Why do women get so upset at their men who watch porn???

[doiask42much]

My guy owns MANY porn DVDs, and as I said his entire bedroom floor is littered with them. I have never said anything to him about it and every now and then I look at them with a slight feeling of loathing but I don't dwell on it. If it is on during sex I do tend to look at him to see where he is looking and for how long, and I feel a need to point out the flaws on each girl to get his affirmation that yes, she is inferior to me. So I guess this is my passive aggressive way of objecting to it although I haven't explicitly done so in the conventional way. I wouldn't say that it is a huge problem for me though, more just something that annoys me once in a while, maybe when PMSing or something. Heh. You are making a rather blanket assumption with your original post. Some women don't have a problem with it and actually like it.

 

Maybe it comes from the fact that if a woman sees something appealing, she generally wants it? Say a bag or a cute pair of shoes. Heh. I guess it's hard for me personally to understand how a person could see something he likes the look of but not want to have it. This applies to anything, from food to clothes to cars to people. If I see something I like the look of, odds are I want it on some level. I assume that with most men, the only reason they haven't acted upon desires they have is lack of opportunity, which is kind of upsetting to contemplate. "A man is only as faithful as his options," as Chris Rock once so sagely said.

[Shan2k]

Maybe I was getting off track from your original post. Your question seems to display a lack of empathy for the fact that not everyone is as secure as you are. MOST women are insecure for various reasons both inherent to our gender and perhaps upbringing. Instead of asking why women freak out about stuff like that, men should concentrate on building their women's self-esteem in general. Women need positive feedback and often. It may sound tedious, but that is how it is for most women other than those who are totally confident. So much emphasis is placed on how we look that we cannot help but feel we are constantly being evaluated and the march of time doesn't help.

 

(speaking in general) If you're that insecure, that's you're problem. That is something you have to work on within yourself. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were pretty!!! duh!! Just spice it up and stop being obstinate about it.

 

That's the problem. Women compare themselves to other women. So now men must be sensitive to their GF/wifes feeling because of this socially accepted rule. The rule that it's okay for a woman to compare herself to another woman.

 

When us guys do this, we think it's homosexual. Which I think is good because it save use the anguish of going through those emotional comparisons that woman go through with one another.

[doiask42much]

Maybe it comes from the fact that if a woman sees something appealing, she generally wants it?

 

I meant this in reply to your statement:

 

she actually thinks he's thinking the girls in the porn look better than her; and that he wants them... Which is not always the case.

 

And yes, you're right, a woman doesn't have to be aroused to "accept" a man. I should know. Heh.

 

It's odd because I even like porn on some level and I fantasize about doing twisted things and having twisted things done to me, so I realize I am a hypocrite. I just figure I'm thinking these things, so what's he thinking? The same thing. And because I'm insecure it makes me feel bad, whereas I don't really think he cares if I have these thoughts and might even find it erotic. I dunno. I guess guys view actions as cheating whereas women being more what, contemplative, can even view thoughts as a type of infidelity. That and we assume that men are biologically programmed to want to screw around.

[doiask42much]

And god, I only wish I could stop comparing myself to other people. I would love to be secure and not weird the way I am. Many times I have wished I were a man so that all these stupid issues I have would presumably be nonissues. But alas, I am just me. My parents constantly compared me to others growing up, why aren't you like so and so, why can't you be better, smarter, etc. This stuff gets so deep in your head. Then all the media brainwashing too, and people slagging celebs for their flaws or praising them for their attractiveness. All my life I have never been valued for anything but my looks and my body, and now that they are starting to fade, yes, I'm freaked out. I haven't done anything great with my life that I can be proud of instead. But I'm working on it... Working on myself and being less of a basketcase too. I'm just trying to explain to you the psyche of the insecure woman to help you better understand why women act in ways that seem irrational to you.

[Shan2k]

My guy owns MANY porn DVDs, and as I said his entire bedroom floor is littered with them. I have never said anything to him about it and every now and then I look at them with a slight feeling of loathing but I don't dwell on it. If it is on during sex I do tend to look at him to see where he is looking and for how long, and I feel a need to point out the flaws on each girl to get his affirmation that yes, she is inferior to me. So I guess this is my passive aggressive way of objecting to it although I haven't explicitly done so in the conventional way. I wouldn't say that it is a huge problem for me though, more just something that annoys me once in a while, maybe when PMSing or something. Heh. You are making a rather blanket assumption with your original post. Some women don't have a problem with it and actually like it.

