revenage

This is how rumors get started. None of this is how it went down.

 

The man was in a coma for nearly 18 months and even the doctors didn't think that he would ever recover. Miracle of miracles he did. But she had started seeing another man, with the knowledge and probably acceptance of his family, and had just found out she was pregnant a little before he awoke.

 

She did love him and was willing to consider aborting her baby and her relationship for him, but HE didn't want her back feeling that she should have waited for him no matter the odds.

 

This situation was complicated, it was not a run of the mill A. Amazing how its been twisted like this.

You're right! How amazing. But you have to consider the source of whois doing the twisting!!!

You're right! How amazing. But you have to consider the source of whois doing the twisting!!!

I don't think it was twisted. The situation may have been complicated but married is married is it not?

For better or worse sickness and health?

Because he was in a coma it was ok for her to get PREGNANT by another man? She wrote him off as dead! He was not dead yet. She needed to be a widow or get divorced. I'm sure that would have been easy when he was in a coma for 18 months. you don't just move on and get pregnant while your husband rots away in a coma.

Amazing the different attitudes and morals involved. Complicated. lol yep always grey for some people in a cheaters mind. To many people married is married. Black and white no grey.

I don't think it was twisted. The situation may have been complicated but married is married is it not?

For better or worse sickness and health?

Because he was in a coma it was ok for her to get PREGNANT by another man? She wrote him off as dead! He was not dead yet. She needed to be a widow or get divorced. I'm sure that would have been easy when he was in a coma for 18 months. you don't just move on and get pregnant while your husband rots away in a coma.

 

Amazing the different attitudes and morals involved. Complicated. lol yep always grey for some people in a cheaters mind. To many people married is married. Black and white no grey.

Married is married, and yet complicated is still complicated. Its difficult to divorce a person in a coma, yes?

I won't speak on this situation more because I personally thought that the guy was too unforgiving. He was remembering the moments before the coma, but he had no idea of what she may have endured while he was under. He woke up thinking he had been out for a few hours and like she immediately left the hospital and got pregnant. It wasn't that simple. I am not saying that she was right in her decision, but I don't think its right to pass judgment on a woman that was grieving a man that was alive but barely.

I, for one, don't have a "cheater's mind". But do have a human one and can see the humanity in both of their responses. None of us can say for sure what we would do in the same circumstances. That's why I didn't comment on that thread (I don't think I did) when it was active.

"I, for one, don't have a "cheater's mind". But do have a human one and can see the humanity in both of their responses."

How refreshing.

I would think it would be easy to divorce someone who was incapacitated for 18 months but I have no idea.

 

I guess for me the guilt would eat me alive getting pregnant by another man while my husband was in a coma. I could not do it. She had him dead and buried.

 

I don't think he was too unforgiving. I think the baby was the dealbreaker. It would be for me. I'd be forever crushed if my husband wrote me off as dead and moved on enough with his life that he had another child.

Its not easy unless they had given someone a Medical Power of Attorney. At least it works that way in the states. If not, you are merely on a death watch. But I think that there is two year thing where the uncapacitated spouse can be divorced without the power of attorney. I could be wrong.

Guilt would probably eat me alive as well, but loneliness would probably speak louder than guilt if I was dealing with it alone (no support system, or therapy).

I think the baby was the deal breaker too. I still think he was unforgiving initially, but as the thread continued it seemed that he didn't want her to give up her baby when he was gone for so long. It really came off as he accepted what happened, but sued the OM out of principle than anger or loss. That's why I say the rendering was twisted.

It really was complicated, but the man who posted it never came off as bitter and vengeful in any of his posts. Hurt and confused, but never vengeful.

The poster was CarryingOn123, and the thread was "selfless love is just an illusion" A search on "concrete coma months" was enough to narrow it down. All 777 posts from that thread are there to review if you want to check out the wide-ranging discussion right at the source. Seems a bit off-topic in this thread, though...

you don't just move on and get pregnant while your husband rots away in a coma

Especially when it would have been HER that was in a coma if he didn't help her.

SWEET...and there is a fine how-do-you-do...man saves his wife from going to the hospital, then cheats on him when he is in a coma.

