PWSX3 Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Healthwise I am still happy with my 'flat' life. I can wear so many more types of clothes now. I look normal really. Just flat chested than most. That is so awesome that you are comfortable with the "flat" look. Because of all the bike riding I have been doing and most of the girls I meet are "flat" I would just think you are a "in shape good looking chick"!!!!! I bet that is exciting to be able to try on cloths that you have seen but knew there was no way, now your closet will just expand with all kinds of cool cloths. So good to hear things are going well for you, remember life will always have ups & downs but at least these are good ups & downs. I second the picture idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 I am having some professional pictures done for a site that caters to women who choose the 'flat' existence - sort of an inspirational thing, I guess. I'm excited to see how they turn out. They will be clothed, unclothed (waist up), but tasteful. I'm not sure how I feel exactly yet - but I guess I'll see when the pictures are done! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I am having some professional pictures done for a site that caters to women who choose the 'flat' existence - sort of an inspirational thing, I guess. I'm excited to see how they turn out. They will be clothed, unclothed (waist up), but tasteful. I'm not sure how I feel exactly yet - but I guess I'll see when the pictures are done! You will do awesome!!!!! Just another way to share your experience threw pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Love the new profile picture! You look fanastic, happy and healthy! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 LB, you look fantastic! And you're a huge source of encouragement to those of us trying to find the right thing to say when someone in our RL circles announce they're fighting cancer ... hugs to you, quank Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 You look beautiful! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Here's a happy update! I am nearly back to speed now. I work out three days a week, and plan to add running to that another two days. I am starting training for a 5K next year - the same race I did this year, only this year I did the 1M fun run. Next year, its all business. I've lost nearly all the chemo weight now, and am looking better. I still have some pounds to go though, but I don't expect it will be too tough. I have eliminated a lot of unhealthy crud from my diet. That helps a great deal. At work things are great. Every week I see at least one woman who is going through what I went through or has a relative that is going through it. I always have something to offer - words of encouragement, answering questions, etc. Yesterday I talked to a woman who still had her drains in. We talked for a bit. I can only hope that I helped in some small way. On a personal note, things couldn't be better. A couple of nights ago my husband asked me to move in with him! So over the next couple of weeks I'll be packing up this old place and moving on. I am so happy that we made it back to each other. We were separated for three years, but here we are - starting over. In the fall I start graduate school, and working toward a new career that will bring together the stuff I've done up until now. I work on my book a little each week. I'm taking my time with it. Someone said to me a few days ago that things happen for a reason. I'd have to say that the cancer really sucked, but the end result couldn't have been any better. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I am so proud of you, LB... Just so you know... part of the story of your recovery has helped me to start my own healthy workout program (see my thread elsewhere)... Hey, if someone who has the burden of cancer can still workout regularly, why can't I, right? It's an inspiration to know that some people don't let setbacks in life hold them back from what they really want. Now go accept my friend request on Xbox Live... it's still pending! -tp will STILL kick your ass in GH. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Now go accept my friend request on Xbox Live... it's still pending! -tp will STILL kick your ass in GH. Oh, I can't wait to get back to my 360! It has been over at H's house so that he and D could play Lego Indiana Jones on his TV. I will surely sign on soon and take care of that friend request! Then I'm going to catch up on my gameplay. I've been playing on my regular Xbox - Morrowind (for the millionth time) and Silent Hill 2 (again, the millionth time). I am going to upgrade my membership eventually so that I can do online play. Right now I only have the free account. I have so much to catch up on with my games. I am pretty excited about Fallout 3 also. And Fable 2, and Silent Hill 5... Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Oh, I can't wait to get back to my 360! It has been over at H's house so that he and D could play Lego Indiana Jones on his TV. I will surely sign on soon and take care of that friend request! Then I'm going to catch up on my gameplay. I've been playing on my regular Xbox - Morrowind (for the millionth time) and Silent Hill 2 (again, the millionth time). I am going to upgrade my membership eventually so that I can do online play. Right now I only have the free account. I have so much to catch up on with my games. I am pretty excited about Fallout 3 also. And Fable 2, and Silent Hill 5... Fable 2 will have online play... I was SO addicted to the first one, so as soon as it comes out, count me in to play with ya. I'm also looking forward to Rock Band 2... the song list is AMAZING. I may even take the plunge and buy the drums and everything for it. Guitar Hero Metallica is going to be insane. I hope I still make it to the gym now and then. -tp gamertag NYYFan71 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I have Xbox 360 but I'm not on it live. LB, that's great news! Glad to hear you're moving in with your H. I bet your daughter is so happy to have her family under one roof permantely (perminately? I always forget how to spell that one..) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 Another update. Sort of good, sort of bad. Good part: I'm moving in with H the next couple of weeks, but he wants to take it slow. So, for now we are going to do just that. We'll try it as roomies, starting over from scratch. I can live with that. I'm looking forward to moving into a new place, decorating, etc. I love living with H - we make a great pair regardless of our romantic/sexual life. I still go out. I'm going out Saturday on a 'friend date' with a coworker. Should be fun. My regular 'friend guy' has a real date that night, so my coworker said he would 'sub in' as my 'friend guy' for the night. He doesn't like me 'that way' and has known me for a long time so no worries there. He is like me - he is retro sort of guy who likes to dress up and paint the town and live in a past decade for a night. So, off we go on Saturday to a trip back to the late 50's. We are dressing the part too! I have a cute little swing dance type dress that I am going to wear, plus some really awesome black patent lace-up heels. I love dress up! I have lost quite a bit of weight and I'm looking great. My hair is growing out blonde and curly! I went from a dark redhead to Marilyn Monroe (I wish! ) Also, I have a shot at a part time position that will pay significantly more than what I'm making now, so I am considering dropping to PT where I work now, and picking up PT with the new job. Bad news: I have nerve damage in my right hand and arm from the chemo. I was thinking I dodged that bullet, but I didn't. I can't feel four of the fingers on my right