 

Maybe it comes from the fact that if a woman sees something appealing, she generally wants it? Say a bag or a cute pair of shoes. Heh. I guess it's hard for me personally to understand how a person could see something he likes the look of but not want to have it. This applies to anything, from food to clothes to cars to people. If I see something I like the look of, odds are I want it on some level. I assume that with most men, the only reason they haven't acted upon desires they have is lack of opportunity, which is kind of upsetting to contemplate. "A man is only as faithful as his options," as Chris Rock once so sagely said.

 

If you're talking about the headline, it was an "attention getter". I don't think all women have a problem with porn. My GF doesn't... Well just a little. A lot of guys don't want the girls in the porn! She's a Whore.LOL! I wouldn't be caught dead having sex with her. I want something more than that. We just watch it for the entertainment (well, the guys who know how to keep it under control.)

 

When some guys hide porn from their women, it not that we're trying to be unfaithful, we just know how you ladies compare yourselves to them and get frustrated with us watching them. Guys know that women are emotional creatures. We know you might feel insecure even when you shouldn't! We're thinking, "I'm with you because I love you, not some cheap porn hooker who enjoys have sex with a multitude of guys."

[doiask42much]

Well, even though sometimes I look at it and feel annoyed, I'm glad he's not hiding it from me. I do know on a rational level that he thinks these women are gross whores too. He has more of a problem with whores than I do, which is ironic. So...how do you end up enjoying watching people you think are inherently disgusting? Can you think of parallel examples of entertainment you enjoy but find the performers repellant? On a side note, one girl he used to hook up with appeared in Cherry magazine and I saw her layout (she may have gone on to do porn), and a couple of girls who went to his high school have shown up in some porns we have seen, so that is kinda weird and a bit close to home. None of them looked better than me though. Hee! I guess I just lucked out there.

[Shan2k]

Well, even though sometimes I look at it and feel annoyed, I'm glad he's not hiding it from me. I do know on a rational level that he thinks these women are gross whores too. He has more of a problem with whores than I do, which is ironic. So...how do you end up enjoying watching people you think are inherently disgusting? Can you think of parallel examples of entertainment you enjoy but find the performers repellant? On a side note, one girl he used to hook up with appeared in Cherry magazine and I saw her layout (she may have gone on to do porn), and a couple of girls who went to his high school have shown up in some porns we have seen, so that is kinda weird and a bit close to home. None of them looked better than me though. Hee! I guess I just lucked out there.

 

It is kind of hypocritical. I have a couple of them too. But I had them before I was in a relationship. It's just the fantasy. It's a piece of what we want our GF/Wives to be; submissive, sexy, horny, overwhelmingly satisfied, etc,. Just that part!!! Not the other qualities; Banging a multitude of guys, more open than a hallway, (if you know what I mean:sick:).

[rtHawk]

I don't think all women have a problem with porn. My GF doesn't... Well just a little. A lot of guys don't want the girls in the porn! She's a Whore.LOL! I wouldn't be caught dead having sex with her. I want something more than that. We just watch it for the entertainment (well, the guys who know how to keep it under control.)

 

When some guys hide porn from their women, it not that we're trying to be unfaithful, we just know how you ladies compare yourselves to them and get frustrated with us watching them. Guys know that women are emotional creatures. We know you might feel insecure even when you shouldn't! We're thinking, "I'm with you because I love you, not some cheap porn hooker who enjoys have sex with a multitude of guys."

 

what is so entertaining about whatching porn/whore "hookers" ???

They are cheap and not someone you want to be with but you (in general) are able to get aroused and masturbate to "cheap" and porn hookers that are paid -to act out scripted- sex???? especially when you may have the most wonderful,beautitful and lovely woman in your life???

 

this concept seems so bizarre.....how do you become aroused to something you have no desire or respect for????

 

and so your GF does actually have some concern with porn....

what part of it does she have a problem with???

and do you tell her its because she may suffer the ever all encomposing-rationalization-justification for it because she is "insecure"

[doiask42much]

Ah, I see, that makes sense. So no guys are turned on by dirty whores? I'd think some are? At least initially? So what kind of problem does your girl have with porn, because you said "just a little." What does that entail?

 

Would you care if your girl posed in XXX magazines? This girl who did wasn't his gf, just some chick he hooked up with. She had nice boobs but not too much else. I also was asked to when I worked at Hustler but I declined. Not for moral reasons but because the money wasn't nearly good enough. Couldn't face all my coworkers if they had seen blownup color film of my hooha on the lightbox. Too humiliating. That and I was chickensh*t and may have had to pose with other people, which is kind of ick.

 

My bf actually first started buying porn to help ME focus so that I could cum (I tend to be ADDish), so I can't really be mad at him for it. I felt it is a crutch though and would rather not. I don't see him all week so I assume he watches it then as well but really I have no idea. I honestly don't really care either and rarely ever think about--it other than in all these posts!