 

Thats love and gratitude for you. He should have been able to sue his wife as well. I think in a case like that, the wife should have lost all rights to marital assets and lost custody if kids were involved.

I have wished with all my heart that adultery was punishable by law.

The spouse who cheats should have the heaviest penalties and fines to pay because of the infidelity, especially those who lie about their spouses to the ow or om. They should be made to pay with all of the pain and anguish and loss of faith that we, the ones who loved them paid when they cheated on us. There should also be imprisonment and a permanent record of what they did for all the world to see. This should be a law.

I have wished with all my heart that adultery was punishable by law.

The spouse who cheats should have the heaviest penalties and fines to pay because of the infidelity, especially those who lie about their spouses to the ow or om. They should be made to pay with all of the pain and anguish and loss of faith that we, the ones who loved them paid when they cheated on us. There should also be imprisonment and a permanent record of what they did for all the world to see. This should be a law.

Justice, I know you were hurt from the D and the aweful way you were treated, but do you really think we need a law that imposes penalty of imprisonment? I thought the main focus of our jail system was to rehabilitate not to punish someone for hurting your feelings.

and again, I am sorry for everything you went through, I regret the pain I have put people in my life through, I am just asking if you really believe the punishment is in tune with the crime. without taking away from free will.

Justice, I know you were hurt from the D and the aweful way you were treated, but do you really think we need a law that imposes penalty of imprisonment? I thought the main focus of our jail system was to rehabilitate not to punish someone for hurting your feelings.

and again, I am sorry for everything you went through, I regret the pain I have put people in my life through, I am just asking if you really believe the punishment is in tune with the crime. without taking away from free will.

I don't think jail time is in order for a cheater. I think, if married, that the adulterer should not be entitled to 50% of the marital assets. I say if there is proof of adultery, then the adulterer should only receive 25% AND lose rights to full custody as long as the BS is a fit parent.

As for the OW/OM...hmmm...don't know...I'd have to think of a suitable punishment for them.....maybe have their face on billboards all over town with the caption, "ATTENTION: DO NOT LET THIS PERSON AROUND YOUR SPOUSE!!! HOME WRECKER!!" hehehe..ya...that should do it.

The poster was CarryingOn123, and the thread was "selfless love is just an illusion" A search on "concrete coma months" was enough to narrow it down. All 777 posts from that thread are there to review if you want to check out the wide-ranging discussion right at the source. Seems a bit off-topic in this thread, though...

Were there any news links on this story because it takes months if not longer to recuperate physically and neurologically from a coma and this man said he was good as new when he awoke which didn't make sense. If there was a lawsuit and all that and due to the crazy circumstances, maybe it was in the news. It's hard to believe any reward would be given when all parties involved thought he was good as dead. just my opinion. i dont understand how someone would hold that much anger against the om when he thought the hubby was pretty much dead. the wife on the other hand had her choice to wait and she didn't. she moved on and started dating within a few months, if i remember correctly.

I don't think jail time is in order for a cheater. I think, if married, that the adulterer should not be entitled to 50% of the marital assets. I say if there is proof of adultery, then the adulterer should only receive 25% AND lose rights to full custody as long as the BS is a fit parent.

 

As for the OW/OM...hmmm...don't know...I'd have to think of a suitable punishment for them.....maybe have their face on billboards all over town with the caption, "ATTENTION: DO NOT LET THIS PERSON AROUND YOUR SPOUSE!!! HOME WRECKER!!" hehehe..ya...that should do it.

In Florida, both the wayward and their accomplice face jail time if caught redhanded and the spouse presses charges.

In Virginia, the cheating spouse is not entitled to one red cent in case of divorce no matter how long the marriage was when there is proof of adultery.

In North Carolina, the betrayed can sue the OP for monetary damages.

I have wished with all my heart that adultery was punishable by law.

The spouse who cheats should have the heaviest penalties and fines to pay because of the infidelity, especially those who lie about their spouses to the ow or om. They should be made to pay with all of the pain and anguish and loss of faith that we, the ones who loved them paid when they cheated on us. There should also be imprisonment and a permanent record of what they did for all the world to see. This should be a law.

