreciate the sweet woman I am with even more than she could ever imagine. I dont like hinting at or casually mentioning things I work much better with direct comments/questions and I think its up to me to make her feel that she can be comfortable and honest with me but its also up to her to get to know me well enough to understand that...
Author troutie jr Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Hi there. Do men like you exist out there? What I mean is are there more men like you in the real world? Where is the real world anyway? Guys don't give honest answers when asked questions, especially when it comes to figures, clothes, future or even sex. You just sound too good to be true. For me anyway because I have been burned too many times to actually belief that men like you still exist. Yes we exist. I guess you should know that I have lived long enough to mature in my thinking. Depends on the level of maturity. I am 41.
cokeexhibit Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I maybe just havent found where you men exist. I am so glad to see that men like yourself arent a myth but are real.
Author troutie jr Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 I maybe just havent found where you men exist. I am so glad to see that men like yourself arent a myth but are real. If a person is in a hurry they won't find them. Take you time it's a big world out there
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 hey you wanna try living in the UK, most guys here are lazy and also do not want to put too much effort into getting to know someone or dating, although of course there are exceptions. I know I am probably gonna get shot for saying that but from what I have read and seen myself in the USA, men are much nicer.
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