revenage

[Havn_a_life]

Same could be said of the W who compulsively shops, spending money on vanity items rather than investing in her kids' education or putting food on the table.

 

I'm not that kind of mom. I buy for my kids before myself. I can't think of one vanity item I have other than my hair straightener. And I have dinner on the table for my family every night.

I'm not one of those moms. What % are there of those types of moms.

 

I guess it's ok for the H to cheat and abandon the kids, not just the W, for a quickie in the park, when he should be buying milk, for the kids?

What about the OW who sends her kids to the neighbor's or in laws or her mom's when MM is over, so they can "get it on".

Yeah, that's pretty selfish behavior.

[Havn_a_life]

Hm... maybe I should do a research and see if I can sue him for sex starvation.

 

I was fantasizing about suing them on grounds of discrimination. It is discrimination when you decide to mentally abuse someone just because you don't like them. But, of course, I would never do that in reality. I have just one life to live and I already regret wsting my energy on them. :)Justice, your views are egoism disguised as self-proclaimed justice. This world is not designed to make everyone happy. Nobody promised you a wonderful life when they brought you into this world. People make mistakes and sh*t happens. In a world where thousands of people die of all kinds of real injustices, you talk about your emotional pain and how your ex should go to jail because he hurt you. That's selfish. Wake up and realize that you're not entiltled to anybody's love. You got disappointed; cry out the pain and move on. I know person who lost a mother, a brother and a 25-year old son in the last year. Now THAT is enormous pain. Love hurt is BS.

 

He didn't love you as much as you wanted him to love you. Screw him! I can imagine how much it hurts, but have some dignity and don't give so much significance to a piece of poo. He is not worth it. You loved the wrong man and that's your mistake, too.

 

I was going to say that, but you took the word out of my mouth.

 

All I can say is whether one believes in "supreme justice" or not, it's gonna happen, and if you don't pay here, you will elsewhere.

[justice]

Hm... maybe I should do a research and see if I can sue him for sex starvation.

 

I was fantasizing about suing them on grounds of discrimination. It is discrimination when you decide to mentally abuse someone just because you don't like them. But, of course, I would never do that in reality. I have just one life to live and I already regret wsting my energy on them. :)Justice, your views are egoism disguised as self-proclaimed justice. This world is not designed to make everyone happy. Nobody promised you a wonderful life when they brought you into this world. People make mistakes and sh*t happens. In a world where thousands of people die of all kinds of real injustices, you talk about your emotional pain and how your ex should go to jail because he hurt you. That's selfish. Wake up and realize that you're not entiltled to anybody's love. You got disappointed; cry out the pain and move on. I know person who lost a mother, a brother and a 25-year old son in the last year. Now THAT is enormous pain. Love hurt is BS.

 

He didn't love you as much as you wanted him to love you. Screw him! I can imagine how much it hurts, but have some dignity and don't give so much significance to a piece of poo. He is not worth it. You loved the wrong man and that's your mistake, too.

 

I was going to say that, but you took the word out of my mouth.

 

I may not have had the promise of being happy, but by god when that man took those marriage vows, I was promised that he would be faithful to me. That is what pisses me off, if you chose to look at it that way, marriage is a legally binding contract and if broken, it should be punishable. Just as any other contract that has been breached. But I do agree with you, life isn't fair, and his petty screwing around pales in comparision to losing my two year old granddaughter and my father all in one week and coming home from the funerals to find someone else's thong underwear in my bed. His infidelity was just another straw that broke this camel's back.

[bish]

In Florida, both the wayward and their accomplice face jail time if caught redhanded and the spouse presses charges.

 

In Virginia, the cheating spouse is not entitled to one red cent in case of divorce no matter how long the marriage was when there is proof of adultery.

 

In North Carolina, the betrayed can sue the OP for monetary damages.

 

SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!

[RecordProducer]

I may not have had the promise of being happy, but by god when that man took those marriage vows, I was promised that he would be faithful to me. That is what pisses me off, if you chose to look at it that way, marriage is a legally binding contract and if broken, it should be punishable. Just as any other contract that has been breached. But I do agree with you, life isn't fair, and his petty screwing around pales in comparision to losing my two year old granddaughter and my father all in one week and coming home from the funerals to find someone else's thong underwear in my bed. His infidelity was just another straw that broke this camel's back.

Justice, I am sorry, I thought you were much younger, like in your 20s. I almost told you to grow up in my last post. I guess your naiveté has to do with the purity of your heart. I am sorry I was harsh to you and I am so sorry about your loss.

[justice]

Justice, I am sorry, I thought you were much younger, like in your 20s. I almost told you to grow up in my last post. I guess your naiveté has to do with the purity of your heart. I am sorry I was harsh to you and I am so sorry about your loss.

 

Thank you. It's ok really. I've just been having the crappiest week.

I'm really not naive, I've lived a long time, long enough to call it as I see it.

[bish]

Originally Posted by bish

I don't think jail time is in order for a cheater. I think, if married, that the adulterer should not be entitled to 50% of the marital assets. I say if there is proof of adultery, then the adulterer should only receive 25% AND lose rights to full custody as long as the BS is a fit parent.