[doiask42much]

rtHawk, I was wondering the same thing, though I tried to word it more diplomatically. Heh. It IS bizarre. I guess like he said, men like one side of porn but not the entire reality. I think they have desire for it, but no respect for it. He did admit it was hypocritical.

 

I do not find porn entertaining (I could not sit around and watch it for hours; once I'm off, I'm done and bored with it), but I guess that's because I'm not a guy. And sadly, the only reason it does anything for me is because I like the idea of being degraded and dirty, and that's a reflection of my lack of self-esteem. But for a man, what is it a reflection of? Misogyny?

[doiask42much]

This might be kind of gross, and I don't mean to offer it as a rapist tip, but if you spit on your hand and apply it to your d***, it goes in without too much of a problem even if the woman isn't aroused. That is, unless the guy is really big or the girl is tiny. But generally speaking, it will go in, even without the woman's cooperation, especially if a man forcibly overpowered her.

[doiask42much]

And dog lover is talking about consensual, pleasurable sex, whereas Shan2k is not. I can and have had sex on demand, but I didn't enjoy it, necessarily. But then again, sometimes it's not too bad once you get going? Hm...

 

I think all women are different, whereas dog lover seems to suggest all require sweet nothings and romance and seduction. Sure, in a perfect world, but the world sure ain't perfect.

[Mr. Lucky]

YOU ARE TRYING TO USE THE CLAIM THAT WOMEN WHO DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS WHENEVER THEY WANT IT ARE 'SINNING.' STOP BRINGING THE BIBLE INTO YOUR ARGUMENT AND I MIGHT HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. YOU ARE USING THE BIBLE AND CHRISTIANITY TO MAKE YOUR POINT AGAINST WOMEN, BUT YET FULLY SAY THAT YOU ARE A SINNER YOURSELF. 'YA CAN'T DO THAT, IT INVALIDATES EVERY SINGLE THING YOU ARE SAYING ON HERE.

 

AS FAR AS PORN, I'VE BEEN IN SOME LONG RELATIONSHIPS AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT NONE OF THE GUYS WERE INTO PORN. ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS HAD A SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS A JOKE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS FRIENDS. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT MEN ON THIS BOARD AND WHO ARE ON THE INTERNET A LOT ARE INTO PORN BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, NONE OF MINE WERE REALLY INTO IT, THEY THOUGHT THE GIRLS WERE ALL SKANKY AND UNATTRACTIVE TO THEM. OF COURSE I'VE DATED HIGHLY EDUCATED, CLASSY GUYS.

Why are you posting in all caps?

 

Mr. Lucky

[doiask42much]

Because she is angry and shouting? Or unfamiliar with netiquette? Or her caps lock key is broken?

[Jolene]

What if she was more into the guys in the porn than you though? i.e., after she was done spanking it to them she was kinda ho-hum with you? Or possibly spent and not interested in more sex? Men often pull that s*** on women from what I read on these boards. What if you know she's not thrilled with how you look these days and she's looking at guys who don't look anything like you? Young hardbodies and such? With huge dongs? A lot of men I have known are insecure about their size.

 

Precisely why I would not tolerate it in my own marriage. I deserve better than that. I put a lot into this marriage physically, financially and emotionally. Also, I am quite attractive. I don't get freaked out if my husband stares a bit at some sleazy looking under-dressed tramp on the street, because I understand he is naturally drawn to look. But if he cannot be considerate enough to reserve his sexual energy for ME, I'm outta here!!! After all, it's not like men can just keep going and going....most of them will cum and then they have to reboot like some kinda battery which can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 6 hours, depending on the man. That's bad enough. I don't complain about it, but I wouldn't look well on him if he took away from me by wasting that energy in my absence while I work to help him bring home money and nurture the family. Like, it's a TWO WAY STREET!

 

For a husband to treat his wife this way (wasting his sexual energy on porn) is unloving, inconsiderate, selfish and dishonest. Not what I would call a recipe for long-lasting commitment on my part.

 

According to the Bible, wives must submit to the sexual urges of their husbands, but it is apparently a sin for the husband to lust after his wife. Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying.

 

If a wife withholds sex from her husband to punish him for something, she is wrong, dead wrong. Sex should never be leverage in a marital relationship. However, it needs to be talked about. For the husband to just say "oh well" and indulge himself in porn, then the formula becomes two wrongs that make for a dead marriage over time.