I believe the biggest problem with cheating is that STDs can be transmitted to a person who is unaware of the danger, but this can happen if people are not married, too. If infidelity was punished by incarceration, then nobody would get married; people would be dating and writing agreements on non-exclusivity of the relationship.

Gotta love the law! I imagine it looking like Swiss cheese.

In Florida, both the wayward and their accomplice face jail time if caught redhanded and the spouse presses charges.

 

In Virginia, the cheating spouse is not entitled to one red cent in case of divorce no matter how long the marriage was when there is proof of adultery.

It's funny how attorneys always say "I can't tell you about other states, only about ours" while laymen know information about all states.

In North Carolina, the betrayed can sue the OP for monetary damages.

I don't think a person should not get custody because he cheated, or should I say, because he got caught. Also dividing the marital assets has nothing to do with infidelity and if you deprive the cheater from his share, it's a form of punishing him. Why should a man who worked hard for twenty years lose all his money and be kicked out in the street just because he had a mistress? And, should an unemployed woman who was emotionally neglected by her husband and cheated, lose her children and get out penniless and jobless, just because she had sex with the neighbor?

That's ridiculous! It's not much different from the Arabic countries. It certainly favors divorce more than it favors fidelity. A betrayed person never says "He should have divorced me, instead of cheating," they always say "He shouldn't have cheated on me." With so many people forgiving their cheating spouses, the law would be in the hands of the betrayed spouses; enforcing it would depend on how hurt her vanity is.

Gotta love the law! I imagine it looking like Swiss cheese.

 

Can you provide evidence for these statements?

 

It's funny how attorneys always say "I can't tell you about other states, only about ours" while laymen know information about all states.

Lucky me. Not being a lawyer and all. I can give bad legal advice and NEVER be held liable for it. Hence the only reason for their disclaimers. I swear they are taught that line in school!!

No, seriously, the only proof I can back these statements with are news reports. A few months ago this year a MM and his OW were busted by the BW's PI in Florida and both spent the night in jail. They were fined!!!

And I used to live in VA, so I know the laws there. Being married, its good to know your rights or punishments per se when living in the states considering all 50 have different laws governing marriage.

It's not much different from the Arabic countries.

Go ahead and say it. The Taliban. At least that's the way that I feel about it. Sure, I think a BS should have some recourse when their life is snatched from underneath them like in a palor trick - but I don't think that death, stoning, and jail time is the punishment that the WS should get.

Your feelings are not more precious than somebody's freedom. You would actually take your ex to court and put him in jail just because he doesn't love you or respect you?

 

I believe the biggest problem with cheating is that STDs can be transmitted to a person who is unaware of the danger, but this can happen if people are not married, too. If infidelity was punished by incarceration, then nobody would get married; people would be dating and writing agreements on non-exclusivity of the relationship.

 

Gotta love the law! I imagine it looking like Swiss cheese.

 

Can you provide evidence for these statements?

 

It's funny how attorneys always say "I can't tell you about other states, only about ours" while laymen know information about all states.

 

For monetary damages?!?! How is that related to infidelity?

 

I don't think a person should not get custody because he cheated, or should I say, because he got caught. Also dividing the marital assets has nothing to do with infidelity and if you deprive the cheater from his share, it's a form of punishing him. Why should a man who worked hard for twenty years lose all his money and be kicked out in the street just because he had a mistress? And, should an unemployed woman who was emotionally neglected by her husband and cheated, lose her children and get out penniless and jobless, just because she had sex with the neighbor?

 

That's ridiculous! It's not much different from the Arabic countries. It certainly favors divorce more than it favors fidelity. A betrayed person never says "He should have divorced me, instead of cheating," they always say "He shouldn't have cheated on me." With so many people forgiving their cheating spouses, the law would be in the hands of the betrayed spouses; enforcing it would depend on how hurt her vanity is.

I guess cheaters and the OP they cheat with should be glad that this world doesn't live by the laws of the old testament where they would be stoned to death.

Jus'sayin'!