 

Wow, Bish, I am really surprised by the post, so level headed (seriously),

 

I really do not know where I stand with this, I know that the children shouldn't be taken away, that's for sure, Why should a child feel the pain of loosing a parent, they had nothing to do with anything.

 

I didn't say take the children away from the cheating parent. I said lose custody rights. The cheating parent would still have visitation.

[troutie jr]

I didn't say take the children away from the cheating parent. I said lose custody rights. The cheating parent would still have visitation.

 

"Lose custody" should only apply to the well being of a child. Not for the reason of a cheating spouse.

[bish]

"Lose custody" should only apply to the well being of a child. Not for the reason of a cheating spouse.

 

Some would say that the cheating spouse didn't give 2 squirts of piss about the child to betray the other parent.

 

Besides....why should the cheater...the one that basically pissed on the family get custody? I say, if the BS is a perfectly fit parent, then they should get custody.

[OWoman]

Some would say that the cheating spouse didn't give 2 squirts of piss about the child to betray the other parent.

 

Besides....why should the cheater...the one that basically pissed on the family get custody? I say, if the BS is a perfectly fit parent, then they should get custody.

 

Luckily in my country custody is awarded solely on the basis of the best interests of THE CHILD/REN and not on the wounded feelings of either spouse. Factors of marital fidelity are deemed irrelevant. Children over the age of 11 are deemed capable of informed choice, and their wishes are considered in the awarding of custody. Divorce is strictly "no fault" - "irreconcilable differences" being the usual grounds - and the report of a children's or family advocate rather than the emotive arguments of either spouse's legal representative is the primary basis for the judge's decision.

[Havn_a_life]

I think if a parent can go out and spend time with another person(OW/OM), besides the children and spouse, they have no interest in the kids(Or spouse) and that should be the factoring of who gets custody and who gets weekend visits every other weekend.

[bish]

Luckily in my country custody is awarded solely on the basis of the best interests of THE CHILD/REN and not on the wounded feelings of either spouse. .

 

Well if ya would have read what I said, I said as long as the BS is a fit parent. So as long as both are fit parents...either one of them would be a good choice for custody...wouldn't you agree?

 

So if one of them had an affair and didn't care enough about the family to keep it in his pants, or keep her legs crossed, then I say, custody should go to the BS..again as long as they are a fit parent.

 

The BS has already had enough pain...why make it worse by taking their child from them on a daily basis?

[bish]

I think if a parent can go out and spend time with another person(OW/OM), besides the children and spouse, they have no interest in the kids(Or spouse) and that should be the factoring of who gets custody and who gets weekend visits every other weekend.

 

BINGO!! My point exactly. Well said.

 

Besides, with the BS having custody, the cheater is free to go out and f#ck whoever they want until they get their fill..no pun intended.

[Havn_a_life]

BINGO!! My point exactly. Well said.

 

Besides, with the BS having custody, the cheater is free to go out and f#ck whoever they want until they get their fill..no pun intended.

 

This is true. I'm sure most cheating spouses would find out real quick that getting some on the side just isn't quite as heart warming as watching your son/dd take their first steps, grad from school or to just play a good fun game of basketball with.

That's how I look at it.

Sure the cheaters getting his/her rocks off, but how long is that? 5-10 minutes and then what?

 

My H had a boss that when talking about relationships/romance, really the whole gotta have sex all the time and that's what runs a person's life kinda deal; he'd just say, I'd rather have a cheeseburger. And I'm sure he liked sex as much as the next person. I just really respected his corny way of putting it all.

 

Yeah, sex is good, but when you lay your head down at night, I'd rather have those memories of spending the day with my spouse and kids, even if it's just to sit and watch Bambi, than the albatross of an A hanging around my neck.

 

I'm sorry, did I go off topic there? Oops!

[Darth Vader]

Luckily in my country custody is awarded solely on the basis of the best interests of THE CHILD/REN and not on the wounded feelings of either spouse. Factors of marital fidelity are deemed irrelevant. Children over the age of 11 are deemed capable of informed choice, and their wishes are considered in the awarding of custody. Divorce is strictly "no fault" - "irreconcilable differences" being the usual grounds - and the report of a children's or family advocate rather than the emotive arguments of either spouse's legal representative is the primary basis for the judge's decision.

 

 

Hence the continuence of child abuse, and child Rape! It seems apparent that the WS's that do get custody in these cases are living with drug dealers/users, alcoholics, molestors, porn addicts and so on. All the while the WS doesn't give a crap about the children. So tell me, HOW is this in the best interest of the child/ren?

[whichwayisup]

Children over the age of 11 are deemed capable of informed choice, and their wishes are considered in the awarding of custody.

 

That's really sad...No child should have choose between parents. Especially since it's the fault of the wandering spouse who PUT that child in that position in the first place.

[Havn_a_life]

That is a sad fact.