[luvstarved]

Well put again, Jolene. My sexless marriage phase started after the birth of our daughter. I can only suppose that it was the Mommy turnoff or just general boredom after 3 years together but it was always evaded and excused...and lamely. My men had also never been heavily into porn, but of course, could be aroused when they encountered it (same as me, to tell the truth). My H only looked at it once every few weeks but he is a simple guy and that is probably all he needed to get masturbation material for weeks on end.

 

Anyway he also twisted my objection to this scenario into a general wifely reaction to porn. When he checked with the guys at the gym, they of course confirmed for him that women are just like that. I am pretty darn sure he did not mention to them the fact that he avoided sex with me for 7 years, which I personally considered a very relevant detail.

 

I am probably headed for divorce although I am still TRYING to squeak out something to salvage, it is getting harder to find anything to work with.

 

I finally insisted on renewing our sex life on threat of leaving. He did, but with great difficulty (couldn't perform with me for weeks) and a growing but still relatively small degree of enthusiasm. And I still cannot get him to talk about sex ("it's fine, what's to talk about?"). In retrospect, he blames me for the whole thing with the primary (but one of many) excuse that I was not being "warm enough" toward him (not in the bedroom, but in our daily lives), whatever the f that means.

 

OBVIOUSLY he was just taking the lazy selfish way out and wouldn't cop to it. This general selfishness capped off with twisting things to try to essentially blame me for his aberrant behaviors is sounding like the death knell here.

 

Porn did not create this situation, but it was definitely a facilitator.

 

Look, I know masturbation can be fun and a quick hassle free orgasm. And porn can up the excitement. But in a committed relationship it should be the exception and not the rule. The problem is that a lot of guys get to the point that they need the intensity of it in order to get off...and real women, especially ones they've lived with for years, have a hard time competing.

 

I personally do believe that sex can continue to be great indefinitely in a relationship, but it doesn't happen by itself. A lot of men just aren't willing to try, they'd rather just take the easy way out and turn to porn and/or cheating. Not very manly in my book.

[Mr. Lucky]

OBVIOUSLY he was just taking the lazy selfish way out and wouldn't cop to it. This general selfishness capped off with twisting things to try to essentially blame me for his aberrant behaviors is sounding like the death knell here.

 

Porn did not create this situation, but it was definitely a facilitator.

 

Look, I know masturbation can be fun and a quick hassle free orgasm. And porn can up the excitement.

I refuse to believe that MOST men would choose masturbation over sex with their wives, all other things being equal. It's not as fun, as rewarding, as satisfying, as exciting, as fulfilling, as giving, as enjoyable, as endearing, as loving, as reciprocal, as ....

 

It's easy for you to label your H as selfish and lazy. Maybe, from his point of view, he was frustrated and desperate. There's two sides to every story...

 

Mr. Lucky

[luvstarved]

I refuse to believe that MOST men would choose masturbation over sex with their wives, all other things being equal. It's not as fun, as rewarding, as satisfying, as exciting, as fulfilling, as giving, as enjoyable, as endearing, as loving, as reciprocal, as ....

 

It's easy for you to label your H as selfish and lazy. Maybe, from his point of view, he was frustrated and desperate. There's two sides to every story...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Mr Lucky, you don't need to believe it and I am not married to MOST men, just one. My H lived with and was EXTREMELY spoiled by mom and dad until we got married. Most of his prior sexual history was "self-serving", if you will. He had only had multi-month relationships before, not years, and had always said he'd rather jerk off than put up with the "hassle" of a bad relationship. When we got together, I initiated a lot of the "adventure" in our sex lives and he seemed to love it. In 10 years, I probably refused sex on 4 or 5 occasions (compared to his refusals in the hundreds). I have always been very openminded sexually, able to discuss, willing to try, very "easy to please"...have been very much complimented by past lovers. I'm not making this crap up to sound good. Suddenly after daughter born he lost interest. I tried EVERYTHING to bring it back, techniques both overt and subtle. He lied to me on numerous occasions, even claiming that he wanted to become celibate and had no actual interest in sex. When caught with porn in browser history, I showed him how to clear it and set up his own account so that he could get to it without exposing the kids to it. Sure as years went by and he keeps watching away and grunting happily in the bathroom while I am being told I am an unspiritual nympho for having sexual needs, I got resentful of the porn. Unreasonable me.

 

In counseling he has been told that he is grandious and emotionally abusive and blatantly so. Hell yeh I should leave him but I have committed to doing EVERYTHING I CAN to save this marriage and so I am.

 

He has been crazymaking me for years over this and I am extremely analytical and know what I have observed to be very consistent behavior over a decade. You are free to believe what you want. This man was trained to be selfish and he learned well.