It's funny how attorneys always say "I can't tell you about other states, only about ours" while laymen know information about all states.

 

For monetary damages?!?! How is that related to infidelity?

There are Alienation of Affection laws in a few states. They apply to anyone who messes with your marriage, though, not just an affair partner. You, for example, could try to sue your husband's family for interfering in your marriage and causing him to want a divorce.

This thread talks about it:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=133767

You can also Google Alienation of Affection and find the criteria used by those states.

As to where monetary damages come in, consider that the cheating husband might be taking food of out the kids' mouths, or not investing in their college funds, when he is spending money on his mistress.

Originally Posted by bish

I don't think jail time is in order for a cheater. I think, if married, that the adulterer should not be entitled to 50% of the marital assets. I say if there is proof of adultery, then the adulterer should only receive 25% AND lose rights to full custody as long as the BS is a fit parent.

Wow, Bish, I am really surprised by the post, so level headed (seriously),

I really do not know where I stand with this, I know that the children shouldn't be taken away, that's for sure, Why should a child feel the pain of loosing a parent, they had nothing to do with anything.

As for money for hurting someone, I mean we have laws that do it, a lot of them, but then you have to remember all the other people who get to piggy back on the law...like, my parents were rotten: I would like to make them sell everything they have and pay me 50%.

I guess there should be some kind of punishment, it is a contract. I just don't know what would be fair, everyones feelings are different and you can't judge a persons pain, right?

... but he is a huge jerk and nobody gets along with him, co-workers or customers (he was going to offer him a job until I said that) Thought I would share

 

and now that I said it I feel bad for doing so because it will take him a long time to find a job doing what he was doing....But I really cann't have him working with me....just can't

I guess I'm confused as to what this post is about. Maybe I'm late in the game.

Did you lie about him to put him in this situation? And now you are feeling remourseful? Or are there other issues/backstory that would make this make more sense?

if anyone cared to read my post instead of just getting the jabs in; you would all know that my MM and I were still together when he was fired (no hard feelings). I can't think of a way to explain why without really giving my identity away, but trust me it had nothing to do with me (in the least bit) It was something that he did wrong and they had trails of paper to confirm it. I don't / didn't report to MM, and my other post gave insight as to why I was asked for my opinion by VP (which was partly becuase I made a stink about the firing, again will not make sense because I can't tell you what it is).

 

I do not hate my MM is a seek "revenge" kind of way, I posted that in an earlier thread, I do not want to be with him anymore, he did not dump me, I dumped him, I meant the revenge in a karma kind of way, I went out of my way to try and get him a job, after I thought about the situation it would put me in I back peddled- Maybe I should have posted the thread as Karma (I can't spell revenage anyways)

 

again, I started to feel guilty for not following through with getting him the job (which would involved flat out lying on my part about his behavior with co-workers and customers) If my VP was "putting me to a test" It would be to see if I would stick up for him and say he doesn't have issues with attitude (been to HR 5 times in 8 years) even though the file says he does. Please stop trying to make me seem like more of a monster then I already feel. I came here to get advice from other people that understand my situation and to get a level headed response about my actions, if you thought it was wrong: that is fine, but saying I should die and you can not wait until something bad happens to me is a little over board...all the rest thanks for the advice.

start here and read I guess, it got a little off topic but not much, it was titled "revenage" so we can go off from there.

Justice, I know you were hurt from the D and the aweful way you were treated, but do you really think we need a law that imposes penalty of imprisonment? I thought the main focus of our jail system was to rehabilitate not to punish someone for hurting your feelings.

and again, I am sorry for everything you went through, I regret the pain I have put people in my life through, I am just asking if you really believe the punishment is in tune with the crime. without taking away from free will.

No I do believe it is warranted. Why? Because instead of continuing to go on and live a merry little life and screw others over, the betrayers would get some time alone to truly reflect and think about what he or she did wrong to cause the imprisonment. So yes, I do think it should be so.

Rehab? Sure why not? It could work. Did the cheating spouse and other person not take away something that was rightfully the faithful spouses? Is that not considered stealing or theft in a way? I believe it is. I'm sorry my view may not be everyone else's way of thinking, and it may not even be right. I'm very much a firm believer in if you do the crime you need to pay the time.