I think the WS shouldn't be allowed anything to do with the child, until he/she proves to a court that he/she thinks more of the child/ren than their(the WS's) genitalia(i.e. selfish needs).

[OWoman]

Hence the continuence of child abuse, and child Rape! It seems apparent that the WS's that do get custody in these cases are living with drug dealers/users, alcoholics, molestors, porn addicts and so on. All the while the WS doesn't give a crap about the children. So tell me, HOW is this in the best interest of the child/ren?

 

 

Huh? I really don't follow this logic at all! Why would a children's advocate recommend custody to a parent who was "living with drug dealers/users, alcoholics, molestors, porn addicts and so on", or who didn't "give a crap about the children"? I've never heard of any cases like that - and certainly not here!

[Havn_a_life]

This may not seem relevant to this subjuect, I think it does, but my step father, when he D his first W because he discovered she'd been cheating on him for 10 yrs, her lawyer got her half of everything, and then some. He was the BS and she took him to the cleaners. Just because she had a conniving lawyer.

That wasn't fair. It was wrong, but it got done.

Who's to say a lawyer can't get a judge to give a cheating spouse part custody even though that cheater has a drug addict/sleazebag companion?

[Darth Vader]

Huh? I really don't follow this logic at all! Why would a children's advocate recommend custody to a parent who was "living with drug dealers/users, alcoholics, molestors, porn addicts and so on", or who didn't "give a crap about the children"? I've never heard of any cases like that - and certainly not here!

 

The WS's often cheat on their spouses with creeps like this, then when they have custody of the children, the children are exposed to this! Oftentimes this info is knowingly hidden from the Judge/s, or not excepted as evidence!

[OWoman]

That's really sad...No child should have choose between parents.

 

WWIU - children are not forced to choose. But they're given the chance to make their input, if they want. When parents divorce, children often have views on who they'd rather have as the primary custodial parent (or that they'd prefer custody shared equally, and what form that should take) and this allows those views to be considered instead of ignored.

 

I've had a number of my friends go through this with their kids - the choices are sometimes surprising, and contrary to what the parents had expected, but what often comes through is wanting enough time with each. That takes a lot more planning and organising than the traditional "live with the one, visit the other on weekends" kind of arrangement, and both parents have to compromise in ways they may not have planned.

 

And, of course, as the kids get older their needs change, and the courts consider that too. One of my friends recently had his daughter deciding to stay with her mother (the kids had both been with him full-time, with the mother visiting them there) as she reached an age where she felt she could cope with her mother's condition, and now her brother visits there (and the daughter visits her father at other times).

 

It's not a perfect system but I do think it's better that custody arrangements are centred around the needs of the kids, rather than the wants of the parents.

[Darth Vader]

This may not seem relevant to this subjuect, I think it does, but my step father, when he D his first W because he discovered she'd been cheating on him for 10 yrs, her lawyer got her half of everything, and then some. He was the BS and she took him to the cleaners. Just because she had a conniving lawyer.

That wasn't fair. It was wrong, but it got done.

Who's to say a lawyer can't get a judge to give a cheating spouse part custody even though that cheater has a drug addict/sleazebag companion?

 

 

Sad, but, true! That's my point right there!

[OWoman]

The WS's often cheat on their spouses with creeps like this, then when they have custody of the children, the children are exposed to this! Oftentimes this info is knowingly hidden from the Judge/s, or not excepted as evidence!

 

Darth, I don't know how OFTEN WS cheat with those kinds of people - I'm OW and I'm none of that but of course I can't speak for anyone else... But the children's advocate is required to do a thorough investigation and interviews if there's any contestation about what the custody arrangements should be. Of course people can lie and hide stuff, but the social services don't rely on the word of the parents alone in compiling their reports, and of course they don't stop their involvement once custody is awarded if there is any cause for uncertainty.

 

The risky cases are the ones where custody is uncontested, because the intervention of the children's advocate is far more cursory.

[OWoman]

Who's to say a lawyer can't get a judge to give a cheating spouse part custody even though that cheater has a drug addict/sleazebag companion?

 

HaL that's a risk in any divorce, whether or not either spouse has been monogamous during the M. I'd imagine it would be LESS likely if the parent already was involved with such a person, as that would be uncovered during the investigation (the children's advocate represents the CHILDREN, not either of the parents. The parents lawyers get to squabble over assets and financial settlements, but not over custody).

[Darth Vader]

Darth, I don't know how OFTEN WS cheat with those kinds of people - I'm OW and I'm none of that but of course I can't speak for anyone else... But the children's advocate is required to do a thorough investigation and interviews if there's any contestation about what the custody arrangements should be. Of course people can lie and hide stuff, but the social services don't rely on the word of the parents alone in compiling their reports, and of course they don't stop their involvement once custody is awarded if there is any cause for uncertainty.

 

The risky cases are the ones where custody is uncontested, because the intervention of the children's advocate is far more cursory.

 

 

Well then apparently someone's not doing their job, or at least not a good job at all when it comes to finding out this sort of thing/s.

 

I never said you were one of those kinds of people!