 

He avoided sex with me because he was just bored or otherwise frustrated with the marriage and didn't know how to address it and could not be bothered to try. When I finally gave an ultimatum, he looked like a deer in the headlights. He was happy with himself as a sexual object, really happy.

 

The man is a narcissist, Mr L, and I probably will divorce him because I don't think he is capable of change. Everyone except him and his mother and guys at the gym who have never even met me thinks that I have him totally accurately pegged.

 

Then again, you could be right

[Shan2k]

 

RAPE IS VERY PAINFUL BECAUSE SHE IS NOT AROUSED, OR "WET" TO ACCEPT THE MAN. JUST BECAUSE THE MAN CAN FORCE HIMSELF INTO HER DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN HAVE SEX ON COMMAND. RAPE IS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL FOR THE WOMAN, JUST LIKE IF A WOMAN TRIED TO MANIPULATE YOUR PENIS HARD INTO HER VAGINA WHEN IT WAS SOFT, EXCEPT WORSE FOR THE WOMAN, RAPE CAUSES HER TO BLEED. YOU KNOW THIS. WOMEN CAN NOT JUST HAVE SEX ON DEMAND, IT IS THE MAN'S JOB TO GET HER AROUSED.

ARE YOU DUMB OR SOMETHING, SHANK? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT A WOMAN'S NATURAL LUBRICANT WHICH HAPPENS IN THE VAGINA WHEN SHE IS AROUSED FOR SEX, IT IS THE SAME AS A MAN BEING ERECT AS BEING READY FOR SEX. HAVE YOU HAD SEX BEFORE AND REALIZED, HEY, IT'S LUBRICATED DOWN THERE? IF NOT YOU ARE A VIRGIN, I AM STARTED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE.

 

 

My Gosh! You need to calm the heck down! You're still making no sense and you're taking this too far. What the heck does lubrication have to do with this? A man can't get a girl pregnant if he's being raped, unless he enjoys it. You just took this way off top. This is unsubstantial and illogical. BUT FURTHER MORE......

 

 

1) WE ALL SIN

2) NO SIN IS GREATER THAN ANOTHER

3) I JUST QUOTED SOMETHING FROM THE BIBLE

4) WHAT EVER ISSUES YOU HAVE ABOUT PORN AND YOUR MATE, DON'T TAKE THEM OUT ON ME!

5) YOU GETTING VERY PERSONAL AND I'M ABOUT FED UP!

[Shan2k]

YOU ARE TRYING TO USE THE CLAIM THAT WOMEN WHO DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS WHENEVER THEY WANT IT ARE 'SINNING.' STOP BRINGING THE BIBLE INTO YOUR ARGUMENT AND I MIGHT HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. YOU ARE USING THE BIBLE AND CHRISTIANITY TO MAKE YOUR POINT AGAINST WOMEN, BUT YET FULLY SAY THAT YOU ARE A SINNER YOURSELF. 'YA CAN'T DO THAT, IT INVALIDATES EVERY SINGLE THING YOU ARE SAYING ON HERE.

 

AS FAR AS PORN, I'VE BEEN IN SOME LONG RELATIONSHIPS AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT NONE OF THE GUYS WERE INTO PORN. ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS HAD A SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS A JOKE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS FRIENDS. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT MEN ON THIS BOARD AND WHO ARE ON THE INTERNET A LOT ARE INTO PORN BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, NONE OF MINE WERE REALLY INTO IT, THEY THOUGHT THE GIRLS WERE ALL SKANKY AND UNATTRACTIVE TO THEM. OF COURSE I'VE DATED HIGHLY EDUCATED, CLASSY GUYS.

 

 

I guess you don't sin at all. I honestly don't believe that none of your boyfriends liked porn! You're just saying that to prove a point and make my argument insubstantial. I don't even remember how the bible was brought into this, but it doesn't matter. I don't give two pieces of bile if you don't respect what I say. For the way you've partially disrespected me, none of what you say reaches pass my knees. Once again, you are bring situations from other threads into another, cultivating them into my character, which are highly irrelevant with both topics at hand. You are trying to derogate my character to make my opinion seem worthless. Voice your opinion, not attack me. FURTHERMORE AGAIN....

 

1) WE ALL SIN

2) NO SIN IS GREATER THAN ANOTHER

3) I JUST INFORMED PEOPLE OF SOMETHING FROM THE BIBLE. I DIDN'T WRITE IT!

4) WHAT EVER ISSUES YOU HAVE ABOUT PORN AND YOUR MATE, DON'T TAKE THEM OUT ON ME!

5) YOU'RE GETTING VERY PERSONAL AND I'M ABOUT FED UP!