hand now, and am experiencing the same onset of symptoms in my left hand as well. I'm hoping it won't be as bad as the right. It feels like my right hand is asleep or frozen all the time - that is, when it is not feeling like it is crawling with biting red ants. I drop things, I can't really write - it sucks. It may or may not be permanent. Unfortunately, that is just how it happens with that TAC chemo. Those of you out there who are supporting someone with BC or have BC and are on TAC or any taxane may want to go ahead and ask your oncologist about possible nerve damage and what you can do to make it a bit easier. There is a drug they can prescribe, but I don't know if I will take it. I am sick and damned tired of taking pills!!!!!! So, that's an update. Nerve damage is no joke. I posted this mainly to let anyone else know that it is a definite possibility, and early intervention might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Good to hear that you're looking great and having fun, LB. Re nerve damage - I read that symptoms of this resolve, for the majority of people, within 6 to 12 months. What are the doctors saying about this? Are they giving you any indication of the severity/ likely duration of your symptoms based on what they usually observe in patients? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 My oncologist really couldn't say. He said it could be permanent, or long term, or it might not be. Some patients have it go away in that 6-12 month period, but he has patients who still have problems two years out and longer. Its different for every person, I guess. I'm hoping to be in the 6-12 period! The onset was a month ago, a few months after chemo ended. I thought I had hurt myself in TKD class or something, or was having a blood clot (that one was ruled out last week). Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 It's nice to hear things are going well and you're moving in with your H. re: the nerve damage - my friend had a different type of cancer and after chemo his toes in one foot experienced the same thing you are describing. I've never asked if it went away but I can find out what he did for it for you. I was wondering how your daughter feels about moving back in with your H and if he's her bio dad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 Oh, she is thrilled at us moving back in together! She is his bio daughter. We have always been close even while separated, so moving in together feels pretty natural to us. I spent a lot of time over there during the treatments. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Hi LB, I know it's been months since my last post but all has not been well and, to be blunt, I didn't want to post anything that would infringe on your own battles. I lost my wife two months ago to secondary cancer. As I mentioned, her breast cancer had appeared suddenly and without any warning....one year clean, next year there and had spread into her lymph nodes. Normally, aggressive treatments can slow down/stop cancer growth anywhere in the body. That's why systemic treatments like chemo are so stamina-sapping....they attack the whole body. In her case, the cancer had managed to get into her brain. It wasn't there when we started this treatment almost 2 years ago to date. A full spectrum of MRI's failed to show us anything. But it was there...and it took her life. I've been grieving hard for the past two months....but we will go on. I can't say how, but we do. My children miss their mother and I miss my soulmate...."miss" doesn't even begin to describe the longings I have for her. But she's gone and I know she'd want me to continue to fight for a better life for our children even in her absence...perhaps especially because of her absence. I hesitated posting at all as bad news isn't what you or anyone else needs. But I wanted you to know that even though our particular story doesn't have a happy ending, there are many that do. And for anyone who is touched by cancer to understand that I truly know the pain and fear you face and that the reality, as harsh as it is, can still bring learnings and wisdom to your life that you wouldn't perceive otherwise. The single biggest lesson I've learned thru this is simple....unconditionally love the one you are with like every day is the last time you'll see them again. Because it very well may be. And once they are gone you only want your memories filled with the warmth that their spirit shared with yours....you don't want those memories sullied by arguments over the bills, absolutely childish and retarded relationship issues and the assorted crapola that we often see posted here as "meaningful" discourses. Because it all just won't matter once they are gone other than as regrets and wasted time. While my wife and I have (I still can't get used to saying anything about us in the past tense) our fair share of life problems, I can honestly say that my memories of her are filled with love and longing only. Regrets....we dealt with those before it was too late. Best wishes for continued recovery LB.....I'm happy to see how you've shaped a challenge in your life into something of value for yourself and others. Your Friend, DazedandConfused66 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I am so sorry for your loss Dazed - My heart goes out to you and your children.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Oh my G_d, I don't know what to say. I am so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 We just organized a team for Walk for the Cure- the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer walk. I will walk in her honor. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for opening my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I'm so sorry for your loss, Dazed. Thank you for your post though. Once again, you give us the gift of perspective and remind us what's truly important. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Dazed, I'm sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you, your children, and your families. I find your post to be heartfelt and gracious. Thank you. Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Dazed, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved wife. I have thought of you often and hoped that things were going well for the both of you where you hadn't posted for so long. I hope you let us support your though this awful time as your words supported many of us though ours. Thinking of you and your daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Dazed, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I've always enjoyed your posts and have admired your very passionate relationship. Your words have been taken to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted August 15, 2008 Author Share Posted August 15, 2008 Dazed, I hope you and your family are doing ok. In times like this, words really do escape me. I can't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't sound wooden or hollow, or tinny and meaningless in light of things. When my grandmother passed (she raised me in the absence of a mother, so she was my mother to me) people said all sorts of nice and soothing things that on the surface I smiled and was gracious for, but on the inside I was still raging over well meant platitudes. None of it would bring her back. I cannot imagine now what your mind and heart are feeling, if they are feeling at all right now. I don't know what to say other than that I hope you are keeping on... You have the wisdom and the fight in you. Your words comforted in times where I felt little comfort. I can only hope you can turn that same thing inward and keep fighting for you and your children. Link to post Share on other sites
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