No I do believe it is warranted. Why? Because instead of continuing to go on and live a merry little life and screw others over, the betrayers would get some time alone to truly reflect and think about what he or she did wrong to cause the imprisonment. So yes, I do think it should be so.

Rehab? Sure why not? It could work. Did the cheating spouse and other person not take away something that was rightfully the faithful spouses? Is that not considered stealing or theft in a way? I believe it is. I'm sorry my view may not be everyone else's way of thinking, and it may not even be right. I'm very much a firm believer in if you do the crime you need to pay the time.

Your feelings are not more precious than somebody's freedom. You would actually take your ex to court and put him in jail just because he doesn't love you or respect you?

 

No I don't imagine my feelings to be important to anyone other than me.

I am speaking of the pain caused, and the sacred contract of marriage that the two involved in my situation broke. Especially those deeds committed by someone I fully trusted and that person was my own husband who made a concious choice to marry me forsaking all others.

This is of course, just my own opinion, but I don't think that adultery should be treated and taken as lightly as it is in current times by some people.

As to where monetary damages come in, consider that the cheating husband might be taking food of out the kids' mouths, or not investing in their college funds, when he is spending money on his mistress.

Same could be said of the W who compulsively shops, spending money on vanity items rather than investing in her kids' education or putting food on the table.

Being married' date=' its good to know your rights or punishments per se [/quote']Hm... maybe I should do a research and see if I can sue him for sex starvation.

 

You, for example, could try to sue your husband's family for interfering in your marriage and causing him to want a divorce.

I was fantasizing about suing them on grounds of discrimination. It is discrimination when you decide to mentally abuse someone just because you don't like them. But, of course, I would never do that in reality. I have just one life to live and I already regret wsting my energy on them.

the betrayers would get some time alone to truly reflect and think about what he or she did wrong to cause the imprisonment. So yes, I do think it should be so.

Rehab? Sure why not? It could work. Did the cheating spouse and other person not take away something that was rightfully the faithful spouses? Is that not considered stealing or theft in a way? I believe it is. I'm sorry my view may not be everyone else's way of thinking, and it may not even be right. I'm very much a firm believer in if you do the crime you need to pay the time.

Justice, your views are egoism disguised as self-proclaimed justice. This world is not designed to make everyone happy. Nobody promised you a wonderful life when they brought you into this world. People make mistakes and sh*t happens. In a world where thousands of people die of all kinds of real injustices, you talk about your emotional pain and how your ex should go to jail because he hurt you. That's selfish. Wake up and realize that you're not entiltled to anybody's love. You got disappointed; cry out the pain and move on. I know person who lost a mother, a brother and a 25-year old son in the last year. Now THAT is enormous pain. Love hurt is BS.

 

He didn't love you as much as you wanted him to love you. Screw him! I can imagine how much it hurts, but have some dignity and don't give so much significance to a piece of poo. He is not worth it. You loved the wrong man and that's your mistake, too.

 

Same could be said of the W who compulsively shops, spending money on vanity items rather than investing in her kids' education or putting food on the table.

I was going to say that, but you took the word out of my mouth.

Your feelings are not more precious than somebody's freedom. You would actually take your ex to court and put him in jail just because he doesn't love you or respect you?

 

No I don't imagine my feelings to be important to anyone other than me.

I am speaking of the pain caused, and the sacred contract of marriage that the two involved in my situation broke. Especially those deeds committed by someone I fully trusted and that person was my own husband who made a concious choice to marry me forsaking all others.

This is of course, just my own opinion, but I don't think that adultery should be treated and taken as lightly as it is in current times by some people.[/quote]

 

I can agree with that. I think it just gets pushed under the rug and if you mention "suing" or whatever you're looked at like you're selfish and silly.

Well, I guess I'd just be following the cheater and his/her OP, since them cheating is both selfish and silly, since the MP is M.

Some people get to use that "I don't believe in a higher power" stuff so they can not be labeled a "sinner".

That's bs too!