[Shan2k]

Precisely why I would not tolerate it in my own marriage. I deserve better than that. I put a lot into this marriage physically, financially and emotionally. Also, I am quite attractive. I don't get freaked out if my husband stares a bit at some sleazy looking under-dressed tramp on the street, because I understand he is naturally drawn to look. But if he cannot be considerate enough to reserve his sexual energy for ME, I'm outta here!!! After all, it's not like men can just keep going and going....most of them will cum and then they have to reboot like some kinda battery which can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 6 hours, depending on the man. That's bad enough. I don't complain about it, but I wouldn't look well on him if he took away from me by wasting that energy in my absence while I work to help him bring home money and nurture the family. Like, it's a TWO WAY STREET!

 

For a husband to treat his wife this way (wasting his sexual energy on porn) is unloving, inconsiderate, selfish and dishonest. Not what I would call a recipe for long-lasting commitment on my part.

 

According to the Bible, wives must submit to the sexual urges of their husbands, but it is apparently a sin for the husband to lust after his wife. Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying.

 

If a wife withholds sex from her husband to punish him for something, she is wrong, dead wrong. Sex should never be leverage in a marital relationship. However, it needs to be talked about. For the husband to just say "oh well" and indulge himself in porn, then the formula becomes two wrongs that make for a dead marriage over time.

 

 

THIS IS JUST THE SCRIPTURES! I DIDN'T WRITE THE BOOK! SINCE DOG LOVER LIKES TO ATTACK ME SO MUCH! And I'm not trying to kill the messenger.

 

Either you're married and not intimate with your spouse is a sin,

or if you are intimate with your spouse but he/she watches porn it's a sin,

or if you're practicing premarital sex and watching porn is a sin,

or if you're not having premarital sex but watching porn is a sin,

or if you're not having premarital sex and not watching porn, but thinking about having sex is a sin,

 

The only way to "not sin" when it comes to sex is:

1) Get married.

2) Constantly sexual satisfy your mate when he/she wants it.

3) Not watch porn.

 

Anyway here's the scripture:

1 Corinthians 7:3-6

 

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

 

 

I don't like to bring the bible into this. Lets just get off it and get back on topic! Please! Sorry for bring it up in the first place because Ms. "Love her dog" is really pissing me off.

[Woggle]

Because some women are insecure about themselves and don't understand that looking at women is just a part of being a man. I take my friends to strip clubs as a way of cheering them up when they are having problems with their women but I would never cheat on my wife and I strictly look with no touching involved. My wife understands this but many women don't and they cause themselves and their men unneeded strife with their jealous ways. The funny thing also is that these same women that get mad about porn are the ones that cheer on their friends who have affairs or them they are entitled to have affairs themselves. There is a lot of hypocrisy with some women.

[Shan2k]

Yes you are living in sin with your girlfriend so you can't quote the Bible on what women are supposed to do. I have no issues with my SO. You are the one clearly with issues. It is NOT a sin not to have sex with your boyfriend when you don't feel like it. You stated that it was the women's job to get a man aroused because he has to be erect and you said the woman doesn't have to be "ready" for sex which makes absolutely no sense.

 

Don't bring any priest's words into it because you are saying "Um, a PRIEST said this so he is right" when you yourself believe in going against everything a PRIEST says simply by living outside of marriage with your girlfriend and expecting her to 'arouse' you because the Bible says she should, but actually it says she shouldn't arouse you because she is NOT married so that is a SIN! Don't you get it? The Bible means NOTHING in relation to Porn and what women should do or how they should feel!!!! So don't bring that into it!

As far as sinning goes, hell yeah, murder is a LOT bigger "sin" than not sleeping with your husband. IF I am choosing not to sleep with my boyfriend I am NOT sinning because WE ARE NOT MARRIED. So don't use the thing 'the Bible says that women have to sleep with their husbands and satisfy them' because it has absolutely NO relationship to boyfriends, girlfriends, and porn...BECAUSE IT IS NOT A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP AND THE BIBLE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Do you think if a girlfriend is superbusy for a couple weeks and not in the mood to have sex with her boyfriend that that God is up there saying "that girl is sinning, her BOYFRIEND wants sex and is frustrated, she'd better sleep with him to satisfy him because she is sinning and is in the wrong here."

ON TOP OF THAT you are claiming that two wrongs make a RIGHT.

 

 

You are saying it is WRONG for a girlfriend to deny her boyfriend sex as he would like it, however....you say "well if she's going to not give me sex when I want it, then I can SIN back and watch PORN." THE BIBLE SAYS THAT TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT. YOU DON'T GET RID OF ONE SIN BY COMMITTING RID ANOTHER. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE STATED IN EVERY ONE OF YOUR THREADS AND POSTS CAN EASILY BE 'DEBUNKED' AS YOU LIKE TO PUT IT. YOU DEMONSTRATE ABSOLUTELY NO LOGIC.

 

"WELL, A PRIEST SAID THAT SO THAT MAKES IT ABSOLUTELY RIGHT." Sorry but just because a priest you know said something doesn't make it the ultimate truth and doesn't make it logical. Just because your priest said it, who gives a rats?

 

YOU'RE UNSUBSTANTIAL, UNSUBSTANTIAL, UNSUBSTANTIAL UNSUBSTANTIAL!!!! I suppose to restraint my urges because YOU WANT TO CONTROL MY SEX LIFE IN THE RELATIONSHIP! YOU'RE USING SEX FOR A WEAPON! AND BY WATCHING PORN IS UNDERMINED YOU!! THIS IS A CONTROL WOMAN! WHETHER I'M USING PORN TO GET OFF OR IMAGINING IT IN MY HEAD! IT'S ALL UNFAIR TO THE WOMAN??? SHE IS SELFISH BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER SPOUSES URGES DETAINED! HE HAS TO SATISFY HIMSELF WHEN SHE'S READY???? THAT'S NO DIFFERENT FROM A MAN FORCING HIS WIFE TO HAVE SEX!! YOU ARE A SELF PERSON WHO NEED TO GET THE HECK OFF MY BACK AND DEAL WITH YOUR OWN PERSONAL ISSUES!!!

 

You can't tell me what the heck I can't quote! Who are you!! Don't bring a priest words into this?????? That was from another thread!!!!!! YOU SEE! YOU'RE BRING ISSUES FROM ANOTHER THREAD IN HERE WHEN IT WAS A REMOTELY DIFFERENT TOPIC!!

 

GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!!!

[Jolene]

For the love of God:

 

Not everyone has a religious belief system that they revolve around, but that doesn't make them unworthy, necessarily, just because they don't understand or follow basic principles of any one religion or way of life. When people ride that dark horse of righteousness into the night, they often find themselves alone...but RIGHT!!!! Hooray for you. I was brought up Roman Catholic, but one day I decided I hated the self-righteousness of human beings that rampantly try to do what only God himself can do - judge another. Move on, people.

 

If you are in a sexless marriage, perhaps your spouse is 1) gay 2) cheating, or 3) just staying for the children. Up to you to decide if you want to continue being a roommate. Understand this: a mate is exactly that, and to lose the desire to have sex with your mate is to lose the desire to have an extreme closeness which only two mates can share. To one-sidedly renegotiate this commitment is to sever a very sacred tie. Many families that live in this discord are living in dysfunction based on resentment and unmet physical and emotional needs. Children brought up in dysfunctional families do not have a healthy idea of what "normal" is. Psychological and/or emotional dysfunction continues for them when they have families of their own.

 

I think it is pretty basic stuff to point out that men cannot perform unless they have a "hard on", whereas women do not suffer this humiliation. THAT is the heart of the matter here when it comes to porn and men who are aware of their shortcomings (no pun intended) and impotence. Speaking of which, it can become difficult for men to achieve a good hard erection if he masturbates too much. Deny it as much as you want, but being on the receiving end, when a dude is not at his best it's not great sex - it's bad sex. I wouldn't tolerate being cheated of a great sex life. Point blank!

 

This has now come back full circle to the reason why married men should reserve their sexual energy for their wives...it is a gift that you would want to give her your best and most ultimate performance. That is love. I know it's hard (also not a pun). Women might even think they are jealous, but subliminally we all know how limited men are in their capabilities, when women on the other hand can have two, three or eight orgasms in one love-making session. So it's alarming to see your man waste himself no matter what the women are wearing or what they look like in the magazine, DVD or whatever. If my husband and I were separated for some uncontrollable reason (let's say he was in the armed forces and had to go to Afghanistan for six months), I would intuitively understand that he would have to satisfy his needs at one time or another. That is understandable since it would be a long time to go without and I wouldn't expect him to hold it for that long. Don't think I wouldn't tend to my own.....until his long-awaited return.

 

One last thing....if a couple is having a heated argument, the last thing a good friend should do is take the husband to a place like a stripjoint. Stripclubs are bars with drugs and alcohol and equipped with surrogate sex and any man who is vulnerable through marital conflict may very well want to vindicate himself by doing something in the bar which he will never forgive himself for. But at the very least, problem-solving instead of waging war would be the better option when you're having a fight with your wife. If my husband raced off to a stripjoint when we have a tiff, it would send me a clear message that as long as he is not getting his own way, he will deeply disrespect me, and that is immature. You are not doing your friend any favours by being the devil's advocate (now we're talking about the devil, oh no...). Any other time, take him out to the bar when they aren't fighting. I believe in fighting fair.

[Shan2k]

For the love of God:

 

Not everyone has a religious belief system that they revolve around, but that doesn't make them unworthy, necessarily, just because they don't understand or follow basic principles of any one religion or way of life. When people ride that dark horse of righteousness into the night, they often find themselves alone...but RIGHT!!!! Hooray for you. I was brought up Roman Catholic, but one day I decided I hated the self-righteousness of human beings that rampantly try to do what only God himself can do - judge another. Move on, people.

 

If you are in a sexless marriage, perhaps your spouse is 1) gay 2) cheating, or 3) just staying for the children. Up to you to decide if you want to continue being a roommate. Understand this: a mate is exactly that, and to lose the desire to have sex with your mate is to lose the desire to have an extreme closeness which only two mates can share. To one-sidedly renegotiate this commitment is to sever a very sacred tie. Many families that live in this discord are living in dysfunction based on resentment and unmet physical and emotional needs. Children brought up in dysfunctional families do not have a healthy idea of what "normal" is. Psychological and/or emotional dysfunction continues for them when they have families of their own.

 

I think it is pretty basic stuff to point out that men cannot perform unless they have a "hard on", whereas women do not suffer this humiliation. THAT is the heart of the matter here when it comes to porn and men who are aware of their shortcomings (no pun intended) and impotence. Speaking of which, it can become difficult for men to achieve a good hard erection if he masturbates too much. Deny it as much as you want, but being on the receiving end, when a dude is not at his best it's not great sex - it's bad sex. I wouldn't tolerate being cheated of a great sex life. Point blank!

 

This has now come back full circle to the reason why married men should reserve their sexual energy for their wives...it is a gift that you would want to give her your best and most ultimate performance. That is love. I know it's hard (also not a pun). Women might even think they are jealous, but subliminally we all know how limited men are in their capabilities, when women on the other hand can have two, three or eight orgasms in one love-making session. So it's alarming to see your man waste himself no matter what the women are wearing or what they look like in the magazine, DVD or whatever. If my husband and I were separated for some uncontrollable reason (let's say he was in the armed forces and had to go to Afghanistan for six months), I would intuitively understand that he would have to satisfy his needs at one time or another. That is understandable since it would be a long time to go without and I wouldn't expect him to hold it for that long. Don't think I wouldn't tend to my own.....until his long-awaited return.

 

One last thing....if a couple is having a heated argument, the last thing a good friend should do is take the husband to a place like a stripjoint. Stripclubs are bars with drugs and alcohol and equipped with surrogate sex and any man who is vulnerable through marital conflict may very well want to vindicate himself by doing something in the bar which he will never forgive himself for. But at the very least, problem-solving instead of waging war would be the better option when you're having a fight with your wife. If my husband raced off to a stripjoint when we have a tiff, it would send me a clear message that as long as he is not getting his own way, he will deeply disrespect me, and that is immature. You are not doing your friend any favours by being the devil's advocate (now we're talking about the devil, oh no...). Any other time, take him out to the bar when they aren't fighting. I believe in fighting fair.

 

 

LOL! I'm laughing at your title alone! Sorry, but dog lover has been so annoying lately.

 

 

Not all women deprive their bf/husbands of sex because of those reasons. Women are stresses and exhausted from work and are not in the mood. Some women can only have sex 3 times a week when their lover wants it more. I know women who are deprived of sex and their men don't watch porn, don't cheat, and are not gay. They love their wives to death, but just not in the mood. Face it, some people have higher sex drives than others.

 

Why do some women think when all man have orgasms, it's over; That he has no sexual energy left? That happens for some men but not all.

 

I know plenty of married men who masturbate because their wives are not in the mood and when they are, the husbands are very ready. On the contrary, some men, after not having sex for so long, orgasm quick because they're so excited. Masturbation sometimes eases the tension in men who are overly excited.

 

From what I'm reading, it seems you have a problem with men who masturbate. We all have to explore our bodies to see what feels good-not just with our partners.

 

Sometimes waiting does make it better, but if you're receiving sexual deprivation and want to simulate yourself, I don't see the problem. You were doing it before you were in a relationship or got married, why completely stop. And if you're partner is not trying to spice up the sex life and you have sexual fantasies you want to share with them, which they won't do, what's the problem with imagining it in your head or seeing it on a porn then projecting though your mined.

 

 

 

Some men look at porn as security as women nowadays do with financially security after getting married. If it doesn't workout, he has porn to secure his loneliness and you have money to secure your financial stability after the divorce. LOL! It's all just pessimism!